So what does everyone think about working Mums?

[lozzy21]

I have been assaulted many times at work and I would never expect to be assaulted at any time at home. The vast majority of jobs/ careers do not involve getting assaulted and I don't think you can decide whether something is a career/ job or not by whether or not you are attacked by the people you work with.

You have your views and I have mine. I get pretty fed up with choosing to be a mother being a 2nd class choice. Not a proper job. Not as hard. And so on. It is not. Once I have spent a day running around after my toddler it is every bit as exhausting as when I was at work. It was not a lot different BF a reflux suffering preemie baby.

You have misunderstood the point of my post. I never said that if your not assaulted at work its not a job or a career.

I said for ME, work is a lot harder and more challenging than looking after my child. I did not say its like that for everyone.

 

[Lellow]

Ok, i can see what Marzipan is saying in that being a mother isn't a JOB as such...
Its not a career choice either...Its a way of life we have now chosen for ourselves!

We cant resign from being a mother if we get sick and tired of it, we cant make a career change as theres really no alternative - weve signed up for life!

We are not paid to be mothers, noone puts in a chunk of money in my account every month cos ive done my mummy job this month. I cant take sick leave or take annual leave from being a mum...

 

[Feltzy]

I think its a bit of a generalisation to say that working is harder than being a sahm. I had a career but I can honestly say I'm finding it harder work being at home. I have a nearly 4 year old and a 1 year old and making sure their needs are met throughout the day is hard work, physically and mentally. Some jobs will be harder than being a sahm, and some won't. It depends how many children you have, whether or not you have a high needs baby and also what kind of job you had/have. I had a desk job which had lots of deadlines that needed to be met and was mentally exhausting but it wasn't physically exhausting, being a sahm for me is both. My OH has a really hard job and even he says he wouldn't be able to stay at home with the kids all the time and he doesn't know how I do it.

 

[xemmax]

Well the competitive air in this thread is just ridiculous I'm afraid. "I work harder than you", "my job as X is more demanding", it really saddens me to see a bunch of seemingly intelligent women competing in this way. No two jobs are ever the same, before university I worked in a pub and I worked 56 hours a week. Was I mentally drained? Nope. Was I exhausted from running around? Yep. Sitting on my arse all day at university seemed easy after working like that for 4 years straight, but I was mentally exhausted at times due to my studies. Therefore can I compare the two? Of course not, so why would motherhood and a 'career' be comparable? They're both SO different. Neither is harder than the other. They are different.

 

[indy and lara]

I'm out of this now as I clearly don't think along the line of the majority. All I want to say is this, I look after Emma all day. That is a job on its own. I also run our house- I cook, clean, wash, iron, run the finances, buy the food, garden and so on. By me doing this part when hubby is home he can spend his time with Emma and me, not doing the domestic thing on top of the long hours/ travelling he does.

If someone was doing this for another person it would be a job (cleaner, housekeeper, whatever) When you put those 2 roles together they are every bit as tiring and demanding as the career I had before when I worked 60 hour weeks. I would also argue that looking after Emma is more important that any job I have ever done. So for me, this is a job/ a career/ whatever. I may be highly qualified in my own field but this is what I want to do now. I worked really hard to be able to be in this position, I think it is valuable and while I don't get paid for it, the rewards are more than those that come from any 6 figure salary.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I think this truly is an 'each to their own' issue.

We all ahve our own challenges whether at work or at home so you can't possibly make a generalisation that being at home is ALWAYS easier than being at work outside the home or vice versa. It depends on your job, it depends on your personality, and it depends on your home life!

 

[Hayley90]

I'm out of this now as I clearly don't think along the line of the majority. All I want to say is this, I look after Emma all day. That is a job on its own. I also run our house- I cook, clean, wash, iron, run the finances, buy the food, garden and so on. By me doing this part when hubby is home he can spend his time with Emma and me, not doing the domestic thing on top of the long hours/ travelling he does.

If someone was doing this for another person it would be a job (cleaner, housekeeper, whatever) When you put those 2 roles together they are every bit as tiring and demanding as the career I had before when I worked 60 hour weeks. I would also argue that looking after Emma is more important that any job I have ever done. So for me, this is a job/ a career/ whatever. I may be highly qualified in my own field but this is what I want to do now. I worked really hard to be able to be in this position, I think it is valuable and while I don't get paid for it, the rewards are more than those that come from any 6 figure salary.

I do agree with you, I see your point.... But I do all of that too, on top of an 8/9 hour day plus commute. What marzipan girl is getting at is that a working parents day/week is a LOT busier, the workload is higher, and the stress levels are worse... Making everything that bit harder.

I don't see being a parent as a career or a job - it's a life choice. Having a career/job on top of that is DIFFICULT. it's stressful, demanding, tiring, and often the rewards aren't that great....

I'm not saying staying at home isn't difficult, but to say it's as difficult as doing BOTH (I have a demanding baby too!!) is a bit silly really.

 

[Mum22GTTC]

I think this truly is an 'each to their own' issue.

We all ahve our own challenges whether at work or at home so you can't possibly make a generalisation that being at home is ALWAYS easier than being at work outside the home or vice versa. It depends on your job, it depends on your personality, and it depends on your home life!

EXACTLY THIS ^^^

A couple of weeks ago I called DH at work in tears, telling him how I can't cope with the kids, school runs, juggling the household chores, work etc, I told him he has it so much easier than me etc (to which he agreed ).

But then this week I've been thinking how easy I have it, LO has calmed down a bit, my older children have been easier, work has been less stressful etc. So now I'm thinking DH has got it harder than me

None of us can really compare being a SAHM to working full time, walk a mile in someone else's shoes etc

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I'm out of this now as I clearly don't think along the line of the majority. All I want to say is this, I look after Emma all day. That is a job on its own. I also run our house- I cook, clean, wash, iron, run the finances, buy the food, garden and so on. By me doing this part when hubby is home he can spend his time with Emma and me, not doing the domestic thing on top of the long hours/ travelling he does.

If someone was doing this for another person it would be a job (cleaner, housekeeper, whatever) When you put those 2 roles together they are every bit as tiring and demanding as the career I had before when I worked 60 hour weeks. I would also argue that looking after Emma is more important that any job I have ever done. So for me, this is a job/ a career/ whatever. I may be highly qualified in my own field but this is what I want to do now. I worked really hard to be able to be in this position, I think it is valuable and while I don't get paid for it, the rewards are more than those that come from any 6 figure salary.

I do agree with you, I see your point.... But I do all of that too, on top of an 8/9 hour day plus commute. What marzipan girl is getting at is that a working parents day/week is a LOT busier, the workload is higher, and the stress levels are worse... Making everything that bit harder.

I don't see being a parent as a career or a job - it's a life choice. Having a career/job on top of that is DIFFICULT. it's stressful, demanding, tiring, and often the rewards aren't that great....


I'm not saying staying at home isn't difficult, but to say it's as difficult as doing BOTH (I have a demanding baby too!!) is a bit silly really.

That is a good point actually, unless your OH stays at home, when you come home from work, nobody has done the housework for you! (it would be nice....) and it does mean that we have to condense more housework into the days we are at home with Ruby, meaning that we can do less fun stuff with her at weekends.

 

[Marzipan_girl]

Well the competitive air in this thread is just ridiculous I'm afraid. "I work harder than you", "my job as X is more demanding", it really saddens me to see a bunch of seemingly intelligent women competing in this way. No two jobs are ever the same, before university I worked in a pub and I worked 56 hours a week. Was I mentally drained? Nope. Was I exhausted from running around? Yep. Sitting on my arse all day at university seemed easy after working like that for 4 years straight, but I was mentally exhausted at times due to my studies. Therefore can I compare the two? Of course not, so why would motherhood and a 'career' be comparable? They're both SO different. Neither is harder than the other. They are different.

I don't think I work harder than anyone, I AM a SAHM and i'm on the side that being a working mum would be more difficult (in most cases). I think I have it pretty easy, but I can't speak for every other SAHM.

 

[marie73]

Everyone has a different opinion (and is entitled to that opinion) about working moms and SAHMs. For some people staying at home is the natural thing to do but others need to work, and that's not always just from a financial point of view. It always become competitive because each side feels the other side is criticising the choices they have made.
For me being a SAHM would not be the right decision - I'm not a natural housewife so the domestic chores have always been split between me and hubby (although I'm doing more now whilst I'm on maternity leave) but I hate cleaning etc. and wouldn't want that role full time. I love cooking but hate the cleaning up after! In my career the usual thing is for people to return to work after maternity leave and all my mommy friends work outside the home so that's normal to me. My lo will always be my priority and I know that how I work will change when I return to work - I won't be willing to stay and do unpaid overtime like I did previously because I'll want to get back to my child but I will be committed to my job during my working hours.

 

[lozzy21]

People are missing the key point in my posts. The word ME.

Assuming the some of the posts have been aimed at me. I can compare my work and looking after my child because i have done both. My work is harder than looking after Niamh, end off. Saying you cant compare the two, well no one else can because they don't do my job and they don't look after my child.

 

[indy and lara]

I'm out of this now as I clearly don't think along the line of the majority. All I want to say is this, I look after Emma all day. That is a job on its own. I also run our house- I cook, clean, wash, iron, run the finances, buy the food, garden and so on. By me doing this part when hubby is home he can spend his time with Emma and me, not doing the domestic thing on top of the long hours/ travelling he does.

If someone was doing this for another person it would be a job (cleaner, housekeeper, whatever) When you put those 2 roles together they are every bit as tiring and demanding as the career I had before when I worked 60 hour weeks. I would also argue that looking after Emma is more important that any job I have ever done. So for me, this is a job/ a career/ whatever. I may be highly qualified in my own field but this is what I want to do now. I worked really hard to be able to be in this position, I think it is valuable and while I don't get paid for it, the rewards are more than those that come from any 6 figure salary.

I do agree with you, I see your point.... But I do all of that too, on top of an 8/9 hour day plus commute. What marzipan girl is getting at is that a working parents day/week is a LOT busier, the workload is higher, and the stress levels are worse... Making everything that bit harder.

I don't see being a parent as a career or a job - it's a life choice. Having a career/job on top of that is DIFFICULT. it's stressful, demanding, tiring, and often the rewards aren't that great....


I'm not saying staying at home isn't difficult, but to say it's as difficult as doing BOTH (I have a demanding baby too!!) is a bit silly really.

That is a good point actually, unless your OH stays at home, when you come home from work, nobody has done the housework for you! (it would be nice....) and it does mean that we have to condense more housework into the days we are at home with Ruby, meaning that we can do less fun stuff with her at weekends.

And I said I was out of this If I was working as well then we would share the housework, etc. But as I am not we don't. Hubby literally does nothing at home now. That was my point about being busy.

At no point did I say that I did as much as say a single parent who works FT. If I had then that would have been 'silly' but as I didn't I do slightly object to my opinion being called 'siily'. My point all along has been that women who are SAHMs should not have their choices dismissed as easier, etc. For many of us, we have chosen to leave behind other careers to do this and for me, staying at home is as important as any job/ career I could have.

I have been on both sides, working in demanding jobs and now not working out of the home. Working Mums do a wonderful job, especially those working FT. But it not the choice for me and I believe what I am doing is worthwhile too.

 

[lozzy21]

I'm out of this now as I clearly don't think along the line of the majority. All I want to say is this, I look after Emma all day. That is a job on its own. I also run our house- I cook, clean, wash, iron, run the finances, buy the food, garden and so on. By me doing this part when hubby is home he can spend his time with Emma and me, not doing the domestic thing on top of the long hours/ travelling he does.

If someone was doing this for another person it would be a job (cleaner, housekeeper, whatever) When you put those 2 roles together they are every bit as tiring and demanding as the career I had before when I worked 60 hour weeks. I would also argue that looking after Emma is more important that any job I have ever done. So for me, this is a job/ a career/ whatever. I may be highly qualified in my own field but this is what I want to do now. I worked really hard to be able to be in this position, I think it is valuable and while I don't get paid for it, the rewards are more than those that come from any 6 figure salary.

I do agree with you, I see your point.... But I do all of that too, on top of an 8/9 hour day plus commute. What marzipan girl is getting at is that a working parents day/week is a LOT busier, the workload is higher, and the stress levels are worse... Making everything that bit harder.

I don't see being a parent as a career or a job - it's a life choice. Having a career/job on top of that is DIFFICULT. it's stressful, demanding, tiring, and often the rewards aren't that great....


I'm not saying staying at home isn't difficult, but to say it's as difficult as doing BOTH (I have a demanding baby too!!) is a bit silly really.

That is a good point actually, unless your OH stays at home, when you come home from work, nobody has done the housework for you! (it would be nice....) and it does mean that we have to condense more housework into the days we are at home with Ruby, meaning that we can do less fun stuff with her at weekends.

And I said I was out of this If I was working as well then we would share the housework, etc. But as I am not we don't. Hubby literally does nothing at home now. That was my point about being busy.

At no point did I say that I did as much as say a single parent who works FT. If I had then that would have been 'silly' but as I didn't I do slightly object to my opinion being called 'siily'. My point all along has been that women who are SAHMs should not have their choices dismissed as easier, etc. For many of us, we have chosen to leave behind other careers to do this and for me, staying at home is as important as any job/ career I could have.

I have been on both sides, working in demanding jobs and now not working out of the home. Working Mums do a wonderful job, especially those working FT. But it not the choice for me and I believe what I am doing is worthwhile too.

No one said what your doing isent worthwhile or that you looking after your children is easy. But looking after mine is.

We cant comment on other peoples situations because like iv said no one else does your job or looks after your children.

 

[Hayley90]

^ WSS^. No one said your job isn't worthwhile.... And I said the idea of saying a working parent who does BOTH the house work and a FT job is "not harder" than someone who just does the house/baby work is silly.

 

[mummyclo]

For me staying at home now..on my maternity leave is much easier and enjoyable than work. i.e. spending all day with LO going out for walks etc.
I would love to be able to do this all the time but i won't be able to, some people NEED to work for money (i am one of those) and some people just ENJOY working thats just how it is

 

[I_AM_LIVID]

For me personally, being a SAHM would be harder than being a working mum. I've had my career longer than I have been a mother, and so find my job fairly easy in comparison. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this motherhood role and I constantly second guess myself and the decision I'm making for my babies. I don't do that at work. So, while I love making a living, I take my hat off to housewives.

As a last note: If South African mothers classified being a SAHM as a job/career, our unemployment rate wouldn't be so high

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Thing is, the thread title does seem to apply that opinions expressed are to be about working mums in general, not just your own feelings about your personal situation. so if people are saying 'it's easier' or 'it's harder', then it does seem to be a generalisation.

 

[Hayley90]

And I'm not sure where the single parent thing cane into it... I'm not a single parent. We share the housework too... We both come home from a full day, and di everything that you alone do in one day. Then we look after Harrison. We do the same tasks as you in much less time. I honestly am baffled how people think it's not harder to do that!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I guess indyandlara's point is that she does ALL of the housework, whereas those of us who work, have help from our OHs. So, although we do 'both', we only do a proportion of the housework.