Single mommy by choice

[ashliee]

Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Fact.
They are also twice as likely to drop out of school. Fact.
85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

Just because I am having a child while single does not mean i will be single my entire life. my child is going to have a very stable and loving home/life. These statistics mean nothing to me as they are not based on mothers who CHOOSE to have a child while single. There are many emotions mothers who did not choose this life go though, and some dont heal. I have chosen this and am well aware of what I need to do to ensure my child has a fair chance at life.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Didn't say it was my life, there isn't any need to get straight on the defensive, jeez... it isn't just her life. It will be a baby's life as well. Guess I'm just wondering if baby WILL get the chance to know his/her other half of parentage, that part really hits home for me that's all. Sorry I didn't ask that in the first place.
And it's not the norm to be a single mother by choice, why wouldn't I try to see it from OP's POV and fail and say so? There isn't anything wrong with me not getting it, and I'm obviously not the only one. We all question what we don't understand don't we?

My baby will be given the opportunity to seek out his or her sperm donor when (s)he is 18 years old. IF the child wants. It will always be open for him or her, and I would never deprive him or her of that right.

I was more wondering if the donor would be someone you knew and would take some role in the child's life growing up. I am glad to see you wouldn't deprive your child of the basic right to know his/her parentage. You say you want to do this alone and want no input-- will you have a male influence around in the child's life at all?

The donor I choose will be someone I get to know and trust and am able to see myself keeping contact with. He will not be playing a role in my childs life though, as that is not what I want.
I want to get pregnant on my own and raise my child on my own- HOWEVER. I am not saying I am never going to find someone I want to spend my life with. I feel as though anyone who wants to be with me with accept my child with open arms. and if not then i dont want to spend my life with them.
My child will have many male role models, I have a huge family and we are all very close. And we all play very big roles in the lives of the childen in our family. My child will be surrounded by a huge loving family

Well, as I said, I can't wrap my brain around why you would choose to do it all on your own-- I have an OH but he works 14 hours a day so I do mostly everything. It isn't easy at all and if I could choose him to be around more I certainly would. Good luck to you anyway as I said, even if it's not something I would deliberately do myself

 

[Anais]

Didn't say it was my life, there isn't any need to get straight on the defensive, jeez... it isn't just her life. It will be a baby's life as well. Guess I'm just wondering if baby WILL get the chance to know his/her other half of parentage, that part really hits home for me that's all. Sorry I didn't ask that in the first place.
And it's not the norm to be a single mother by choice, why wouldn't I try to see it from OP's POV and fail and say so? There isn't anything wrong with me not getting it, and I'm obviously not the only one. We all question what we don't understand don't we?

My baby will be given the opportunity to seek out his or her sperm donor when (s)he is 18 years old. IF the child wants. It will always be open for him or her, and I would never deprive him or her of that right.

I was more wondering if the donor would be someone you knew and would take some role in the child's life growing up. I am glad to see you wouldn't deprive your child of the basic right to know his/her parentage. You say you want to do this alone and want no input-- will you have a male influence around in the child's life at all?

The donor I choose will be someone I get to know and trust and am able to see myself keeping contact with. He will not be playing a role in my childs life though, as that is not what I want.
I want to get pregnant on my own and raise my child on my own- HOWEVER. I am not saying I am never going to find someone I want to spend my life with. I feel as though anyone who wants to be with me with accept my child with open arms. and if not then i dont want to spend my life with them.
My child will have many male role models, I have a huge family and we are all very close. And we all play very big roles in the lives of the childen in our family. My child will be surrounded by a huge loving family

There is nothing worse than single mothers/fathers introducing their poor kids to the countless different people they date. You should at least be prepared to put your child's needs first if you are serious about doing this.

 

[bdawn8403]

I am not a 15 year old kid making a stupid decision. I am an adult and am in a place where this is right for me. Leave it at that.

No you are a 20 year old making a stupid decision. Also if you have to keep repeating you are an adult, you probably aren't. Most adults don't use "I'm an adult and make my own decisions" as a argument

It kind of comes across as a teenager shouting "I'm an adult!" pouting and stomping off when they don't get their way

 

[dizzy65]

I am not a 15 year old kid making a stupid decision. I am an adult and am in a place where this is right for me. Leave it at that.

No you are a 20 year old making a stupid decision. Also if you have to keep repeating you are an adult, you probably aren't. Most adults don't use "I'm an adult and make my own decisions" as a argument

It kind of comes across at teenager shouting "I'm an adult!" pouting and stomping off when they don't get their way

i agree hehe

 

[MrsC8776]

Ok I have sat here and looked at all the questions along with everything that was said. I think every question asked was very understandable. I do have one question that hasn't been asked yet....

Why is it you haven't told your parent's or any of your family yet? I'm not going to sit here and tell you what I think of your situation but you say you are an adult so why not tell your parents?

I take it that most likely they will not be to happy. Honestly maybe this whole conversation on here with everyone else has given you a little example of what your parent and family might say.

Thats all... if this is what you really want and think whats best for you, it's your own choice.

 

[mod19]

Myself, as well as a couple others, asked how you are going to support this child. Like it was pointed out: you're STARTING a job. Really? I've saved up for almost 5 years putting away all that I could for when I have my child (if God blesses me with one). I want my baby to have the best, not only what I can afford on a paycheck to paycheck basis. I know things are different in Canada, but I'm assuming you will be on government assistance. I get so po'd at people here who just spit out babies to stay on assistance and not have to work...and that's what you remind me of. I will not have to struggle after I have my baby.
My OH and I both have stable jobs and make decent money, so if anything does happen, we can survive just fine without one of us working. Will you be fine without YOU working? Doubtful.

And I completely agree about you keeping repeating yourself that "I'm an adult" we get it, get over it. You're 20. Legally, yes, you're an adult, but emotionally and mentally you are proving that you are not. You are just going to bring another poor, fatherless baby into this world, and I'm sorry, but that's got to be one of the stupidest things I've heard in a long time.

You think you're going to go to college after you have this baby? Yeah right. Seems like the prime idea now, but that's not how it will go down chicky. You are being selfish, ignorant, stubborn, and stupid.

 

[ashliee]

Anyway, Im done defending myself, as I really dont feel I have anything to prove to any one here for sure.
I do plan on continuing my journey to become a mother. a single mother. And I refuse to let women who know nothing about my situations have any impact on this decision.
This clearly is not the website for me and I will happily go and find something better suited to what I am looking for. I appreciate all of the well wishes I have received, and thank you all from the bottom of my heart. If you get curious on how things are going I have posted links to where you can keep up with that.
Also I appreciate the concerns some of you have and do understand your logic, however I also feel as though many of you refuse to see where I am coming from, Which is on you ultimately, Nothing women say over the internet is going to change how I feel on this subject. I would also like to say good luck to those of you who private messaged me today telling me about your experiences with this exact situation, I wish you all the best

 

[dizzy65]

Well said Mod19

 

[dizzy65]

just a heads up that no matter which site you do go to im goina bet you will get the same reactions as what you've seen here

 

[danni2kids]

I dont know why anybody would choose to be a single parent, sometimes it's hard enough even when both parent's are involved.

Don't get me wrong Im all for donor's when the situation is ideal, but scouring the net for a donor, at 20, because you believe you want a baby!!! I really cant get my head around it!!

Well, your first step would be trying to understand where I am coming from.
Many single women choose this for themselves, and live very happy and healthy lives with their child(ren).
My age has nothing to do with this, I am an adult, and capable of making decisions for myself. This post was not asking for people to give me reasons why they think I shouldn't do this.
I am an adult, and would like to receive the same respect women get every single day when choosing to TTC.
Just because I am choosing a path less traveled does not mean it is wrong, in any way shape or form.
Because I have found a website designed for exactly what I am looking for does not make this any different then if I were to go to a sperm bank. The only differences are my child will have the opportunity to know where he or she comes from, and it is less of a financial burden.
I could very easily go ahead and go to a sperm bank and do it that way, but I would much rather knowing who my donor is as well as some of their family history.

TBH i think there should be tougher laws on who can and who can't use donor sperm!!

 

[MrsC8776]

Anyway, Im done defending myself, as I really dont feel I have anything to prove to any one here for sure.
I do plan on continuing my journey to become a mother. a single mother. And I refuse to let women who know nothing about my situations have any impact on this decision.
This clearly is not the website for me and I will happily go and find something better suited to what I am looking for. I appreciate all of the well wishes I have received, and thank you all from the bottom of my heart. If you get curious on how things are going I have posted links to where you can keep up with that.
Also I appreciate the concerns some of you have and do understand your logic, however I also feel as though many of you refuse to see where I am coming from, Which is on you ultimately, Nothing women say over the internet is going to change how I feel on this subject. I would also like to say good luck to those of you who private messaged me today telling me about your experiences with this exact situation, I wish you all the best

I can see that you don't like what others have said... people are just curious as to why and how you plan to do this. We have asked questions nicely and people have expressed their concern for you and the child. There is no need to get upset. No matter what anyone says here your mind is made up and we all see that.

I just hope you look to your family for support before you actually follow through with this. You may think they will be there to help you, they very well might. What happens if they don't though? I'm not saying that to be mean but it's something to really think about.

 

[TryinFor1]

Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Fact.
They are also twice as likely to drop out of school. Fact.
85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

Wow. I didnt know all that. I must be the exception to the rule. My dad ruined my family. I wish he would have been out of the picture way before he finally was.

 

[bdawn8403]

TBH i think there should be tougher laws on who and who can't use donor sperm!!

I completely agree! Like I said earlier, how is it you can't even get a IUD without at least having a child before or being of a certain age but you can get knocked up by some random donor at the age of 20, when you don't have means to support it and aren't even trying to live your life.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Fact.
They are also twice as likely to drop out of school. Fact.
85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

Wow. I didnt know all that. I must be the exception to the rule. My dad ruined my family. I wish he would have been out of the picture way before he finally was.

I think those stats are by and large, not every case in the world

 

[jenniferttc1]

Just curious about your financial situation. Do you have money put up and able to support a family on your own without the goverments help? If yes, then I don't see the problem honestly. Some women don't need or even want a man around in their life, as women we have that choice.
I thought maybe some women on here would be a little supportive, sure it might not be your idea situation, but maybe her idea situation isn't what yours is. I'm pretty shocked with how rude some of the people on here are coming off. Who cares thats she's 20, doesnt make her less mature than someone thats 30 because they are 10 years older. As long as she can afford her baby, then thats all that matters! (Not saying forsure she can, just saying if thats the case)

 

[Anais]

Just curious about your financial situation. Do you have money put up and able to support a family on your own without the goverments help? If yes, then I don't see the problem honestly. Some women don't need or even want a man around in their life, as women we have that choice.
I thought maybe some women on here would be a little supportive, sure it might not be your idea situation, but maybe her idea situation isn't what yours is. I'm pretty shocked with how rude some of the people on here are coming off. Who cares thats she's 20, doesnt make her less mature than someone thats 30 because they are 10 years older. As long as she can afford her baby, then thats all that matters!

The girl herself comes from a single parent family so the baby will be the third generation that relies on government handouts. I agree some people are rude and we shouldn't be knocking her maturity but this cycle really needs to be stopped.

 

[bdawn8403]

Just curious about your financial situation. Do you have money put up and able to support a family on your own without the goverments help? If yes, then I don't see the problem honestly. Some women don't need or even want a man around in their life, as women we have that choice.
I thought maybe some women on here would be a little supportive, sure it might not be your idea situation, but maybe her idea situation isn't what yours is. I'm pretty shocked with how rude some of the people on here are coming off. Who cares thats she's 20, doesnt make her less mature than someone thats 30 because they are 10 years older. As long as she can afford her baby, then thats all that matters! (Not saying forsure she can, just saying if thats the case)

You should probably read a little more from her before jumping to conclusions. While I think 20 is too young to be having a child, that isn't the case, she isn't mature enough and keeps repeating she's an adult so trying to convince herself of that as well as others. Also she goes back and forth, one minute she can do it, another she can't. Of course when you say something about it, no she has no problems whatsoever supporting the baby then. She also isn't very emotionally stable and seeking love from someone and thinking she can fill that void with a baby. Nobody has been rude. I got a little harsh towards the end but like I told her, she needs a good proverbial slap in the face and some serious reality.

 

[dizzy65]

I wonder if people that come from a family with single parent is more likely to end up a single parent them self?

 

[mod19]

I'm just irritated that she has completely ignored the question "How are you going to support this child?"...like really, really, REALLY irritated!