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The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

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Eala please don't feel that you can't post because you are BFing your little un. I for one am delighted it has worked for you this time :hugs:
 
I'll second that Eala! Very happy things are going much better for you this time! Congratulations and continued success!
 
I know that sadness at not being able to breastfeed is as emotional issue not just a rational one, but this might help on the rational side: I've been looking at a couple of scientific papers (im a researcher by trade), & the link tobreastfeeding & IQ is not as strongly proven as one might think-studies are limited & it appears that bf-ing might be a relationship factor not causal factor to a higher IQ (if you are educated then you are more likely to opt to try to breastfeed, but you are also more likely to make better nutritional choices when baby weans, to have more books and interactive toys in the house, etc, ll of which contribute to IQ),

I personally wasnt breastfed but I am in Mensa and have a doctorate - my partner is a big strapping guy who also has a doctorate and hewas combi fed for 3 minths then FF (hes also stillsuperclose to his mommy!) - and we both hardly ever get sick, so FF must also have its merits!
 
Ps apologies for typo's, I am 1 hand typing & burping baby over shoulder with the other hand, not an expert at that yet!
 
Henrysmama said:
Ps apologies for typo's, I am 1 hand typing & burping baby over shoulder with the other hand, not an expert at that yet!
Click to expand...

I so understand that one!

When Breanna gets tired, she still buries her little face in me...and starts rooting and trying to suck on my arm. :cry:

When I feed her, I still hold her close to me and she nuzzles her little face right down on my breasts. My husband holds her at arms length and tries to make her sit completely upright the entire time he feeds her. I tell him that it's okay, she doesn't have reflux and she's not going to fall asleep if he snuggles her, but he's struggling.

He'll get there. Eventually.
 
Eala said:
MrsPOP, that's awful that someone thought it was ok to post that kind of nonsense :( Seriously, a mother's love comes from her heart and soul, not from two sacks of glandular tissue attached to her chest :nope:

I actually ended up blocking quite a few people off my FB because of the endless BF'ing things like that. Somehow just de-friending them didn't seem enough :blush: And even though I'm BF'ing my second baby, I've no intention of un-blocking them. It's hard to describe this, but just because things have worked this time, I haven't forgotten the pain and horrible feelings I had after my first. Does that make sense? I also constantly worry about inadvertenly hurting someone the way I was so often hurt first time around - which is mainly why I haven't posted here in a while :blush:

When I was pregnant, I got given a whole bunch of DVDs by my midwife. One of them was a locally produced thing, which (as usual) preached the "Breast is best" message without being particularly forthcoming about what breastfeeding can really be like (or not be like, for a lot of women!). Anyway, they had this "video diary" segment, where they followed a new Mum's breastfeeding journey - it was supposed to be a "highs and lows" type thing. But they didn't pick any old Mum, nope, they picked a Mum of twins! Who already had at least 1 toddler (I forget now how many other kids she had). I mean, seriously, if that isn't subliminally shrieking "This Mum can do it, so you should be able to do as well, no excuses, she has 2 babies!" then I don't know what does. Utterly appalling.

Hugs to all :hugs:
Click to expand...

I feel the same hun, im terrified of hurting someones feelings the way i was hurt with my 4 previous children. Also I feel extra guilty because now i know that i could of bf my other 4 but at the time i genuinely thought i couldnt remedy the problems i had.
 
Well I wasnt BF, I have an IQ of 171 and am a medical Doctor. I always joke with my mum if I was BF I would have been the British Sheldon Cooper!!!!
 
Henrysmama said:
I know that sadness at not being able to breastfeed is as emotional issue not just a rational one, but this might help on the rational side: I've been looking at a couple of scientific papers (im a researcher by trade), & the link tobreastfeeding & IQ is not as strongly proven as one might think-studies are limited & it appears that bf-ing might be a relationship factor not causal factor to a higher IQ (if you are educated then you are more likely to opt to try to breastfeed, but you are also more likely to make better nutritional choices when baby weans, to have more books and interactive toys in the house, etc, ll of which contribute to IQ),

I personally wasnt breastfed but I am in Mensa and have a doctorate - my partner is a big strapping guy who also has a doctorate and hewas combi fed for 3 minths then FF (hes also stillsuperclose to his mommy!) - and we both hardly ever get sick, so FF must also have its merits!
Click to expand...

I strongly agree with this. You have to look at who actually partcipates in studies as well. They are often conducted by universities of course, and gather their participants from fliers on campus, or in shops that attract a "certain" type of parent anyway. The IQ thing always angers the most.
It is tossed about for some other parenting choices that do not even make sense!

I brought this up in the past somewhere once before, but if you surveyed prisoners to see if they were breast or bottle fed and got either result, what would that prove?
 
I actually do sing soft kitty to Alice when she goes to sleep!!!! It works like a charm! :haha:
 
I wonder whether I need to seek some help about my feelings over BF.

Basically I tried to speak to the lady who posted 'BF is real love' and she was very nice but then I ranted about a further thing (she had posted a petition wanting to ban formula advertising completely) because I feel BF advocacy can be misguided and should focus more on getting support in hospital than targeting Formula companies and she's basically told me we're no longer friends. I'm really upset about this, I don't want my feelings about my BF failure affecting my friendships but then I had to stand up for people like us, that's why I created this thread after all. It's a bloody crap situation to be and no-one cares about people like us but they should shouldn't they? Our feelings and experiences matter too? But no-one speaks about it. After all a friend of this friend told me she wishes people like us would stop talking about their experiences on the Internet because we're promoting FF???

Im really upset this has happened, I don't want to lose friends. I have many friends who BF and although I get a little kick of jealousy when I read about their BFing I'm mostly happy for them and am so glad they don't shove it down my throat but when I'm bombarded with BFing literature basically telling me all the things I feel inside for FF (that I'm a shit mum)...its just so hard to keep positive. :cry:
 
I can sympathize. It's getting worse all the time it seems. I wish I knew some of you ladies in real life!

Thank goodness for this thread!

Some of the talk about banning the advertisements is just infuriating. People angry because they use cute babies? Where do you get ugly babies? Angry because they film them on sunny days?

I guess they want a dark, bleak, black and white commericial with a dour baby straining to poop and and crying in a crib with mom smoking a cigarette
in another room on her phone with a voiceover, "Formula. When you just don't give a shit."

:growlmad:

Hope there was at least a touch of dark humour in that!:winkwink::haha:
 
And Mrs. Pop I don't honestly know who we would talk to because if we go to a female therapist how do we know she isn't judging us? I'm that
paranoid.

The therapist that I did speak with about this with my first son was a man.
I was depressed in general because of the breastfeeding and then a very beloved pet died suddenly and I also blamed myself for that. It was almost easier talking to a man. I remember him saying that in their psychology practice which was him and two female therapists, they get a lot of clients that suffer from "mommy guilt", ranging from formula to daycare to having to go back to work so soon.
 
Motherhood is an extreme sport I feel, plenty of guilt hurdles to jump over...I was always crap at hurdles in school though :dohh:
 
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