Struggling with female factor infertility

[Hatethewait85]

Sorry the book hasn't been exactly what you expected, Christi. Bummer.. Hopefully there are a few good nuggets of information in there though!

There are a lot of great anecdotes out there about people who conceive when they finally move on so to speak. Maybe we should work on finding that crystal ball. I think it would be the answer to all of our problems

My acupuncturist was telling my husband about an older woman they worked with who had IVF and only got a few eggs and nothing of good quality. After working together (diet/herbs/acu) for over a year, she tried IVF again and got 25 eggs! So crazy how much that stuff can make a difference!

I always thought I'd have my first kid by the time I was 28 and be done having kids by 32. Now I'll just be lucky to have A kid by the time I'm 32! I'm such a planner and I hate when things don't go according to plan. I am slowly learning to adapt... But I definitely don't want to be an old mom - I wanted to retire early and enjoy those years without worrying about my kids finishing college, getting married, etc. Just take one day at a time I guess...

 

[Christi85]

Hi all,

Survived Mother's Day (it was actually pretty uneventful) but I still got the blues. On top of that, my cycle has gone crazy. I had a painful, heavy-ish period that just didn't end. I'm now on CD13 and still spotting and uterus feeling quite bloated. At my last ultrasound the doctor thought I had signs of adenomyosis in my uterus (the opposite of endometriosis - but they often go hand in had, and we are suspecting my ovarian cyst is an endometrioma) and these symptoms could actually be explained perfectly by adenomyosis. Most common symptoms are very long periods, bloated feeling in uterus and sometimes painful intercourse (luckily, not the case, but I do have the first two). Another reason could be my actual cyst causing all this. I feel really disappointed. I've always had mid cycle spotting problems, possiibly due to low progesterone, but that would usually occur closer to the start of new AF and not like this. I hadn't had this in a long time, so now I'm feeling like my body is giving me new symptoms every day. Also, I know I'm driving myself crazy, but if it is adenomyosis, then my chances of carrying a pregnancy to term would also be worse than normal. What more??

I have my pre-op appointment with my doctor on Friday and she was going to do an ultrasound too, so I'm definitely going to mention all my symptoms and specifically ask her if she can see anything weird on ultrasound (adenomyosis, enlarged uterus etc.).

In other news, I've stumbled upon this fertility system called NaPro Technology using the Creighton Model of charting cycles. They have doctors certified in this nationwide, so I'm seriously considering visiting one after I've recovered from my lap. They're also affiliated with the Catholic Church (though they won't ask about the patient's religion, and I myself am not Catholic) and they implement a more natural way of fertility treatment. The premise is that they try to identify the exact problems you have causing infertility and treat those, trying to get you to an optimal fertility level. No IUI or IVF that work around the problem, but dealing with the actual problem. Also much more affordable (googling around for prices in my area, it comes to about $400/year including doctor visits and education materials if you follow their recommended schedule of visits - I guess any tests and medication would be extra though). Still, a ton less than IVF. I like the idea and I find it kinda similar with naturopathy, acupuncture etc. (except in this case, they are actual western medicine doctors and they do prescribe medication), but I'm still afraid I may be too much of a complicated case to be treated this way. Then again, maybe not. They claim to have successfully treated endo, PCOS, anovulation, hormonal imbalance and other common female infertility factors, including partial tube blockage. The only cases they do not take are complete tube blockage and male azoospermia. They din't mention DOR anywhere. They also claim to be up to 2.5 times more successful than IVF on all the above infertility cases, but I see a caveat here: their system is one that can be tried month after month, so cumulatively, they ARE going to see a higher percentage of pregnancies/live births than IVF, simply because IVF cannot be tried more than 3-4 times annually at most, and few women try it more than a few times anyway due to financial, health and emotional considerations. Whereas with NaPro you can keep trying while treating the problem, as long as you have the patience. I'm thinking of giving it a shot after my lap, though at this point, I'm still extremely undecided as to the way forward. Still, even if I do fertility treatment, I'm not sure it's a good idea to go into it without having brought my health, hormones etc. to optimal levels first. Especially with this newest twist in my cycle. Otherwise I may be wasting my money with very scant chances of success, and I'm not willing to do that (remember, we're paying out of pocket for everything - except for the lap, thank goodness!). So NaPro and possibly acupuncture/eastern medicine might be the next things to try. But we shall see.

P.S. I'm now half way on Indichova's book (have been quite busy lately). Still, it's all about diet changes and not much else. Wheatgrass seems to be discussed a lot.

 

[Hatethewait85]

Christi- Sorry your cycle is giving you a new curveball. I hate when things change without any good explanation. Hopefully it's nothing that will impair your ability to carry a child. See what your doc says on Friday.

I've heard about NaPro. It's definitely intriguing. I haven't researched it a lot because I've wondered how it would help me (who looks good on paper but may have an egg quality isssue). It may be interesting to just have an initial appointment to see what they say? Do you have a NaPro practitioner near where you live? So far I can't fully endorse TCM as I haven't got my BFP but I know they have a lot of success stories, too. Have you heard of the book Making Babies? It's a blend of western and eastern medicine. It does provide a 'diagnosis' of what may be your fertility problem and gives suggestions on foods to eat, teas to drink, types of exercise, hers/supplements to take etc to help. It was pretty spot on with what my acupuncturist claims my problems are. You can get the questionnaire at makingbabiesprogram.com for free but then I think you need the book to tell you how to "fix it." If you're looking for another book to read

What are they saying about wheatgrass? What's it supposed to do for you?

 

[Christi85]

Christi- Sorry your cycle is giving you a new curveball. I hate when things change without any good explanation. Hopefully it's nothing that will impair your ability to carry a child. See what your doc says on Friday.

I've heard about NaPro. It's definitely intriguing. I haven't researched it a lot because I've wondered how it would help me (who looks good on paper but may have an egg quality isssue). It may be interesting to just have an initial appointment to see what they say? Do you have a NaPro practitioner near where you live? So far I can't fully endorse TCM as I haven't got my BFP but I know they have a lot of success stories, too. Have you heard of the book Making Babies? It's a blend of western and eastern medicine. It does provide a 'diagnosis' of what may be your fertility problem and gives suggestions on foods to eat, teas to drink, types of exercise, hers/supplements to take etc to help. It was pretty spot on with what my acupuncturist claims my problems are. You can get the questionnaire at makingbabiesprogram.com for free but then I think you need the book to tell you how to "fix it." If you're looking for another book to read

What are they saying about wheatgrass? What's it supposed to do for you?

Thank you, I hope so too. Feels like some kind of inflammation. I actually thought I'd call my doctor's office tomorrow morning and asking if it's worth me going in earlier (though at this point, it would just speed things up a day or two) in case it's an infection etc. If it is indeed due to adenomyosis, then there isn't much anyone can do other than maybe hormone treatment.

No, I hadn't heard about 'Making Babies'. I will definitely check it out, thank you I will also check out the free online questionnaire.

As for NaPro- it's hard to find much details and that annoys me a bit. There is nobody very close to us, but there are couple within about an hour's drive. Which I'm willing to do if needed. It's funny because I live in LA and you'd think there would be at least a few. But nope, the vast majority are in the outskirts. Still, I think I may give it a shot. If not strictly for fertility, to help me regulate my hormones better, since many of my fertility problems seem to stem from that.

Re wheatgrass - it's unclear what exactly it does to help other than generally 'clean your system', but the book references a study in cows, in which their infertility was reversed within 2 months of being fed with it. The author hates it at first (it turns her stomach), but then she ends up drinking smoothies made out of it after she hears how beneficial it can be

 

[Hatethewait85]

Well it certainly doesn't hurt to call the doc and see if they think it's worth being seen earlier. Hopefully it's just a weird, random cycle and it's nothing serious.

You're welcome for passing on the info on making babies. I thought it was pretty interesting. It's supposed to be a 3-month program (but I didn't try too hard to follow it when I read it last year).

I can't believe there isn't a NaPro provider closer to LA! That does seem crazy to me. An hour isn't too bad of a drive though (My fs is about an hour from where I work and it was doable); especially if you wouldn't have to meet with them weekly or anything... or maybe you would meet that often?

Interesting re: wheat grass. Maybe I'll have to add it to my green smoothies at lunch... Thanks for sharing the info!

Unrelated to ttc, but I'll be in LA in June for my cousin's wedding. Anything you recommend seeing/doing? Not sure how much free time I'll actually have but it's good to have a short list of things just in case I find myself with some down time.

 

[Christi85]

Yup, I'm calling my doctor in a little bit. We'll see what she says. I may have to wait a few hours for a call back though. I'm actually starting to think it may be an infection. Hopefully nothing more serious than that. The pain is bearable and it's on and off (though surprisingly, Ibuprofen doesn't help all that much), but it changes from bloating to feeling tender to burning, and it's not always on the same side. Then there's other times I'm absolutely fine. I'm a little scared to be honest and googling my symptoms of course told me that I may have cancer But Google always says that about anything. I'm actually glad my pre-op and my lap are just around the corner.

Yeah, that's right about NaPro practitioners. I was surprised too. Maybe it has something to do with it being linked with a religious organization - I don't think LA is very religious overall, but still..
Their recommended schedule isn't too bad. They want you do a free consultation, at which point you decide if you want to commit to the program or not. If you go ahead with it, they recommend you do 5 visits in the first 3 months (for guidance on how to use the Creighton model, which apparently is a very detailed charting of cervical mucus), and then once every 3 months for the first year. If you continue after the first year, the frequency drops to once every 6 months. Some people do need additional visits though. I think some practices have distant learning too, which could be a good option.

Yup, wheat grass. Apparently there are some mixes on the market that aren't too nasty But I haven't looked into it at all. You can always ask your herb specialist.

As for LA: I always tell people they have to do Universal Studios. In my opinion, it's an amazing experience. Especially the tram tour that takes you back stage, shows you all the tricks they do to make movies look real, how they create special effects, you get to see sets from popular movies and TV shows etc. They also have a few fun rides and shows ranging from special effects to animal-actors etc. You need to have a good 5-6 hours to devote to that though for the full experience. Other than that, it depends on how much time you have. Going down to the Hollywood Walk of Fame and Kodak Theater are always popular (and tend to be very crowded), or if you want to go to the ocean, Santa Monica is always an option (you can walk to the Pier), or maybe Rodeo Drive for all the fancy shopping - I like to go there from time to time to browse, but never shop . Also, LA has the reputation that it's not cultural, but that isn't true. We have two amazing museums among others, the Getty Center in LA and the Getty Villa in Malibu. The first one has stunning views of the valley, beautiful gardens and art collections from the middle ages onwards, whereas the second also has stunning views of Malibu, also beautiful gardens and features Greek, Roman and ancient Middle Eastern art collections. I could go on and on...let me know if you need specific info on any of the above - or anything else.

 

[Christi85]

So, I ended up going to my doc's office yesterday. She took a vaginal swab and is doing a urine culture to see if it is an infection. We don't think this is very likely, but we have to cover all bases. If there is an infection, I'll have to be treated for it, and depending on what it is, it may push my lap back until I'm well
If there's nothing, we're going ahead with the lap as scheduled (5/22). She also did an ultrasound and didn't see anything unusual, which I was happy about. She did see the adenomyosis again ('pelvic congestion') but can't tell if this is causing the symptoms
The ultrasound showed a little something that could have been another polyp (I had had a hysteroscopy for polyp removal back in September), or it could have been nothing, but there' was no way for her to tell for sure. She said, after we do the lap and I've recovered, she may want me to go in for an office hydrosonogram (a lighter version of the HSG the way I understand it) to check for sure. But even if that is needed, I feel that is too much intervention for me at this point and I don't want to go ahead with it. Between my hysteroscopy in September and the laparoscopy I'm going to have now, plus the HSG I had two months ago (which didn't show any polyps, by the way, but the doc said they could have missed it depending on where the balloon was positioned ), that's too many surgery-like procedures in 8-9 months. I feel it would be way too early for more invasive tests.
The cyst in my ovary is still there - of course - and the doc said this time it looked almost definitely like an endometrioma (she hadn't ruled out the possibility of a dermoid, previously). However, I had two predominant follicles, one in each ovary, so I should be ovulating very soon. My lining also looked great, my doctor said. This to me was good news. It means that, even with the wacky things that are happening, my body is still trying to do its job, and this is what encourages me to think that I can still do this with a little boost, but as naturally as possible, no medical intervention.

Right now I just feel overwhelmed and emotionally tired. I think I need to take care of myself first and try to recover in a natural way (and maybe start homeopathy and possibly NaPro as soon as I recover from my lap). More medical intervention is the last thing I want at this point. I keep changing my mind through the whole process, but last night talking with my husband, we both agreed that the above plan is the best course of action for now. We want to keep trying naturally for at least a few more months, and then if nothing happens, we may consider a couple IUI rounds, but no more than 3. As for IVF, right now neither of us wants to go that far. Financially, emotionally and medically (with all the medication that could make my endo worse, plus my DOR which wouldn't exactly guarantee excellent results), plus the dilemma of possible frozen embryos we don't use (if any), we don't feel it's a great idea. Not for a while at least. The way we are thinking right now is, if it doesn't come naturally in another year or two (or maybe with a couple IUI rounds later), then we'd be better off starting the adoption process with the money we would have saved from not doing IVF. We might also look into foster-to-adopt, although it could even take a couple years or longer until one of your foster babies became available for adoption, as the vast majority end up reunifying with their birth families, so that's something we need to consider from an emotional point of view. But it's always an option, and it's also the cheapest one...

Interesting fact: as I walked into my doctor's office yesterday (it was at the very end of the day, so I was the only patient there) I overheard her IVF coordinator talking on the phone with someone - presumably an IVF patient - giving her bad news (I don't know what exactly hadn't worked, but she did say she was sorry a few times, and that she thought it would have worked, and that she has a good feeling for the future, and that she - the patient - had a year). So to me it sounded like a patient whose IVF didn't work or the cycle got cancelled, and she had pre-purchased cycles which she had to use up in a year. It may sound completely silly, but I took it as a sign that my feelings against IVF (in my individual case considering my problems - not IVF in general) are valid. Just happening to walk in right when bad IVF news were being delivered to someone. Then again, maybe I'm crazy...

In other news, I'm almost done with 'Inconceivable'. So her main regimen was vegetarian diet, no sugar, no gluten, lots of juicing and some herbs, fertility-special yoga every day and visualization exercises. Nothing too complicated, but it was actually quite inspirational how she beat the odds. Oh, at some point she also mentioned a 'colonic' (a fancy enema given by a specialist). It's considered a good way to clean up your system, and she did one of those.

 

[Irish_eyes]

Hello ladies, hope you don't mind me jumping it but have been following the thread for a while but had not the chance to sit down and write a post. I'll give a bit of a background of my journey so far. I am 36 and DH is 38 and we have been TTCinf over 5 years on and off. We have been put into the unexplained category and the only option we got was IVF, no clomid, no IUI etc.

So we did our NHS free round back in 2012 and it failed. We only got 2 eggs both fertilised and were both 4 cell at day 3. At our review appointment we were told that one embryo definitely would not have made a pregnancy. And although I have not be diagnosed with DOR, I do think it had something to do with my eggs that I did not respond well to treatment. Back when I got all test done my FSH was ok and AMH was 10pmol but a year later a few months before IVF this dropped so 3 years on I am not sure what it is now. I have listed all my tests etc on the first post of my journal.

I don't have the funds to do anymore treatment so it's hoping for that miracle but I have just booked an appointment with an acupunturist for next weekend to see if that helps.

 

[Irish_eyes]

Apologies for all the mistakes above as I am on my phone and predictive text is being a pain. ;D

 

[Christi85]

Welcome to the thread Irish_eyes!

I'm sorry to hear your IVF attempt did not work. Apparently it's more rare for it to work the first time and most ladies need at least a couple rounds. Though they also say, if it hasn't worked after 5-6 rounds, it may be time to give it up, as the chances of it working in subsequent rounds drop a lot. Then again, few people are going to have the funds to do so many rounds, let alone the emotional toll it takes (and for me, the health considerations aren't negligible either). As I'm sure you know, here in the US insurance tends to not cover IVF treatment, unless you have a killer health plan through your employer, which relatively few people have. Or unless you live in one of those states where it is mandatory coverage, but again, I think this is the case only for employer-sponsored plans, and not everyone has those. Even so, most of these plans still have limitations (e.g. they may cover just one or two rounds of IVF in a lifetime; or you have to do X number of failed IUIs first before they cover IVF; or they cover up to a certain amount of $$, which usually adds up to just one or two IVF rounds anyway). It's good that the NHS covered that one round for you. Any chance you could get additional rounds through the NHS? I know criteria are strict and waiting times long, but I was just wondering if there's any chance.

I'm definitely very interested in what your acupuncturist says. Please keep us posted. Hatethewait85 is already seeing one and doing some herb treatment, and I may very well start seeing someone as well in the coming months. Somehow, like I said above, I don't feel like medical intervention is going to do much good in my case. I feel going naturally may bring us better results, even if it means waiting much longer for a little miracle.

 

[Irish_eyes]

Hi Christi, I live in Northern Ireland so we are only entitled to one free go on the NHS and if I haven't got some frosties I think I could have got one free FET, which was just newly introduced. But unfortunately I didn't have anything to freeze. We don't have private health insurance since we have the NHS here but I am not sure if private insurance here would cover any infertility treatments. I was told since I didn't respond well to my dose of meds that I had to prepare to pay on the high side for the drugs if I went private and you are talking £4,500 or so. I just could not imagine spending that 5 times and we wouldn't be in position to. I am in a decent job but since DH got laid off about 6 years ago from the construction industry we have been sort of struggling financially. He works for himself now but his work is seasonal and he more or less don't have any during the winter months, he is doing gardening now.

I have just settled myself into the thought of doing it naturally or that's it but don't want to think of the latter just yet. I have tried reflexology and reiki but have heard more sucess through acupuncture. I have to give it a go as I feel (as probably every women who is ltttc) the clock it ticking nearing 37. My mum went through menopause in her early 40s and my sister who is 44 had a hysterectomy about 2 years ago...so just a little worried.

 

[slg76]

Oh yes, and how did I forget that?? Woman with DOR produced 40 eggs with stim????? I didn't even know that was possible
My doctor has been telling me I'll be having 8-10 eggs max, pretty much the number of follicles I had on my AFC (I had 9 or 10 on day 3, total on both ovaries) and that's assuming all will grow to maturity. I was reading recently that some women have a clinical image of DOR when that isn't actually the case. Simply put, their body is just too lazy to recruit enough follicles, but the follicles are there, just 'dormant'. So with stimulation, it is possible for some women to actually grow many more eggs than anticipated. Maybe that was your friend's case. Really interesting though - not something you hear every day

Wow! I hope you ladies don't mind me popping in. I started reading this thread from the beginning so I know this particular post is old. I'll catch up soon I have DOR. My AMH is undetectable and my FSH is 100 I actually got pregnant naturally 9 months ago but miscarried. The pregnancy almost makes it harder because now I really can't give up. My doctor is willing to do a cycle of stim for me and doing some looking around for stim with DOR is how I found your thread. I love this encouraging story

 

[slg76]

by the way....I've done a lot of acupuncture and am happy to share my experiences and results if any of you are interested

 

[Christi85]

Irish_eyes I know exactly what you mean. IVF is SO expensive, it's ridiculous. The worst part for me though is that results are not guaranteed. It's not inconceivable that one may have to try 3-4 times before they're successful, and then again, many still aren't successful. It's one thing to pay all this money knowing the results you'll be getting, and a whole other thing to pay the money and not get results - I feel this brings the heartache to a whole other level.

slg76 - welcome to the thread! I'm so sorry to hear about your breast cancer woes: I hope that is now gone and under control for you. I can't imagine anything worse for a mother with a young child. As for your secondary infertility, I know it can be so frustrating. It's a very good sign that you were able to get pregnant on your own even with bad AMH and FSH numbers - tells you that doctors don't know everything. I wish you all the best, and please keep us posted. It's incredible how much we learn from each other in this process. And yes, please, do share your experiences and results with acupuncture

 

[Hatethewait85]

Christi-

Glad your doc was able to get you in early and that there was nothing new on your scans Hopefully it is just a minor infection that is easily treatable (or just a weird cycle). Was your doc overly concerned about things? Google thinks just about everything could be cancer. I can understand not wanting to do another procedure right away. I can also relate to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I was awful just after my FET failed. I'm quite a bit better now but still have my days where I just want to give up. But I attribute my more positive outlook to acupuncture. I feel like I'm doing all I can to make my body emotionally and physically at its best. After my RI consult in July/Aug, we may just start the adoption process. I've been reading blogs from birth moms, adopted kids, couples/people waiting for placement and I think it helps make adoption seem less scary. I still don't know that I could foster to adopt but I'm much more open to the possibility than I was a year ago.

Interesting about how structered NaPro works. Have you called to schedule a consult or are you waiting until your lap is done? I hope you don't have to push that out!

I'll have to do a little reading about wheat grass and then maybe I'll ask my acu lady about it. She just gave me a whole binder to look at about foods. It's quite interesting how TCM views foods and how they can in turn affect your body. It's not just eating fruits/veggies = healthy; it's all about eating the RIGHT fruits/veggies! Eating right is way more complicated than I thought. I'm not sure I could give up sugar like the chic you're reading about though! I am trying to cut down on it, particularly as I've been a dessert junkie the last couple of weeks. There's always a birthday, potluck, or something at work or with friends lately. I'm sure it'll only get worse with bbq's this summer.

Thanks for all the info about LA!! I can't wait to go now (It's low 40s here today ) I'll let you know if I think of any q's, but I hope to get to explore the city at least a little bit!

Irish eyes- I'm also working with an acupuncturist now after failing IVF. They suspect an egg quality issue with me too because most of the eggs they got (they retrieved 24) were immature and I only got a few blasts. I wonder if it was just the protocol but the only way to know is if I try IVF again. Talk about an expensive experiment!! I'm still considering another round in a few months but I'm worried of failing again. I've been taking coenzyme q10 since my FET failed and maybe that'll help things out? Anyway, there are a lot of great success stories with acupuncture/herbs so hopefully you and I can be one of them, too!

slg- It's great that you were able to get pregnant on your own but I am terribly sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I really hope your rainbow baby is soon! How long have you been doing acupuncture?

 

[Christi85]

Thank you Hatethewait85. Let's hope so!
Absolutely, I now realize how important it is to bring our bodies to the best possible state - seems obvious, but when you're overwhelmed with infertility, common sense make go out the window

It's great that you're thinking about starting the adoption process later this year. Oh yes, I've read (and I'm still reading) tons of blogs about it. Foster to adopt is an interesting option. Here in California, you can't straight adopt from foster care. You either fos-adopt or foster only. Meaning, even if you are placed with a child who is already legally free for adoption, you are still considered a 'foster parent' until the adoption is finalized in court. Hubby and I want a baby (as most people do) because we want the whole experience from the beginning and less of a chance of a traumatized past, which means we will have to foster first, and be open to adoption if the baby becomes available for adoption and not being adopted by family/kin (roughly 10-20% of the time). Most babies will not be legally free for adoption at the time of placement, so there's always the risk there. If it gets to that, we will have to consider if we are emotionally ready for something like that, basically continuously fostering babies and come to terms with the idea that it may not be until several placements down the road (which could even take a few years) that one of them finally becomes a member of our family. An already legally free older child is a lower risk alternative, but right now, I'm set on having a baby and I'm too scared to deal with big emotional trauma, so...
Private adoption is also a very possible option, it's just that the expense seems to be so high.

No, I haven't done anything with NaPro yet. I want to be done and recover from my surgery and then decide who I want to go with, who I want to see next etc.

You're absolutely right, eating right may even be more important than eating 'healthy'. I look forward to diving into those things myself...

Oh, LA will be fun! I visited twice as a tourist before we moved here and I LOVED it. Of course day to day life here is a different story, but I have yet to meet one person who didn't love LA as a visitor. You'll have a great time and the weather is always nice and warm (if not hot)
By the way, where are you located? Low 40s in mid May?? I haven't had that since my London days and it's the one thing I don't miss from my 4 years in London

 

[Pirate]

We've also considered/are considering going the adoption route. Hubs prefers domestic private and I prefer foster to adopt. There are definite "risks" with both, but also many rewards. Two months ago I wanted to get the foster care approval process started immediately but now it's something I'm not so sure about. Basically we're not even going to think about making any major decisions until 2015.

 

[Christi85]

We've also considered/are considering going the adoption route. Hubs prefers domestic private and I prefer foster to adopt. There are definite "risks" with both, but also many rewards. Two months ago I wanted to get the foster care approval process started immediately but now it's something I'm not so sure about. Basically we're not even going to think about making any major decisions until 2015.

Totally, there are definite risks in both options, and each one has some big pluses that the other one doesn't, and vice versa. I agree about the rewards too. We are also between private domestic and fos-adopt. Not seriously considering international at this point, but if we decide to go down that route, I'm sure we will thoroughly research that option as well. No need to rush Pirate. Take your time and decide when you're ready.

 

[Hatethewait85]

I haven't researched foster to adopt much here (Wisconsin) so I'm not even sure what is and isn't allowed. There is a website with pictures of kids available for adoption in foster care though and it is so sad to look at. Most have severe physical disabilities or emotional problems requiring significant counseling/therapy. That is what overwhelms me of the foster to adopt system. I've always thought I'd want to adopt a newborn, too, because it's easier. Less emotional scarring like you said. But I also want the joy of experiencing all the firsts- first tooth, first step, etc. But whenever I think of that I wonder how selfish I am to want that. I always feel like I'm taking the 'easy' way out, not that anything about adoption is easy. It's definitely exhausting, emotionally draining, and completely overwhelming to really figure it all out. I'm always in awe of people who are able to do so without developing a bald spot! In the end, I'm pretty sure we'll go with private adoption if we get to that point. I tend to have decision paralysis though when it comes to next steps. I never want to give up too easily on anything!

Christi-
It's a good idea to wait to schedule anything NaPro until you are fully recovered from the lap. Is that next week? I can imagine day to day life in LA is definitely different!! I'm not sure I could do it. Although the weather is pretty enticing. Wisconsin's weather has been awful this year... far too cold for my enjoyment. We only got leaves on the trees this week Next week the weatherman is calling for 70s so that will make me happy!

 

[Christi85]

I haven't researched foster to adopt much here (Wisconsin) so I'm not even sure what is and isn't allowed. There is a website with pictures of kids available for adoption in foster care though and it is so sad to look at. Most have severe physical disabilities or emotional problems requiring significant counseling/therapy. That is what overwhelms me of the foster to adopt system. I've always thought I'd want to adopt a newborn, too, because it's easier. Less emotional scarring like you said. But I also want the joy of experiencing all the firsts- first tooth, first step, etc. But whenever I think of that I wonder how selfish I am to want that. I always feel like I'm taking the 'easy' way out, not that anything about adoption is easy. It's definitely exhausting, emotionally draining, and completely overwhelming to really figure it all out. I'm always in awe of people who are able to do so without developing a bald spot! In the end, I'm pretty sure we'll go with private adoption if we get to that point. I tend to have decision paralysis though when it comes to next steps. I never want to give up too easily on anything!

Christi-
It's a good idea to wait to schedule anything NaPro until you are fully recovered from the lap. Is that next week? I can imagine day to day life in LA is definitely different!! I'm not sure I could do it. Although the weather is pretty enticing. Wisconsin's weather has been awful this year... far too cold for my enjoyment. We only got leaves on the trees this week Next week the weatherman is calling for 70s so that will make me happy!

So here's the deal with foster care: the kids who are on the website are the hardest ones to place for adoption, either because of their age or because of severe medical and/or emotional needs. They are NOT the only ones - there's actually hundreds of thousands of kids in foster care nationwide at any one point. There are plenty of babies (and yes, sometimes people are even asked to pick them up from the hospital as newborns) who come into the foster care system, many of whom are even perfectly healthy or with minor medical needs, however the caveat is that it is very rare for babies to come with terminated parental rights (vs. many older children, who come legally free for adoption). Meaning they could reunify or be adopted by family or kin after staying with you for several months, and this is very common, so there's the potential for heartbreak there. Even those whose parental rights do get terminated and no family or kin claims them and are then offered to the foster family for adoption, may not be easy cases. You may still be facing a bumpy road with multiple court hearings until parental rights are terminated, possible appeals by birth families, uncertainty for a long time, system inefficiencies etc. However each case is different and it is perfectly possible to eventually adopt a foster baby, as long as you go in with the right mindset, knowing that it may take several foster placements until one comes through as an adoption opportunity (to an extent, it's like doing multiple IVF rounds until one works). There's a lot of blogs out there, see if you can do a search on Google. If hubby and I decide we want to do adoption further down the line, we'll definitely go to the intro sessions at the very least to find out more. But we're also definitely researching private adoption as well.

Yes, my lap is next Thursday. I had my pre-op appointment today and all tests came back negative for infections, so we're going through with it. I can't wait to be done and over with it. Though I don't know what comes next

Oh yeah, the weather is the best part here. Life is very expensive and this is annoying. We've toyed with the idea of moving to another state, but hubby would need to find another job first, and that doesn't seem to be the easiest thing in the world. That, plus we have so much on our plate right now that the last thing I want is to add one more big thing to the list of worries, such as an out of state move. But we haven't ruled out that possibility for later.
Good - the 70s is the perfect weather, not too cold or too hot! We've had the opposite this year - no winter. We had days in January and February when it was in the 80s And this past week has been in the high 90s/low 100s, which is waaaay too early even in LA But luckily our weather is dropping back to the mid and high 70s too, so we are rejoicing