Katherine - what Dare said.
Because I
was having decreased fetal movement last week, the perinatologist wants to see me again this coming week if no delivery. If there's still decreased movement, we'd be looking at induction because something isn't right. Has nothing to do with due date, more to do with safety/health of baby. So he wants to do another half hour of monitoring, and another biophysical profile (ultrasound that checks blood flow of umbilical cord and placenta, heart rate, baby's response to stimuli, whether there are enough "breathing movements", and the amount of amniotic fluid). My OB wouldn't be discussing induction otherwise; she generally doesn't do it unless overdue, or fetal distress.
Nothing today. Feeling quite big, distended. She's moving fine (or was earlier today - seems to have calmed down a bit). Continuing our countdown...
As far as when to have the second - you have to be on the same page for that. I agree with the other girls. If he's not helping out, it's simply going to create more strain on the two of you and your relationship. Weren't you guys planning on getting married before going for a second? I mean, if you aren't together on this, one of you is bound to resent the other. Whether it be you resenting him for pressuring you, or not doing other things first, or him resenting you for not going along with having a second right away.
I also agree with Dare. I'd rather have the first out of diapers. I have friends who have kids very close together, and it's been difficult for them. Granted, you find a way to cope (look at those with twins).
You can't use the relationship between children as an excuse not to have one at a certain time or not. There's absolutely no way that you can predict whether children close in age or further apart will get along or not. Only time will tell. You have to do what feels right.
I was ready for kids when DH and I got married. He was the one who wasn't ready, and I told him to tell me when he wanted to try (we were a little backwards). We were talking today; we have several friends currently trying for second or discussing the second. DH said that he in truth, didn't even know if he wanted kids (his parents were sick and bed bound for most of his life, he took care of them, and is very bitter that he "didn't have a childhood"). We've discussed the possibility of just having one, and that's it. We will see what happens. Neither of us feels the need to rush for a second, and we will certainly be happy with our little girl. We both come from families of more than one kid (I'm number 1 of 2, he's number 3 of 4, I have 15 cousins, he has about 28), but we want to do what feels right.
I think I'm lucky in that he and I are on the same page for most of our childcare/childbearing issues. We don't have a lot of disagreements.
If you're not ready - bottom line is that you're not ready. You're doing all the work. You do the physical labor (no pun intended). YOU ultimately make the decision. And even if you were to decide to start trying now, who's to say it would happen right away? Things happen, as we all well know.
My parents were married 6 years before they got pregnant with me, and they started trying as soon as they got married. They wanted my sister and I two years apart - we're almost 4. Not for lack of trying, but lack of results. Plus, Mom had an MC between my sister and I.
That's something else you and DH have to think about - if you were to try, get pregnant, and for some reason, something happened - would that be something you would be able to deal with? I think those other issues become magnified when you have a kid already.
I'm rambling, don't mind me.
I just don't think you can let ANYONE pressure you into having kids when you're not ready. It's your life, it's your body, and ultimately, it's YOUR kid. If you and DH are able to sit and talk about it, I think it may help.
