Support thread for ladies who have had 3+ failed IVF cycles

[bubumaci]

*loool* well ... it could be bad ... but if he were to read it, I still think he might feel like an ass He should! I hate people who are so superficial that they are only out to save their own skins. A boss should protect his / her people and not hang them out to dry, when they do know about a situation.

I remember once doing something similar - when I was confused about something, I pinged a friend ... and the answer came back from my boss (because I had mis-pinged) *lol* luckily I hadn't written anything to bad and I was able to "explain it away" *lool* but I remember that feeling of horror when I realised, that I hadn't sent it to the person I thought I'd sent it to

You know, it could be that he thinks it all has to do with the treatment, in which case he really might respect your wishes. Actually, I haven't done any deleting, so I don't know how much we have to delete *lol*

It's going OK ... Tuesday was our 3rd wedding anniversary, so I made us a nice dinner (8.10 was civil service and 10.10. - so three years ago - the big white do) - but I am in the middle of quarter close, so have plenty of work until the middle of next week or so ...

I'm not sure if it is related, but since I have been drinking the chinese medicine and especially since my acupuncture on Tuesday, I am feeling better rested and calm ... feeling generally quite good ... hmmm

xxx

Sarah ... don't know if you will still see this, since you are off to Spain today : HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY!!!!

 

[Unlucky41]

Hmmm don't tell me you are an accountant as well? Quarter close ????

Yes I do hope he does respect my privacy !! You know when You told him about my treatment although he said kind things there it didn't felt genuine. I had to talk to his boss which is a female that I actually felt some kind of peace.

Hahah I am not the only one do you remember what you said?

Congrats on three years!!! Time goes so fast these days - we are coming up to 9 years in one months time need to book a restaurant I can't cook!!!

For the chinese meds are you boiling or taking tablets? Yes it does relax and de-stress so enjoy it

Have a good weekend as well

 

[bubumaci]

sort of - I do work with accounts but I am not exactly an accountant. I work for a French software company and am responsible for licence revenue recognition for 13 countries. For any transactions > 250 KEUR I have to prepare reporting packages, as well as reporting memos for some particular information they need at headquarters. Whenever I see that we are not recognising correctly (due to various reasons), I tell the accounting team exactly what needs to be booked - to where (which accounts) and when.

Actually, it was funny (this was about 12 years ago) - some of the employees had been asked to reduce their hours, to save money, as the company was going down the road to bankruptcy (the Co. did go bankrupt in the end) - and my colleague and I were responsible for organising the transfers ... and I remember there had been a discussion as to which salaries to transfer and which were on hold - and then I think I was told to make the full transfer. My comment was something like - aha - so we are transferring it all after all *eyeroll*
Can't remember what my boss replied, but it was easily explained away, since I could have just been asking for confirmation, so it wasn't too bad

Where do you live again? Whenever I am down under, I love going out to eat ... mhhhmmm ... there are some great places!

Actually they are to boil. I have to soak it all for 30 mins, then boil for 30 mins, sieve and then boil some more - get 1,5 litres of fluid out of it.

xxx

 

[Unlucky41]

sort of - I do work with accounts but I am not exactly an accountant. I work for a French software company and am responsible for licence revenue recognition for 13 countries. For any transactions > 250 KEUR I have to prepare reporting packages, as well as reporting memos for some particular information they need at headquarters. Whenever I see that we are not recognising correctly (due to various reasons), I tell the accounting team exactly what needs to be booked - to where (which accounts) and when.

Actually, it was funny (this was about 12 years ago) - some of the employees had been asked to reduce their hours, to save money, as the company was going down the road to bankruptcy (the Co. did go bankrupt in the end) - and my colleague and I were responsible for organising the transfers ... and I remember there had been a discussion as to which salaries to transfer and which were on hold - and then I think I was told to make the full transfer. My comment was something like - aha - so we are transferring it all after all *eyeroll*
Can't remember what my boss replied, but it was easily explained away, since I could have just been asking for confirmation, so it wasn't too bad

Where do you live again? Whenever I am down under, I love going out to eat ... mhhhmmm ... there are some great places!

Actually they are to boil. I have to soak it all for 30 mins, then boil for 30 mins, sieve and then boil some more - get 1,5 litres of fluid out of it.

xxx

Yes us accountants highly reply on the business to book the correct profit !! Seriously you don't want to be an accountant all the jobs are going to India, Philippines etc Due to no future in my current role I have seek recruiters to find me a new job. At the moment any jobs that I like I don't even make it to interview stage. The market is so bad I have to convince myself everyday that I should be so glad I have a job So de-moralising but I guess life has to go on.

Yep I don't think your boss would have thought too much of it. I can't you believe you have been at on job for 12 years that is impressive. I have been at my current job for 7 years and I don't know if I can survive to 10 year for long service leave. Do you get that where you are ?

I am in Australia have you been here before ? Going to ARIA for my anniversary had to book it myself my husband so not romantic and I know not to wait fro him to organise anything haha

Yep there said that is the most effective way is to boil the herbs !!! Hope it works for you!!

 

[MrsE75]

Hi ladies

AQ hope you are having a great holiday! Wish I could go away but no chance prob before Christmas vos my husband got the investment which takes the pressure off me a bit! Also means I'm now working even more days to help him get things sorted 😕. But very happy for us both cos that hopefully means we will be able to do out next cycle in the first 6 months of nex year. Sooner the better although now I can afford to join a gym to lose the weight I want to beforehand.

The Chinese herbs sound vile but guess if they work!

Hi to you all xxx

 

[bubumaci]

I haven't been in the same job / same place since then In fact, I have been with three other companies and I am at the fourth. Worked at my current company since 2010 It was just a communication that happened 12 years ago

Yup - HUGE OZ fan Lived in Perth for nearly a year after Uni (1998-1999) and loved it. 2006 went back for 3 weeks' vacation to Perth. 2007, three weeks travelling with friend from Cairns to Brisbane. 2008, three weeks travel on my own from Brisbane to Melbourne. 2011 took DH to Sydney (and Singapore beforehand) I love Australia and really miss it! That's why I was wondering where in Australia you are

No, we don't have long service leave here. I think you can take a sabbatical after some time (or is that the same thing? Sabbatical is unpaid leave though).

Boiled some more herbs and roots yesterday - got 2 litres out of it And they are vile - lots of honey to make it taste better ... although funnily - you get used to it, it is not that bad now that I have been drinking it for two weeks.

xxx

 

[Unlucky41]

MrsE75 - you definitely have a great positive mindframe. I lost weight before my 4th and 5th ivf and it just felt good fitting into my clothes with some space to spare! What are you doing at the gym?

Bub - I am in Sydney doesn't look like you have been there before. Cairns was where we went to celebrate our first year anniversary 8 years ago good memories

No long service leave that is no fun haha

Today there has been heaps of . My sister that I have heavily confided in over the past 3 years just told me today that she is pregnant. She has been studying for the last 3 years and I was the one who was suppose to get pregnant. The thing is my brother in law lives in a different state until next year. They only see each other once a month and she gets pregnant. I couldn't be happy for her. I told her straight out hat I can't stop crying since knowing her news. I told her I can't go to her graduation I feel so hurt and angry and definatley can't feel happy for her. What kind of sister am I ? The worst as it comes. Seriously I was hoping that me being the older sister and the one that has been trying for the last three years would get the BFP first!!

Sorry for the negative post but it seems like there are less and less people I can confide in now. My mum goes can't you be happy for your sister and I said I don't know. Clearly the answer is NO but I just sound like a monster!

 

[Sandy83]

You are not the worse sister, I went through exactly the same last year my sister who was only with her partner for a year weren't even living together fell pregnant and wasn't even trying. I was devasted and couldn't even talk to her about it as I just cried and thought why not me!!!!!! I went the whole 9 months of her pregnancy not really acknowledging it and i felt really bad but couldn't help the way i felt. It was so hard it never got any easier but now I have a gorgeous little newphew who i adore and could never imagine him not being a part of my life. On top of that my BIL had an affair and left his partner of 23 years and now got his new partner pregnant. That is taking a little more to get use to as they have 3 kids already from their previous relationships who don't get on with each other and causes lots of conflict to then bring a new baby into the world just doesn't make sense.

But one thing I've learnt from this whole process is my baby is out there waiting for me and will come when the time is right and your's is too! xx

 

[bubumaci]

Hehe... Jo .. oh yes I have Was there for two weeks in '99 ... then 2008 when I travelled from Brisbane to Melbourne, Sydney was one of my stops And finally 2011, when I took DH to Sydney I love Sydney!! Fabulous city, such a great atmosphere (and some wonderful places to eat).

Oh, Sweetie it is sooo sooo hard and I really do understand you! And feel for you. It is just so painful, when - especially when the order of things is not stuck to - other people get pregnant so effortlessly! I really can relate - to the pain, to the frustration, to the anger, the hurt, the disappointment - the whole wave of negative feelings that just overwhelm you. And then come the reproaches from people who just cannot even begin to fathom and understand what it is that we go through - and that just makes us feel even worse. I am so so sorry that you have been hit by this (... something I am only too familiar with!). It will be tough ... when you see her belly growing. No doubt your parents are excited that they will become grandparents (knife in your chest, because you are the one supposed to be making them grandparents) ... a really really cruel twist of fate - and nothing make it feel better. But I am sure, once your niece / nephew arrives, you will be a fantastic Auntie and you will love them to bits! You will get pregnant, you will have your rainbow baby - and from then on, this crap that we are confronted with on our journey to that point will no longer matter, it will melt into the shadows of the painful journey... but until then, I wish you strength and am sending much love and support .. I know just how you feel!

 

[Unlucky41]

thanking you both for the comforting words!
I haven't spoken to my sister yet and I think it will take time before I really want to talk to her or my mother. I can't help but take it out on her she gave all the good genes to my sister. I was reading articles about infertility breaking up friendship and how people can't mix with those that have children as your life is so different. Do you ladies think this is true? Today all I thought about was there was no way I am organising my sisters baby shower how cruel would that be all the relatives going and why aren't you having a baby

I hope that we all get our baby sooner rather than later. I know that we would all be a great mum as the journey has been so tough. You know I was telling my sister she shouldn't be so career minded as I have troubles having children she would probably be in the same boat. I haven't been so wrong!!

Wishing you all the love!!

Sandy how did you cope going to the hospital/baby shower etc?

Bub when you going to come and visit Aus again ?

 

[Sandy83]

I did plan my sisters baby shower and I'm so glad i did it now.
It was not easy by any means but at the end of the day i looked at my life and i have an amazing husband who I'm so close too and had the most amazing wedding and she hasn't had that or even been with her partner for that long to get so close and she was the one who went out of her way to plan my Hen party etc and I thought that has got to have been hard for her as that is something she wanted so much to meet the right person and settle down.
It is hard when relatives keep asking when is it my turn but i got through it and feel a better person at the end of it all. The hospital side of things was hard but from the moment i saw my nephew's gorgeous face all the feelings i had went away and he is such a big part of my life now.
The best thing I did was be totally up front with my sister and told her how truly happy I was for her but made her aware that she has to give me time to come to terms with it and she was understanding at times (still had our run ins about it).

My advice would be to take one day at a time as you will have so many ups and downs and be open and honest with your feelings and thats all you can do. xx

 

[bubumaci]

Jo - give yourself some time. As far as others having babies is concerned, I have been happy for everyone - only with my BIL's wife have I had my troubles (similar situation to you - effortlessly pregnant ... first grandchild ... etc. etc. ) - I am not really close to her, but have been thinking about organising a baby shower (not common over here) because I think it would be a nice thing to do! Still haven't managed to bring myself to do it and time is running out. Baby is due end of November and the first two weeks, I am away on vacation

But as Sandy says - take one day at a time and see how you go. And I agree entirely - honesty is very important. I have been very honest with BIL and SIL (congratulated them, but explained how difficult it was for me etc. etc. - she thanked me for my honesty). You have to be true to yourself.
I think it is possible to mix - families with children and families without. Sure, lives are different ... sometimes the friendships just fizzle out by themselves because of it - in other cases, it doesn't.

Just see how you go

And I can't come over soon enough! Am such an addict But this year, we are visiting family in the US (Florida). My cousin took her eldest over to Budapest to meet our family in March, but her timing was really bad and I couldn't get over. My Uncle I saw for nearly three weeks, while I was in Budapest looking after my Mum and for the two weeks after she died - and that is when we fixed our trip over to see her, her kids and we are staying with my Uncle and Aunt. But definitely will have to come over again (DH loved it too) Perhaps, if and when we come over, we can organise a meet-up? Hopefully with babies by then

 

[Unlucky41]

Thanks Sandy for the great advice. I will see how I go obviously with time things may get better. I guess my problem is also I have been in the same job for 4 years and I am not going anywhere and haven't done anything about it as all I have been thinking about is getting pregnant.

My sister has everything better than me to be honest. A more loving husband, a better career a nicer wedding so I don't know how to react but be a green with envy. So funny at work they were giving out Halloween names and they can gave me - Jolly green giant - I thought it was funny and very true

Sandy is your sister happy in her relationship with her partner? I am so glad you have a fantastic relationship with your husband!

you guys are amazing - I think it is really nice Bub that you are thinking about organising the babyshower. Within three months of my miscarriage my SIL declared that she was pregnant I was so devastated I could never bare organising a shower. When I visited her in hospital with the baby was the night my first trigger ever which obviously ended in tears. Yes one thing is sure we have all been stronger through this journey.

You Aunty and Uncle sounds like lovely people. Good loving family are worth more than treasure. Bub enjoy your trip to Florida ! And yes I look forward to that day when we meet with our babies.

 

[africaqueen]

Hi ladies
Got home from a lovely week away in Spain on Thursday but sadly was bitten by something on my last day which has caused blood poisoning and my ankle to swell to double the size and is very painful so went to docs when i got home and he gave me super strong penicillin and painkillers and i have been pretty much laid up since... also today AF showed her face and OUCH its a bad one! not a great weekend but me and dh did have a great holiday so thankful for that.

Hope everyone is ok? sorry to see some of you have been struggling with pregnancy news etc. It never gets easier does it i got very emotional on holiday seeing the little ones on the beach and all dressed in cute clothes etc. Broke my heart to see dh spend ages selecting a doll for our goddaughter and a cowboy hat for his godson so wish he was buying that for our child... i am more desperate than EVER to be pregnant now. 2014 IS going to be our year! god willing. No matter what i pray we are pregnant by this time next year. HUGE gaping hole in my heart that is waiting for our baby to fill xxx

 

[bubumaci]

Hi Sarah - I am glad to read that you had a lovely holiday (and pissed off at whatever bit you to ruin the end / and your days back home!!) ...
We have just had Oktoberfest here and when the kids run around in the traditional dress, they just look so unbearably cute! I totally get your feeling emotional at the beach!!

@ Jo ... I don't think I will manage to organise the baby shower in time. We are going to be dog-sitting from tonight until next week Wednesday, and on Friday next week we are off to Florida. Once we get back (14th Nov), I think it's a bit tight, since her EDD is at the end of November. And she is really really big (at 5 months she looked like some women, who are in their 8th/9th) ... so I wouldn't be surprised, if the baby comes early!

xxx

 

[Unlucky41]

Sarah so glad that you had a great holiday. Did you find out what bite you ?
Yep I know the feeling about bad AF. I only just recovered from mine. Mine is so heavy which I haven't had for a while.

Really do hope 2014 is it for us. I forgot when are you scheduled for your next cycle? I so know the feeling about the hole it never goes away it just gets bigger especially when everyone around you just love talking about their kids or babies. Today someone was saying I don't want to have another child unless it was guarantee a boy. I was like I just want a child that is healthy who cares what sex it is!!

Bub all credit to you for thinking about it. I never considered doing it for my SIL. Do you like dogs Bub? who are you minding it for? I am glad you are going on hols soon. We are going away for DH birthday this weekend. Nice relaxing holiday couples massage all booked near the water!

 

[bubumaci]

Yes, I love dogs! Grew up with a dog and about 11 years ago, "adopted" my own (she was a doberman, labrador mix with a bit of Rottie) ... she was hit and killed by a car when she was 15 months old (August 2003)
The doggie we're looking after belongs to a very close couple friend of ours. His name is Muffin and he is a flat-coated retriever, chocolate coloured

Ahh - happy birthday to your DH - I hope you have a fabulous weekend away

 

[africaqueen]

Thanks Andrea. I was pretty annoyed at the bug myself! lol. I hope our lil miracles are running round in cute outfits very soon x

Jo- The Dr thinks maybe a spider but can't say for sure. It is gradually healing. Been wiped out with the strong meds and AF so had to call in sick to work today so back tomorrow all being well. We don't have a date for starting our next cycle as it all depends on finances so could be this time next year as we need to save again. x

Hi to all the gang x

 

[Unlucky41]

Yes, I love dogs! Grew up with a dog and about 11 years ago, "adopted" my own (she was a doberman, labrador mix with a bit of Rottie) ... she was hit and killed by a car when she was 15 months old (August 2003)
The doggie we're looking after belongs to a very close couple friend of ours. His name is Muffin and he is a flat-coated retriever, chocolate coloured

Ahh - happy birthday to your DH - I hope you have a fabulous weekend away

ohhhh poor doggie you never got another dog then ? haha I am thinking of a chocolate muffin looking kind of dog. DH has asked for either a cat or dog a few times but I said as long as he baths and cleans it. To be honest we just too lazy can't even keep up with the housework let alone a pet.

Sarah how are you feeling now? Are you back at work? I can imagine the first day back on work not being really fun??

 

[bugs]

Sorry I haven't been around for a while just keeping busy whilst gearing up for cycle #8.
I spoke to the lovely Peny from Serum in Athens and she has said that I shouldn't even consider donor eggs at my age (32) she said my protocols in the past always menopur and lots of it we're not right and she couldn't understand why it hadn't been changed. She has prescribed my OH a course of antibiotics which she said are sperm strengthening and I am also on antibiotics, fish oil, inositol and reverseratrol. We go to Athens on the 6th December so they can check us both out and talk about my protocol and buy my drugs and then all things well we'll go back in January for treatment.

I think in this country if you've got a low AMH they just put you on the max dose of stimms regardless of how it affects the quality. It's hard to judge how good Serum is as a clinic as lots of the ladies who go are older and using donor eggs but they're have certainly been lots of successes so everything crossed. Hope everyone is well xxxx