The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[andella95]

I've never had leakage, but it's still there when I squeeze. I shouldn't do that. Makes me sad.

 

[Frooty]

What about size of boobs mine are quite on the small side does that matter? With my next baby i do want to try it again

 

[MrsPOP]

I don't think breast size means anything tbh, same with nipple size. I have large breasts but they never got bigger during pregnancy though which I thought was weird. I did produce milk though, just my LO didn't want to latch for some reason.

 

[queenlavera]

Mine are pretty big - GG, they never got bigger during pregnancy and after never engorged or full, I definitely had supply issues. While trying to BF LO (who was a super sleepy feeder no matter what I did) I would hear swallowing very few and far in between. Then when I started pumping because my bm would tear up his stomach with gas, I would get less than half an ounce total. It was really awful sitting on the pump for 20-30 minutes to get drops. Ugh don't miss that!

 

[Kage76]

having been blessed with "cups that runneth over" it was one of my major issues when trying to BF that these big boobs of mine just couldn't cough up the goods. I assumed all my life that because i had big boobs that i was destined to BF. They in my opinion just made it harder- issues of flat nipples, baby getting suffocated by boob, hold and latch i think (in my case) would have been easier if i were an average size. I felt betrayed by them that they would not do what they were supposed to. I still have issues with them, because they were manhanded so much and i pumped and tried to get my baby to latch in front of countless midwives they have sort of become "functional" in my eyes. It was (and sometime still is) really hard for me to let my DH touch them because of this- im getting better - but i don't have the same relationship with "the girls" as i did before i had Sophie. I'm really glad im not the only lady with larger boobs to have issues.

 

[vintage67]

I feel the same way as so many of you ladies; "betrayed by my boobs." When I was dealing with it with my first son, I'm going to admit that once in a very dark moment I actually punched them several times.

I have never liked my breasts very much and after they "failed" me, I really hated them. It got a little better but all got reawakened with this baby.
I still don't like them. They have never been very "sensitive", and in light of all this, just seem like worthless "blobs of fat" now!

When I was in the hospital for the post partum staph infection, I was trying to pump but I was so sick. Thre was one very pro-breastfeeding nurse that knew I was upset about being seperated from my baby for so long. I had a pump in the room but was often too sick to use it, and my fevers were often over 103. She tried to stick the pump on me one night when I was out of my mind with fever. Maybe her heart was in the right place, but it's one of those incidents I look back on now with a clear head and think, "did that really happen?"

 

[MrsPOP]

She really did that? Jeez what a douchebag nurse!!!

 

[andella95]

I'd feel violated!

 

[mommalove]

in india, in most cultures breastfeeding is considered very...umm...holy? and without LC and midwives people just become a pro at breastfeeding because its such a norm there...and new mums get so much help, in some cultures the mom wont do ANY work at all for 40 days, quite a long time for breastfeeding to establish rite? and there's this famous dialogue when men fight " if you have drank your mother's milk don't be a coward and come and fight like a real man"
and talk about ''breastfeeding in public'', i have seen people breastfeeding on bikes!!! they are not anti formula feeding at all, consider it great actually but only for those who can't breastfeed...

anyways i am going india in a months time and its sure gonna break my heart seeing people breastfeed

 

[queenlavera]

having been blessed with "cups that runneth over" it was one of my major issues when trying to BF that these big boobs of mine just couldn't cough up the goods. I assumed all my life that because i had big boobs that i was destined to BF. They in my opinion just made it harder- issues of flat nipples, baby getting suffocated by boob, hold and latch i think (in my case) would have been easier if i were an average size. I felt betrayed by them that they would not do what they were supposed to. I still have issues with them, because they were manhanded so much and i pumped and tried to get my baby to latch in front of countless midwives they have sort of become "functional" in my eyes. It was (and sometime still is) really hard for me to let my DH touch them because of this- im getting better - but i don't have the same relationship with "the girls" as i did before i had Sophie. I'm really glad im not the only lady with larger boobs to have issues.

I also have issues with DH touching them, I feel like they were not able to do their main purpose and now it just feels funny for him to touch them. Which really is causing arguments because he loves my boobs, hell I loved my boobs until they 'failed' me.

Whats kinda funny and a little sad is that my son still opens his mouth super wide for the bottle, like he was trying to get my big ole boob in his mouth.

 

[vintage67]

I so symptathize! It really can affect your attitude towards your breasts!

 

[mommalove]

having been blessed with "cups that runneth over" it was one of my major issues when trying to BF that these big boobs of mine just couldn't cough up the goods. I assumed all my life that because i had big boobs that i was destined to BF. They in my opinion just made it harder- issues of flat nipples, baby getting suffocated by boob, hold and latch i think (in my case) would have been easier if i were an average size. I felt betrayed by them that they would not do what they were supposed to. I still have issues with them, because they were manhanded so much and i pumped and tried to get my baby to latch in front of countless midwives they have sort of become "functional" in my eyes. It was (and sometime still is) really hard for me to let my DH touch them because of this- im getting better - but i don't have the same relationship with "the girls" as i did before i had Sophie. I'm really glad im not the only lady with larger boobs to have issues.

I also have issues with DH touching them, I feel like they were not able to do their main purpose and now it just feels funny for him to touch them. Which really is causing arguments because he loves my boobs, hell I loved my boobs until they 'failed' me.

Whats kinda funny and a little sad is that my son still opens his mouth super wide for the bottle, like he was trying to get my big ole boob in his mouth.

i feel the exact same! i feel they are just a lump of function-less mass attached to my body!!

 

[eagermom]

LO is 5 and a half months now.. had been breastfeeding till now. i internally always felt that i had a very low supply but lo was happy... but she was ready to feed all the time.. always.. not just the cluster feeding days/weeks...

well i also had latching problem in first few days which is quite normal but this led to a cut on my left nipple (which cut almost half of the nipple) and was not able to feed her from left side until one and a half month. then i read of some APNO and this helped me a lot. and was feeding her from both sides then. but the supply on left BB never went up.. so was on one side only most of the time. this turned to a sagging boob on one side than other..

yesterday whole day she did not want to breastfeed. she woke up at 8:15am. and nap from 9:35am to 10:39am. had her cereals with EBM at 10:45am and nap from 12:00pm to 12:30pm woke up... nap from 2:15pm to 3:45 pm... (no bf till except for 5 mins in total between naps. )

was sleepy since 5 pm but did not want to bf.. at 7pm i was so tired trying to put her to nap(her bed time is 10pm) tried FF and whew.... 4oz were down in just 5 mins.. and she nap for 45 mins... up again.. poop at 9:00pm bath, bottle(FF-4oz) and bed.. then she did BF twice in the night..

but from today onwards m FFing her.. just if anyone can help me how much oz per serving and how many servings a day she needs??? she has 2 meals a day. cereals in breakfast and veggies in dinner sometimes fruit in the evening.

 

[MrsPOP]

IIRC my LO was on 4 bottles a day at 5 months and she was having between 6-8oz I think but it's hard to remember when she dropped to 3 bottles. In the UK the formula cans normally have a guide to how much a baby should have for how old they are.

Easiest way is to make up a certain amount and let your baby guide you with how much they want

 

[buddyIV]

having been blessed with "cups that runneth over" it was one of my major issues when trying to BF that these big boobs of mine just couldn't cough up the goods. I assumed all my life that because i had big boobs that i was destined to BF. They in my opinion just made it harder- issues of flat nipples, baby getting suffocated by boob, hold and latch i think (in my case) would have been easier if i were an average size. I felt betrayed by them that they would not do what they were supposed to. I still have issues with them, because they were manhanded so much and i pumped and tried to get my baby to latch in front of countless midwives they have sort of become "functional" in my eyes. It was (and sometime still is) really hard for me to let my DH touch them because of this- im getting better - but i don't have the same relationship with "the girls" as i did before i had Sophie. I'm really glad im not the only lady with larger boobs to have issues.

I also have issues with DH touching them, I feel like they were not able to do their main purpose and now it just feels funny for him to touch them. Which really is causing arguments because he loves my boobs, hell I loved my boobs until they 'failed' me.

Whats kinda funny and a little sad is that my son still opens his mouth super wide for the bottle, like he was trying to get my big ole boob in his mouth.

i feel the exact same! i feel they are just a lump of function-less mass attached to my body!!

Ditto! I never really liked my boobs before having LO, but always figured they'd serve their purpose when the time came. Then after months of torture, I hated them more than I ever thought possible. I found myself punching them too, as if they weren't a part of me...they certainly weren't doing what my brain was telling them to do! I still barely look at them, and certainly don't let OH touch them. Yikes. That all sounds pretty bad written down like that!

Overall I don't mind my body since having LO; I'm the same size in clothes, but a different shape. I do absolutely loath my boobs though

 

[andella95]

Headed to the doctor right now with Breanna...I'm still certain that she just can't tolerate regular (or even sensitive) formula. I'm pretty sure this will just be a waste of time, but I have to at least find out.

 

[jojo2012]

IIRC my LO was on 4 bottles a day at 5 months and she was having between 6-8oz I think but it's hard to remember when she dropped to 3 bottles. In the UK the formula cans normally have a guide to how much a baby should have for how old they are.

Easiest way is to make up a certain amount and let your baby guide you with how much they want

Emily is currently having 5 or 6 (mostly 6) 7oz bottles a day! Even now I've stopped BF her and started her on solids she's still eating for Britain. She's had 6 feeds already today, some carrot and parsnip purée at dinner and I'm fairly sure looking at how awake she is now she'll ask for a 7th.

Going back to work tomorrow . Really don't want to- especially seeing as they've put me on call for my first two shifts. I'll be out of the house by 8 and won't be back till after 10. I've never been away from her for that long before.

 

[queenlavera]

Headed to the doctor right now with Breanna...I'm still certain that she just can't tolerate regular (or even sensitive) formula. I'm pretty sure this will just be a waste of time, but I have to at least find out.

Hope you get some answers today. My LO is on the formula for protein allergy, Nutramigen or Alimentum - have you tried these yet?

 

[andella95]

Headed to the doctor right now with Breanna...I'm still certain that she just can't tolerate regular (or even sensitive) formula. I'm pretty sure this will just be a waste of time, but I have to at least find out.

Hope you get some answers today. My LO is on the formula for protein allergy, Nutramigen or Alimentum - have you tried these yet?

We're starting Alimentum today. He gave me three sample cans and said o let them know in a week. He said that he rarely recommends changing formula because it usually doesn't help, but that he feels Breanna is likely an exception to the rule.

As we're on Wic we have to get a doctor to verify that its necessary. I'm already worried though because she seems to hate it. She's pushing the bottle away and crying after only 3 oz.

ETA: I figured out why she was upset! Alimentum is thicker and slower and she was frustrated!!

 

[Kage76]

having been blessed with "cups that runneth over" it was one of my major issues when trying to BF that these big boobs of mine just couldn't cough up the goods. I assumed all my life that because i had big boobs that i was destined to BF. They in my opinion just made it harder- issues of flat nipples, baby getting suffocated by boob, hold and latch i think (in my case) would have been easier if i were an average size. I felt betrayed by them that they would not do what they were supposed to. I still have issues with them, because they were manhanded so much and i pumped and tried to get my baby to latch in front of countless midwives they have sort of become "functional" in my eyes. It was (and sometime still is) really hard for me to let my DH touch them because of this- im getting better - but i don't have the same relationship with "the girls" as i did before i had Sophie. I'm really glad im not the only lady with larger boobs to have issues.

I also have issues with DH touching them, I feel like they were not able to do their main purpose and now it just feels funny for him to touch them. Which really is causing arguments because he loves my boobs, hell I loved my boobs until they 'failed' me.

Whats kinda funny and a little sad is that my son still opens his mouth super wide for the bottle, like he was trying to get my big ole boob in his mouth.

i feel the exact same! i feel they are just a lump of function-less mass attached to my body!!

Ditto! I never really liked my boobs before having LO, but always figured they'd serve their purpose when the time came. Then after months of torture, I hated them more than I ever thought possible. I found myself punching them too, as if they weren't a part of me...they certainly weren't doing what my brain was telling them to do! I still barely look at them, and certainly don't let OH touch them. Yikes. That all sounds pretty bad written down like that!

Overall I don't mind my body since having LO; I'm the same size in clothes, but a different shape. I do absolutely loath my boobs though

I can't tell you how relieved i am to hear that im not the only one. I tried to explain it to DH but he just thinks they are still beautiful as they were before i gave birth. And i dont want him to think its that i dont want *him* to touch me- its not the case at all- he just been caught in the crossfire.