The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[Miss_Quirky]

That's unfortunate that they didn't check LT and TT sooner At my hospital they checked him immediately when he began refusing to latch. It was awful watching him be handled roughly by one of the nurses though, who was probably the rudest woman to ever become a nurse.

In all those BF classes they should explain all of the possible issues that can cause a baby to not latch, or you to not produce enough milk. I had no idea I would have a glandular issue.

 

[oceania]

I don't have a baby yet. We're WTT, probably atleast until 2013. That depends on my DH. My issue is that I already know that I won't be able to breastfeed due to a developmental disorder with my boobs (tubular hypoplasia). I've been reviewed by several doctors and they told me it's not gonna happen due to insufficient milk glands. I guess this should make me feel okay about formula feeding, but somehow I already feel like a failure though I dont have a baby and I know its not my fault or choice even. Im so sick of all the "breast is best" discussions and leaflets, finding support for women who CANT breastfeed seems really hard. Almost all baby books and maternity books dont cover that topic...its all about if you CHOOSE to formula feed...and before that there is a long discussion about the benefits of breastfeeding.

I try to think of the positives like my hubby will be able to help out more with the feeds and be involved from the beginning but I feel bad. I'm afraid of getting PND because of this. And afraid of horrible treatment at the hospital when I've given birth if they just dont get that I cant do it. Sheesh. Well atleast I have time to deal with this before we have a baby.

 

[vintage67]

I don't have a baby yet. We're WTT, probably atleast until 2013. That depends on my DH. My issue is that I already know that I won't be able to breastfeed due to a developmental disorder with my boobs (tubular hypoplasia). I've been reviewed by several doctors and they told me it's not gonna happen due to insufficient milk glands. I guess this should make me feel okay about formula feeding, but somehow I already feel like a failure though I dont have a baby and I know its not my fault or choice even. Im so sick of all the "breast is best" discussions and leaflets, finding support for women who CANT breastfeed seems really hard. Almost all baby books and maternity books dont cover that topic...its all about if you CHOOSE to formula feed...and before that there is a long discussion about the benefits of breastfeeding.

I try to think of the positives like my hubby will be able to help out more with the feeds and be involved from the beginning but I feel bad. I'm afraid of getting PND because of this. And afraid of horrible treatment at the hospital when I've given birth if they just dont get that I cant do it. Sheesh. Well atleast I have time to deal with this before we have a baby.

Welcome oceania! What a wonderful mother you are going to be! You're not even pregnant and you are already worried about this! Certainly more to motherhood than breastfeeding, though I know what you mean; the "mostly" well meaning messages out there can be very overwhelming and leave those of us who weren't able to do so feeling guilt, anger, depression, etc., which is time we should be spending enjoying our babies.


In many ways, you are fortunate to know ahead of time that you will have issues. Many women in this forum were so bombarded with how it would all come naturally and constantly reassured that they would be able to breastfeed that the issues they had were both grief inducing and a complete shock! Plenty of breasts of all shapes and sizes can run into issues when it comes to breastfeeding. I completely agree that it can be extremely difficult to convince some breastfeeding advocates that supply issues are real for some people.

Best of luck to you on your journey! Please don't let this spoil the journey ahead!

 

[OmarsMum]

I don't have a baby yet. We're WTT, probably atleast until 2013. That depends on my DH. My issue is that I already know that I won't be able to breastfeed due to a developmental disorder with my boobs (tubular hypoplasia). I've been reviewed by several doctors and they told me it's not gonna happen due to insufficient milk glands. I guess this should make me feel okay about formula feeding, but somehow I already feel like a failure though I dont have a baby and I know its not my fault or choice even. Im so sick of all the "breast is best" discussions and leaflets, finding support for women who CANT breastfeed seems really hard. Almost all baby books and maternity books dont cover that topic...its all about if you CHOOSE to formula feed...and before that there is a long discussion about the benefits of breastfeeding.

I try to think of the positives like my hubby will be able to help out more with the feeds and be involved from the beginning but I feel bad. I'm afraid of getting PND because of this. And afraid of horrible treatment at the hospital when I've given birth if they just dont get that I cant do it. Sheesh. Well atleast I have time to deal with this before we have a baby.

I never heard of your condition, but I googled it. Now I'm kind of sure I have it!

My breasts were tiny, & they are not rounded, they looked like empty sacks & they are far spaced from each other, my right breast is larger that my left breast, they didn't become larger or engorged during pregnancy or after giving birth, & I didn't get a drop of milk when I tried expressing. I also suffer from PCOS.

When I checked the pics online, many look like my breasts!

But my breasts shape changed after giving birth, they are a bit larger & fuller, & they look more normal but still not rounded.

I really wish I knew this earlier I thought that I didn't get milk because of the birth trauma & EMCS

 

[KendraNoell]

I have been reading this thread from start to finish over the last week and I have to say I feel a million times better about FF now that I read everyone's stories. My LO had a weak latch from the beginning and he was a little small (6lbs 12 oz) so we started with nipple shields right away. So frustrating. LO always knocking them off or them falling off when I would reposition him.

His suck was also so strong and he would get frustrated within a couple minutes of feeding. I didn't realize it at the time but my supply just sucked and he was chomping at the bit and wasn't getting anything out of it. I was slowly combi-feeding until the last week it has been strictly formula. Luckily I didn't have issues with his weight or anything but I knew that if it continued he wouldn't thrive with my lack of milk production. I had some serious depression issues the first week LO was here and I wasn't eating or taking care of myself which I think seriously affected my supply. The day after I quit BF entirely I was only slightly swollen for 24 hours and then that was it. I don't leak or anything so I guess it wasn't meant to be. But being able to have other people help with his feedings have made things so much easier for me and less stressful. And to see him happy on the bottle and looking into my eyes when he's eating I don't feel like the bond is any weaker than it would have been if we were BF'ing.

I have been very lucky that most of my family and friends support that I am FF and not BF. I have had a few dumb comments from people on Facebook about it but other than that I have had nothing but support and am very grateful.

 

[HellBunny]

I bf finley for 7 days, during this time i didn't bond with him at all, i didn't feel like a mum to him whatsoever, i'm so glad we changed to formula, i was terrified he wouldn't accept a bottle, i feel like his first week was ruined because i didn't enjoy him at all, i even wish i'd of gone straight to formula from the start.. am i the only one? Since he is on bottles i feel attatched to him, i love him the same as i do his brother, i look forward to him waking up, i enjoy giving him his bottle, he cluster feeds between midnight and 6am like he did at the breast but i don't care, i don't mind he has small amount every hour and a half, sometimes less or more before i had finley, i felt guilty for not breastfeeding jayden, and now i wonder why on earth i spent so many months feeling down because of it ok rant over

 

[Duejan2012]

Ladies, can i please say some things to get off my chest. I think i posted in this thread when jonathan was barley a week old how i felt like i was failing to feed him enough and bla bla bla. But for some reason the last few days have been just awful idk why but im feeling soo bad for not continueing to try to breast feed. I acually breast fed jonathan for 3 weeks and exclusivly pump for 5. I think now like i never should of stopped because well how do i say this. Its kinds like i felt really good the first 2 weeks of breastfeeding and was starting to get the hang of it ( alothough my nipple was cut cracked and bleeding i still managed to keep him fed. I was happy because he only lost 8 oz from him birthweight during the first week..( my dd lost a full pound in the first 3 days) so 8 oz was nothing for me lol. I had already been more successfull then with my dd. Then the second week rolled around we had our 2 week apointment and he still was the same weight 8oz less then birth weight. Well the doctors flipped out. The started making me come in everyday for weighing him. They made me stay for up to 5 hours to the they could watch me feed him. check his latch etc.

They told me to supplement with formula until i can get his weight back up..... Well that was a big mistake. I did that and sure enough less and less milk i started to produce... and now i look back and think i should have told those doctors to shove it where the sun dont shine! He wasnt loosing weight but he wasnt gaining either. It was more likely because my body was still working to produce enough for him. And if i would have kept at it and not listen to the docs i probly would still be bf now. Just the stress from family from doctors and everyone freaking out becuase he wasnt the same weight he was when born. The numerous appmts to the doc and hours of latching then unlatching etc just made me feel AWFUL and get so mad. Then when it came to pumping. That is all i was doing was pumping. All day every day. I wasnt enjoying jonathan i was paying attention to my daughter either.

Sorry for a long kinda rant but again i just dont know why after 3 months of using formula i would all of the sudden get these feelings again... If you made it through the whole post thank you for reading and any advice would be great xxxxxxxx

 

[KendraNoell]

I bf finley for 7 days, during this time i didn't bond with him at all, i didn't feel like a mum to him whatsoever, i'm so glad we changed to formula, i was terrified he wouldn't accept a bottle, i feel like his first week was ruined because i didn't enjoy him at all, i even wish i'd of gone straight to formula from the start.. am i the only one? Since he is on bottles i feel attatched to him, i love him the same as i do his brother, i look forward to him waking up, i enjoy giving him his bottle, he cluster feeds between midnight and 6am like he did at the breast but i don't care, i don't mind he has small amount every hour and a half, sometimes less or more before i had finley, i felt guilty for not breastfeeding jayden, and now i wonder why on earth i spent so many months feeling down because of it ok rant over

I felt the same and feel worse that I was beginning to dread feeding him and it would have ruined our relationship eventually. I am so much happier now

 

[CathHuffPost]

MrsPop,

I'm a reporter with The Huffington Post and I'm working on a story on women who intend to breastfeed vs. the number who actually do. You wrote so eloquently and honestly about this issue and I'm wondering if you (or any moms going through this) might be willing to speak for a few minutes about this issue. I'm trying to get a better sense of some of the difficulties that can accompany breastfeeding as well as the emotions women struggle with as a result and so appreciate any insights you're able to provide. I'd need to speak by Friday afternoon but am fairly open in the next few days and am happy to work with you on protecting your privacy if that's a concern. Also, apologies if I already sent this -- was having some posting issues!

Many thanks for your time and consideration and for letting me post here.

Warmly,
Catherine, The Huffington Post

 

[CathHuffPost]

Apologies, all. Obviously, still getting the hang of how this works. If this is a topic that anyone would be willing to discuss, please reach out. Thank you.

 

[Duejan2012]

MrsPop,

I'm a reporter with The Huffington Post and I'm working on a story on women who intend to breastfeed vs. the number who actually do. You wrote so eloquently and honestly about this issue and I'm wondering if you (or any moms going through this) might be willing to speak for a few minutes about this issue. I'm trying to get a better sense of some of the difficulties that can accompany breastfeeding as well as the emotions women struggle with as a result and so appreciate any insights you're able to provide. I'd need to speak by Friday afternoon but am fairly open in the next few days and am happy to work with you on protecting your privacy if that's a concern. Also, apologies if I already sent this -- was having some posting issues!

Many thanks for your time and consideration and for letting me post here.

Warmly,
Catherine, The Huffington Post

You know i have found that there are more women on here that acually tried to breast feed but just couldnt witch was the reason they had to switch to formula. Before i experienced it myself then i always thought that people formula fed just because they didnt want to breast feed. And boy i was wrong.Ill be very interested about what you would right

 

[vintage67]

I would be happy to speak to anyone about what I experienced. It's good to talk about it. For every woman on this thread sharing their story, there's ten more sitting at home feeling depressed, angry, ashamed, guilty, etc.

 

[vintage67]

I have been reading this thread from start to finish over the last week and I have to say I feel a million times better about FF now that I read everyone's stories. My LO had a weak latch from the beginning and he was a little small (6lbs 12 oz) so we started with nipple shields right away. So frustrating. LO always knocking them off or them falling off when I would reposition him.

His suck was also so strong and he would get frustrated within a couple minutes of feeding. I didn't realize it at the time but my supply just sucked and he was chomping at the bit and wasn't getting anything out of it. I was slowly combi-feeding until the last week it has been strictly formula. Luckily I didn't have issues with his weight or anything but I knew that if it continued he wouldn't thrive with my lack of milk production. I had some serious depression issues the first week LO was here and I wasn't eating or taking care of myself which I think seriously affected my supply. The day after I quit BF entirely I was only slightly swollen for 24 hours and then that was it. I don't leak or anything so I guess it wasn't meant to be. But being able to have other people help with his feedings have made things so much easier for me and less stressful. And to see him happy on the bottle and looking into my eyes when he's eating I don't feel like the bond is any weaker than it would have been if we were BF'ing.

I have been very lucky that most of my family and friends support that I am FF and not BF. I have had a few dumb comments from people on Facebook about it but other than that I have had nothing but support and am very grateful.

Welcome Kendra! The grief over this can find you long after you think you are through it. Please come back anytime you are feeling blue.

And yes, there is lovely eye contact and "bonding" while feeding from a bottle! Take care.

 

[vintage67]

I bf finley for 7 days, during this time i didn't bond with him at all, i didn't feel like a mum to him whatsoever, i'm so glad we changed to formula, i was terrified he wouldn't accept a bottle, i feel like his first week was ruined because i didn't enjoy him at all, i even wish i'd of gone straight to formula from the start.. am i the only one? Since he is on bottles i feel attatched to him, i love him the same as i do his brother, i look forward to him waking up, i enjoy giving him his bottle, he cluster feeds between midnight and 6am like he did at the breast but i don't care, i don't mind he has small amount every hour and a half, sometimes less or more before i had finley, i felt guilty for not breastfeeding jayden, and now i wonder why on earth i spent so many months feeling down because of it ok rant over

Hellbunny, as you may or may not know, diabetes, all types, including gestational can cause supply issues for quite a few women. It certainly did with me with both of my children. I remember you from the Gestational Complications forum.

 

[MrsPOP]

I am very happy to talk about it, I'm no longer ashamed of what I went through

 

[OmarsMum]

MrsPop,

I'm a reporter with The Huffington Post and I'm working on a story on women who intend to breastfeed vs. the number who actually do. You wrote so eloquently and honestly about this issue and I'm wondering if you (or any moms going through this) might be willing to speak for a few minutes about this issue. I'm trying to get a better sense of some of the difficulties that can accompany breastfeeding as well as the emotions women struggle with as a result and so appreciate any insights you're able to provide. I'd need to speak by Friday afternoon but am fairly open in the next few days and am happy to work with you on protecting your privacy if that's a concern. Also, apologies if I already sent this -- was having some posting issues!

Many thanks for your time and consideration and for letting me post here.

Warmly,
Catherine, The Huffington Post

Hi Catherine,

For research & press you have to use the Press & research forum. Here is the link

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/press-research/

It should be approved by admin

 

[wiiwidow]

All I can say is I thought I was over it but having had my cousin staying who has successfully been breast feeding for 6 months and having everyone blather on about how amazing she is and isn't breast milk amazing and why was it again you stopped. The old self hatred and jealousy has reared it's ugly head again! This is 13 months after I stopped nearly! Over a year...you'd have thought I'd be over it by now wouldn't you! Sigh...

 

[Lady_Bee]

All I can say is I thought I was over it but having had my cousin staying who has successfully been breast feeding for 6 months and having everyone blather on about how amazing she is and isn't breast milk amazing and why was it again you stopped. The old self hatred and jealousy has reared it's ugly head again! This is 13 months after I stopped nearly! Over a year...you'd have thought I'd be over it by now wouldn't you! Sigh...

That's pretty insensitive of them, sorry you're dealing with that.

 

[Miss_Quirky]

I had quite a rude woman the other day tell me that formula is why my son is colicy and unhappy (in truth he has thrush very badly, but it's healing up with medication), and when I stiffly said that formula is what I have to do so my son can eat because I can't BF, she sneered at me and promptly said "Oh that's not true, I've had 11 children and breastfed them all! Women who don't breastfeed are lazy, selfish women who just don't want to do what is best for their children. You should be ASHAMED of yourself for being so selfish!" and stormed off. If she had said that to me a few weeks ago, I'd have been in tears, but I was able to hold it together and be angry about it instead for a while.

It did depress me for a while afterwards because FOB (without intending to hurt me at all) was talking about it, and said jokingly that he wants Mummy's boob instead of a bottle It was all in fun, but it made me sad. :/

I just don't know what possesses someone to be SO rude to someone else? Especially when you are sitting in the ER with an infant. I was obviously already stressed about what might be wrong with him, why would you tell a mother they are being purely selfish when they are in tears about what might be going on?

-.- Rude.

 

[andella95]

You handled that well - I probably would have resorted to violence.

I'm really sorry you encountered that. What an ignorant bitch!