So what does everyone think about working Mums?

[lozzy21]

I'm just curious why is claiming benefits a bad thing? Aren't they there to help people? I'm sure if someone tried to claim them that isn't entitled they would be denied. It took us 6 months to get child tax credits just because I'm here on a visa! Does claiming benefits mean that I'm a worse person than someone who doesn't?

If they realy need them its fine but you get people who claim they are single mothers so get rent and C tax paid, they claim income support and get the higher rate tax credits but realy they have their partner living there who works.

if you know people that commit benefit fraud you should report them. that way the benefits go only to people that really need them.

I dont actually know any one who does but theres not much on tv at 9.30 am except Mr Kyle

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I do both. I look after Edward all day everyday in the week, then go to work in the evenings once he's in bed, usually finishing around midnight. Then I work at the weekend, usually in the evenings again and OH has him any time I'm away that he's awake. I work 5 or 6 days a week. It's honestly knackering.

 

[Kalah]

Thanks those of you who answered my question about the benefits. I've only been in this country 10 months so don't know much about it all! Where I'm from there are barely any benefits at all and it's hard to get the ones there are.

 

[jackiea85]

The only ones I qualify for are child tax credits and child benefit (which the majority of people are entitled too!) so how can most sahms be claiming benefits when the majority of us can't get them to begin with?

I was wondering this too? I'm obviously missing a trick here or something! We get £10 a week tax credits which I'm pretty sure is being cut this year anyway, and child benefit which all mum's get but I reckon we will be losing ours in 2013. I do know 2 SAHMs who claim benefits but they are both single (whether those 2 should be working or not is a whole different debate), most of the SAHMs I know don't get anything other than child benefit and tax credits x

 

[Sarahkka]

Interesting discussion so far. I think we're comparing apples to oranges when we try to make out which choice is "harder". That, and because it's just so subjective.

Having said that, I wonder if it makes all the difference when you are doing something you really love as a career?
I found being a working mum "easier" because it was easier for me to find a really good, healthy balance between my professional self and my role as mum. I really recharged at work, and I'd come home much better equipped to be an engaged, relaxed parent. I felt that the time I spent with my son then was really quality time, that I was more present, more patient, more fun because I had that break to go off and do something I loved doing. I definitely had some exhausted days, but I have always found myself energized by my work.
I doubt I would feel the same if I wasn't so passionate about my work.

Now that I have two children, I'm feeling more inclined to figure out a way to be home with them at least part-time. That just feels right this time around. But definitely not the easier choice. I'm very concerned that I'll get really burnt out being at home with the kids full-time. And I identify myself so much with my work - I don't know if I'll feel complete without keeping my toe in just a little bit.
That's not me putting my career ahead of my kids - that's me being honest to all the different and important parts of myself. That's me being healthy. And I'm a better parent for it.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I miss my kids now they are at school I am glad I had those years with them. I dont think anyone is right or wrong for doing what suits their family unit. Neither is right or wrong. I personally love being a SAHM, personally never been "bored". I dont know why it means you have to stay in or day just doing housework?

We all make choices that WE think are right. Whats the harm in that?

 

[angelandbump]

Far too many pages for me to read so i read a few posts only.

I am a very proud mummy and would love nothing more than to stay at home with Mathew but i wouldn't be able to get the little extra's in life if i did. My OH works full time and at the moment i am on SMP and we are really struggling and although i am dreading going back in June, i have no choice! I even have to fork out £34 per day on child care which is nearly my wage oer day, i think i will walk away with £150 per month after paying out for child care but that £150 is very much needed.

If a family can afford to have a SAHM/D then good on them, i really think its fab. BUT if people are using it as an excuse to scrounge off hard workers then that annoys me! i'M NOT SAYING ALL SAHM/D'S ARE BUT ALOT USE THIS EXCUSE.

It makes me laugh when some say, " i will go and get a job when the LO goes to school" but end up pregnant again and again and again... excuse me but with the money you are taking off me, go buy a pack of CONDOMS!!

EDIT: i also in a way look forward to going back to work for adult conversation, i am very sick on conversation between me and the OH lol

 

[redpoppy]

I think this thread is in many parts an example of how feminism has totally failed. Attacks on each other, accusations, needing validation or defending too harshly why MY way is the RIGHT way and your way is wrong/easy/lazy/careless.

It's so sad that as women we can't understand that we're all individuals and that we're not cardboard cut outs or carbon copies. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we all carry burdens. For some working is harder for others it's staying at home which is harder. Similarly some are lucky to work and some are lucky to stay at home.

I am currently a SAHM with an EXTREMELY clingy baby girl (who is obviously awesome but VERY hard work as she won't sit and play by herself for a moment or be left for a second or allow me to go out of sight to the other room, to the front door or even to the loo without tears. She sometimes cries when I put on or take off my coat as I need space to do it).

Now I always thought I'd be retraining and going back to work and the way things are going I KNOW my job (working as an assistant producer in TV documentaries) is WAY easier for me (mentally and emotionally and gives me room to be me and an adult even though it can be tiring and demanding and stressful) than staying at home and being clung on to all day by the most gorgeous creature that walked the earth.

The thought of leaving her in a nursery or with a childminder and her balling her eyes out day after day is too much for me and since right now we're okay for me not to work I'm not doing that. But honestly FOR ME it would be easier to do what I did than look after her all day. But I am lucky enough to CHOOSE not to (despite feeling slightly sad and grieving the loss of that life) put my baby through that (and hence put me through that) and very lucky to not have to miss out on the things I would miss out on with her growing up.

I have my OH for help or support I would ideally have liked more back up from more people and because I feel overwhelmed I do sometimes envy mums who go to work. I have no life. I don't go out. I've been out three times since LO was born and never with my partner. I DO need adult conversations. I DO want mental stimulation. I WOULD love to socialise beyond the internet. But until baby girl is secure that's not going to happen.

I am lucky but it's hard is what I'm saying. I'm not comparing. I'm not saying those who stay at home are losers or lazy or whatever and I'm not saying those who work are selfish or neglectful or whatever. Because any of that is just simply not true. We all do the best for our families and children and we should really learn to have a little more faith in each other and know that there are individual circumstances and lives and people here. I personally think for the vast majority of us, bearing in mind we are all individuals with individual strengths and weaknesses, there is no EASY option when you become a mum.

 

[ShanandBoc]

Just cause you dont get paid for something doesnt mean that its not a job imo. We all do jobs that we dont get paid for.

Being a mum is harder and more demanding than any job ive ever had, and being a mum is my job now. I take care of my DD i run the house, cook, clean , work out the finances, while my DH the breadwinner

I couldnt put my DD in childcare, i want to be there my children and i have that choice to do it.

If i had to work, then i would. Some dont have a choice and we are all just doing the best in our individual situations....Either way you have a full time job! I respect mums that have to work, but for me personally, i wouldnt do it.

A career is no longer important to me either. Nor to my daughter, she has me and i think thats all she cares about! I wont work till all my kids are at school.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I am very proud to mother Isla 100% of the time. This is my job and I feel more empowered as a woman doing this than I have done at any point in my life so far. I have never considered leaving my daughter in the care of someone else and don't expect to do so for some considerable time yet. (She's 10 months now). I have had successful careers in business spanning 20 years prior to Isla's birth, and its only now that am I doing something that I feel is worthwhile. For me, mothering is a way of life. I certainly don't feel any need to work outside of the home to give myself an identity. If we have another baby, I will mother him/her 100% of the time as well.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I'm out of this now as I clearly don't think along the line of the majority. All I want to say is this, I look after Emma all day. That is a job on its own. I also run our house- I cook, clean, wash, iron, run the finances, buy the food, garden and so on. By me doing this part when hubby is home he can spend his time with Emma and me, not doing the domestic thing on top of the long hours/ travelling he does.

If someone was doing this for another person it would be a job (cleaner, housekeeper, whatever) When you put those 2 roles together they are every bit as tiring and demanding as the career I had before when I worked 60 hour weeks. I would also argue that looking after Emma is more important that any job I have ever done. So for me, this is a job/ a career/ whatever. I may be highly qualified in my own field but this is what I want to do now. I worked really hard to be able to be in this position, I think it is valuable and while I don't get paid for it, the rewards are more than those that come from any 6 figure salary.

So true, a child minder, cook, cleaner has a career / job because they are getting paid for it?

Yet if you do all these things as SAHM its not?

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Just cause you dont get paid for something doesnt mean that its not a job imo. We all do jobs that we dont get paid for.

Being a mum is harder and more demanding than any job ive ever had, and being a mum is my job now. I take care of my DD i run the house, cook, clean , work out the finances, while my DH the breadwinner

I couldnt put my DD in childcare, i want to be there my children and i have that choice to do it.

If i had to work, then i would. Some dont have a choice and we are all just doing the best in our individual situations....Either way you have a full time job! I respect mums that have to work, but for me personally, i wouldnt do it.

A career is no longer important to me either. Nor to my daughter, she has me and i think thats all she cares about! I wont work till all my kids are at school.

I agree with you. I help out loads at the school, reading, trips, tidying up. I dont get paid. I fund raise for charity and do voluntary jobs, I dont get paid so does this make me any lazier? Its hard atm, because both my kids ARE in school and I still have no intention to work. I have so much going on with M etc its just not on the equation right now. x

 

[ShanandBoc]

Sounds great MF, i am soo busy i dont know how anyone could get bored as a SAHM, i love love love it, but we are all different. I also help out with things at my church and attend twice a week, and bible study one afternoon a week too, have hobbies.... I guess what im trying to say is some of us think that raising our children is much more rewarding than any 'career'.

Im enjoying life more than i have at any other stage of my life, this for me is how its meant to be

Others dont, they love to have a job!! I think we all are equally amazing mums, just different x

 

[CharlieKeys]

Exactly, i look after Stephen all day (and he's clingy!! and needs constant attention) I then have to find time to cook dinner, clean the flat, do my washing, iron, put away his toys at the end of the night, make the beds, get his bottles ready for the next day, and then still find some time to do my uni work. So in between doing all this, I have to feed Stephen, play iwth him, read to him, sing to him, put him down for naps, baths etc etc - I never ever get a break! To me this is harder than any job I've ever had!! I wake up at 8am and am on the go until about midnight when I can finally get to bed! And then if he has a bad night, I might be up 1-3 times a night too! I find that hard work and to me I wouldn't want it any other way - I hate it when my OH tries to do housework cause he messes it up and isn't done the way I like lol.

 

[Laura2919]

I've gone back three days a week, and am doing some self-employed work to top this up, which I can do in the evenings and at weekends.

We all do what we have to do to give our LOs comfortable lives, and we balance and juggle things so we can do that. This may mean being a SAHM, working part-time and working full-time. In an ideal world I think we would all love to either be a SAHM or work minimal amounts - but that isn't always possible.

I think mums who work full-time deserve a medal - do these friends who made these comments have children? It's so easy to comment on what you would do with regard to work when you are not in that situation x

I think ALL mums who work deserve a medal.

I work because I need the money and I work becuase its something for me. My girls love nursery and I love working.

 

[Laura2919]

Exactly, i look after Stephen all day (and he's clingy!! and needs constant attention) I then have to find time to cook dinner, clean the flat, do my washing, iron, put away his toys at the end of the night, make the beds, get his bottles ready for the next day, and then still find some time to do my uni work. So in between doing all this, I have to feed Stephen, play iwth him, read to him, sing to him, put him down for naps, baths etc etc - I never ever get a break! To me this is harder than any job I've ever had!! I wake up at 8am and am on the go until about midnight when I can finally get to bed! And then if he has a bad night, I might be up 1-3 times a night too! I find that hard work and to me I wouldn't want it any other way - I hate it when my OH tries to do housework cause he messes it up and isn't done the way I like lol.

Mothers who work still have all that to along with their job. I find a working mothers life harder than that of a SAHM.

When my girls have a bad night I still have to get up and go to work, get home do the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping the works.

 

[Hayley90]

Im really envious reading this thread back... I enjoy working, but I enjoy being with Harrison much more. This isnt meant in a bad way either... but those of you who are SAHMs, please cherish it. I miss my little bit of maternity leave... i miss having him fall asleep on me on our balcony in the sunshine... or walking to the park with him, or just pottering around all day with him next to me.

I love working, and providing for him... i really do. But no matter how well we do because of my wages, i still wish i could have waited until he was 6, or 9 months old. Maybe even one. I had 6 weeks of uninterrupted time with him, then full time working from 11 weeks... and that just isnt enough

 

[Foogirl]

I'm a working mum. It works fabulously for my family, I couldn't give a stuff what anyone else thinks about it.

 

[trumpetbum]

I've been a sahm and this time around I'm a working mum. I went back when Luca was 4 months old. Both have their pros and cons tbh, and I worked damned hard at both. I found the lack of adult conversation and validation from others who worked very difficult sometimes as a sahm and with working I find getting up at 5am whether I've had broken sleep or not, feeding baby before work and expressing for my next shift a challenge. I think parents should do what works best for them and their families.

 

[kirmal12]

Did anybody watch the programme parent pressure on Monday night?.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12664259