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The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread
- Thread starter MrsPOP
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. He was two weeks old there. Hes changed a lot since then! Your son looks gorgeous in your picture too. Such a cute expression 
sequeena
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Yes I used nipple shields. I also bought a nipple correcter thing (it sucks the nipples out, I have 1 inverted nipple) and Thomas still wouldn't feed, though he took the bottle. Perhaps because he didn't have to work so hard for the milk.
Yes we were warned against giving a bottle when we started because of that, we gave him expressed milk through a syringe until we could get a nipple shield and get him going for it that way!
I have to say, a nipple sucky outy thing sounds painfull
I have to say, a nipple sucky outy thing sounds painfull
patch2006uk
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The nipple sucker outers are a bit weird. I wore shells for the first few weeks (can't remember exactly how long, but it was at least a month), which just applied enough pressure to draw the nipple out. They're still pretty flat now, even after 12 months of BFing!
sequeena
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I did end up hurting myself on one of the medela electric pumps once. I put it on the quickest and hardest 'sucking' setting in the hopes it would get a load out. It didn't.
sequeena
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patch2006uk
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MrsPOP
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Feeble I think as a lot of these stories go most ladies tried everything and I'm assuming everything to include nipple shields. I personally didn't but only because I was stuck in hospital with a sick baby.
I know for me at the start, I was looking for a reason why I failed and I wondered if it were because I didn't use nipple shields (and they will be in my hospital bag for no2) but I have realised further down the line that searching for an answer was pointless in helping me get over my grief and self-hatred. I personally feel the main reason for why things went awry with a lot of ladies (UK based mainly) is lack of professional support in the early days because postnatal support in the UK is a pile of crap. I think if those who tend to dwell in BF vs FF arguments realised they are pointless and put as much energy in tackling the real issue of shit postnatal support, the amount of passion alone could make a difference!
I'm not sure discussing what went right for you which didn't go right for others may be of benefit in this thread as it may perpetuate the feeling of 'i didn't try hard enough because it worked for her but didn't work for me' or it may make others feel like 'I didn't try nipple shields, I'm a terrible mother'. It's certainly suitable for those who want to have no2 and want to succeed 2nd time around but this is more of a cathartic, dealing with the feelings thread. *shrugs* I don't know maybe I am wrong.
I've been told dealing with BF guilt gets easier when you wean, although I feel bad because I've had to go TW initially due to early weaning for severe reflux (though I'm TW now with a BLW hat on IYKWIM) but as days go by and I see how utterly amazing my daughter is, the guilt lessens.
And I am finding it easier to see the BF milestones blinkies that used to upset me so badly, purely out of jealousy. I used to feel those mums were rubbing it in my face because I was a failure. I don't now and think it's great that so many women manage to BF because is clear from this thread it isn't easy. However I will never reconcile with that horrible blinkie 'i make milk, what's YOUR superpower' (and I'm sorry because I know people like Patch who has contributed to this thread has it in her sig and I'm not trying to be nasty). I find that blinkie to be really smug and rather confrontational. I'm all for mums being proud of BFing and think they should celebrate it completely! But that blinkie isn't celebrational at all on a baby forum and to a lady who has failed to BF (dealing with the raw emotion of her 'failure') it can be really hurtful.
Making milk isn't a superpower, it's a biological norm! We're all supermums because we are on BnB sharing our stories and researching parenting techniques for the good of our children. That blinkie sets BF mums above others and I personally find it upsetting.
I know for me at the start, I was looking for a reason why I failed and I wondered if it were because I didn't use nipple shields (and they will be in my hospital bag for no2) but I have realised further down the line that searching for an answer was pointless in helping me get over my grief and self-hatred. I personally feel the main reason for why things went awry with a lot of ladies (UK based mainly) is lack of professional support in the early days because postnatal support in the UK is a pile of crap. I think if those who tend to dwell in BF vs FF arguments realised they are pointless and put as much energy in tackling the real issue of shit postnatal support, the amount of passion alone could make a difference!
I'm not sure discussing what went right for you which didn't go right for others may be of benefit in this thread as it may perpetuate the feeling of 'i didn't try hard enough because it worked for her but didn't work for me' or it may make others feel like 'I didn't try nipple shields, I'm a terrible mother'. It's certainly suitable for those who want to have no2 and want to succeed 2nd time around but this is more of a cathartic, dealing with the feelings thread. *shrugs* I don't know maybe I am wrong.
I've been told dealing with BF guilt gets easier when you wean, although I feel bad because I've had to go TW initially due to early weaning for severe reflux (though I'm TW now with a BLW hat on IYKWIM) but as days go by and I see how utterly amazing my daughter is, the guilt lessens.
And I am finding it easier to see the BF milestones blinkies that used to upset me so badly, purely out of jealousy. I used to feel those mums were rubbing it in my face because I was a failure. I don't now and think it's great that so many women manage to BF because is clear from this thread it isn't easy. However I will never reconcile with that horrible blinkie 'i make milk, what's YOUR superpower' (and I'm sorry because I know people like Patch who has contributed to this thread has it in her sig and I'm not trying to be nasty). I find that blinkie to be really smug and rather confrontational. I'm all for mums being proud of BFing and think they should celebrate it completely! But that blinkie isn't celebrational at all on a baby forum and to a lady who has failed to BF (dealing with the raw emotion of her 'failure') it can be really hurtful.
Making milk isn't a superpower, it's a biological norm! We're all supermums because we are on BnB sharing our stories and researching parenting techniques for the good of our children. That blinkie sets BF mums above others and I personally find it upsetting.
P
Pinky12
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My friend had informed me of these before I gave birth, wheb I asked the midwife she told me that they were not suitable and would not help as it teaches a different form of sucking!
So here I am expressing every 3 or so hours with what seems like a blocked milk duct... Ow!
patch2006uk
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^^ totally agree about the passion, if it was directed in the right places, it would change the world.
There are, however, plenty of blinkies I see that I dislike. The ones celebrating natural birth, home birth and med-free birth get to me, as my LO was EMCS as he was distressed at 42+3 and the attempted induction stopped his heart. They feel like a slap in the face sometimes, especially says when my scar twinges. But women are proud of their achievements regarding the births of their babies. And I don't deny them their pride, and occasional smugness, just because their bodies succeeded where mine failed. The birth comparison is actually quite good I think. I've been told that I should have 'left my body to do what it knew how to do' and 'women just know how to birth their babies' and 'you're not a real mother until you've experienced labour'. But, for whatever reason, my body didn't. No rhyme or reason, just I didn't work properly. If I'd have left my body to do 'what it knew how to do', my son would have died. He was in a bad state by the time he was born, coated in mec and a dodgy heart.
I do take your point, however, and I have been looking for a while for some new blinkies for my signature. I won't apologise for it, as when I chose it it was just after LO had latched on, and BFing was something I didn't think I would achieve. I was also stunned that my boobs were actually makin milk. They'd never done anything remotely useful before! So it's an expression of that time. I will probably change it soon though, as you're right. BFing isn't a superpower, it's a normal biological function. I could just as correctly have an 'I make urine' badge (!)
And nipple shield often aren't the magic solution they're touted as. They can maintain BFing for a while as underlying problems are resolved, but without support and advice on how to use them properly (there's quite a tehnique to using them as I understand it), they're just silicone shields, another sticking plaster to aim at BFing without addressing the problems.
There are, however, plenty of blinkies I see that I dislike. The ones celebrating natural birth, home birth and med-free birth get to me, as my LO was EMCS as he was distressed at 42+3 and the attempted induction stopped his heart. They feel like a slap in the face sometimes, especially says when my scar twinges. But women are proud of their achievements regarding the births of their babies. And I don't deny them their pride, and occasional smugness, just because their bodies succeeded where mine failed. The birth comparison is actually quite good I think. I've been told that I should have 'left my body to do what it knew how to do' and 'women just know how to birth their babies' and 'you're not a real mother until you've experienced labour'. But, for whatever reason, my body didn't. No rhyme or reason, just I didn't work properly. If I'd have left my body to do 'what it knew how to do', my son would have died. He was in a bad state by the time he was born, coated in mec and a dodgy heart.
I do take your point, however, and I have been looking for a while for some new blinkies for my signature. I won't apologise for it, as when I chose it it was just after LO had latched on, and BFing was something I didn't think I would achieve. I was also stunned that my boobs were actually makin milk. They'd never done anything remotely useful before! So it's an expression of that time. I will probably change it soon though, as you're right. BFing isn't a superpower, it's a normal biological function. I could just as correctly have an 'I make urine' badge (!)
And nipple shield often aren't the magic solution they're touted as. They can maintain BFing for a while as underlying problems are resolved, but without support and advice on how to use them properly (there's quite a tehnique to using them as I understand it), they're just silicone shields, another sticking plaster to aim at BFing without addressing the problems.
Kage76
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i may not have a superpower- but i created a miracle- life. I think the main problem with us FF who carry around guilt, is that we look at breastfeeding as very black and white as a success and failure. Most of us didn't fail to breast feed - we did breastfeed for a little while what we were unable to do is establish breastfeeding long term. I think we all need to start treating ourselves as we would a friend who was having difficulty breastfeeding- you would never in a million years tell your best friend that they were a failure, harming her child, not putting her child first or she didn't she didn't do enough to start breastfeeding- so why do we let ourselves talk to ourselves in this way? I think forgiveness has to come from us first, once this is in place the rest of the world follows.
andella95
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My three year old son has been caught more than once trying to get milk from his own, um, nipples. He thinks its funny to make his skin look like that.
pinkjoelle
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My lo is a premie she weigthed 3 pounds at birth and I tried everything to bf.... I had super support and used breastshields... turns out she wasnt strong enough to bf and on top of it I had little milk supply, because she was too weak she didnt stimulate my milk production and because I had too little milk she exausted herself trying to get it out and had to be stimulated all the time... at some point I was bf everyhour because she was always hungry not being able too feed to satisfy her hunger... after 7 weeks I decided it was enough, she wasnt gaining enough weigth and I was hating every moment of bf as it was always a struggle. So we switched to ff, she gained a pound in a week...
Even if I know it was the best choice I still feel like a failure, some of my friends actually judge me for abandoning bf.... I feel sad everytime I buy formula or see a woman just wipping out her boob to feed her baby as I have to was bottles, serilise, make formula and heat the whole thing... I understand the failure feeling...
Even if I know it was the best choice I still feel like a failure, some of my friends actually judge me for abandoning bf.... I feel sad everytime I buy formula or see a woman just wipping out her boob to feed her baby as I have to was bottles, serilise, make formula and heat the whole thing... I understand the failure feeling...
