Yes, I am thankful I have you guys on here to talk with because I really need to talk to someone that understands...
Well remember what I said about planning to dtd tonight (two days in a row?) Well, I told dh this after I got the +OPK but then when we finally get in the bedroom, DH tells me that making a baby right now isn't his number one priority. "What!?" I know! That's what I said too. What a complete turn around, based on what he's been saying for the last couple years! I don't want to think that he was humoring me all this time, (buying baby paraphernalia before we're even pregnant, getting my hopes up that he was as excited as I was to start on this ttc journey) but I'm afraid it might be the case :-\ When I asked him to explain, he said "making a baby is your number one priority, and for me it's number two. I like dtd because it's fun, not because I am trying/hoping to make a baby by doing it. If it happens, it happens." But I said we should both have the same number 1 priority when it comes to a life changing situation like this. I don't want to hear down the road, after succeeding at pregnancy, that I was the one who wanted this baby so I should deal with him/her myself, you know? Or I should be the primary caregiver and DH occasionally chips in just so he can say he helps out. Omg I don't know what to think or do here...this seems so out of left field! Then he says it's weird for him to have a baby-making schedule because it's not sexy, it's mechanical; a means to an end. But I said well yeah, that's how I feel too, but it's not like it is in the movies where people get pregnant by having sex whenever they're both in the mood! It takes some planning and effort on our parts, especially since we are struggling with some sort of infertility. Also, we're only scheduling sex for like 2-3 days out of the whole cycle - you still have almost 30 days to have sex whenever and however you want! And then he said "well, ok, but you'll have to take the lead..." Right, like I'm in the mood now. He says that telling him we have about 24-36 hrs to dtd to catch the egg makes him anxious and then he doesn't feel like having sex. But I told him that when I used to leave that info out, and just try to let him know indirectly (aka seduce him) that it's time for baby-making, he'd show disinterest or make me wait/delay the process somehow. So he wouldn't understand the urgency because he didn't know there was a window to catch. So now, he says knowing makes him anxious...*sigh*. I can't win. I guess this means we're going to ttc on his terms, whenever he's ready. Whenever that is. But the thing is, we both said after we first got married, that we didn't want to rush into having kids; that we'd wait about 4 years so that we could have enough time to get established as a couple and do as many things before kids as we could. It will be four years in July this year and now he decides to change his mind. We wouldn't have ended up ttc since 2011 if my body didn't react negatively to hormonal birth control. That's kinda what started all this. But I look at it now as a good thing because we wouldn't have known we had a problem conceiving until now and then it would probably be 6 years or more after marriage that we would be having kids, if at all. I think his first priority is working and getting to deploy with the military and all kinds of other career moves. I think that's why he bought me a resumé writing service package for Christmas (yeah, subtle). He probably wants my first priority to be career focused instead of baby focused. I know it makes a little sense to work and have some extra money before a baby comes, but I can't help what I want. If we were poor and suffering, working would definitely be my first priority, but since we're not, I feel free to have other priorities. Ever since I was young, I've wanted to be a mother - baking cookies for class functions, driving the kids to their events, reading them stories at night, supporting them in their endeavours, the whole nine yards. And realizing that I can't do this now makes me sad. I don't want to force my husband into doing something he's not comfortable with (he prefers an accidental baby rather than a planned one. Somehow planning scares him). I want to have children with him, not just by him, you know? Ugh, idk.....
Thanks for reading ladies. It feels much better to let that out now.
Now I won't feel as anxious if it takes more than just this cycle 
They won't give you any options/theories as to why you're having difficulty ttc if you don't fall within the range of needing assistance? I really hope you guys can get pregnant on your own soon too!
I hope I'm not really going mental.... Anyway!
