I know you've been through this countless times, and it's so hard to be optimistic. And it's understandable. I can say to you is that I am here to support you.....
With that being said, I'm choosing to think the positive route and suggest to you that perhaps the reason your test is a smidge lighter is because dye amounts vary from test to test. It's *barely* lighter, if not just as dark. Hard to tell dear.
I would say that you know your body BEST. So if it helps you to not be hopeful about this morning's test, then you do what you need to do sweetie. No one here knows how it feels to have so many unexplained losses like you have. All I can do is try and help you through it. But without hope, the world would be a darker place. So stuck with it babe. Hopefully this won't be #14 for you. We all know how much you want this. And we all want it for you too. I'll be watching for your smu test. Fingers crossed your smu will ease your mind! I still think this your take home baby!!!!