flamingpanda
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What a wonderful thread!
My story is less dramatic than some here but in the end the result was the same. I too was one of those awful pregnant women who couldn't understand why on earth anyone in their right mind would give a baby formula. After all "breast is best" and it's so easy because all these leaflets and DVDs I've been given say so...
My labour was induced as LO decided she was just too comfy (she takes after her Dad "I'll do it in 5 minutes"). Once she was born she fed almost immediately, I was massively relieved and felt everything was going to be fine. How wrong I was. When we finally got down to the ward she was coughing quite a lot. When the doctor came around he commented that she was very full of mucus but it was nothing to worry about, that she'd feel a bit under the weather and it would clear. We tried all day to get her latched again and she just wouldn't. When I explained to the midwife that she latched perfectly upstairs she told me "they often do". I told he I'd hoped that I'd go home that day and she said "breastfeeding mums generally end up here for 3 days, we need to see evidence they are feeding well". As the day drew on she refused to feed, I was becoming more and more concerned as her cough made it sound like she was drowning and she kept hacking up bit clumps of mucus. It came to the time of night for Dad's to be kicked out and I just cried and cried. I was terrified that I was being left alone with her and I couldn't feed her. I have to say that the midwives weren't massively supportive and I had to chase them constantly for help. They decided that I needed to express because the more baby fed the faster the mucus would move. However I just couldn't hand express. So I had a different midwife come every few hours to hand express for me and try and show me how to collect it in a syringe. They would do it and make it look so easy, I tried and it just wouldn't come. They kept telling me "it's just practice" but everything I thought my first 24 hours would be had gone up in flames. I was exhausted (induction was at 12pm on Saturday, she was born 5am on Sunday and by Sunday night I had still not slept). I think they realised I was low and offered to take her for a few hours so I could get some sleep. However when they were all gone I just laid there and all I could think is "they're going to bring her back and I have to try and feed her again". It sounds awful but I was dreading every feed. Next morning was the first time I brought up the idea of formula however my partner said not to give up and we'd keep trying through the day and if nothing got better we'd go to formula. As I sat there all day I could hear all the ff mums saying how much their LO had taken and it kept going around my head that all my baby had was a tiny bit at the end of a syringe. I spoke to a midwife mid afternoon about maybe trying some formula and her response was "it will stretch the baby's tummy and you won't be able to breastfeed then". I didn't want to hurt her tummy and so I said no more. I asked if perhaps I could use a pump because I couldn't hand express and it was making me sore. Her response to that was "we don't like mum's to use the pumps, someone will come and help you". Still no luck with latching her as the day drew on and so I was continuing to be milked by a whole host of different people. I ended up in tears again in the evening because I was beginning to see no end. A midwife heard me crying to my partner and came to help. She said we could try a pump and she'd come and help me every few hours and not to worry. She was so lovely and I'm thankful she showed up when she did. I felt I could open up to her because she didn't feel quite as judgmental as some of the other younger midwives. I explained why I was thinking of using formula and her response was "I have three, I bf two of them and ff another. It makes no difference. They are only this little once, you should enjoy it and not beat yourself up over it, you're doing everything you can". That seemed to really make sense to me. We used the pump and for the first time I managed to give Hadley a syringe full. I felt so much better. But Hadley didn't and she coughed and coughed all night. I got no sleep and watched her for fear she'd choke. By the time my partner came the next morning I'd decided I wanted to switch to formula, I hurt so much, Hads was taking next to nothing and she needed her strength. We talked about it and whilst he wasn't as supportive as I'd have liked (he wasn't having the sleepless nights I was, and the pain and worry) we decided to ask to switch. We called for a midwife but it turned out no one was there to help. There had been emergencies overnight and no one was free, the woman we spoke to said she'd get someone to come and see us when they could. I explained what the problem was to her and she basically just passed us formula and told us to stick it in her mouth, there was nothing more to it. So I did this and Hadley choked on it and burst into tears. I know it sounds mad but I swear she turned to my breast like she was questioning why I was doing that. That was my breaking point and I just sobbed. Suddenly the woman that had tried to get rid of us by handing us the bottle looked concerned and fetched a midwife. The woman that came said all the right things, she was older and like the lady in the night had said "try to enjoy her, she's so little and it doesn't last for long". I told her I wanted to go home and she was all for it. She told me anyone would be in tears by this point and said she'd get the paperwork sorted. Because the ward was so busy it took hours and hours for us to be discharged. This happened at 8am and we didn't arrive home that evening until 7pm. In the mean time I actually managed to get her latched! It felt wonderful - painful and horrid - but I'd done it!
When I was home, I have to be honest, I realised quickly I still had a desire to switch to formula. Next day when the midwife called we found out she'd lost 9% of her birth weight whilst we were in hospital. We were told if it got to 12.5% they'd readmit her. At the next midwife appointment (2 days later) she'd only put on a tiny amount and so little that when I mentioned formula the midwife didn't even tell me horror stories or try to talk me out of it. She said to go for it. Luckily we had the bottles and steriliser as I'd planned to express and so all we had to do was pick up a tub of formula. We asked what to do and she explained but said just to read the back of the tin. We went home and haven't looked back since. She took that first bottle like she was starving. I still cried and felt guilt but I needed to make sure she didn't go back to hospital, we needed to stay as a family.
Even now whilst writing this I feel emotional and teary about the whole thing. We made it 6 days bf and I'd been so certain it was what we'd be doing. Readjusting how I felt about formula took a while. One thing that helped was mum told me we'd all had formula ... and we're all fine, we're not stupid or sickly as some would have you believe all formula babies turn out. When talking to my partner's family, it was the same story! But the best evidence of us making the right choice is Hadley, she is thriving now. She is putting on weight and taking big feeds.
I'm really annoyed with myself for buying into BFing so badly that I essentially ruined what should have been the most magical time and instead I convinced myself that I was a terrible mum. I understand "breast is best", it just makes sense, but I do feel like more support should be given to those that either can't bf or for whatever reasons choose not to. I have suffered with anxiety in the past and it took an awful lot for me to not fall into that again during our first week. I still feel guilty and embarrassed now when the subject it brought up at the doctors or around friends. Like I should feel ashamed that I made a choice to ff. Some threads on B&B really do get my back up as they usually come from the ill informed and frankly I was one of those idiots. Some people would have mothers chained to a bed sobbing like some sort of milk factory rather than feed formula. I think so little consideration is given to the mother's well being and mental health sometimes. It makes me really sad to think that now that I've experienced life on the other side of the fence.
I think the fact that the HV asked me "how I was" after we switched to formula is really telling. I wonder how many people don't bounce back quite as well? Mum's need more support regardless of how they feed their babies.
My story is less dramatic than some here but in the end the result was the same. I too was one of those awful pregnant women who couldn't understand why on earth anyone in their right mind would give a baby formula. After all "breast is best" and it's so easy because all these leaflets and DVDs I've been given say so...
My labour was induced as LO decided she was just too comfy (she takes after her Dad "I'll do it in 5 minutes"). Once she was born she fed almost immediately, I was massively relieved and felt everything was going to be fine. How wrong I was. When we finally got down to the ward she was coughing quite a lot. When the doctor came around he commented that she was very full of mucus but it was nothing to worry about, that she'd feel a bit under the weather and it would clear. We tried all day to get her latched again and she just wouldn't. When I explained to the midwife that she latched perfectly upstairs she told me "they often do". I told he I'd hoped that I'd go home that day and she said "breastfeeding mums generally end up here for 3 days, we need to see evidence they are feeding well". As the day drew on she refused to feed, I was becoming more and more concerned as her cough made it sound like she was drowning and she kept hacking up bit clumps of mucus. It came to the time of night for Dad's to be kicked out and I just cried and cried. I was terrified that I was being left alone with her and I couldn't feed her. I have to say that the midwives weren't massively supportive and I had to chase them constantly for help. They decided that I needed to express because the more baby fed the faster the mucus would move. However I just couldn't hand express. So I had a different midwife come every few hours to hand express for me and try and show me how to collect it in a syringe. They would do it and make it look so easy, I tried and it just wouldn't come. They kept telling me "it's just practice" but everything I thought my first 24 hours would be had gone up in flames. I was exhausted (induction was at 12pm on Saturday, she was born 5am on Sunday and by Sunday night I had still not slept). I think they realised I was low and offered to take her for a few hours so I could get some sleep. However when they were all gone I just laid there and all I could think is "they're going to bring her back and I have to try and feed her again". It sounds awful but I was dreading every feed. Next morning was the first time I brought up the idea of formula however my partner said not to give up and we'd keep trying through the day and if nothing got better we'd go to formula. As I sat there all day I could hear all the ff mums saying how much their LO had taken and it kept going around my head that all my baby had was a tiny bit at the end of a syringe. I spoke to a midwife mid afternoon about maybe trying some formula and her response was "it will stretch the baby's tummy and you won't be able to breastfeed then". I didn't want to hurt her tummy and so I said no more. I asked if perhaps I could use a pump because I couldn't hand express and it was making me sore. Her response to that was "we don't like mum's to use the pumps, someone will come and help you". Still no luck with latching her as the day drew on and so I was continuing to be milked by a whole host of different people. I ended up in tears again in the evening because I was beginning to see no end. A midwife heard me crying to my partner and came to help. She said we could try a pump and she'd come and help me every few hours and not to worry. She was so lovely and I'm thankful she showed up when she did. I felt I could open up to her because she didn't feel quite as judgmental as some of the other younger midwives. I explained why I was thinking of using formula and her response was "I have three, I bf two of them and ff another. It makes no difference. They are only this little once, you should enjoy it and not beat yourself up over it, you're doing everything you can". That seemed to really make sense to me. We used the pump and for the first time I managed to give Hadley a syringe full. I felt so much better. But Hadley didn't and she coughed and coughed all night. I got no sleep and watched her for fear she'd choke. By the time my partner came the next morning I'd decided I wanted to switch to formula, I hurt so much, Hads was taking next to nothing and she needed her strength. We talked about it and whilst he wasn't as supportive as I'd have liked (he wasn't having the sleepless nights I was, and the pain and worry) we decided to ask to switch. We called for a midwife but it turned out no one was there to help. There had been emergencies overnight and no one was free, the woman we spoke to said she'd get someone to come and see us when they could. I explained what the problem was to her and she basically just passed us formula and told us to stick it in her mouth, there was nothing more to it. So I did this and Hadley choked on it and burst into tears. I know it sounds mad but I swear she turned to my breast like she was questioning why I was doing that. That was my breaking point and I just sobbed. Suddenly the woman that had tried to get rid of us by handing us the bottle looked concerned and fetched a midwife. The woman that came said all the right things, she was older and like the lady in the night had said "try to enjoy her, she's so little and it doesn't last for long". I told her I wanted to go home and she was all for it. She told me anyone would be in tears by this point and said she'd get the paperwork sorted. Because the ward was so busy it took hours and hours for us to be discharged. This happened at 8am and we didn't arrive home that evening until 7pm. In the mean time I actually managed to get her latched! It felt wonderful - painful and horrid - but I'd done it!
When I was home, I have to be honest, I realised quickly I still had a desire to switch to formula. Next day when the midwife called we found out she'd lost 9% of her birth weight whilst we were in hospital. We were told if it got to 12.5% they'd readmit her. At the next midwife appointment (2 days later) she'd only put on a tiny amount and so little that when I mentioned formula the midwife didn't even tell me horror stories or try to talk me out of it. She said to go for it. Luckily we had the bottles and steriliser as I'd planned to express and so all we had to do was pick up a tub of formula. We asked what to do and she explained but said just to read the back of the tin. We went home and haven't looked back since. She took that first bottle like she was starving. I still cried and felt guilt but I needed to make sure she didn't go back to hospital, we needed to stay as a family.
Even now whilst writing this I feel emotional and teary about the whole thing. We made it 6 days bf and I'd been so certain it was what we'd be doing. Readjusting how I felt about formula took a while. One thing that helped was mum told me we'd all had formula ... and we're all fine, we're not stupid or sickly as some would have you believe all formula babies turn out. When talking to my partner's family, it was the same story! But the best evidence of us making the right choice is Hadley, she is thriving now. She is putting on weight and taking big feeds.
I'm really annoyed with myself for buying into BFing so badly that I essentially ruined what should have been the most magical time and instead I convinced myself that I was a terrible mum. I understand "breast is best", it just makes sense, but I do feel like more support should be given to those that either can't bf or for whatever reasons choose not to. I have suffered with anxiety in the past and it took an awful lot for me to not fall into that again during our first week. I still feel guilty and embarrassed now when the subject it brought up at the doctors or around friends. Like I should feel ashamed that I made a choice to ff. Some threads on B&B really do get my back up as they usually come from the ill informed and frankly I was one of those idiots. Some people would have mothers chained to a bed sobbing like some sort of milk factory rather than feed formula. I think so little consideration is given to the mother's well being and mental health sometimes. It makes me really sad to think that now that I've experienced life on the other side of the fence.
I think the fact that the HV asked me "how I was" after we switched to formula is really telling. I wonder how many people don't bounce back quite as well? Mum's need more support regardless of how they feed their babies.
after he had the breast milk he SCREAMED for over two hours straight. He's never cried like that, then he puked horribly and slept while moaning. How silly of me to let my selfish need to feel like I've succeeded as a breast feeder come in the way of what's really best for him. Doctor said it could take up to two weeks for my system to clear the proteins in dairy and soy, we also think he's allergic to more than just that since even on protein allergy formula he was poorly. He's been on neocate and doing great. 
