The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[Eala]

MrsPOP I am so sorry to hear that My thoughts are with you

 

[Kage76]

Oh mrs pop... im so sorry lovely. big hugs

 

[Lady_Bee]

So sorry MrsPOP. Thinking of you and your family. xx

 

[Noelle610]

MrsPop, I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you, love.

 

[Kage76]

i found this photo- best thing i have seen in a while- hope you guys like it

 

[bumpin2012]

So sorry for your loss mrsPOP.

 

[Lady_Bee]

So. Me again, sorry I've been exclusively formula feeding my little Alexander for around 3 weeks now after my (rather broken and miserable) breastfeeding journey came to a natural end, and I must say it has been nothing but a positive experience. I'm a much happier person now without the constant anxiety hanging over me.

You know it struck me today... although I did nurse my son for over 4 months I really don't feel like I'm "allowed" to say I breastfed him. I feel like none of it counts, because I formula fed as well. And pumped for a good portion of it. But there was a lot of formula. A LOT.

I did breastfeed him. But. There are so many buts.

Does anyone have similar feelings or am I just being ridiculous?!

I ought to be strong enough to define my own breastfeeding success, but honestly I really feel like a breastfeeding fraud, like I have no right to say I ever breastfed my son because I didn't do it "right". But who is this God Of Breastfeeding I am trying to please? I haven't a clue... There is no grand breastfeeding exam. It's just my own failed expectations.

And in spite of sticking to it for 4 months through hell and high water, I don't feel proud of myself really. I did what I could and it didn't work out. That's it really.

Just musing. Pointless thoughts I know!

In the end it's whatevs. My son is amazing, I am in a much better place mentally, my husband is no longer seething with resentment over my obsession with the pump. It's all good really. So what gives, brain?

 

[Kage76]

So. Me again, sorry I've been exclusively formula feeding my little Alexander for around 3 weeks now after my (rather broken and miserable) breastfeeding journey came to a natural end, and I must say it has been nothing but a positive experience. I'm a much happier person now without the constant anxiety hanging over me.

You know it struck me today... although I did nurse my son for over 4 months I really don't feel like I'm "allowed" to say I breastfed him. I feel like none of it counts, because I formula fed as well. And pumped for a good portion of it. But there was a lot of formula. A LOT.

I did breastfeed him. But. There are so many buts.

Does anyone have similar feelings or am I just being ridiculous?!

I ought to be strong enough to define my own breastfeeding success, but honestly I really feel like a breastfeeding fraud, like I have no right to say I ever breastfed my son because I didn't do it "right". But who is this God Of Breastfeeding I am trying to please? I haven't a clue... There is no grand breastfeeding exam. It's just my own failed expectations.

And in spite of sticking to it for 4 months through hell and high water, I don't feel proud of myself really. I did what I could and it didn't work out. That's it really.

Just musing. Pointless thoughts I know!

In the end it's whatevs. My son is amazing, I am in a much better place mentally, my husband is no longer seething with resentment over my obsession with the pump. It's all good really. So what gives, brain?

i had this too- i mean i combi fed for 6 weeks- but i don't consider her breastfed- even though my lovely maternal health care nurse who was dealing with one of my many breakdowns over my inablilty to be able to BF- patted me on the knee and said- "but sweetheart- you HAVE been breastfeeding- the amount doesn't matter she doesn't get any more benefit the more she drinks"

Now the question is- if i had a successful 6 weeks- and everything went well- would i consider her a breastfed baby? or is the time you breastfeed what defines breastfeeding as well as exclusively breast feeding?

 

[vintage67]

So sorry Mrs. Pop! Had been wondering how she was doing.

 

[Lady_Bee]

Yeah I wonder the same thing Kage, would I consider Alexander breastfed if I had exclusively breastfed him for those 4.5 months before introducing formula? Who knows? Or was it the introduction of formula maybe that seemed to rewrite the whole experience for me and make it something else... after all it's hard to feel like you are breastfeeding if you have to give a bottle after every feed. I never ever managed to see my breasts as sources of nourishment after the initial 3 weeks.

Even the times I was curled up in bed nursing him I didn't feel like a real breastfeeding mum. Just interesting I guess. It doesn't matter. I'm still going to try my best for my next child, assuming there is a next child! I'm not ashamed to be formula feeding anymore and that's defnitely an improvement.

Nice to know I'm not alone in these weird feelings anyway.

 

[vintage67]

Lady Bee, I just think it is sad how hung up on labels people are with their babies in general, and the need for all your parenting choices to be displayed. It strikes me as amusing and I know Mrs. Pop had a siggy poking fun of it at one time, and my own siggy does in its own way as well.

People get very hardcore about their "alphabet soup" of parenting choices (BF, FF, EBF, BLW, CIO, CC, PU/PD) Sometimes, I don't know what a lot of that stuff even is in Baby Club. I just try to do what works. And you are right, for some of us, that was and is a mix of things so I guess the "purists" want to be sure we aren't admitted to whatever Alphabet Soup Club they happen to be in at the time!

 

[kanga]

I'm very sorry for your loss MrsPOP xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[KendraNoell]

IMO, even if your baby was on your breast for 10 seconds, you breastfed your baby. The definition of breastfeeding does not have a time limit attached to it, it is the action of your baby molding to your breast and getting nutrition from it. Whether you did it once, hated it, and never did it again or you fumbled for months trying to find something that worked. At least you didn't just go straight to the bottle. If all your child ever knew was formula than yes, you didn't breast feed your child, but if they got ANYTHING from your breasts, that is breastfeeding in my book.

I can't remember if I updated or not but I just had my 2 month well child check for LO. These are his stats

Birth: 6 lbs, 12 oz, 19 1/4 inches
2 weeks: 7 lbs, 2 oz, 19 1/2 inches
one month: 9 lbs 3 oz, not sure on height
two months: 12 LBS AND 22 1/8 INCHES!!

That's HUGE. He went from 10th and 15th percentiles in height and weight at his two week appointment to 70th and 55th percentiles at his two month!

How could I possibly be angry with myself that my form of nutrition allowed my baby to thrive so well and have the doctor so impressed? In all reality had I breast fed entirely he would have gained no where near that amount of weight. He is happy, healthy and strong, and I was the one who got him there. It doesn't matter what fluid was in the bottle, I still fed him, and I still nurtured him and provided him the resources to have a major growth spurt.

Chin up, ladies. Don't pick at yourselves on every little piece of the puzzle that didn't work out. It either works or it doesn't, and if it doesn't, the more you trip yourself up with guilt about it the more it is going to bother you in the long run. Just try to take more time every day to NOT think about it and eventually it will be a fleeting memory.

 

[KendraNoell]

plus, how could I ever regret the parenting decisions I made when I see something this dang cute every day?!?

<---- (avatar pic)

 

[bumpin2012]

Hahaha, Kendra, he is pretty cute...

 

[MrsPOP]

Haha yeah my siggy was <insert labour/birth/nappies/feeding/sleeping/transport/weaning blurb here>

 

[Kage76]

Bee, im the same- im going to give it a go- but if it doesn't work I swear im not going to beat myself up about it. Knowing my luck if i go into it relaxed it will all work. But it doesn't matter if the next one is BF im not going to think that my first missed out. It just means i can get on with being a mum quicker.

 

[Lady_Bee]

Kendra your LO is doing GREAT. what a champ! And such a cutie

Vintage a light bulb went on when I read your post. You're so right it is all just pointless labeling and the club mentality. We're all just mummies trying to care for our children. There are so many different ways to go about that and it's not really even about "choices", it's about doing what works for our families at any given time. Thanks for that. :]

Kage, so right I think that's the best frame of mind to go into it with really.

 

[HellBunny]

I have to say i wrecked myself with guilt after FF J from the start, this time i bf for only a week but i am loving motherhood! No guilt of changing to formula, changing was the best thing i did for us all, my eldest wondered what had hit him the first week, he'd had me all to himself then gone to not having any time with his mummy i know for a fact if i were to have any more babies i would absolutley FF from the start, no hesitation! So for all those scaremongering eejits out there who give it all the "your only thinking of yourself if you bottle/formula feed bullshit, i would of been extremely selfish to have carried on breastfeeding my youngest as J couldn't get a look in.. happy mummy and yep my babies are very happy too!

 

[dizz]

Haha yeah my siggy was <insert labour/birth/nappies/feeding/sleeping/transport/weaning blurb here>

I refuse to put these mini-parenting manifesto things at the bottom of my sig. If I had to put one it would be "following the Nike school of parenting - just berluddy do it"