Single mommy by choice

[ashliee]

Wish you the best. I'm young as well, 20 (will be 21 next month) and have been TTC with my OH of 5 years since January 2011. We have wanted a child for like 2 years now, but we wanted to wait until we were settled in a place and used to the whole living together situation. I don't see anything wrong with having a child at any age just as long as you are able to support yourself and your child without government assistance and are emotionally ready for it.

May I ask why you're worried about your family's reaction? Do you live with them? I'm kind of worried about how some of my family will react too.. but I know my mother will be over the moon. I'd tell her we were TTC.. but she'd bug me everyday You seem like a strong woman to choose to go through this on your own. Hope things go well with you, good luck xx

Awww good luck getting your little baby!!! And absolutely no government assistance will be used, that would be very very wrong of me to do
Im not so much worried about their reaction to me getting pregnant, as I know they will all be super excited to add another little one to the family! However im unsure of the reaction they may have to me using a donor! I know its something not everyone understands fully and its not something anyone in my family has ever done! Also I dont want to tell them until I am pregnant because just like you they will all bug me at all times bombarding me with are you pregnant yet? lol! I just think telling them before i conceive would add a little bit of stress to the already stressful process

Thank you! They seem to be very supportive! Are you still living at home? Sorry to hear about all the negative comments, don't leave BNB xx

Well, I am sort of living at home until the end of the month, I had to move back in with my mother because her mother was ill and she needed help financially, so I moved in to help her! Shes back on her own feet now so I am moving to a new town to be closer to my nephew and begin the rest of my life I dont think I am going to leave, Ive thought about it and realize that regardless of what I do where I go and who I speak to everyone has their own opinions and with the choice I am making I need to have tough skin, and be able to handle whatever comes my way

 

[Anais]

Wish you the best. I'm young as well, 20 (will be 21 next month) and have been TTC with my OH of 5 years since January 2011. We have wanted a child for like 2 years now, but we wanted to wait until we were settled in a place and used to the whole living together situation. I don't see anything wrong with having a child at any age just as long as you are able to support yourself and your child without government assistance and are emotionally ready for it.

May I ask why you're worried about your family's reaction? Do you live with them? I'm kind of worried about how some of my family will react too.. but I know my mother will be over the moon. I'd tell her we were TTC.. but she'd bug me everyday You seem like a strong woman to choose to go through this on your own. Hope things go well with you, good luck xx

Awww good luck getting your little baby!!! And absolutely no government assistance will be used, that would be very very wrong of me to do
Im not so much worried about their reaction to me getting pregnant, as I know they will all be super excited to add another little one to the family! However im unsure of the reaction they may have to me using a donor! I know its something not everyone understands fully and its not something anyone in my family has ever done! Also I dont want to tell them until I am pregnant because just like you they will all bug me at all times bombarding me with are you pregnant yet? lol! I just think telling them before i conceive would add a little bit of stress to the already stressful process

Ashliee you should have said earlier that you were independently wealthy and did not plan on using any government assistance. Please accept my apologies for thinking that was your plan. I still think you are making a rod for your own back seeing you are so young and have plenty of time to find a man, but hey, that's your choice. It's a lovely notion that kids come from a home with 2 parents but the reality is that plenty of kids have crap father's too (and also mother's for that matter) so I wish you the best of luck.

 

[youngmummy94]

I'm not here to judge so please don't take it that way
I am only 17 and I am about to have a child, and the father is still around, and I honestly don't know how I would've even gotten through pregnancy without him. I COMPLETELY understand the want to have a child, as I had a very unexpected pregnancy which ended in misscarriage when I was 17 and it made me want a baby so bad, however I didn't try to get pregnant (NTNP).

I just think if I was in your position I'd wait until I met a nice man who wanted a family so you two can share something special and have a baby together. I know I am only 17, but at 20 to decide to use a donor IMO is a bit soon.. you still have plenty of childbearing years ahead of you to conceive or use a donor a bit later on.

However, whatever you choose good luck to you

 

[ashliee]

Wish you the best. I'm young as well, 20 (will be 21 next month) and have been TTC with my OH of 5 years since January 2011. We have wanted a child for like 2 years now, but we wanted to wait until we were settled in a place and used to the whole living together situation. I don't see anything wrong with having a child at any age just as long as you are able to support yourself and your child without government assistance and are emotionally ready for it.

May I ask why you're worried about your family's reaction? Do you live with them? I'm kind of worried about how some of my family will react too.. but I know my mother will be over the moon. I'd tell her we were TTC.. but she'd bug me everyday You seem like a strong woman to choose to go through this on your own. Hope things go well with you, good luck xx

Awww good luck getting your little baby!!! And absolutely no government assistance will be used, that would be very very wrong of me to do
Im not so much worried about their reaction to me getting pregnant, as I know they will all be super excited to add another little one to the family! However im unsure of the reaction they may have to me using a donor! I know its something not everyone understands fully and its not something anyone in my family has ever done! Also I dont want to tell them until I am pregnant because just like you they will all bug me at all times bombarding me with are you pregnant yet? lol! I just think telling them before i conceive would add a little bit of stress to the already stressful process

Ashliee you should have said earlier that you were independently wealthy and did not plan on using any government assistance. Please accept my apologies for thinking that was your plan. I still think you are making a rod for your own back seeing you are so young and have plenty of time to find a man, but hey, that's your choice. It's a lovely notion that kids come from a home with 2 parents but the reality is that plenty of kids have crap father's too (and also mother's for that matter) so I wish you the best of luck.

I was going to say something but by the time it got brought up I really just didnt care to explain myself any more! I would never ever bring a child into this world if i could not afford all of the costs of that!! With this decision comes a great deal of responsibility, and I am prepared for that responsibility in every which way I could possibly prepare myself!
Thank you for your well wishes

 

[JessicaMarie]

Can I just ask bdawn8403??? What did you come on this forum for??

this is now the third (maybe 4th) thread where I have seen bdawn post the most appalling ridiculously mean posts, I would just ignore her.

Anyway, I nanny for a lady who has a 6 month old daughter born via sperm donor. She (and the whole family) are very happy and healthy! It'll be interesting to see how things turn out, but they are a very pleasant family, and I am sure they will continue to be! Although I think 20 is a bit young to make a decision like that (was for me anyway), what do I know, I am not you. best of luck!

 

[JessicaMarie]

I also am amused by how many people keep telling her that she has time to "meet a man" I dont know how "single mom BY CHOICE" could be spelled out more clearly....

 

[bdawn8403]

this is now the third (maybe 4th) thread where I have seen bdawn post the most appalling ridiculously mean posts, I would just ignore her.

Yeah and thats not rude to say? I have had a few issues with people not liking me having an opinion but I have never been "rude". If you happen to take having an opinion and expressing it as rude then thats all on you.

I don't believe I've ever had a conflict with you so why would you try to start something with me?

On a completely different note, your baby is due on my 2 year wedding anniversary

 

[Lala27]

I personally think all people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

 

[ashliee]

this is now the third (maybe 4th) thread where I have seen bdawn post the most appalling ridiculously mean posts, I would just ignore her.

Yeah and thats not rude to say? I have had a few issues with people not liking me having an opinion but I have never been "rude". If you happen to take having an opinion and expressing it as rude then thats all on you.

I don't believe I've ever had a conflict with you so why would you try to start something with me?

On a completely different note, your baby is due on my 2 year wedding anniversary

Well. all im going to say is if you were on the receiving end of what you like to dish out, you would have a new outlook.

 

[ashliee]

I personally think ALL people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

Thanks! And I also totally respect your opinion on sperm donors and women who use them! Everyone has their own views on things like this, Its not something of the norm, which tends to make it less accepted!! But you showed true maturity! thank you!

 

[MrsC8776]

I personally think all people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

I'm really confused by your post and actually quite upset. First thing... you JUST said that who ever uses donor sperm is selfish but then you go and tell her good luck. I'm not for or against what she is doing. A lot of things in your post are rude and uncalled for. What if a man and woman marry and come to find out they can not have children due to sperm issues. Should they just not have children? Be punished for something that is beyond their control. How is that right?

Second thing is why would you even say that some women wait to long to have children and it's their fault that they are sitting in a fertility clinic crying? That is very insensitive of you. Some people have been trying for a very long time and it is not fair of you to say that. I'm actually surprised that no one else has said anything.

This comment that you have made changed the topic of this girls post. She should do what she wants but for you to say it's wrong and then say good luck as if she is doing the right thing.

 

[Lala27]

I personally think ALL people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

Thanks! And I also totally respect your opinion on sperm donors and women who use them! Everyone has their own views on things like this, Its not something of the norm, which tends to make it less accepted!! But you showed true maturity! thank you!

I was always against anyone using sperm donors. But I became even more against it when I saw this show about this man who had 74 kids that he knew of from donation sperm for 3 years. It was so sad for the kids involved. A lot of people do not think about the kids when they do this. Please feel free to ignore my suggestion, but I think you should find your own personal sperm donor and not go through a sperm bank. There are no regulations whatsoever to how much sperm a man can donate, how many kids can be made from this sperm or anything. Maybe someone who has also seen these documentary can post a link to it. I cant seem to find one.

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable. You will be able to weed out the men who dont want them as soon as you do instantly. You would be surprised at how many guys want that too. I know of 4 guys in the last 2 years that wanted that from me. I under stand my opinion is not asked for. I just wanted to make a suggestion. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

 

[bdawn8403]

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable.

Thats what I told my husband when I met him. I told him I wanted kids so if you don't then you might as well leave now.

 

[ashliee]

I personally think ALL people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

Thanks! And I also totally respect your opinion on sperm donors and women who use them! Everyone has their own views on things like this, Its not something of the norm, which tends to make it less accepted!! But you showed true maturity! thank you!

I was always anyone using sperm donors. But I became even more against it when I saw this show about this man who had 74 kids that he knew of from donation sperm for 3 years. It was so sad for the kids involved. A lot of people do not think about the kids when they do this. Please feel free to ignore my suggestion, but I think you should find your own personal sperm donor and not go through a sperm bank. There are no regulations whatsoever to how much sperm a man can donate, how many kids can be made from this sperm or anything. Maybe someone who has also seen these documentary can post a link to it. I cant seem to find one.

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable. You will be able to weed out the men who dont want them as soon as you do instantly. You would be surprised at how many guys want that too. I know of 4 guys in the last 2 years that wanted that from me. I under stand my opinion is not asked for. I just wanted to make a suggestion. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

Im not going through a sperm bank, that was never my intention, I want a man that I know who he is, his background, and someone who is willing to form a relationship with my child IF my child wants that!!
However I dont want to be in a relationship solely to have a child, thats not fair to the child, to possibly put myself in a sticky situation with someone i dont love. I just dont want that, thats all kinds of messy!

 

[Lala27]

I personally think all people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

I'm really confused by your post and actually quite upset. First thing... you JUST said that who ever uses donor sperm is selfish but then you go and tell her good luck. I'm not for or against what she is doing. A lot of things in your post are rude and uncalled for. What if a man and woman marry and come to find out they can not have children due to sperm issues. Should they just not have children? Be punished for something that is beyond their control. How is that right?

Second thing is why would you even say that some women wait to long to have children and it's their fault that they are sitting in a fertility clinic crying? That is very insensitive of you. Some people have been trying for a very long time and it is not fair of you to say that. I'm actually surprised that no one else has said anything.

This comment that you have made changed the topic of this girls post. She should do what she wants but for you to say it's wrong and then say good luck as if she is doing the right thing.

I do think that all people who use sperm donors are selfish. That doesnt mean Im going to go protest or vote against it if there was a choice to do that. I only stated my opinion because most of the people commenting against her are doing so because of her age, and saying things like "doesnt your child have a right to know his or her father"? and posting stupid statistics about children growing up without a father. Does that not apply to alll people using sperm donors? Or only her because she is 20? Would the same things be said to a woman who was 32? There are lots of people who use sperm donors, and I personally dont think it matters what age a person is, I think its selfish all around because of the child. People have a right to know where they come from and to not give that person a choice in knowing that is not fair. It honestly ruins a person. I watched a documentary on sperm donors and one of the girls mother was super old, and died when the girl was like 16 from a medical issue that tends to happen later on in life. Her mother did not have any other family and was not married and so the girl was all alone in the world at the age of 16. So to me it doesnt matter what age a person is its selfish all around. People also have a right to know their family medical history for lots of reasons I dont need to mention. If a couple used a sperm donor that they knew personally and that didnt donoate any other sperm to a clinic then that is a different story. I see lots of women on here and other forums that are using sperm donors and I dont agree with it but I say nothing because I dont think its right to discourage anybody from making personal decisions that dont concern me. If it doesnt concern me I dont care enough to get wound up about it regardless of my opinion. It also doesnt matter to me if a couple cant have children of their own because of egg or sperm issues. Should a child be punished because those two want to have a baby? Having a baby is a want, not a need. Its not fair either way you look at it. Im a social worker and when I look at situations concerning children I think of the well being of the child. Its just my nature.

I mentioned nothing of the women who have been trying for a while that have other fertility issues so I dont know where you got that from. Please dont put words in my mouth. Not the same category at all, I dont know why you think it is. Also I never said anything about "fault" I said some women wait too long, mostly because they think they have time when they actually dont. I never said they deserved it or it was there fault I said people need to be informed when they make the decision to wait that it comes with a risk! Infertility at a young age is a terrible thing to experience Im sure. I get teary eyed just reading about it and I am glad there is help out there for them. But infertility at older ages is expected, any doctor will tell you that. So women who have waited until they are past their fertile age for whatever reasons do have issues conceiving most of the time and it is because they are older. Some women know this and still make the choice to wait. Then there are lots of women thinking they have forever to conceive because they have been misinformed due to poor sex education when they were teens. There are plenty of theads on here about this topic and almost every woman that ever comments said they were misinformed about reproduction and they wish they hadnt been.

I did not change the subject of this girls thread, she is talking about using a sperm donor to conceive a baby, and people are jumping all over her and using "the child wont have a father" to do so, and I am pointing out that all people using sperm donors are doing the same thing they are accusing this girl of eventually doing, and I think they are ALL selfish, so why is it different for her?

I never said what she was doing is morally wrong or anything of the sort, I said its selfish. Just because I dont agree with the choices someone makes doesnt mean I want to wish them a bad time in pursing their dream. Thats not the type of person I am. I think a lot of things people do concerning kids is selfish, but what can be done about it? Should everyone in the world stop reproducing because I dont like certain things people do with their kids?

Im truly am sorry if I have upset you but youre missing my point which is some people want to have kids more than anything in this world and her age doesnt matter regardless of what means she uses to get pregnant. She is the one that is going to have to deal with the consequences of her actions later on in life not me, so yes I do wish her good luck with everything.

 

[Ash0619]

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable.

Thats what I told my husband when I met him. I told him I wanted kids so if you don't then you might as well leave now.

Agree, my husband also knows that having children is non-negotiable for me. Thank goodness I met a man who is on the same page I am! But if he were to change his mind....there would be major problems. lol.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I've seen the documentary that Lala is talking about. It's called "Sperm Donor: 74 Kids and more". This guy donated for 3 years for the money, and when he registered on the sperm donor registry site and made himself available, all these moms started contacting him. The kids are still too little at this point.

This guy, Ben, was about to get married and there were a lot of problems between himself and his fiancee' about all the kids. Ben said he would "make himself available" to the families, but he did not want a relationship with the kids.

He ended up meeting 2 of the kids face to face, a mom in her 40s used his sperm twice and had a 6 year old girl and a 4 year old boy- both his. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see him with the kids. They LOVED him, and were so excited to be getting a "daddy." They were too little to understand. Well, at the end of the meeting it showed the mom talking about the meeting to her family and Ben talking about the meeting to his fiancee'. The mom was saying she's so glad they met Ben, and she hopes they're going to have this great relationship for the kid's sake for years and years to come. Then, in Ben's talk, he told his fiancee' that it was really nice meeting them but that was it. It was like closure for him. And kids can't be treated that way.

Here's a link to a little clip of it, but you can't watch the whole thing online. This little clip is extremely interesting, though!!

https://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/b7656_74_kids_more_on_way_style_presents.html

 

[Lala27]

I personally think ALL people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

Thanks! And I also totally respect your opinion on sperm donors and women who use them! Everyone has their own views on things like this, Its not something of the norm, which tends to make it less accepted!! But you showed true maturity! thank you!

I was always anyone using sperm donors. But I became even more against it when I saw this show about this man who had 74 kids that he knew of from donation sperm for 3 years. It was so sad for the kids involved. A lot of people do not think about the kids when they do this. Please feel free to ignore my suggestion, but I think you should find your own personal sperm donor and not go through a sperm bank. There are no regulations whatsoever to how much sperm a man can donate, how many kids can be made from this sperm or anything. Maybe someone who has also seen these documentary can post a link to it. I cant seem to find one.

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable. You will be able to weed out the men who dont want them as soon as you do instantly. You would be surprised at how many guys want that too. I know of 4 guys in the last 2 years that wanted that from me. I under stand my opinion is not asked for. I just wanted to make a suggestion. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

Im not going through a sperm bank, that was never my intention, I want a man that I know who he is, his background, and someone who is willing to form a relationship with my child IF my child wants that!!
However I dont want to be in a relationship solely to have a child, thats not fair to the child, to possibly put myself in a sticky situation with someone i dont love. I just dont want that, thats all kinds of messy!

Oh Im almost 100% positive your child will want to know its father. Its human nature to want to know where we come from. I see nothing wrong with what you are doing then. As long as you are giving your child the right to know his or her other half then I dont see the problem . I dont think I will ever marry my BF but I know he will always be a loving father even if we dont stay together and that is whats important to me.

 

[Lala27]

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable.

Thats what I told my husband when I met him. I told him I wanted kids so if you don't then you might as well leave now.

Agree, my husband also knows that having children is non-negotiable for me. Thank goodness I met a man who is on the same page I am! But if he were to change his mind....there would be major problems. lol.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I've seen the documentary that Lala is talking about. It's called "Sperm Donor: 74 Kids and more". This guy donated for 3 years for the money, and when he registered on the sperm donor registry site and made himself available, all these moms started contacting him. The kids are still too little at this point.

This guy, Ben, was about to get married and there were a lot of problems between himself and his fiancee' about all the kids. Ben said he would "make himself available" to the families, but he did not want a relationship with the kids.

He ended up meeting 2 of the kids face to face, a mom in her 40s used his sperm twice and had a 6 year old girl and a 4 year old boy- both his. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see him with the kids. They LOVED him, and were so excited to be getting a "daddy." They were too little to understand. Well, at the end of the meeting it showed the mom talking about the meeting to her family and Ben talking about the meeting to his fiancee'. The mom was saying she's so glad they met Ben, and she hopes they're going to have this great relationship for the kid's sake for years and years to come. Then, in Ben's talk, he told his fiancee' that it was really nice meeting them but that was it. It was like closure for him. And kids can't be treated that way.

Here's a link to a little clip of it, but you can't watch the whole thing online. This little clip is extremely interesting, though!!

https://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/b7656_74_kids_more_on_way_style_presents.html

I think they were better of not meeting him at all. Because now theyre going to be all torn up about him for the rest of their childhood. It wasnt fair for either their mom or the sperm donor Ben to get them together. What the hell were they thinking? Then what is Ben going to do when his other kids come knocking? Have one meeting with them all and then blow them off forever?

Did you see the older kids too from a different sperm donor? Or is that a different sperm donor show I am thinking of? I am trying to find the show on line so I can look back on it to remember but its nowhere to be found.

 

[ashliee]

I personally think ALL people who are using sperm donors period are selfish. Because of the child. They are not thinking of the child at all, they are thinking they want a baby, and thats as far as their "thoughts" go.. A lot of women, gay couples, married couples are selfish when they are doing things like using sperm donors (the child is still going to want to know their bioloical father. Doesnt matter if they have a goof father figure in their life) or getting IVF when the couple is way too old and nature has told them its too late for having kids. But she is somehow worse to some of you because she is 20? Nope. Only until recent times people thought it was better to wait until you are older to have kids only to find out nature doesnt agree with society. This is the reason for the creation of fertility drugs. The truth is humans are meant to have babies when they are younger, which is why we become less fetile when we are older.

I really dont see where she asked anyones personal opinon. Why do some of you feel the need to offer it, and to get worked up about things that do not concern you?

Having a baby and being a mother is a life choice. Its something that a person knows they want to do with their life. So as long as it doesnt hurt you or do anything to burden society why hate on someone who wants to pursue their dreams? When people chose to wait forever to have kids to pursue other dreams, they need to be informed that their is a risk with this.. the risk is you may not be able to easily have kids when you want. Then women end up in the fertility clinic in tears because they made the choice they did.

People need to think about this. Sex education needs to inform teens of this. Had I know all I do now about TTC I would have had children earlier. Call me a bad person if you want because my choices may be different than ones you would make. I dont care! I am sure the OP doesnt either.

Good luck OP.I think you still have plenty of time if that was something you were worried about. If not, then I wish you the best. Nobody knows your heart and what type of parent you will be. Dont listen to any of these women offering opions you didnt ask for.

Thanks! And I also totally respect your opinion on sperm donors and women who use them! Everyone has their own views on things like this, Its not something of the norm, which tends to make it less accepted!! But you showed true maturity! thank you!

I was always anyone using sperm donors. But I became even more against it when I saw this show about this man who had 74 kids that he knew of from donation sperm for 3 years. It was so sad for the kids involved. A lot of people do not think about the kids when they do this. Please feel free to ignore my suggestion, but I think you should find your own personal sperm donor and not go through a sperm bank. There are no regulations whatsoever to how much sperm a man can donate, how many kids can be made from this sperm or anything. Maybe someone who has also seen these documentary can post a link to it. I cant seem to find one.

You know what else I would do? I would find a man who wants kids as badly too. My BF is the one that wanted the kids. Well I wanted them too but he suggested it and tried to get me pregnant on purpose before we officially decided to ttc. Maybe start dating and tell the man right up front that you want to have kids and soon and that its not negoitiable. You will be able to weed out the men who dont want them as soon as you do instantly. You would be surprised at how many guys want that too. I know of 4 guys in the last 2 years that wanted that from me. I under stand my opinion is not asked for. I just wanted to make a suggestion. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

Im not going through a sperm bank, that was never my intention, I want a man that I know who he is, his background, and someone who is willing to form a relationship with my child IF my child wants that!!
However I dont want to be in a relationship solely to have a child, thats not fair to the child, to possibly put myself in a sticky situation with someone i dont love. I just dont want that, thats all kinds of messy!

Oh Im almost 100% positive your child will want to know its father. Its human nature to want to know where we come from. I see nothing wrong with what you are doing then. As long as you are giving your child the right to know his or her other half then I dont see the problem . I dont think I will ever marry my BF but I know he will always be a loving father even if we dont stay together and that is whats important to me.

Personally and this is just personally, but my mom didnt let my father have anything to do with me actually she didnt tell me anything to do with him until I was 12, I was heartbroken, not because I didnt know who he was but because she had essentially lied to me for 12 years, by not telling me anything. Then when I turned 14 she forced me to go spend the summer with him and his 5 other children, I didnt want to go, at all, but she forced me so I went. And I can honestly say that he is nothing to me, he is just the sperm that helped create me, he isnt my dad, and never could get that title from me! The only person I resent for this whole situation is my mother for forcing me to meet him! BUT thats me thats my personal experience and how I feel.
My child will not be in the dark with how he or she was conceived, and I plan to make it VERY clear to him or her that I wanted nothing more then him or her! But I will always also have that option available for him or her to meet the sperm donor! I think it is only fair! To not have that option available is not fair to the child in any way shape or form

 

[AirForceWife7]

Wow at some of these replies I wish you the best of luck OP, & do what makes YOU happy regardless of other people's opinions.

Age does not defy what type of parent you are .. you make the decision on how you parent yourself. That is solely up to you.

I am 19 & have a beautiful daughter. I am PROUD to be a young mother because I know what I am capable of. Even though I am 19 years of age, I still feel like a normal 30 year old would I do every thing the exact same way as them, I am just younger. So I feel I should be treated no different, & neither should you. If I let people's opinions bother me, my daughter wouldn't be here. I have defied the odds & will continue to do so, and so will you

Good luck