The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[Evian260]

Missy, same with me.... thought bf would be so easy and formula was never an option before I had my son.

 

[Kage76]

hey vintage im sorry the interwebs has been getting you down- but look at it this way- you have come so very far- the fact that you still are on here fighting the good fight and helping those who need it shows that you are miles away from where you were. Chin up. remember its easy to find courage behind a keyboard- hard to stand up IRL and make a difference and you have done that

 

[vintage67]

\ I think part of my obsession with breastfeeding was the ideal I had built up in my head. I never quite experienced what I thought it SHOULD be.

I think this sums up how all of us felt at some point...

I agree with this...

This is my first post here. I've been quietly reading for a week it so now. Today was the day. I gave up...well, not really. I accepted the inevitable. My son gave up last week. So now I'm ready to stop as well, even though it breaks my heart.

Gabe refused to latch from day 1. I was devastated, but I kept at it. Finally on day 4 we got him to latch using a nipple shield, and he was doing well. Then he started losing weight and I came across a term I had never heard before: comfort sucking. It was then that I realized that this is what he did for 75% of the time spent on the boob. It was why no matter how long I nursed him he never seemed satisfied. Then I realized, my breasts never felt full, never leaked. We started formula top up, but as the weeks went on, he needed more and more formula to make him happy. Finally, last week, he started refusing to latch.

I tried it all, I was taking the higher doses of domperidone, fenugreek andblessed thistle. I used the shield, tried the tubing supplemental system, I pumped after every feed, in between feeds, and religiously every 2 hours when he started refusing. I never increased my supply, and never got him back on the boob. I even took him into the bath tub. I tried every suggestion given to me, no matter how crazy it sounded...including getting my oh to suck on my nipples. I had every professional I could find come and offer an opinion. I did it all...and it still wasn't enough. So now after 7 weeks, I've given in, and stopped it all. I'm heartbroken, and feeling betrayed by my body. This was supposed to be natural, easy something only I could do for my child. Instead it's been the most frustratingly difficult thing I have ever done.

Anyways, sorry for the long past, if your still reading, thanks for hanging in there.

Bumpin, your story is very similar to what happened with me with my first son. You had a genuine supply issue which for some reason some people will deny until their last breath such a thing exists.
After birth a lot of women experience thyroid issues which can affect supply.
You may have some underlying PCOS issues, who knows? And good ole stress gets kicked up and also slows production. I had terrible feelings towards my breasts after that experience that I've never really gotten over. Not that I was in love with them before!

The good news is that your baby will now thrive from being well nourished. I hope you two are able to now fully enjoy those precious baby days that go by all too quickly.

 

[bumpin2012]

Thanks Vintage

I had my thyroid checked out prior to pregnancy, and I have none of the symptoms of PCOS. I believe that because I didn't notice the comfort sucking for a couple of weeks, my supply had diminished as the demand just wasn't there. After I noticed the comfort sucking, the stress of breastfeeding along with a low supply were the start of my downfall. At least this is the theory im going with... Hopefully I will be successful breastfeeding my next baby, when the time comes.

I saw my dr today, because my nipples are sooo sore. I have a yeast infection, and it may have been the reason Gabe started refusing to breast feed last week. I think Im starting to come to terms with the change in plans. Gabe is happy with formula, he's become less and less distressed and more patient when he is hungry, which I think is a direct result of getting a regular amount of food.

 

[oceania]

I had a lovely conversation with my mum about my future inability to breastfeed and I realized that as an adult, i dont care at all if my own mom had breastfed or formulafed or whatever. That thing really makes no difference at all to my life or how I feel about my mom and our relationship. I wish we mums and mums to be would be able to let go of guilt and sadness and concentrate on what truly matters when it comes to parenting a child.

 

[Eala]

I do sometimes feel that there are Mums who, if they weren't sat about being judgemental about other Mums on the internet, wouldn't know what to do with their time I think the Internet brings out the best and the worst of people. The best is threads like this and other support groups for those feeling attacked, where people band together and say "Enough." The worst is those that it allows people to "safely"/anonymously be judgemental, rude, and downright cruel about and to people who don't live up to their vision of "the perfect parent" with very few, if any, repercussions.

I'm really sorry to read some of the stories on here recently about how poorly Mums have been treated It sucks. At the end of the day, surely if a baby is fed and healthy, it doesn't matter how?! Why the heck does what another mother does to nourish her own child become such a stick to beat her with?! Why are parents being punished by association for the fact that some formula companies did some pretty unconscionable things? It's ridiculous.

My other gripe is those absolutely appallingly bad "research" studies which supposedly show all these "risks" associated with formula. In reality, the researchers cannot possibly control for confounding factors adequately to allow them to draw anything other than the weakest correlations. Yet Governments and other policy makers pounce on these studies as though they are credible. And militants the world over try to use these studies to "prove" their point. When, however, studies are published which either show a "negative" of breastfeeding, or that there is little difference between the groups of babies, the chorus from the peanut gallery is all about the confounding factors, the lack of credibility, blah blah blah... You can't have it both ways!

Sorry, that rant has been waiting for a while

to everyone.

 

[dizz]

Just had to sit through an hour of "oh women who couldn't do it just didn't try hard enough"-itis. I'm 100% convinced I'd be dead from suicide if I'd had to prolong our hospital stay in order for us to go home with me breastfeeding - my mental health was suffering that badly.

 

[vintage67]

Just had to sit through an hour of "oh women who couldn't do it just didn't try hard enough"-itis. I'm 100% convinced I'd be dead from suicide if I'd had to prolong our hospital stay in order for us to go home with me breastfeeding - my mental health was suffering that badly.

Dizz, you had and your baby had a very traumatic start. You don't need to hear that crap! I didn't have the same kind of trauma, but the 11 days that I was hospitalized, seperated from my week old baby still haunt me. I had to go the to Emergency Room about a week ago because I lost consciousness. They aren't sure what caused it. Just being in the hospital made me very anxious. They wanted to keep me for 24 hour observation on a heart monitor and I refused. I didn't want to be away from my family again like that. (I am going tomorrow to the doctor to see about getting a home monitor instead)

In my case it was me that was hospitalized all that time with a staph infection and as horrible as it was I would have preferred it be me instead of a baby in the NICU, which I can't even imagine how traumatizing that was. I know there are people out there that overcome a lot of obstacles but if anything that should make them more understanding, not less. There's something to be said for a bit of humility.

 

[vintage67]

I agree with Eala that all studies can be dubious.

I didn't need any kind of study or government message to know that I wanted to BF. To me it is a no-brainer that breastmilk is the food nature intended for a baby. At the same time, I've bought "formula" for kittens to be bottle fed and I know other animals have survived and thrived on a substitute milk of not the exact species. It's just finding a plan "B" because plan "A" didn't work out or wasn't the right fit for your family or situation. I don't know how that has gotten turned into the drama that it has.

Parenting in general is becoming increasingly militant paricularly on the internet. I was in Target tonight (deparment store) and saw another mother with a baby about the age of mine and she was feeding her from a Dr. Brown's bottle just like we use. I was suddenly filled with euphoria and wanted to hug the woman! (a complete stranger!) I did talk to her for a minute and since the babies were in fact about 2 weeks apart in age, we compared a few milestones and went on our way. It made me very happy as silly as that sounds.

My son starts a baby music class tomorrow and I'm very excited but nervous for obvious reasons. My husband is off work tomorrow and will go to the first one with me.

 

[Missy86]

I am getting really fed up with the bf/ ff on here

Just because I believe that letting your child be exposed to illness to build up their immunity is more important than extended bf but you know you are not allowed to disagree with certain people on this site

I am fed up of being made to feel stupid, think I will be taking another break from bnb

 

[MrsPOP]

Dont let these women and their studies grind you down girls. None of these women are experts.

I ignore the studies and the made up statistics of 'less than 1% of women can't breastfeed' after all I saw a study the other day saying babies who are born by c section are more likely to be obese because they aren't exposed to the healthy bacteria of their mothers' vagina, I mean COME ON!!!!

 

[Noelle610]

Dont let these women and their studies grind you down girls. None of these women are experts.

I ignore the studies and the made up statistics of 'less than 1% of women can't breastfeed' after all I saw a study the other day saying babies who are born by c section are more likely to be obese because they aren't exposed to the healthy bacteria of their mothers' vagina, I mean COME ON!!!!

Some one told me that the other day and I just really couldn't believe it! I mentioned how I likely should have had a c-section and she quoted this study as a reason it was ideal I had a vaginal birth

 

[Kage76]

Dont let these women and their studies grind you down girls. None of these women are experts.

I ignore the studies and the made up statistics of 'less than 1% of women can't breastfeed' after all I saw a study the other day saying babies who are born by c section are more likely to be obese because they aren't exposed to the healthy bacteria of their mothers' vagina, I mean COME ON!!!!

My god- who would have thought that i had a whole colony of superbugs up my foof!

In regards to the 1% thing i found this really interesting blog- https://boobshalffull.wordpress.com/2011/11/01/the-root-of-the-1-myth/ it helped me.

 

[Eala]

As I understood it, the whole "1%" thing (which was 5% when I had my first, amazing how quickly it's dropped...) is supposedly the percentage whose breasts just produce zero milk due to a physical issue with the breasts themselves. It does NOT include those who have medical conditions which prevent milk production, or who have conditions like IGT which can affect supply. It also doesn't include those who have a limited supply, for whatever reason. And even then, the figure is dubious. No-one wants to "booby trap" new Mums/Mums-to-be, so research in areas like IGT or PCOS and the effect on breastfeeding is really lacking.

I've posted this before, but I'll post it again - https://www.facebook.com/notes/bott...out-women-who-cant-breastfeed/174242565987038 Really makes me so angry that people trot out "Oh well, only 1% can't breastfeed, so you should have tried harder". Which is just plain wrong, on so many levels.

I remember seeing that C-section study reported on the BBC. I laughed. My first was born vaginally, but formula-fed. My second was an elective c-section, but is breastfed. So does that mean they are both going to be sickly and obese?

 

[MrsPOP]

I just think the risks of developing obesity, cancers, diabetes, heart disease, mental health problems etc etc are so damn multi factorial that for me, the 'risks' of formula aren't an issue.

 

[kimini26]

I wonder what percentage of women aren't allowed to breastfeed because of medications they are on. I fought hard to be able to give Emmy something and resisted going on lithium up until now when I probably should have started it right after she was born. I'd give anything to go back and take away the postpartum psychosis including formula feeding from the start. If we are blessed enough to have another baby I'm thinking I might go straight to formula and save myself the mental anguish.

 

[bumpin2012]

Its really sad to see how judgmental some women can be. Parenting is hard enough without that pressure. I hate how there has been such an emphasis placed on breastfeeding that women who choose to ff, or women who did not have the option to breastfeed are made to feel that they are poor mothers, who are endangering their children. 3/4 of the mothers out there were formula feed, and have not suffered from it.

On that note. I was an ff baby, my oh was a bf baby, and I have 10x the immune system, and a much better relationship with my mother than he does.

 

[MrsPOP]

It's saddens me the judgement on women who choose to FF from the offset, that people have no respect for them or think they are selfish.

My mum chose to FF my brother and I from the start and she is an amazing mother, alway has been. Both my brother and I utterly worship and adore her. I don't give a toss whether she BF me or not, I think she is the best mummy in the world. I'm going to miss her so much when she dies

 

[Eala]

Massive hugs, MrsPOP

All it should come down to is that as long as your baby is being fed, how that is happening is no-one elses' business

 

[kickass_MOM]

Fun game of the day: "Spot the formula baby"


1) A,B,C,D are siblings.
A : thin ,tall, borderline cholestrol problems
B: thin ,average height, borderline cholestrol problems
C: overweight ,average height, no health issues
Dverweight ,average height, no health issues


2) E, F are siblings
E: thin,short, no health issues
F: overweight ,short, no health issues

3)G,H are siblings
G: thin,average height, PCOS
H: thin,very tall,PCOS

4)I,J are siblings
Iverweight, average height,Hypertension,cholestrol issues
J: overweight,average height,High blood sugar

These are people I know and I also know whether they were FF or BF and for how long.So go ahead take a guess.