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The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread
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wiiwidow
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Do you know what, "giving up" to me indicates a fight or a battle was being fought and that we failed or lost and therefore gave up. The thing is breast feeding should not be a battle or a fight it should be a joyful and enjoyable situation for you and your baby. If its not then why should we beat ourselves up about it and let others make us feel bad and guilty.
I wasted too much of my little boys first few months in pain and stressing about it, then many more months feeling guilty for not fighting and battling to keep going. I was the only one in my NCT group who stopped and every time I went to a meet up it was hell. But it was my own hell of my own making and I do regret that. I don't regret stopping bf because it was killing me but I do regret wasting so much time and effort on stressing about not bfing. We made the right decision girls for us and our own specific situations. Be proud of yourself for trying and then realising it was best for you both to stop. It's not giving up its just one of the many many difficult decisions we will have to make for the next however many years. Xx
I wasted too much of my little boys first few months in pain and stressing about it, then many more months feeling guilty for not fighting and battling to keep going. I was the only one in my NCT group who stopped and every time I went to a meet up it was hell. But it was my own hell of my own making and I do regret that. I don't regret stopping bf because it was killing me but I do regret wasting so much time and effort on stressing about not bfing. We made the right decision girls for us and our own specific situations. Be proud of yourself for trying and then realising it was best for you both to stop. It's not giving up its just one of the many many difficult decisions we will have to make for the next however many years. Xx
mommalove
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hello everyone 
i am new here and it would be great if you guys can help me out.
my baby is 6 months old....we didnt plan her (gift from Almighty
) and after she was born i breastfed her...i was soo determined to do it even though she didnt latch on one breast due to flat nipples so i continued breastfeeding with one breast and still breastfeed her with just my left breast, 2 months after she was born i had my exams (i am a med student) so i introduced formula and she used to take around 3oz when i was away....from past 2 months i am at home 24*7 with her and breastfeed her on demand and she nurses for anywhere between 5mins-1hour and half an later is again hungry and i nurse her again! and she is again hungry so i give her a bottle and she completely finishes a 3oz bottle but from the past month she has started crying on my breast and pulls away and takes around 5oz bottle even after nursing for one hour straight...i dont know what to do! am i not producing enough!?! am i overfeeding her!? i have to start her on solids now and i have no idea about her milk intake....she still nurses 8-12 times in a 24hour period wakes up 4-5 times at night! takes around 8-10oz formula. i am going crazy thinking what to do! i want to quit breastfeeding but cant get myself to actually do it 
this thread seems so helpfull! i know not breastfeeding will be good for everyone coz then i can start my internship, i will be more relaxed looking after her and wont irritate my husband!!
i was A LOT stressed during my exams and till my results came out and that can cause low milk supply....but everyone says low milk supply is a myth! gosh! i dont know what to do
i am new here and it would be great if you guys can help me out.
my baby is 6 months old....we didnt plan her (gift from Almighty
) and after she was born i breastfed her...i was soo determined to do it even though she didnt latch on one breast due to flat nipples so i continued breastfeeding with one breast and still breastfeed her with just my left breast, 2 months after she was born i had my exams (i am a med student) so i introduced formula and she used to take around 3oz when i was away....from past 2 months i am at home 24*7 with her and breastfeed her on demand and she nurses for anywhere between 5mins-1hour and half an later is again hungry and i nurse her again! and she is again hungry so i give her a bottle and she completely finishes a 3oz bottle but from the past month she has started crying on my breast and pulls away and takes around 5oz bottle even after nursing for one hour straight...i dont know what to do! am i not producing enough!?! am i overfeeding her!? i have to start her on solids now and i have no idea about her milk intake....she still nurses 8-12 times in a 24hour period wakes up 4-5 times at night! takes around 8-10oz formula. i am going crazy thinking what to do! i want to quit breastfeeding but cant get myself to actually do it this thread seems so helpfull! i know not breastfeeding will be good for everyone coz then i can start my internship, i will be more relaxed looking after her and wont irritate my husband!!
i was A LOT stressed during my exams and till my results came out and that can cause low milk supply....but everyone says low milk supply is a myth! gosh! i dont know what to do
vintage67
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Low milk supply is certainly not a myth! And stressing about low supply only adds to it!
I'm sure it will be very hard to emotionally let go of the breastfeeding relationship you worked so hard to achieve. However, in light of your current situation and stress level, you could try larger bottles of formula during the day and allow the baby to "comfort nurse" at bedtime even if you aren't producing much if you are worried about losing the bond you have created.
Congratulations on making it this far in your BF'ing and best wishes.
I'm sure it will be very hard to emotionally let go of the breastfeeding relationship you worked so hard to achieve. However, in light of your current situation and stress level, you could try larger bottles of formula during the day and allow the baby to "comfort nurse" at bedtime even if you aren't producing much if you are worried about losing the bond you have created.
Congratulations on making it this far in your BF'ing and best wishes.
hello everyone
i am new here and it would be great if you guys can help me out.
my baby is 6 months old....we didnt plan her (gift from Almighty
this thread seems so helpfull! i know not breastfeeding will be good for everyone coz then i can start my internship, i will be more relaxed looking after her and wont irritate my husband!!
i was A LOT stressed during my exams and till my results came out and that can cause low milk supply....but everyone says low milk supply is a myth! gosh! i dont know what to do
It's not a myth. I've combi-fed my wee girl for nearly 5 months now because despite trying everything- supplements, pumping every two hours, nursing constantly 24 hours a day for a week at a time- my supply has never fully met her demand. Whether its been due to stress, being separated because she was in neonates, her attachment issues and my pregnancy health issues and post pregnancy dip in mood I'll never know. I've worked hard to get this far- and have felt like giving up a million times!
I'm a medical SHO and I feel horrendously guilty for not being able to follow the recommendations that my peers suggest. But at the end of the day my daughter is happy and thriving. I'm currently having to wean her to FF during the day as I go back to work in 2 weeks and won't be able to express at work. I'm going to try and keep a morning and night feed going.
At the end of the day you've done brilliantly. How many people who start off Bf are still there at 6 months? Even as part of a combi-feeding routine? I had one of the local sure start girls say this to me the other day at a weaning course when we were chatting about feeding her. I had the oldest baby in the room and she's the only one still being Bf. So well done you! Good luck with the start of work- it's an amazing career but it does get a bit crazy. But coming home to family and your lovely LO makes it all worthwhile!
Xxoo
Ok so I thought I was doing well and then someone posted on a breastfeeding group I joined when I was pregnant and naive
I think we should collectively make a pact not to loiter on bf websites any more. It seems to be our downfall!
Maybe think of it this way. When the wee one is primary one in the nativity play as the shepherd and they get their one line right, then turn round and wave madly at you will they have done well because a- you bf them or b- you made their costume out of your best tea towel and table cloth, because you've practiced their lines with them on the bus/ over dinner/ in bed for the last month, and because you love, feed healthily and take care of your child in such a way that they're secure and loved?
You're a great mum. If you don't believe me wander in to their room right now and have a look at the amazing little person you're moulding.
Hope you feel better.
Xxoo
andella95
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Someone posted earlier in this thread that saying all women can bf and have adequate milk supply is like saying that all women can easily get pregnant. That's how I look at it.
I know that a lot of people who have been able to breastfeed will say that the reason we have trouble is due to things such as lack of support, but honestly, I had the most amazing support in the world. I just couldn't do it. I'm much, much better now!
I know that a lot of people who have been able to breastfeed will say that the reason we have trouble is due to things such as lack of support, but honestly, I had the most amazing support in the world. I just couldn't do it. I'm much, much better now!
MrsPOP
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Had a weird moment today.
Having some skin to skin with my daughter and she actually 'latched on' ( more like she's teething and will bite/suck anything, she likes nomming on my shoulder normally :haha).
I know it wasn't a milk thing although I have only *just* dried up but boy I wish it was. It was so odd seeing her 'on the breast' as it were and reminded me of the handful of feeds we had when she was first born where she was happy and wasnt screaming in distress. I felt really sad, it felt like she belonged there and we had missed out on something beautiful.
But then she smacked me in the face and played peekaboo with me and I realised it really doesn't matter anymore
Having some skin to skin with my daughter and she actually 'latched on' ( more like she's teething and will bite/suck anything, she likes nomming on my shoulder normally :haha).
I know it wasn't a milk thing although I have only *just* dried up but boy I wish it was. It was so odd seeing her 'on the breast' as it were and reminded me of the handful of feeds we had when she was first born where she was happy and wasnt screaming in distress. I felt really sad, it felt like she belonged there and we had missed out on something beautiful.
But then she smacked me in the face and played peekaboo with me and I realised it really doesn't matter anymore
When I was pregnant I knew I was going to 'give bf a go'
I always told myself that I wouldn't be bothered if it didn't work out. However nothing could prepare me for the guilt that I felt when I had to stop.
In the hospital all was perfect. My lo latched on well, fed for a good amount of time and was overall very content. However that changed when she got home. She was feeding for about an hour only to want feeding again 20 minutes later. The nights were hard and I was exhausted. After 5 and a half days or barley any sleep I decided I couldn't do it anymore. My OH gave her her first bottle and I sat and cried all the way through it. My LO loved the breast and I felt like I was robbing her of something she loved that was good for her.
More guilt came the next day when LO was getting weighed. She had lost no weight and the MW said my breast milk was obviously really good. I felt so bad inside knowing that I had stopped earlier that day.
The next day I noticed my LO's tongue was very white and when I took her to the doctors he said she had bad thrush. She was very sympathetic and said this is why I was finding BF so hard. LO had passed it onto my nipples making me very sore.
My LO has been on formula for just over a week now and she loves it. I still feel guilty when I see all my breastmilk leaking out. I feel like I have 'failed' but I couldn't continue with the pain.
This thread has made me realise that not everyone can BF and there's a reason formula is made. It is not the devil and we are not harming our babies by giving them it! I know it's going to take some time before I don't feel guilty, but I'm getting there!!
I always told myself that I wouldn't be bothered if it didn't work out. However nothing could prepare me for the guilt that I felt when I had to stop.
In the hospital all was perfect. My lo latched on well, fed for a good amount of time and was overall very content. However that changed when she got home. She was feeding for about an hour only to want feeding again 20 minutes later. The nights were hard and I was exhausted. After 5 and a half days or barley any sleep I decided I couldn't do it anymore. My OH gave her her first bottle and I sat and cried all the way through it. My LO loved the breast and I felt like I was robbing her of something she loved that was good for her.
More guilt came the next day when LO was getting weighed. She had lost no weight and the MW said my breast milk was obviously really good. I felt so bad inside knowing that I had stopped earlier that day.
The next day I noticed my LO's tongue was very white and when I took her to the doctors he said she had bad thrush. She was very sympathetic and said this is why I was finding BF so hard. LO had passed it onto my nipples making me very sore.
My LO has been on formula for just over a week now and she loves it. I still feel guilty when I see all my breastmilk leaking out. I feel like I have 'failed' but I couldn't continue with the pain.
This thread has made me realise that not everyone can BF and there's a reason formula is made. It is not the devil and we are not harming our babies by giving them it! I know it's going to take some time before I don't feel guilty, but I'm getting there!!
Kage76
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But then she smacked me in the face and played peekaboo with me and I realised it really doesn't matter anymore
maybe it was her way of saying "snap out of it mum im doing fine!"
Kage76
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I am going crazy but still cant quit!!
If only oyr babies could say 'its ok mamma u can let it go'
The hardest thing for me was choosing "the time" to stop. I was always going to do one more pumping session one more attempt to put her on the breast. Its hard... so hard.. to let it go. At first i felt like i had failed- but the more I wasn't breastfeeding the better I was coping with a newborn, I felt like i was pretending that it was ok- and then after a little while I actually accepted it. Nothing bad happened when she was on formula alone-the sky didn't fall in- she still breathed and did what all newborns did- what did change (eventually) was that i forgave myself.
Well I think my plan of keeping a morning and evening feed are not going to happen My supply in the last week has dropped- partially because of the drop in feeds and partially because of a horrific case of D and V. Emily has tried to nurse for comfort but has no patience when she's hungry. I've gone from pumping 1/2 to 1 ounce at least to a dribble in the bottles. And I feel awful from the D and V. She's also developed lactose intolerance and has had loose stools for 3 weeks so we've had to get prescription formula- and I can't remove the lactose from my breast milk
I'm not very good at making final decisions but I think making a firm decision on this is probably for the best. I'm going back to work in 11 days. Emy's days off being five months old.
It makes me really really sad but do you know what? I'm really really proud of myself. I breast fed my daughter for 5 months- that's more than most. The number of times I could have given up, the number of times I've cried about it, the way I've felt about myself for it- but I have done my very best for my little girl. And I am really really lucky- she's healthy, clever and gorgeous!
So next positive step, healthy eating and exercise. I think she's about ready for weaning so after our trip home next weekend I'm going to introduce my little girl to healthy eating. And we're going to try swimming again and buy an attachment for her to sit in for my bike. We went a good mile walk to the park and another mile back (and had a shot on the swings!)
And the next baby- if I'm lucky enough to have one- we'll try again! Maybe knowing about the possibility of jaundice next time means next baby won't be so ill so will be able to feed and won't need to be NG fed. I'll know more about BF so it'll have more chance of working.
(PS The fact that we care and tried shows we are good mums. That and the look on Emy's face when I walk into the room or sing "Ally Bally Bee" for her!)
Thanks for all the help girls! I'm sticking around but I want you to know it means a lot!
xxoo
My supply in the last week has dropped- partially because of the drop in feeds and partially because of a horrific case of D and V. Emily has tried to nurse for comfort but has no patience when she's hungry. I've gone from pumping 1/2 to 1 ounce at least to a dribble in the bottles. And I feel awful from the D and V. She's also developed lactose intolerance and has had loose stools for 3 weeks so we've had to get prescription formula- and I can't remove the lactose from my breast milk I'm not very good at making final decisions but I think making a firm decision on this is probably for the best. I'm going back to work in 11 days. Emy's days off being five months old.
It makes me really really sad
but do you know what? I'm really really proud of myself. I breast fed my daughter for 5 months- that's more than most. The number of times I could have given up, the number of times I've cried about it, the way I've felt about myself for it- but I have done my very best for my little girl. And I am really really lucky- she's healthy, clever and gorgeous!So next positive step, healthy eating and exercise. I think she's about ready for weaning so after our trip home next weekend I'm going to introduce my little girl to healthy eating. And we're going to try swimming again and buy an attachment for her to sit in for my bike. We went a good mile walk to the park and another mile back (and had a shot on the swings!)
And the next baby- if I'm lucky enough to have one- we'll try again! Maybe knowing about the possibility of jaundice next time means next baby won't be so ill so will be able to feed and won't need to be NG fed. I'll know more about BF so it'll have more chance of working.
(PS The fact that we care and tried shows we are good mums. That and the look on Emy's face when I walk into the room or sing "Ally Bally Bee" for her!)
Thanks for all the help girls! I'm sticking around but I want you to know it means a lot!
xxoo
mommalove
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I am in so love with this thread!!
The thing i hate the most is when some one posts something on internet and at the end attach a tagline saying "proud bfeeding momma of ** months old"
I mean...!? I know they may be not trying to be mean but it irritates me a lot!!
'I went through so n so pain, u can too' ....everyone has diff threshold levels!!
'low milk supply is a myth' .....tell that to the weighing scale
'you didn't try hard'.....well of course you know it all
'you are just being lazy' ...yeah i love to boil bottles, sterilise them, prepare water for feeds and then feed my baby
'you r being selfish' ....and again you sure know it all!
'you should pump at work'.... Everyone's not that lucky!!
Anyways everyone should be proud that they are feeding and loving their babies!!!
The thing i hate the most is when some one posts something on internet and at the end attach a tagline saying "proud bfeeding momma of ** months old"
I mean...!? I know they may be not trying to be mean but it irritates me a lot!!
'I went through so n so pain, u can too' ....everyone has diff threshold levels!!
'low milk supply is a myth' .....tell that to the weighing scale
'you didn't try hard'.....well of course you know it all
'you are just being lazy' ...yeah i love to boil bottles, sterilise them, prepare water for feeds and then feed my baby
'you r being selfish' ....and again you sure know it all!
'you should pump at work'.... Everyone's not that lucky!!
Anyways everyone should be proud that they are feeding and loving their babies!!!
mommalove
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Actually what others say has never bothered me but now that my bfeeding is going soooo bad and me stalking bfeeding forums is just making me crazy 
Anyhoo just a small update from myside: i stopped bfeeding LO during day, and she is as happy as she can be....poops regularly and no straining green poops once a week (when i said HV she is pooping regular yellow poops she said..."i told you it would get better and i said "yeah i stopped day feeds")
I dont feel engorged or anything, anyways i dont know if i should coz i still feed her at night.
I really want to continue the night feeds at least (i dream by her first birthday she will be completely replace formula with solids and take 1 or 2 milk feeds from and i will continue that till she turns 2! Lol!!) but if i cant i really dont care...i will use my energy on something useful instead
Anyhoo just a small update from myside: i stopped bfeeding LO during day, and she is as happy as she can be....poops regularly and no straining green poops once a week (when i said HV she is pooping regular yellow poops she said..."i told you it would get better and i said "yeah i stopped day feeds"
)I dont feel engorged or anything, anyways i dont know if i should coz i still feed her at night.
I really want to continue the night feeds at least (i dream by her first birthday she will be completely replace formula with solids and take 1 or 2 milk feeds from and i will continue that till she turns 2! Lol!!) but if i cant i really dont care...i will use my energy on something useful instead
