Teen pregnancy advice and support please

[blueberryx]

Hi, this is my first post here. I'm a mess and well, I guess freaking out, because a few days ago I found out that I'm pregnant. I'm 16 and will be 17 in a few months. I haven't told anyone and just need someone to talk to. I'm too scared to tell anyone right now. I've been worrying that I was pregnant for over a month since I missed my period in December, but I tried to ignore it until I missed my period again this month. I took a pregnancy test on Thursdays and it was positive. I'm still hoping that maybe it's wrong. I'm just really shocked that this has happened to me. I'm not on birth control but we were using protection.

I don't really know what to say in my first post. I'm so scared and don't know what to do now. I just feel sort of frozen I guess.

 

[erher]

Usually a pregnancy test is positive for a reason. I'm sorry to hear that it's a stressful situation for you. This is life changing. I would suggest going to the doctor, before anything else. You have many options. Do what's best for you. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

 

[blueberryx]

Thanks. I'm really nervous to go to a doctor. This sounds kind of stupid, but I don't even know how to go to a doctor alone without my parents finding out. I'm on their health insurance but don't have my own health insurance card or anything. I wonder how much it would cost without using insurance. Probably too much for me to afford.

 

[ClairAye]

Welcome, I understand what you're going through, I fell pregnant with my first at 16 and had him at 17, I'm 24 now. I agree with PP, you need to see a doctor, I'm assuming you're in the states? I'm not sure how it works with insurance etc, are there free/confidential clinics you can go to as a first step?

 

[erher]

Thanks. I'm really nervous to go to a doctor. This sounds kind of stupid, but I don't even know how to go to a doctor alone without my parents finding out. I'm on their health insurance but don't have my own health insurance card or anything. I wonder how much it would cost without using insurance. Probably too much for me to afford.

It doesn't sound stupid at all. I would have probably said the same thing at your age. My mom went to the doctor - dentist with me until I was 21- ish lol. Try taking a picture of the card, that's usually enough info. Or go to your regular clinic - doctor. They should have the info saved. They cant disclose why you visited. Though it does become tricky when you go for more specialized testing and care. It is expensive without insurance. My visits are 2000 each. Craziness, right? Planned parenthood might be a good first stop. They can formally test and tell you how far along you are. Not only that, but give you some guidance on what your options are. Best to you❤

 

[blueberryx]

Welcome, I understand what you're going through, I fell pregnant with my first at 16 and had him at 17, I'm 24 now. I agree with PP, you need to see a doctor, I'm assuming you're in the states? I'm not sure how it works with insurance etc, are there free/confidential clinics you can go to as a first step?

Yeah I'm in the states. It seems like a lot of people here are from the UK?

Anyway, I've found a few pregnancy services, I don't think they're truly "clinics." I guess that are free and claim they don't send any paperwork to your house. Sounds like they offer pretty limited services, like pregnancy tests and discussing options. I feel weird about going there. They're all in bad areas of town. I know I might have to just go there as a first step if I don't want my parents to know right now. I just have to work up to it a bit more and see if I can find a better option.

 

[blueberryx]

So I ended up doing a live chat with someone online through the website for a pregnancy service near me. I found out that even if I decide not to go through with the pregnancy, a parent, guardian, or sibling 21 or over would have to accompany me to an appointment. So now I'm really panicking that there is absolutely no option that doesn't include having to tell my parents. Sorry I don't mean to sound offensive or insensitive but that was going to be one of my main options.
Now my stomach is hurting and feels like it's cramping up, so I'm starting to worry about what could be going on or if it's just from being so anxious and thinking about it non stop for days now.
I have no clue how far along I am. I used an online calculator, but I don't remember exactly when my last period was. I think I'm around 9 weeks.

 

[erher]

So I ended up doing a live chat with someone online through the website for a pregnancy service near me. I found out that even if I decide not to go through with the pregnancy, a parent, guardian, or sibling 21 or over would have to accompany me to an appointment. So now I'm really panicking that there is absolutely no option that doesn't include having to tell my parents. Sorry I don't mean to sound offensive or insensitive but that was going to be one of my main options.
Now my stomach is hurting and feels like it's cramping up, so I'm starting to worry about what could be going on or if it's just from being so anxious and thinking about it non stop for days now.
I have no clue how far along I am. I used an online calculator, but I don't remember exactly when my last period was. I think I'm around 9 weeks.

That's a little intrusive. I'm not sure why they would require a person 21+ to go with you. You have a right to your privacy. Either way, I'm glad you got some advice, even if it was limited. We are not here to judge you or look down on you. Whatever you do, be safe about it. That's all we care about. Don't let your nerves get the best of you. You have big decisions to make.

 

[ClairAye]

So I ended up doing a live chat with someone online through the website for a pregnancy service near me. I found out that even if I decide not to go through with the pregnancy, a parent, guardian, or sibling 21 or over would have to accompany me to an appointment. So now I'm really panicking that there is absolutely no option that doesn't include having to tell my parents. Sorry I don't mean to sound offensive or insensitive but that was going to be one of my main options.
Now my stomach is hurting and feels like it's cramping up, so I'm starting to worry about what could be going on or if it's just from being so anxious and thinking about it non stop for days now.
I have no clue how far along I am. I used an online calculator, but I don't remember exactly when my last period was. I think I'm around 9 weeks.

I'm sorry it is like that, I guess a positive is if your choose to go down that road, you're not going through it alone. Did the place you spoke to offer any services even if it's just going in for a chat face-to-face with someone?

 

[blueberryx]

That's a little intrusive. I'm not sure why they would require a person 21+ to go with you. You have a right to your privacy. Either way, I'm glad you got some advice, even if it was limited. We are not here to judge you or look down on you. Whatever you do, be safe about it. That's all we care about. Don't let your nerves get the best of you. You have big decisions to make.

I guess it's the law in my state that I have to have parental consent and someone has to go with me at the appointment, not a rule that this specific clinic created on its own.
I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I don't meant to offend anyone by discussing that option. I am really scared of it though.

I'm sorry it is like that, I guess a positive is if your choose to go down that road, you're not going through it alone. Did the place you spoke to offer any services even if it's just going in for a chat face-to-face with someone?

Yeah they do offer those services. They asked if I wanted to call them to make an appointment, but I wasn't ready to yet. I don't know if I will go there or not. I'm trying to work up the courage to actually do it.

I'm considering telling the father, but I'm just not sure. We aren't in a relationship and never have been. He is a year older than me and a very good friend of mine. We have known each other since we were in grade school. This might make me sound trashy I guess since he's not even my boyfriend, but he's the only person I've ever even had sex with. In a way, I feel bad that I see him every day and he's blissfully unaware that any f this is going on, but I feel even worse when I think of telling him.

 

[MissMarpleFan]

What state are you in? You really don’t want to delay this appointment if you want to have options.

 

[MissMarpleFan]

While you would need your parents’ consent for an abortion, it doesn’t look like you need their consent for a confidential prenatal appointment.

Teen rights to sex ed, birth control and more in Ohio - Sex, Etc.

I urge you to see somebody, and soon. The more informed you are about what’s going on in your body, the better you can decide what to do next and how to break your news and to who. Your dates could easily be a little off in either direction, as ovulation dates can be irregular.

If you wait too long, you will be having this baby and telling both of your parents anyway, and you and baby should have good medical care. I know they will probably be upset and disappointed, but they will still love you. You need some mature support right now.

 

[blueberryx]

I was about to make an online appointment at Planned Parenthood for tomorrow because they had 1 appointment left for the day, but then realized I have no way to pay for it and don't want to ask my parents for a health insurance card because they will want to know why. We're expecting a big snow storm here too so I probably won't even be able to make it there tomorrow.

I found another place that offers free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds so I booked an appointment for this Monday since I'm already off school that day anyway. As nervous as I am to go there, right now I just want to rip off the band aid and find out if this is really happening and also what options I have left at this point. Plus I've been having stomach pains off and on for 3 days now. This weekend will be horrible waiting to finally get this over with.

 

[MissMarpleFan]

Good plan! I’m a band-aid ripper myself...

Good luck, sweetie.

 

[blueberryx]

I went to the appointment at the free pregnancy clinic last Monday 1/21. I've been meaning to post an update here. I was too nervous to go alone and by mid-Sunday I was planning to back out of going. I know it seems so stupid, but I just didn't want to get actual confirmation that I was pregnant, plus I was just scared to go to this place in general since I didn't know what to expect. So on Sunday night I texted my friend who is the father and told him i thought I was pregnant. Long story short, he agreed to go with me to the appointment. First they did a pregnancy test, which came back positive, then an ultrasound. I almost had an anxiety attack and felt like passing out at that point. Right now I'm about 11.5 weeks pregnant and but due date is estimated 8/17. I still haven't told my parents and I still don't know what I'm going to do. I know I'll be forced to tell them soon because most of my clothes are too tight, my pants don't button up, but thankfully it's winter time and freezing here so I can cover it up for now and it's not like it's that obviously yet.

 

[erher]

I went to the appointment at the free pregnancy clinic last Monday 1/21. I've been meaning to post an update here. I was too nervous to go alone and by mid-Sunday I was planning to back out of going. I know it seems so stupid, but I just didn't want to get actual confirmation that I was pregnant, plus I was just scared to go to this place in general since I didn't know what to expect. So on Sunday night I texted my friend who is the father and told him i thought I was pregnant. Long story short, he agreed to go with me to the appointment. First they did a pregnancy test, which came back positive, then an ultrasound. I almost had an anxiety attack and felt like passing out at that point. Right now I'm about 11.5 weeks pregnant and but due date is estimated 8/17. I still haven't told my parents and I still don't know what I'm going to do. I know I'll be forced to tell them soon because most of my clothes are too tight, my pants don't button up, but thankfully it's winter time and freezing here so I can cover it up for now and it's not like it's that obviously yet.

First off, I'm very proud of your courage. Going was the first step in the right direction. Do you feel any different now that you know for sure that you're pregnant? How do you think you're parents will react? Best of luck in all your future endeavours. Make the right decision for yourself. No one has to live with the outcome but you. Congratulations by the way. Probably not what you want to hear. I know it can be very scary.

 

[blueberryx]

First off, I'm very proud of your courage. Going was the first step in the right direction. Do you feel any different now that you know for sure that you're pregnant? How do you think you're parents will react? Best of luck in all your future endeavours. Make the right decision for yourself. No one has to live with the outcome but you. Congratulations by the way. Probably not what you want to hear. I know it can be very scary.

Thanks. I think I just feel more scared now. Before I had an ultrasound and actually saw the baby in there I would just rationalize to myself that I wasn't pregnant whenever I'd really start to panic over it, but now I can't do that anymore. I think my parents will freak out, but I don't know exactly how they'll act. I always play the part of the perfect daughter so they'll be really shocked.

 

[erher]

Thanks. I think I just feel more scared now. Before I had an ultrasound and actually saw the baby in there I would just rationalize to myself that I wasn't pregnant whenever I'd really start to panic over it, but now I can't do that anymore. I think my parents will freak out, but I don't know exactly how they'll act. I always play the part of the perfect daughter so they'll be really shocked.

What makes you scared? I know exactly what you mean. I just had my first baby. I was 22 when I became pregnant and was still worried about my parent's reaction. My mom always said she was not ready to be a grandma, though when faced with that reality it changed her. I hope your parents are supportive. You're human, things happen. You're more than the image they have of you. Freaking out won't make the situation disappear.

 

[blueberryx]

Well, I finally ripped the band aid off and told my mom tonight. That and I felt so bad today and just got tired of hiding it. I came home from school and went straight to bed because I felt so sick. When my mom got home a few hours later my brother told her that I'd been in bed since I got home so she came to check on me and when she asked me if I was okay I told her no and that I was pregnant. I couldn't even look at her when I said it. I didn't plan to tell her for several more days, but I just feel so exhausted from hiding it and I'm scared that I've not even had a true doctors appointment, only a pregnancy test and ultrasound to confirm everything, no blood tests or anything else that everyone else here has had done at this point. She asked if I was joking and then I just started crying so hard and she hugged me and cried too. She thought I was so upset because I just found out today, but when I told her I took a test about a month ago, she was really surprised. But I showed her the ultrasound and my small belly that I've been hiding, I guess better than I thought, and she was just sort of in shock, but she didn't yell or anything. After we were done crying she told me she needed to go process everything and that we'd talk more about it later. She told my dad and I was more worried about telling him anyway. I heard them sort of whisper yelling about it to each other. Then they both wanted to talk to me. They didn't yell or get overly angry but I could tell they were really upset and disappointed. I just kept saying I was sorry over and over again. We didn't really talk about what I'm going to do with the baby or anything. My mom decided this was all a lot to process and deal with an that we all just need to work through one thing at a time, so first she's going to make me a doctors appointment and then we can figure the rest out.


On one hand I feel some relief but now I just feel so stupid and like such a disappointment. I don't even want to leave my bedroom because I don't want my family to even look at me since they look so sad and disappointed.

 

[ClairAye]

Well done for telling them, I know it still feels hard as everyone now tries to process it but it is really good that they know now and you have someone there for you. I know how you are feeling though, it went really bad with me and my parents but my mum had calmed down after a couple of weeks and I was just happy I had her support.