Surrogate Mothers & Hopefuls: What made you decide?

[MoonMuffin]

I've always want to be a surrogate, now that I'm done having my kids I plan on losing weight and when my SIL is ready I'll be carrying her baby (she can't have kids, I forget why though). I had easy pregnancies except for some back and hip pain with john which is why I want to lose a good amount of weight beforehand, and I would like a couple years of not being pg before as well (my kids are only 15months apart in age). I also conceived very easily (missed one pill, and no idea how I fell pg with John, we were using condoms and none of them broke .) and I've not had any complications (well I had a failed induction with my first but I don't count that as a pregnancy complication, more of a delivery one), I've fallen down stairs and been in a car accident and my kids were fine (I took all the damage, ) I want to do it again after I do it for my SIL too if I'm allowed another c-section afterwards. Making someone a parents is such an amazing thing, everyone deserves to feel the indescribable joy of being a parent.

 

[tasha41]

I only want 2 children but love to be pregnant... I would love to be able to help another family have a child, they are one of, if not the best, gifts life has to offer

Preferably for someone I know, but if I got to know a couple well enough I probably would.

 

[Cariad_bach]

I only want 2 children but love to be pregnant... I would love to be able to help another family have a child, they are one of, if not the best, gifts life has to offer

Preferably for someone I know, but if I got to know a couple well enough I probably would.

I dont know anyone who would need a surrogate so far in my life so its never come up but i thing i would find it easier doing it for a couple i dont know well and have know history with.

Obviously id have to get to know them and get along with them and build up a huge level of trust,

Id just worry with people i know that there may be to many things to go wrong, mutual friends and family members interfering and causing arguments would be a major concern for me.

 

[Tammi_999]

Hi all,

just wondering if anyone has ever used a distant (non-related/friend) surrogate through an agency or other means and is willing to share their experiences?

thank you

 

[Tammi_999]

just found this webiste highlighting surrogacy issues if anyone is interested

https://www.gambleandghevaert.com/page/surogacy/22/

 

[morri]

In Germany it is prohibited by law by the way. since 1991. (Or rather It is forbidden for doctors to take any measures that lead to surrogacy and it prohibited to act as an agent for surrogacy mothers.
I think it is very interesting to see the different laws of countries world wide.

 

[JustJack]

Hi, i have been a surrogate three times and i am hoping to do it again in the near future. For anyone that is interested in surrogacy, the best advice i can give is to read, read and read some more there is lots of information around and if in doubt ask questions, Surrogacy should not be entered into lightly by intended parents or by potential surrogates. The two main organisations in the UK are Surrogacy UK and Cots. Feel free to ask me any questions and i will do my best to answer them.

 

[JellyBeann]

I am thinking of being a surrogate when I'm done having children! I think it's because of the friends episode where Phoebe has kids for her brother...but I've not looked into it properly yet, but, yes, definately something I want to do in the future!!

 

[Cariad_bach]

Hi, i have been a surrogate three times and i am hoping to do it again in the near future. For anyone that is interested in surrogacy, the best advice i can give is to read, read and read some more there is lots of information around and if in doubt ask questions, Surrogacy should not be entered into lightly by intended parents or by potential surrogates. The two main organisations in the UK are Surrogacy UK and Cots. Feel free to ask me any questions and i will do my best to answer them.

Hi hun, ive been members of both those organisations and they both seemed great, it was people there who convinced me i should finish my family first ... now Jamies nearly 1 i will be going back to them.

Were you a GS or a TS? for people you know or did you meet a couple of one of those websites?

One thing i found really difficult about those websites is couples cant ask you to be a surrogate ... which meant every couple i 'chatted' online to i was so scared to talk to them in case just by chatting i was getting their hopes up in some way, i couldn't see how to ask people things without all the hidden messages and reading between the lines that i was worried might be going on.

I hated the feeling that couples might feel i was judging them every time i casually asked something ... i really want to help a couple somewhere but the initial staring to meet people seems so hard ..

..so i guess i was just wondering what you did hun

 

[JustJack]

Hi hun, ive been members of both those organisations and they both seemed great, it was people there who convinced me i should finish my family first ... now Jamies nearly 1 i will be going back to them.

Were you a GS or a TS? for people you know or did you meet a couple of one of those websites?

One thing i found really difficult about those websites is couples cant ask you to be a surrogate ... which meant every couple i 'chatted' online to i was so scared to talk to them in case just by chatting i was getting their hopes up in some way, i couldn't see how to ask people things without all the hidden messages and reading between the lines that i was worried might be going on.

I hated the feeling that couples might feel i was judging them every time i casually asked something ... i really want to help a couple somewhere but the initial staring to meet people seems so hard ..

..so i guess i was just wondering what you did hun

I was a TS, all three times . I met one couple through COTS, the other through Surrogacy UK.
When chatting to couples you just have to treat it like getting to know new friends, the majority of ip's are very well aware of how things work and tend not to get too over excited if just 'chatting' to someone, again there is the whole etiquitte thing that the ip's dont ask someone to be a surrogate for them they wait to be asked if that makes sense? and again the majority of ips know that this is how it works. Hope this helps, let me know if there is anything else.

 

[faye38]

i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol

what an amazing sister you are you must love you sister very much its so nice to have that xx

 

[fordy]

i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol

Wow thats a really amazing thing your doing for your sister hun

With the legal situation preventing her from adopting what will you do legally with her baby ... do you sign over parental responsibility to her?

I hate the law sometimes,

Here apparently you cant advertise that you need a surrogate,
You cant advertise yourself as a surrogate for someone either.

I know its to protect people but it makes it hard to meat people who need your help or who can help.

There are alot of agencies who will help you meat couples .. but all tho its free for potential surrogates to join couples needing a surrogate have to pay a large fee ... its like only the rich can become parents

The 1 good law we have tho is that in the UK you cant profit from being a surrogate mum ... you can claim expenses but if the judge asks for your financial records and suspects you have charged a 'fee' he can refuse to sign the paperwork which is great IMO because i think the idea of woman charging a large fee to be a surrogate is soo unfair

well because shes gay, she can only get guardianship... i agree the law sucks!!

 

[DottyLottie]

I would love to be a surrogae mama. I do not know the correct description, but I would be happy to lend my womb to someone elses baby but not sure I could give away my own bilogical child - that is something I am not sure I could seperate my emotions from, where as I feel confident that if I knew the baby was not mine (someone elses embyro was implanted in my womb) I could happily bake the bun in my oven and hand it over when it popped out.

I have friends who have struggled with fertility and I cannot imagine how emotionally crippling it must be not to be able to have children yourself, I would offer up my baby carrying services to most anyone I knew reasonably well, it would seem the least I could do given that I have been blessed with 3 children and am expecting my 4th.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I would love to be a surrogae mama. I do not know the correct description, but I would be happy to lend my womb to someone elses baby but not sure I could give away my own bilogical child - that is something I am not sure I could seperate my emotions from, where as I feel confident that if I knew the baby was not mine (someone elses embyro was implanted in my womb) I could happily bake the bun in my oven and hand it over when it popped out.

I have friends who have struggled with fertility and I cannot imagine how emotionally crippling it must be not to be able to have children yourself, I would offer up my baby carrying services to most anyone I knew reasonably well, it would seem the least I could do given that I have been blessed with 3 children and am expecting my 4th.

That's called Gestational Surrogacy

 

[divershona]

i might seem a bit daft here but whats the difference between gestational and traditional surrogacy??

i'd love to be a surrogate mum for someone, i just love being pregnant so much (even though i'm only on my first hehe) and ever since i knew about babies etc ive wanted to be pregnant.

I dont really know if there is a name for people like me but my mum and dad used a surrogate with both my little sister and myself, we are biologically related to both of our parents, my mum just couldn't carry a pregnancy past 14 weeks for some reason ... i luckily don't seem to have inherited this problem as im now 20 weeks and 1

 

[JustJack]

Gestational surrogacy is where the surrogate mother carries the embryo which is made up of the intended fathers sperm and the mothers egg, it is then transferred to the surrogate to be looked after and grown for 9 months . Traditional surrogacy is where the surrogates own egg is used and fertilised by the intended fathers sperm using artificial insemination , hope this helps

 

[honeybun]

I want to be a surrogate mother when i done having my children,me and my husband have our 3rd on way and then in couple of years will have our 4th and last baby.I cant imagine my life without my kids and dont know what id do if i couldnt have them and wouldnt want anyone to have to go through that.I know it will be a very very trumatic time mentaly/emotionaly but im willing to do it for someone so they get the chance to be a mum

 

[urchin]

Hmmm interesting thread.

I've not quite got to the end of my IVF journey yet - what I know is I need donor eggs as my own eggeries are virtually empty, but with a 3 year waiting list who knows whether I will ever get there. At 40 I feel that time is running out for me, though I do want to have a shot at carrying my own child.

I guess I had thought my next option is adoption....I've never seriously considered surrogacy because it always seemed such an unlikely thing for anyone to do for me: I know no one who would offer, and with what has been said about not being able to ask - well, it just seems like a non-starter.

I'm wondering what these agencies actually do for their huge fee? Allow you to talk to people that you are not allowed to ask to be your surrogate (presumably with no 'money-back guarentees' if they can't match you up??) Just seems an awfully unfair business - to take money from desperate people in these circumstances.

am I missing something???

 

[SteffyRae]

I was planning to be a surrogate for a friend cause she is unable to carry children due to her heart but that is a long way off.. I really want my own child but my mothers friends sister is also unable to have children and needs a surrogate she is paying alot of money I would love to do it because I would be helping her and it would be a nice little nest egg for my future baby but I dont know if I could handle being pregnant and having no baby at the end when I want one so bad.. honestly I need advice on that aswell

 

[Frankie]

Itl depend on how I have my 2nd baby. I only want 2 children but ive already had 1 C Section if I go natural 2nd time around I would seriously consider becoming a surrogate. Reasons being that there are so many woman who never get the chance to become a parent or others that take it for granted.

I think all woman deserve the right to become a mum