The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[Eala]

Fun game of the day: "Spot the formula baby"


1) A,B,C,D are siblings.
A : thin ,tall, borderline cholestrol problems
B: thin ,average height, borderline cholestrol problems
C: overweight ,average height, no health issues
Dverweight ,average height, no health issues


2) E, F are siblings
E: thin,short, no health issues
F: overweight ,short, no health issues

3)G,H are siblings
G: thin,average height, PCOS
H: thin,very tall,PCOS

4)I,J are siblings
Iverweight, average height,Hypertension,cholestrol issues
J: overweight,average height,High blood sugar

These are people I know and I also know whether they were FF or BF and for how long.So go ahead take a guess.

I haven't a clue! But I am intrigued!

 

[bumpin2012]

/\ /\ /\ wss

I couldn't even guess...

 

[kickass_MOM]

A,B,C,D,E were exclusively FF while the rest were BF for 1+ yrs.

 

[vintage67]

A mixed bag, just like life. My husband is the healthiest person that I know and his mother drank and smoked during that pregnancy. But I wouldn't be launching a camapaign to encourage that!
So many variables to life.

 

[dizz]

My brother had the worst case of childhood eczema his consultant had ever seen in his entire career (and this was a fairly old chap) - he was breastfed. My grandmother breastfed five kids - died of a massive ovarian tumour the size of a watermelon... all this stuff that was trumpetted to us in our ante natal class as being prevented by the wonders of breastmilk. Sure - it probably tips the odds somewhat - but at the same time - if things are going to get you, I think there's a fairly large degree of inevitability about it.

Heck - I know my IQ last time it was tested was at Mensa levels (but I'm too lazy to do the test to try to get in) - and I was bottlefed. I'm an emotional and mental screwup - but that's down to pressure put on me in my childhood - what went in my MIND and not what went in my STOMACH.

Doesn't help though - I've just been pretty much hounded out of a local mum's group after daring to mention how they having that good session of "bottle feeding mums didn't try hard enough" had made me feel like utter garbage. Picking on formula feeders is some kind of governmentally legitimised bullying.

 

[vintage67]

I'm sorry Dizz. We took our son to his first baby music class Thursday. I was so nervous. There were lots of diaper bags sitting around and I noticed quite a few capped bottles sticking in them and I breathed such a sigh of relief!

 

[24/7]

Hope everyone is doing ok. xx

 

[vintage67]

Welcome Babybop! If you're still in the WTT stage, please don't let our stories scare you on the one hand, but then it's also nice to be prepared for all outcomes!

 

[bumpin2012]

I wish I had known that sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work. Everything I had learned about it said that it would work, and formula feeding is a choice. I hate that I still feel like I failed somehow, even though logically I know I didn't.

Gabe is doing well on the formula, he is a hungry little man! I would have had a hard time keeping up with him, that's for sure. He has his 2 month checkup on thursday. I can't wait to hear how much he weighs. He was 8 lbs 11.5oz a week ago, and with the amount he has been eating I would guess that he will have gained a pound by thurs.

 

[vintage67]

Go Gabe! Nothing like seeing your child thrive!

 

[Leopard]

I had a long break from BnB. It was probably the best thing for me. It thought about breastfeeding and lactating again, and thought and thought. It got to the point where I knew I'd just keep thinking about it, and not do it.

So I've decided to give up on my tiny idea of trying breastfeeding again, and when I think about my reasons for wanting to do it, it was mainly to kill the guilt. Even I can be logical enough to know that breastfeeding isn't a magical cure for my daughters kidney problems.

Still I worry that I have jeopardized her health, but I suppose I will not know for a while yet. I'm just going to focus on getting my daughter better, and enjoying life with her. Hopefully with the next pregnancy things will be different. Besides, one day I'll be able to support women in the way I never really got support. (I'm training to be an RN and then a MW and then LC).

It still makes me sad that I cannot do what I always thought I would and should be able to do, but I'm doing my best with what I have. We changed her formula to goats milk formula because I personally believe cows-based is detrimental (only personal belief!) and she has only been getting healthy solids. I gave up on the major attachment parenting thing ages ago, the breastfeeding was my last rope so to speak, but I nearly hung myself on it.

I have an appointment to see the doctor next week, before work, and see if they can help me with my PPD, as I'm almost certain I'm slipped into depression yet again. I know this decision to completely give up is going to haunt me for years, but I really have no choice any more, and with working now, BF is not going to logically be viable anyway.

I will thank all of you girls, and I reckon most of you knew I'd be back in here.

 

[Evian260]

leopard

 

[vintage67]

Leopard, I agree that staying off the internet has been good for you. With my first son, there is no doubt in my mind that the internet pushed me over the edge to almost the unthinkable. It can still get me lathered up to this day but I'm older now and like to think a bit tougher. I only get on here now for conversation and I feel obligated to be a voice for women who had breastfeeding difficulties or had to give it up altogether.

I think the internet made you more depressed and caused you to lash out. It can make a person feel guilty sometimes to see other successes, when in fact, we all have our own unique situations to deal with.

You've got many years to enjoy that daughter of yours and you don't want dragging around these breastfeeding regrets and feelings to affect that relationship. She won't remember any of that. And you have absolutely no way to know if one more ounce or one drop or twenty more ounces of breastmilk would have any difference in her health or not. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Of course breastmilk offers benefits but it isn't the only variable in life.
Good luck.

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Today marks a year since my emergency surgery to drain 180ml of pus from an infected breast abscess after my failed attempt at trying to exclusively pump because breast feeding was too painful and seemingly impossible for my tiny baby/huge boob combination.

I feel really flat. I feel like after a whole year I still can't get over the trauma of it all, and the guilt that me giving up too soon on the whole feeding thing resulted in me completely destroying my boobs.

 

[Missy86]

Today marks a year since my emergency surgery to drain 180ml of pus from an infected breast abscess after my failed attempt at trying to exclusively pump because breast feeding was too painful and seemingly impossible for my tiny baby/huge boob combination.

I feel really flat. I feel like after a whole year I still can't get over the trauma of it all, and the guilt that me giving up too soon on the whole feeding thing resulted in me completely destroying my boobs.

 

[bumpin2012]

Today marks a year since my emergency surgery to drain 180ml of pus from an infected breast abscess after my failed attempt at trying to exclusively pump because breast feeding was too painful and seemingly impossible for my tiny baby/huge boob combination.

I feel really flat. I feel like after a whole year I still can't get over the trauma of it all, and the guilt that me giving up too soon on the whole feeding thing resulted in me completely destroying my boobs.

Its sounds to me that you didn't give up. Circumstances made you change plans to plan B.What happened to you sounds like it was painful. I'm sorry you had t go through that.

 

[Starry Night]

Dont let these women and their studies grind you down girls. None of these women are experts.

I ignore the studies and the made up statistics of 'less than 1% of women can't breastfeed' after all I saw a study the other day saying babies who are born by c section are more likely to be obese because they aren't exposed to the healthy bacteria of their mothers' vagina, I mean COME ON!!!!

For real??? I think people just want to victimize themselves for their own weight problems. "Oh, I'm not fat because I don't exercise and eat doughnuts all day....it's just my damn mom's fault for needing surgery to save our lives." My son is both a c-section AND ff baby. I guess I'm really up for the bad mommy award. LOL Both were to save his life but...whatever....I'm selfish.

DS is in the process of weaning to cow's milk and is already taking sippie cups so this particular FF saga is about to come to a close for me. I hope BF works next time but I think I really won't stress about it. I planned not to stress about it this time but I wasn't prepared for the pressure and guilt. Now I can steel myself against it.

 

[MrsPOP]

Well I was born vaginally but I'm a fat cow so bang goes that theory!

My LO was CSec and FF but she is SO skinny!

 

[OmarsMum]

I have a very smart & healthy toddler. He was born by CS, & was exclusively FF. We used formula until 23 months.

He's average size (70-75th percentile for weight & height), he's very active, he talks fluently using two languages & he's learning a third language. He started using words meaning them at 8 months.

He's already spelling many of words like cat, cow, car, mama, his name, my name, etc. he can write some letters, he knew the alphabets upper & lowercase at 20 months. He's advanced for his age.

He doesn't go to a nursery, so he's learning all this at home.

He's not obese, he doesn't have developmental issues, He's very smart, & we have an amazing bond.

Using formula & the CS didn't have any negative effects on him. I'm proud of him.

I don't read any studies or articles online. I was exclusively BF, & was born naturally, but I always struggled with my weight. I'm not overweight now, but I eat healthy & I'm always on a strict diet.

Try to move on ladies , enjoy your LOs. I don't remember the 1st two months of omar's life. I was so miserable & I was always crying. I really regret spending those months in guilt.

 

[MrsPOP]

Absolutely OmarsMum. I barely remember the first 5 months of Alice's life as I spent it so miserable dealing with BF guilt, CS guilt and a very refluxy baby.

It was only when we started weaning that I started to realise in the grand scheme of things, it doesnt matter.