The 'chit chat' thread

[Miss Mitch]

I'm going home early from work to do exactly that xx

 

[WILSMUM]

good, it must be so hard having to work as well - i spent the first week trying to avoid people when i took my son to school and not going into local shops, now i'm pleased i don't show early as it means less people knew, so its less people to have to tell whats happened.

 

[dancareoi]

Hi both,

Miss Mitch - sorry you are not feeling well again today. the cremation of your baby will not be very nice. We were able to have our cremation only 1 1/2 weeks after our LO was born. There was only my husband and I and the hospital chaplain. It was a lovely service that he did, but it was the worst thing i have ever had to do or experience in my life.

I don`t want to upset you, but it won`t be pleasant. The next day we laid our baby`s ashes to rest. that was nowhere near as bad as the day before.

however, once the ashes were laid to rest, it felt almost like a weight had been lifted. in a way it draws a line under it and enables you to start looking forward.

i wish you all the best and hope everything goes well and gives you some peace.

wilsmum - we had our nuchal scan on 8th dec, but decided not to tell the kids until they broke up from school, so we told them the news on 16th dec, then told my sister on 17th dec and then started to tell all our friends.

When the kids went back to school after xmas on 4th jan, they told their classes. 5 days after this we found our LO had died.

It seems so cruel, because our LO probably died around the time we told the kids!

i avoided the school run for about a week, then when I did start i tried to keep away from people because everyone knew what had happened.

Every time someone came up to me to say how sorry they were I just started crying.

It has all settled down now, everyone knows, but noone mentions it now, so that is easier to cope now.

I saw my cousin last week for the first time since it happened, so i started to cry when talking to her! i seem to be ok now, it`s just when someone you haven`t seen since starts to talk and ask how you are, it starts me off again!

 

[WILSMUM]

i know what you mean - there are a few people I'm sure that knew I was preg but aren't on Fb or haven't been told whats happened and I'm dreading them asking how things are going.
A similar thing happened to us as well - we told a friend that works in the hardware store at the bottom of our road that I was preg againg on the Thursday and then DH had to go down there and tell her 4 days later that I'd lost the baby at the weekend! I saw her the ay after DH told her (was with DH as well at the time) and she gave me a big hug and said how sorry she was which started me off crying!

It all feels very surreal atm almost like it happened to someone else in a way - I don;t when or if it will ever sink in properly!

 

[Miss Mitch]

Hi both,

Miss Mitch - sorry you are not feeling well again today. the cremation of your baby will not be very nice. We were able to have our cremation only 1 1/2 weeks after our LO was born. There was only my husband and I and the hospital chaplain. It was a lovely service that he did, but it was the worst thing i have ever had to do or experience in my life.

I don`t want to upset you, but it won`t be pleasant. The next day we laid our baby`s ashes to rest. that was nowhere near as bad as the day before.

however, once the ashes were laid to rest, it felt almost like a weight had been lifted. in a way it draws a line under it and enables you to start looking forward.

i wish you all the best and hope everything goes well and gives you some peace.

wilsmum - we had our nuchal scan on 8th dec, but decided not to tell the kids until they broke up from school, so we told them the news on 16th dec, then told my sister on 17th dec and then started to tell all our friends.

When the kids went back to school after xmas on 4th jan, they told their classes. 5 days after this we found our LO had died.

It seems so cruel, because our LO probably died around the time we told the kids!

i avoided the school run for about a week, then when I did start i tried to keep away from people because everyone knew what had happened.

Every time someone came up to me to say how sorry they were I just started crying.

It has all settled down now, everyone knows, but noone mentions it now, so that is easier to cope now.

I saw my cousin last week for the first time since it happened, so i started to cry when talking to her! i seem to be ok now, it`s just when someone you haven`t seen since starts to talk and ask how you are, it starts me off again!

It's different where I am, if you agree to a full post mortem, they release and cremate the baby and just tell you when its been done. They hold a service every year at the hospital instead. It hurts so much that we couldn't do our own burial or cremation for our Olivia, but it was either do it ourselves and never know what happened to her and whether it was a problem in my body, or have the pm and allow her to be cremated on the same day as other babies and scattered in these special baby gardens that are specially made at the hospital for these situations. We chose the latter. I need to know, I can't have this happen to me again.

Yesterday, I went home work 2.5 hours early (I work half 8 till half 5 monday to friday) and the arseholes tried to deduct a days pay for it, i'm so disgusted. Is there no compassion in this world anymore?

And I know what you mean about seeing everyone, its unbearable at times isn't it? xxx

 

[Miss Mitch]

Forgot to say, today is the first day of my first natural period since Olivia. Any heads up on what to expect? xx

 

[dancareoi]

Forgot to say, today is the first day of my first natural period since Olivia. Any heads up on what to expect? xx

i am so glad i don`t work and have to put up with all the shite that comes with working in an office, i really feel for you. (I worked for an insurance company for 14 years before i left to have my son in 2001, so i know what offices can be like!)

strange isn`t it how different NHS trusts deal with things.

Our hospital were really good. They organised our cremation for us, free of charge. They organised the crematorium and the funeral directors to collect our LO from the hospital and take it to the crematorium. (even if we had had the PM, the same service would have been offered)
The hospital chaplain did the service for us.
The funeral directors then collected the ashes from the crematorium and the hospital chaplain collected them from the funeral directors.

The hospital chaplain met us in the babies`s memorial garden the next day and said a few more words as he laid the ashes to rest.

Both him and the hospital were so good. I must send him an email sometime and thank him.

Since having my kids my AF`s have been heavier than they used to.

My first AF after losing my LO lasted about 6 days, the second day in was very heavy, you could almost feel the blood every time you stood up(sorry if TMI) you may also find you have little lumps/clots of blood in it as well. This may just be some little bits that may be left coming away.

At least now you know your body is back to normal and working as it should.

 

[Miss Mitch]

Forgot to say, today is the first day of my first natural period since Olivia. Any heads up on what to expect? xx

i am so glad i don`t work and have to put up with all the shite that comes with working in an office, i really feel for you. (I worked for an insurance company for 14 years before i left to have my son in 2001, so i know what offices can be like!)

strange isn`t it how different NHS trusts deal with things.

Our hospital were really good. They organised our cremation for us, free of charge. They organised the crematorium and the funeral directors to collect our LO from the hospital and take it to the crematorium. (even if we had had the PM, the same service would have been offered)
The hospital chaplain did the service for us.
The funeral directors then collected the ashes from the crematorium and the hospital chaplain collected them from the funeral directors.

The hospital chaplain met us in the babies`s memorial garden the next day and said a few more words as he laid the ashes to rest.

Both him and the hospital were so good. I must send him an email sometime and thank him.

Since having my kids my AF`s have been heavier than they used to.

My first AF after losing my LO lasted about 6 days, the second day in was very heavy, you could almost feel the blood every time you stood up(sorry if TMI) you may also find you have little lumps/clots of blood in it as well. This may just be some little bits that may be left coming away.

At least now you know your body is back to normal and working as it should.

Wow, ur hospital sound fab! The after care with me wasn't good tbh, but what can you do? The underlined part, that is EXACTLY what I have been thinking. The doctor petrified me a couple of days ago by saying some women wait up until 6 months for a period?! I thought 'oh that will be me' xx

 

[WILSMUM]

how long was it till you girls got yr first af after?

I'm still bleeding on and off but then its only been 11 days since, I seem to be haivng a day of bleeding and then a day of none atm!

Our hospital was really good as well, they offered us the choice of arranging the cremation/burial ourselves or they will do it for us, we opted for having the hospital to do it and then I believe it will be a smiliar thing to what Miss Mitch said.

 

[Miss Mitch]

how long was it till you girls got yr first af after?

I'm still bleeding on and off but then its only been 11 days since, I seem to be haivng a day of bleeding and then a day of none atm!

Our hospital was really good as well, they offered us the choice of arranging the cremation/burial ourselves or they will do it for us, we opted for having the hospital to do it and then I believe it will be a smiliar thing to what Miss Mitch said.

Well I bled for 4 weeks after Olivia, then I had my D+C (still bleeding) and bled for 1 week after that, but that was with retained products so maybe would have stopped before that if it all came away naturally?

 

[dancareoi]

I bled on and off for about 2 weeks after my LO was born. it seemed to stop for a couple of days and then a bit more.

My first AF came 6 weeks and 1 day after I had had my LO.

After my MMC in July 2009 my first AF came 5 weeks and 4 days after.

on a different note, I have been waiting 4 weeks now for an appoinment to see someone who will do some tests etc to see if we have any underlying problems or whether the loss of our LO was just bad luck.

I don`t see the point of seeing this person. My hormone levels were fine as this was tested on the nuchal scan. There is not a problem with my cervix or anything genetic, as I have already had 3 healthy kids. So that leaves my age, not a fat lot I can do about that.

Doc said we should have appoinment within 4 weeks and still nothing. My DH is still reluctant to agree to TTC again. However, I am due to go back to my doc on Friday, she has been seeing me on a regular basis since it happened to check how I am doing.

DH is going to come with me on Friday and ask a few questions, I believe then he may be able to decide what to do next. He knows how much I need to do this again, although i am worried to death it will happen again, because I am now 40 and the older you are the more problems you can have!

 

[WILSMUM]

I was just going to ask how old you a\re dancareoi and then saw you put at the end that yr 40, I don't think that is too old and i can't see yr age being the reason for yr angels. Did yr 2 angels happen consecutively or have you had another baby inbetween?

My DH is the opposite to yrs, hes really keen for us to try again, we still want to have a sibling close in age to Ailsa for her to grow up and play with and also he says he doesn't want this to be the last memory we have together or trying to extend our family iygwim. I completely agree with him and do want us to try again as well but I am terrified of it happening again. All the doctors tho were very clear in saying that if we want to try again then we can and there is no physical reason for us to wait, I was even told that I'm still young which at 35 (nearly 36) I was slightly shocked by! But apparently I was one of the youngest there on the labour ward when I had to stay in over night!

 

[Miss Mitch]

Does anyone else feel that when they go on other forums, they can't comment on threads because 'you've lost your baby'? or am I losing it? xx

 

[dancareoi]

WILSMUM - I had MMC 09, then had baby in May 10 and then had another MMC jan 2012, so I have had a baby between the MMCs - i also have a 10 year old boy and a 7 year old girl.
When i had my MMC in July 09 I was thinking i was too old then, at 37 coming up to 38 - but the doctor said I`d got years left! Although now I am 40 nearly 41 i know that more things can go wrong, but i so need to try.

MISS MITCH - I don`t go on any other forums, this is the only one I go on.

DH is coming to see Doctor with me tomorrow as i think there are things he wants to ask, I`m hoping then he may feel happier about TTC!

 

[WILSMUM]

I have an almost 7 year old from my first marriage and then from my current marriage I had an early mc in march 09 and then had a healthy baby girl in Nov 10 and then a 2nd tri mc in march 12, so similar to you although i'm a few years younger, so dh and I know we can have a healthy child together and the Drs have all said we have no reason to wait physically.

I hope you get some answers and the Dr can put yr Dhs mindat rest at the Drs tomorrow

 

[dancareoi]

I have an almost 7 year old from my first marriage and then from my current marriage I had an early mc in march 09 and then had a healthy baby girl in Nov 10 and then a 2nd tri mc in march 12, so similar to you although i'm a few years younger, so dh and I know we can have a healthy child together and the Drs have all said we have no reason to wait physically.

I hope you get some answers and the Dr can put yr Dhs mindat rest at the Drs tomorrow

Didn`t go as planned at docs, so feeling pretty crap again today.

Doctor says we really should wait to see this Professor. On the face of it she says there is no obvious reason why this happened, but DH is still not convinced.

Doc gave me number to cahse up appoinment, i phoned them and our appoinment is not until 2nd may, can`t believe we have to wait another 6 weeks before we get anywhere near to sorting something out.

I am feeling so sad again, i was clinging to the hope we could try next month, but that won`t happen now. have to wait in this shitty limbo for at least another 6 weeks, I am so upset by this, I don`t want to wait.

DH thinks I am blaming him cos I keep snapping at him. I know its not his fault, he is only trying to do whats best, but i feel resenment towards him because he is the one who is prolonging the agony (i know he is doing it for the right reasons, but it is making me feel so much worse.

I just wish he would say yes and we could just see what happens. I know it could happen again, but the odds are in our favour.

i am so depressed about all of this, it`s been the 10 worse weeks of my lifew and it`s not going to get better anytime soon.

sorry to go, but i feel so shit.

 

[WILSMUM]

oh hun bless you.

have you tried sitting down and explaining exactly how you feel to yr DH? Also obv the longer you wait the older you'll be and then again the higher the risks.

I do know how you feel when I had the early mc in 2009 after Dh and I had been ttc for 15 months he was adament that that was it and he didn;t want to ttc again, i took it as a positive that it showed that we could conceive a child together but he was dead against trying again as it had been soo stressful. It was awful and it really put a lot of pressure and strain on our relationship, it took a few weeks but he did eventually come round to my way of thinking and now we have a gorgeous daughter. And he's really surprised me after this MC in saying almost straight away that he wants to try again, I really thought he wouldn't want to!

Have you tried mayb suggesting that you ntnp?

 

[dancareoi]

oh hun bless you.

have you tried sitting down and explaining exactly how you feel to yr DH? Also obv the longer you wait the older you'll be and then again the higher the risks.

I do know how you feel when I had the early mc in 2009 after Dh and I had been ttc for 15 months he was adament that that was it and he didn;t want to ttc again, i took it as a positive that it showed that we could conceive a child together but he was dead against trying again as it had been soo stressful. It was awful and it really put a lot of pressure and strain on our relationship, it took a few weeks but he did eventually come round to my way of thinking and now we have a gorgeous daughter. And he's really surprised me after this MC in saying almost straight away that he wants to try again, I really thought he wouldn't want to!

Have you tried mayb suggesting that you ntnp?

He wouldn`t go for NTNP - the one we just lost was an accident and i was on the pill!!

touch wood, we have never had trouble conceiving, he only has to blink and i am pregnant, so NTNP would result in a PG.

I did say to doc about age, but she thinks it would be a good idea to see this professor . I googled the professor earlier, actually a lady, Professor Quenby, who specialises in recurrent miscarriages and is supposed to be very good, however, we have not had a problem with recurrant miscarriage. It also seems that the results from any tests would take 3-6 weeks, so we could be still waiting another 3 months without any answers.

i just can`t bear it any more, I am a state now and waiting another 3 months is going to make me worse.

I just want to TTC and accept the risks. If i do mmc again i will be devasted, but then i would be prepared to see the professor, because then it would be recurrant. I just think it was bad luck this time.

Sorry to go on, but I don`t really have anyone to talk to. i could talk to my mom, but I don`t want to upset her.

 

[WILSMUM]

don't worry hun its not a problem - thats what we're all here for!

have they given you a reason as to why they want you to see this professor?

They said to us at the hospital that it is one of those things, sometimes things just don't go/develop right and its more common than you think. And the likelihood of it happening again with you like me as we have had successful pregnancies is slim.
I guess all you can do is explain how you feel to yr DH and why you feel you need to ttc again and explain that yes there is the possibility that it could happen again but as you already haev children together the likelihood is small. and hope that he comes round and sees it from yr point of view.

has anyone said anything about the affects the pill could have had that you took before you realised you were preg? I know it says that if you suspect yr preg then you should stop taking the pill immediately.

 

[dancareoi]

don't worry hun its not a problem - thats what we're all here for!

have they given you a reason as to why they want you to see this professor?

They said to us at the hospital that it is one of those things, sometimes things just don't go/develop right and its more common than you think. And the likelihood of it happening again with you like me as we have had successful pregnancies is slim.
I guess all you can do is explain how you feel to yr DH and why you feel you need to ttc again and explain that yes there is the possibility that it could happen again but as you already haev children together the likelihood is small. and hope that he comes round and sees it from yr point of view.

has anyone said anything about the affects the pill could have had that you took before you realised you were preg? I know it says that if you suspect yr preg then you should stop taking the pill immediately.

Hi, I believe it was just bad luck adn the chances of it happening again are slim.

I sent an email to the professor, not thinking i would get a reply, giving her a brief history of my age, pregnancies, births and MMC - she replied back - her advice was -`keep trying and i will explain everything when you come to see me`

the fact she thinks to try again suggests to me she doesn`t see an underlying problem - showed DH email and had another long chat. He still wants to see her before making any decisions- so will have to wait at least another 6 weeks before we sort anything.

I was actually on the mini pill - came off combined pill at age 35 as i kept suffering from migraines with aura - i was then put on mini pill in 2008 - stayed on it for about 2 months before coming off it again.
Last year i went back on it in april and got PG in october - doctor didn`t mention this in her thoughts of why it went wrong, so I assume it was not an issue.

She has suggested seeing professor as DH is so unsure of what we should do. She believes seeing this professor may answer some of our questions about how likely it would be to have another problem - i suppose if something major was found, we would at least be able to try and fix it rather than getting pg and it going wrong.


I`m just going to have to limp from day to day as best I can.

How are you doing following your loss?