Struggling with female factor infertility

[Hatethewait85]

Christi- I'm glad you had a relaxing weekend to recover! It's definitely a good thing to focus on the positive. I don't think you are delusional to think you could fall pregnant. It's entirely possible for your body to ovulate a good, healthy egg. It may just take a long time for that to happen, which it sounds like you know. That's really quite obnoxious how your doc handled things with booking your consult and everything. I do not like pushy docs. How did the phone conversation go when you called to cancel that? When's your post-op appointment again? Do you have to pay for the phone conference with that Julia Indichova? I assume she's going to discuss diet/lifestyle things? Sorry for the 20 questions. I'm intrigued. Anyway like Pirate said, I'm glad you made decisions you are comfortable with.

AFM, hubs and I talked game plan again. I read online that the consult with the RI could cost around 3k?? That's a crazy amount of money which makes us second guess things now. I had left a message with their finance person last month when I made the appointment and they never called back. I guess I will try to get some more info from them in the next 2 months to confirm the actual costs. And of course this led to more discussions on how much more we really wanted to go through. :doh: Part of me just wants to move on to adoption now so I can get past this whole obsession- what magic can I try to get pregnant this month. And that part gets bigger each cycle. The other part of me thinks another round of IVF would surely work, how could I not try. Particularly as IVF is cheaper and quicker than private adoption and potentially less stressful. The other part of me (I guess I'm divided into thirds) says that I should keep trying herbs/acu for another 6 months and see what happens. I sure as heck can't make up my mind. As a healthcare provider I can understand why (to an extent) infertility treatments are not covered by most insurers, but why is diabetes or post-MI care covered for people who don't take care of themselves?? Surly they 'asked for it' whereas this crap is completely outside of my control- it's a natural disaster so to speak. Grr. Sorry for the rambling.

 

[Pirate]

Not to sound dumb, but what is an RI?

I'm totally divided too. Sometimes I think we should just pony up the money and try a medicated cycle (but then the logical, rational part of me takes over and knows this isn't a wise investment for my situation and the likelihood that it would work). Sometimes I think I want to move on to adoption straight away (but then I think about the length and uncertainty of the whole process). Sometimes I just think I want to be done with this phase of my life and move on to life without kids (but worry that if we close the other doors we'll regret not having done more in the future when it really is too late).

I understand that infertility is expensive for insurance to cover, but so is treating diabetes, bariatric surgery, barely research validated therapies for Autism, etc. Plus infertility only affects such a small amount of people that I don't think there would be a huge cost associated with it. There should be limits though, in my opinion. For example it could be 70-80% coverage with a $50k lifetime maximum for infertility treatment, including medications. This would get several IUI cycles and a shot or two at IVF. At minimum I think that infertility testing should be covered by insurance.

 

[Christi85]

Hatethewait85 - Luckily, the phone call didn't go as dramatically as I was afraid it would. I spoke to one of her office staff and asked to cancel the extra time booked after my post-op, and they didn't seem to care. Then I had the dreaded task of telling my doctor (I thought as a courtesy, I had to, rather than letting her find out from her staff, though I'm sure people do this all the time). I opted for texting her instead (one of the good things about her is that she is accessible via cell phone) and told her about our decision very briefly. Also told her that I had already cancelled the extra time. Luckily, she didn't call me as I was afraid she would. She responded to my text almost immediately though, and said that she'd love to know what caused my decision if I wanted to discuss it with her when I went in for my post-op. I texted her back to say it was down to money, health considerations and emotional readiness and it's not like I'd be going with another doctor (which is true, actually). Left out my complaints. No point in burning bridges and she hasn't been all bad, just a bit too pushy for my liking lately. She texted back to say she understands and thanks for letting her know, and that was the end of it. Phew My post-op is on June 9. After that, I shouldn't have to go into the clinic again

As for Julia Indichova's tele-conference, my understanding is that it is like a mini group therapy divided into 3 sessions with only the same people participating in each session for a more personal approach, and providing a more in-depth intro to her 'Fertile Heart Ovum' Practice, which I think is a holistic approach of health, mind, body, diet, imagery exercises, dream interpretation etc. But each person has to adjust it to their own needs, preferences, circumstances and it's not set in stone - just some guidelines to go from. Some of it is discussed briefly in her Fertile Female book. Yes, the sessions are paid. It was $226 for the whole thing (3 sessions of 1,5 hour each over 3 consecutive weeks - though she has a disclaimer that, due to the personal nature of the sessions, they may run a bit over time and to plan for up to an extra 1/2 hour each time). I am intrigued too. To put it simply, I like how this woman thinks. I like how she considers infertility a journey and a blessing verus a curse, an opportunity to learn things you didn't know about yourself and to emerge as a better person in and out. I'm hoping for some of her optimism to spill over to me and whether or not that brings us a baby later, I still feel it may give me a boost to work with myself to feel happier and healthier, body and mind. It wasn't outrageously expensive, so I thought I'd try it. She then has a series of hour-long group teleconferences which people who have completed the Intro are welcome to join as needed, subject to space in the group and availability, which I think cost $108/session. Not sure if I'll be doing any of these, but I may do one or two as needed, if needed. I'll see how the initial sessions go and how I want to proceed from there. She also offers an all-day in-person workshop in Woodstock, NY for $350 (or $550 for couples), which, knowing how much similar workshops cost, I think is very reasonably priced, except I'm nowhere near NY. But the tele-sessions are meant to be an alternative to that workshop, or at least that's my understanding. Anyway. I'm usually very wary of those types of things as I've always felt they were money-grabbers, but since her books echoed so many feelings and thoughts I'd had myself, I thought I'd give this one a shot (my hope is also for it to help me create a plan of action as to what to seek next - acupuncture? herbs? fertility yoga? group therapy? you name it - I feel lost...I hope her seminar will help me decide what I need based on my individual circumstances). If you're interested in doing some browsing, here's her Fertile Heart website:
https://www.fertileheart.com/

Wow, $3K for a consultation with the RI??? (Pirate - I think it stands for 'Reproductive Immunologist'). Is that the specific one you're seeing or are they all priced similarly? And here I thought, consultations with REs were expensive (my doctor was $300, and I've seen anything from $250 to $400 in the LA area). Any idea why it could be so expensive? Will you be paying for it out of pocket or will you have a co-pay? If so, I think you have a right to know how much it will cost upfront. I'd call their office and ask what to expect in terms of out of pocket cost.

I hear you both about indecision. You never know which way to turn and what is the right decision. I think having my endo confirmed played a big part in my decision. Years ago I knew a girl who had severe endo and still went ahead and did 5 IVFs, all failed. The meds only made her endo worse, to the point where the doctors could see it in the ultrasound (which I'd never heard before) causing her crippling pain all month long. She's now 38 and after several laps that haven't helped much and two 6-month breaks with Lupron (which she loved) her doctor is telling her he can't prescribe these anymore (too much risk of long term side effects) and she now needs to either live with the pain or have a hysterectomy. Needless to say, her endo has also become so much worse than before after the treatments, that even the low chance of conceiving she had before is now gone. I thought that was extremely sad and swore I would take care of myself and my health first and foremost, even if that meant never having a baby of my own and having to adopt. Plus my endo is much lighter than that to begin with, so I think I may have a decent chance over time and with taking extra care with an endo-friendly diet, acupuncture etc. So in that respect, my decision was somewhat easier. I may also change my mind later, but for the time being, I don't want to think about fertility treatments.

I agree with both of you about insurance and fertility treatment coverage. It would be nice to have that option, or at least the option of a rider to include infertility if the person desired to have that sort of coverage. Luckily, fertility treatment expenses over 10% of adjusted gross income can be deducted from our tax returns, so at least our tax liability gets somewhat reduced. There's also the 'adoption tax credit' where up to $13K or so in expenses can be claimed as a tax deduction on the year when an adoption was pursued (this applies even to failed adoptions). Since both routes are very expensive, these are at least better than nothing..

 

[slg76]

I've been reading along. It sounds like most of you are deciding against medicated cycles but I wanted to share just in case. I'm in the middle of my first injectable cycle after a year of natural cycles and 3 failed Femara cycles. I'm on a fairly high dose of gonal f. Serano is the company that makes gonal f and they adjust the cost of the medication based on your income (the low income cutoff was actually quite high; maybe $90k if I remember). So I paid about $1500 for my medication this cycle but that was 50% off the regular price.

I'm also spending the extra $400 to do an insemination this cycle. Opinions are split as to if this will increase my chances since our issue is my ovulation and not hubby's sperm. I figure I might as well put all the cards on the table this month.

You all seem to be a bit ahead of me emotionally about adoption and egg donors. I'm not there yet but reading your posts has been helpful for me. Thank you

 

[Christi85]

Best of luck slg76!

I would think, if your problem is ovulation, then being on injectables should help much more than Clomid/Femara which many people with ovulation issues don't see results with. So I think your decision was right
Best of luck on your insemination this month - I have everything crossed for you!!

Thanks for sharing the info on the meds. That's really interesting to know and definitely something to keep in mind for anyone interested! Every little helps, and hey, $90K for the 'low income' category sounds great - my household would qualify

Glad to hear that reading the posts helps you! I think this is the point of this forum. We learn from each other, offer support, exchange opinions and information etc. As for treatment decisions or alternative ways to build a family, I think these are unique to each person and their priorities/circumstances, so don't feel you have to feel the same as everyone else. Try to follow your gut and do what you think is best for you personally, based on your individual circumstances!
And it sounds like you are, so we're cheering for you!

 

[Pirate]

Best of luck, sig! It's good to have that info about the meds. I honestly thought it would be double or triple that cost.

 

[slg76]

thanks for your support ladies!!

One more tip....
the cost I gave you was just for the meds. but during a medicated cycle you have to get a lot of ultrasounds. I've had 4 this cycle. My clinic charges $350 per ultrasound. My insurance doesn't cover anything infertility related. BUT, I asked the clinic for the insurance code they use for the ultrasounds and then called my insurance company and they said they do cover that procedure code. Turns out it just pops up as an abdominal ultrasound. So that loophole has saved me $1400 this cycle.

Like I said, I'm not sure that you ladies are even considering this right now but I hate for you to pass over the possibility thinking it would cost much more than it actually does.

I'll let you know how my cycle turns out. Fingers, toes, and eyes all crossed

 

[Mikihob]

Hi ladies. In regards to the medication costs, there are also mail-order pharmacies that gives steep discounts for fertility meds. My DH had to take FSH and HCG for his sperm production and we got a serious discount. It wasn't cheap but it was cheaper.

I have PCOS and don't ovulate on my own. I am currently on Clomid and doing IUI's with donor sperm. I don't have any local RE's so I am going through my second unmedicated IUI. I have trouble getting positive OPK's so it's hard to properly time the IUI. They say that Clomid is supposed to cause ovulation 5-9 days after your last pill but my periods are 36 days long which would a later ovulation. It's so hard. Why can't our bodies just work!!

I agree that the decision to use donor eggs or donor sperm is tough. I am already facing the idea that we might have to use donor eggs and donor sperm if we can't get my ovaries to work correctly. Clomid gives me severe side effects. Some women don't have any or barely any, I have loads.

I am glad that you are able to take some time to learn more about yourself and focus on your health. Those webinars seem really great and what great information and support. I read in a health journal online that if you are depressed while TTC it increases your chances of being depressed during pregnancy and greatly increases your risk of postpartum depression. I myself have been learning new ways to overcome the depression and stop crying all the time. It's not easy but it's helping me stay more upbeat.

I am praying that we all can beat female infertility and get our miracles!

 

[Christi85]

sIg76- Thanks for sharing the info! That's very interesting about your insurance and definitely good news for you!
By the way, if you have a journal, let us know the link so that we can follow you

IUI was never out of the question for me (total cost of a cycle including meds was quoted by my doctor's office between $800-$1,400 with Clomid/Femara, and $2,000-3,000 with injectables). Not that bad. However, my doctor never liked the idea of me trying IUI first. She thought I should go straight to IVF, egg freezing etc. probably because of my diminished ovarian reserve. A bit too much for me. For now I don't want to even think about more medical intervention, I feel I've had my fair share in the last 3 months. If, after months of trying, hubby and I feel that trying a couple IUI cycles might make sense, we may do it. Though in my case, even the hormones in Clomid and Femara could make my endo flare up, so I'm still very skeptical. I could always do an unmedicated IUI cycle or two, but since my problem isn't ovulation (I do ovulate on my own every month), I don't see how that would be different from just trying naturally

IVF though is a completely different story. For me, the cost-benefit analysis is just too shitty in my case (I am not predicted to ovulate more than 8-10 eggs even with maximum stimulation as I have a low AMH and low follicular count, plus the meds could potentially make my endo worse and I'd hate that). So, my chances at IVF success are not that great, and I would most likely need to experiment with a few cycles and different protocols to find out what could work - which, at $12-15K a pop, is not a great option, and I don't want to take so much meds that I would risk my endo getting worse. So, it’s all natural for us for now…

Mikihob – welcome to the thread! I started following your journal as well.
I had no idea that pre-pregnancy depression could increase your chances at pregnancy and post-partum depression as well. Very interesting, though, if you think about it, it makes sense. One more reason for me to keep positive!
Best of luck in your endeavors with IUI! I bet using donor anything (eggs or sperm) can be a tough decision and psychologically draining. But here’s to hoping that it will work!
Clomid causing side effects is actually fairly common from what I’ve read. Any chance you can switch to Femara (hopefully this cycle works though and you don’t need to)? But Femara is said to have less side effects, as Clomid lingers in your system for much longer. And a lot of women who don’t ovulate on Clomid, do ovulate on Femara, so it’s a matter of finding the right one for you. Also, a lot of women with ovulation issues see a lot better results with injectables, though these are a lot more expensive that the pills - I know you know that.
Keep us posted on how this cycle goes! Wishing you a big, beautiful egg this cycle, and a successful insemination round!!

 

[Pirate]

Yeah an injectibles cycle with IUI would be $3000-3500, depending on the number of ultrasounds needed, plus the cost for meds. For me, my situation, and the odds of this actually working, this really isn't am option for us.

 

[slg76]

I'm not actually "expected" to become pregnant either but my doctor was willing to give injections a shot if that's what I want. My prognosis is abysmal! My AMH is undetectable and my FSH is 100. I do ovulate regularly on my own but I don't do it very well (my day 21 progesterone levels are pretty low). We just did 5 natural cycles in a row and I ovulated on all of them but no luck getting pregnant. My doctor thinks that the gonal f will help my egg quality and help me have a healthier corpus luteum after ovulation to support a pregnancy. I was on a big dose and I only grew one follicle. I hope the theory about it being a healthier follicle/egg is true because I would have made one follicle on my own anyway. Hubby's sperm are presumably fine but we are doing IUI this month just to have the very best shot possible. Who knows, maybe my CM has become hostile after all this change in my body over the past few years?

I'm not really a candidate for IVF. My ovarian reserve is so low that my doctor doesn't think we can get me to produce enough eggs for a realistic IVF cycle. I probably wouldn't end up with an embryo to put back in. Interesting that our doctors actually had exact opposite opinions about IVF versus injections! My AFC is usually around 6.

Hubby and I are open to adoption but not so much to donor eggs. We want our child to be biologically both of ours or neither. Plus, pregnancy is a calculated medical risk on my part so if it's not our biological child it doesn't really make sense for me to carry the baby. I have been pregnant before (I have a 3 year old) and I absolutely loved being pregnant....well until I got cancer, that part sucked

 

[Christi85]

Pirate- I think this cost for IUI includes the meds. Even with an injectables cycle, the dosage is much lower in IUI because you only need to trigger a couple eggs, so the meds cost considerably less. And then the rest of the cost goes towards ultrasounds, sperm wash and the actual insemination. Still, you are right, it's not a good option for everyone.

sIg76 - Best of luck, even if it's a long shot!
I see what you mean about IUI vs. IVF. Well, seeing as I fired my doctor, it tells you that I disagree with her too

I would be a borderline candidate for IVF at this stage, I think. My AFC was 9 or 10, and my AMH was 0.96. Not horrible, but quite low for my age. My FSH is still fine. I think this is why my doctor wanted to rush freezing my eggs asap, to prevent my AMH dropping even lower when my chances would be significantly reduced (AMH predicts stimulation success after all). But she still said at this point all I could hope for would be 8-10 eggs with maximum stim, so it's not like we'd have an abundance of eggs to freeze, fertilize/transfer, allow for some to die in the process etc. I think that, realistically, I would have to expect having to do multiple fresh cycles with multiple egg retrievals.

I'm curious, how low was your CD21 progesterone? Mine was low, at 6.9 (I tested just 6 days after ovulation though, as 7 days would have fallen on a Saturday) and my doctor wanted to see higher than 10. To me, 6.9 is low but not horrible, and should be fixable with some progesterone supplementation. Then again, in this month's cycle, when I went in a week before my lap fearing I had an infection (turns out I had none) and she did an ultrasound, I was on CD13, right before ovulation. She found two predominant follicles, one in each ovary, and said my uterine lining was 'perfect', so I took that to mean that my hormones were exactly on target at that point.

I hear you about all the dilemmas with adoption, egg donorship etc. None of these are easy, and I think it's very much down to each individual couple and their limits and preferences. We all want to have a baby of our own the good old natural way, and when that becomes hard or impossible, we are then faced with some tough decisions. I hope your cancer is now gone forever - there's nothing more important than good health, I keep reminding myself this when I'm down.

 

[slg76]

I've had two day21 progesterones drawn recently. They were 5 and 8. Pretty low. My doctor isn't a huge believer in progesterone supplementation and thinks that it's better to fix the problem before that point so the body makes the progesterone. Easier said than done, right?

My AFC was 7 on this cycle but after stimming only one folly grew. I was on 300 IU gonal f per day which is actually more in line with an IVF dose than with IUI dose. My FSH is SO crazy high that we have to try to overcome that. I do think my FSH is much lower now than when it was tested although they (whoever that is ) say that only your highest FSH value predicts your pregnancy success.

hmmm, I'm no doctor but I do feel like it some days! It sounds like you should have some options left for getting those eggs out if you want to.

Thanks for the health wishes. As far as I can tell my cancer is gone. Luckily it had not spread when I found it and my treatment was very aggressive. I fully intend to be a healthy momma for a very long time

Where are you from? I see your sigi note but your English is far better than many people's I see online

 

[Christi85]

I've had two day21 progesterones drawn recently. They were 5 and 8. Pretty low. My doctor isn't a huge believer in progesterone supplementation and thinks that it's better to fix the problem before that point so the body makes the progesterone. Easier said than done, right?

My AFC was 7 on this cycle but after stimming only one folly grew. I was on 300 IU gonal f per day which is actually more in line with an IVF dose than with IUI dose. My FSH is SO crazy high that we have to try to overcome that. I do think my FSH is much lower now than when it was tested although they (whoever that is ) say that only your highest FSH value predicts your pregnancy success.

hmmm, I'm no doctor but I do feel like it some days! It sounds like you should have some options left for getting those eggs out if you want to.

Thanks for the health wishes. As far as I can tell my cancer is gone. Luckily it had not spread when I found it and my treatment was very aggressive. I fully intend to be a healthy momma for a very long time

Where are you from? I see your sigi note but your English is far better than many people's I see online

Your doctor is probably right. Whatever natural therapies I use, I hope they help me regulate my hormone levels. Though I'm very confused about what's happening with me. All hormones (including FSH, estradiol, prolactin etc.) are right where they need to be, yet my progesterone is low. Then again, on the cycle when I got that tested I didn't think I had ovulated at all. Turns out I had (it was also a weird cycle, the same one in which I had the HSG)

I don't buy the theories about FSH. If you can get it down, I don't see why you couldn't get pregnant. I know I posted this yesterday again, but have you read this? I thought it was pretty incredible:
https://www.fertileheart.com/getting-pregnant-with-low-amh-success-stories/

Glad to hear you caught the cancer early! And even more glad it's now gone

I'm from Greece originally, born and raised there until I was 22. Then I went to to the UK for postgrad studies, met my (American) husband there and we decided to stay and work there for a few years so that we could stay together. And then we moved to the States almost 3 years ago. My English was pretty good even before I went to live in an English speaking country, but it has vastly improved thanks to that in the last 7 years (and my husband's very limited Greek, so it's only English at home ). Thank you so much - I get conscious sometimes that I make mistakes or that I may phrase things in funny ways, but oh well...as long as people know what I'm saying

 

[Pirate]

I actually never had a progesterone draw done, but I think that's because my RE prescribes progesterone supplements for everyone who does ART. My AMH was .52 (quite low for 32 years old). My FSH was high for my age and for CD2, but not ridiculous (11.x). My AFC was pretty darn terrible at 5, with one of those being a borderline antral follicle. My RE recommended that we try a cycle with injectibles with IUI to see how that went, then directly to IVF if I responded enough to bother even trying, and then to donor eggs. He told me that in his experience that he gave me a 8-12% chance of me responding well to injectibles, but he also told me that it was completely possible for me to get pregnant without help. For us, an 88% chance of failure just wasn't worth taking the chance on, but that was the right decision for us and we're perfectly at peace with it.

 

[slg76]

love that story in the article. I do believe that there is much we can do outside of traditional medicine to help our situation. I actually wasn't ovulating or cycling at all twice in my life. Both times my cycle started back up within two months (in once case two weeks!) after starting acupuncture.

I would never have known that english wasn't your first language! I love talking with the ladies from the UK on here. They remind me of being around a good friend who is scottish and is now back in scotland.

 

[Hatethewait85]

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only completely indecisive one out there. Making decisions on going to the next step was super easy at first because we were trying something we hadn't tried before with a higher success rate. Now the next step is not something new so the decision is not so clear.

The only thing I know for sure is that I want to be a mom and it doesn't matter to me if the child has my genes or not... but I still have a hard time letting go of the genetic link for some reason. Why is that?? Is it more because I am afraid of how long and hard of a process adoption will be? I can't quite figure it out.

As for the insurance thing, I agree that some lifetime max would have to exist. But there should be enough coverage to let you try a few rounds of ART of some sort. Perhaps I'll have to move to one of those states that mandates coverage!

I never had a cd21 progesterone level checked either. Weird. I have no idea if I have strong enough O or not. I wonder if I should ask for a test if I'm going to continue to ttc naturally. Although my expectations after failing IVF and no BFP in nearly 3 years is pretty low as it is. So I'm not sure knowing my progesterone level will change that.

Also, like Christi said, RI is reproductive immunologist. They specialize in auto-immune issues preventing a pregnancy (my body attacking an embryo for some reason). Since my doc can't confirm poor egg quality without another round of IVF, this is another potential cause for why I can't get pregnant. The 3k estimate was for my specific doc - Dr. Kwak-kim. I'll just have to try again with her finance department to see how accurate the info I found was. The 3k included the office visit, ultrasound (they have a fancy machine that can actually assess how well blood is flowing to the uterus and follicles!), and lots of blood tests (22 vials of blood or something like that). So it's not just the consult, phew! But still a hefty chunk of change.

Pirate- As you can tell, I totally feel you on your different thoughts about what comes next. Does your hub feel the same way? Hubs and I are mostly on the same page, although he thinks he could be happy without kids. I can't imagine not watching a lil one ever get excited about christmas morning, or learning how to ride a bike, or learning anything new really. That glimmer of excitement of seeing the world for the first time... I can't seem to give that up!!

Christi- I'm glad the conversation went OK with your doc. I bet it feels good to have that finalized! Thanks for sharing the info on the Julia stuff. Let us know how it goes if you don't mind. It sounds like the endo was a blessing in disguise- made your job a little bit easier as far as deciding how to proceed! Although I have high cholesterol (thanks mom and dad!!) and have been forgoing treatment for nearly 3 years (and actually was asked to eat like crap to GAIN weight before IVF- I weigh ~125lbs now) and that has not helped me give up this ttc process yet. August will be the 3 year mark for me and have another cholesterol check for work then and depending on how awful the results, I will find a new primary doc and take some of the less effective meds but safer when ttc. At least that's my plan for now. My acupuncturist also claims these herbs may help my cholesterol so I guess we'll see in a few months! Hubs and I took advantage of the tax credit last year so that was nice. They recently changed the % of income... I think it used to be 7%.

slg- Best of luck on your IUI! I truly hope it gives you your rainbow! That's so interesting to hear about the gonal F pricing- and good to know!

mikihob- Good luck to you too with your inseminations! Have you thought about adding monitoring (ultrasound and/or labs) to help figure out if you are getting close to o? I had an ultrasound on day 11 of each of my IUIs and was given instructions to trigger on x day if I didn't get a positive opk by then. It'll add some cost but maybe it'll make the IUI more successful if you are getting the timing right.

 

[Pirate]

Pirate- As you can tell, I totally feel you on your different thoughts about what comes next. Does your hub feel the same way? Hubs and I are mostly on the same page, although he thinks he could be happy without kids. I can't imagine not watching a lil one ever get excited about christmas morning, or learning how to ride a bike, or learning anything new really. That glimmer of excitement of seeing the world for the first time... I can't seem to give that up!!

Hubs and I are on the same page, mostly. He seemed to accept the whole "it's going to be really hard for you to get pregnant naturally" thing quite well. I think that he might be approaching it a bit differently though because he's not the one who is "broken." I don't know if he's shoving his feelings aside in an effort to support me or if he really was able to deal with everything that easily. In terms of adoption, I think it would be really hard to get him on board with it. My preference would be to adopt a child (children) from foster care, but his field is social work so he's seen a lot of really bad stuff and is really hesitant to go this route. His mindset is pretty much that he wants kids that are genetically ours or none at all. Personally, some days I'm not sure if I'm in love with the notion of being a mother or if I'm in love with the notion of having kids. Both of us are really turned off by the process of adoption (private or through foster care). Honestly, I think we'll probably just keep having unprotected sex until such a time when we're certain that we no longer want to get pregnant. I can't see hubs wanting the possibility of me getting pregnant after he's 40 (he turned 37 this month) and I really have no desire to be pregnant much older than 35 or 36.

 

[Mikihob]

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only completely indecisive one out there. Making decisions on going to the next step was super easy at first because we were trying something we hadn't tried before with a higher success rate. Now the next step is not something new so the decision is not so clear.

The only thing I know for sure is that I want to be a mom and it doesn't matter to me if the child has my genes or not... but I still have a hard time letting go of the genetic link for some reason. Why is that?? Is it more because I am afraid of how long and hard of a process adoption will be? I can't quite figure it out.

mikihob- Good luck to you too with your inseminations! Have you thought about adding monitoring (ultrasound and/or labs) to help figure out if you are getting close to o? I had an ultrasound on day 11 of each of my IUIs and was given instructions to trigger on x day if I didn't get a positive opk by then. It'll add some cost but maybe it'll make the IUI more successful if you are getting the timing right.

Hatethewait I had a hard time with the decision to let go of the genetic link. Oddly enough it was DH that said, the genetics don't dictate whether the baby is mine/ours or not. At the end of the day the baby is mine/ours and he will still have your genetics, then joked "At least he will be cute." I want to be pregnant so I have a hard time with adoption because it feels like I will miss out on something amazing. That one is hard for me.

I have my Progesterone checked every month to confirm ovulation. They do the draw 7 days after the suspected ovulation. I have never learned if it was a good O or not, just that I did. If you are trying naturally, I don't know if it would really help or not, other than the comfort that you are indeed ovulating.

If this IUI doesn't work, than next month we will move into the ultrasound/blood monitoring and add a HCG trigger. I hope this cycle works and we don't need it BUT at least we have a plan in place if it doesn't. It would definitely help time my IUI correctly.

 

[Christi85]

Hi ladies,

sIg76 - thank you so much
I love talking to UK ladies too
It's great to hear how much acupuncture helped you! I'm hearing that from so many people! Just yesterday I heard about a lady who had fibroids and she got treated with homeopathy and they were gone Her doctor was trying to talk her into having surgery, which she didn't want to do, and they were amazed a few months later when her fibroids had vanished in her next ultrasound

Hatethewait - I'm the same. I just can't imagine my life without kids, either my own or adopted, it doesn't matter. I think for us it is still a bit early to begin adoption, as I want to give all the natural stuff a good shot first. I'm thinking at least a year. My logic tells me to even wait 2-3 years, but I'm not sure I could wait that long. Guess I'll find out how long I'm able to wait if I have to (I hope I won't have to)
I hear you about the long and arduous process of adoption. Though you never really know - there are people who are matched very quickly, since it's the birth mom who decides in private adoption. Generally speaking, younger (as in, under 40-45) heterosexual couples tend to be picked much more, so all of us would be in the more favorable category, if we went down that route. If we do go down the adoption route, my preference would be to find 3-5 agencies with low upfront fees (ideally $500 and under) and sign up with all of them in hopes of expanding the pool of birth moms who could be shown our profile. I wouldn't want to go with any agency who would want thousands upon thousands of upfront fees, as I think that would lower their incentive to work on our behalf. Plus you're kinda stuck with them if things don't work out. Speaking of, I'd also want to only work with agencies who either roll over or down right reimburse you for any expenses if an adoption falls through. So finding the right agency(ies) could take a lot of time and research in itself.

Pirate- You are right, adoption is not an easy route, no matter how you do it. In many ways, life is simpler and less stressful when you are child free. There's a lot to be said about that too. Like I said before, it's very much down to the individual couple and their personal preferences, priorities, limits, life experiences etc. etc. When you are faced with infertility, there really is no right or wrong way to proceed. Only what feels right for you and your family.

Mikihob - fingers crossed this cycle works!! Do keep us posted!