Things I cannot say out loud....
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BrokenfoREVer
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Massive congrats Fergie. Glad you're both safe, rest up.
Love the name. Well done chick
Love the name. Well done chick
Fergie
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Thanks all 
I had a massive blood loss (1.5 / 2 litres) after delivering
. Thankfully though all is okay and i had a brilliant team looking after me and i feel so much better now i'm free and at home. It took a bit of persuasion to let me out though, but half my family are medically trained and i have a Dr living up the road from me so i think i'm just as well at home 
.
Hope you are all okay xx
I had a massive blood loss (1.5 / 2 litres) after delivering
. Thankfully though all is okay and i had a brilliant team looking after me and i feel so much better now i'm free and at home. It took a bit of persuasion to let me out though, but half my family are medically trained and i have a Dr living up the road from me so i think i'm just as well at home .Hope you are all okay xx
Glad you're alive fergie! :wink:
I've found out the date for my mums funeral and I can't go, there's no way I can get there I wasn't sure if I wanted to go but this had made the decision for me.
I feel really guilty not for the fact that I'm not going mostly for if it upsets the rest of the family. I suffer from social anxiety and its freaking me out being there with people I used I know but have grown apart from, also my older brother will be there and it's taken me years to get over (not really over it, more put it behind me and not allow it to control my entire life) what he did I can't fathom willingly going and spending an afternoon in the same room as him.
I can't get there for basic logistical reasons, its at the other end of the country for one thing and I can't afford the fuel. But also as much as funerals are therapeutic for the mourners to help them grieve I don't think my mind is strong enough to cope with all the added pressure I feel like I'm building up pressure and its building to a massive snap, I need to grieve my own way which for me is private, I don't like people to see me upset, I don't like to display my emotions publicly and appear weak, other people's emotions confuse and distress me, I don't know how to fix them and how I'm supposed to respond. People will want hugs and people get touchy feely when they're upset and I can't handle people touching me.
Basically I'm fucked up and desperately trying to hold my mental state together but all anyone will ever see is me pretending everything is ok and my whole famil thinking I'm heartless for not going to the funeral and they will all think that it doesn't bother me that she's gone but it does I can't handle how I'm feeling I don't know how to deal with it apart from closing it behind a big door and dealing with everything in my own way.
I feel like if I go to the funeral I risk losing my grip on myself and that's scary.
Also I just found out today that one of my aunties I got back in contact with got diagnosed with terminal cancer today.
I think I'll get sil to have Flynn for the day and have a few hours to myself to say goodbye, maybe go to church even though I'm an atheist.
Do you think I'm being selfish? Should I try and find a way to get there?
I've found out the date for my mums funeral and I can't go, there's no way I can get there I wasn't sure if I wanted to go but this had made the decision for me.
I feel really guilty not for the fact that I'm not going mostly for if it upsets the rest of the family. I suffer from social anxiety and its freaking me out being there with people I used I know but have grown apart from, also my older brother will be there and it's taken me years to get over (not really over it, more put it behind me and not allow it to control my entire life) what he did I can't fathom willingly going and spending an afternoon in the same room as him.
I can't get there for basic logistical reasons, its at the other end of the country for one thing and I can't afford the fuel. But also as much as funerals are therapeutic for the mourners to help them grieve I don't think my mind is strong enough to cope with all the added pressure I feel like I'm building up pressure and its building to a massive snap, I need to grieve my own way which for me is private, I don't like people to see me upset, I don't like to display my emotions publicly and appear weak, other people's emotions confuse and distress me, I don't know how to fix them and how I'm supposed to respond. People will want hugs and people get touchy feely when they're upset and I can't handle people touching me.
Basically I'm fucked up and desperately trying to hold my mental state together but all anyone will ever see is me pretending everything is ok and my whole famil thinking I'm heartless for not going to the funeral and they will all think that it doesn't bother me that she's gone but it does I can't handle how I'm feeling I don't know how to deal with it apart from closing it behind a big door and dealing with everything in my own way.
I feel like if I go to the funeral I risk losing my grip on myself and that's scary.
Also I just found out today that one of my aunties I got back in contact with got diagnosed with terminal cancer today.
I think I'll get sil to have Flynn for the day and have a few hours to myself to say goodbye, maybe go to church even though I'm an atheist.
Do you think I'm being selfish? Should I try and find a way to get there?
Natsku
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You are not being selfish! Everyone deals with grief differently. For me, I can't handle funerals, I much prefer to grieve on my own and I reckon a lot of other people feel the same way but just go to the funerals because its expected. Don't go if it will be too hard for you, try not to worry about what other people think, they'll get over it, you are the only one you need to worry about right now.
BrokenfoREVer
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You're not being selfish at all Tanya! Not one bit.
You have to remember, she was your mum. No one else will have a relationship with her the way you did, mother to daughter. Even if you hasn't spoken for a while, no one will understand where you're at.
If you need to stay home, go to church, hug Flynn, then you do it. & don't let anyone tell you're wrong or your way of dealing with it is wrong.
Big
You have to remember, she was your mum. No one else will have a relationship with her the way you did, mother to daughter. Even if you hasn't spoken for a while, no one will understand where you're at.
If you need to stay home, go to church, hug Flynn, then you do it. & don't let anyone tell you're wrong or your way of dealing with it is wrong.
Big
Hiya there ladies.. hope u DNT mind me joining in ..just that I really need to get this out,and can't really talk to anyone ..aaaaggggghhhh ....YES I am feed up of feeling pants,and I'm am sick of of not been able to walk prop and being In pain.. I am fooking shitting it about having a lumber puncture done..so if I'm get snappy and ratty,that's why...so please stop expecting me to be smile and happy all the time...the sooner I get answer from the hospital and my head round things..then maybe..
Ahhhh that's feels better... Thank u ladies
...so please stop expecting me to be smile and happy all the time...the sooner I get answer from the hospital and my head round things..then maybe..Ahhhh that's feels better... Thank u ladies
tommyg
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Fergie thank you for sharing some good news, i know you had a tough labour but the big picture is all fantastic you and a wee baby are both home and happy - Congratulations and thanks again for sharing
Tanya, only you can make the decision on the funeral, my worry is if you don't at least get to the service you will regret not going, not sure that I would do the tea / buffet afterward.
Me still struggling with OH's family, hubby's sister is getting married in August and I'm already dreading comments about my wee boy getting a new uncle. I don't want him to get a new one I want the old one back.
Tanya, only you can make the decision on the funeral, my worry is if you don't at least get to the service you will regret not going, not sure that I would do the tea / buffet afterward.
Me still struggling with OH's family, hubby's sister is getting married in August and I'm already dreading comments about my wee boy getting a new uncle. I don't want him to get a new one I want the old one back.
Lettuce
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all round! Meercat
welcome to rant all you want. I've been through a tough few months waiting on diagnosis, turns out it's fibromyalgia but for a while they were thinking ms. It's fecking terrifying and stressful to go through lots of tests.
BrokenfoREVer
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FOB you are exhausting!! Never mind Josh being worn out, you wear us all out. Today I intend to stay in my pjs & not answer you at all.
Also, stop trying to pin everything on my OH. I'm trying to be nice & sort things out, but secretly I think he's a million times a better man than you & you have no idea how hard this is for him. He views Josh as his own & he's struggling to watch you try & waltz in & take over.
Why can't you see my OH isn't the enemy. You both want the same things for Josh.
On the upside, after spending some time with you, in confident you won't be around for long. You're just as stupid, arrogant & rude as you always were & my smart wee boy won't suffer you for long. Much like I didn't with my dad.
Legs & back... Please stop hurting. I promise I'm going to make an appointment for the dr. I'm just scared in case it's something serious, ms runs in the family & I'm concerned.
Also, stop trying to pin everything on my OH. I'm trying to be nice & sort things out, but secretly I think he's a million times a better man than you & you have no idea how hard this is for him. He views Josh as his own & he's struggling to watch you try & waltz in & take over.
Why can't you see my OH isn't the enemy. You both want the same things for Josh.
On the upside, after spending some time with you, in confident you won't be around for long. You're just as stupid, arrogant & rude as you always were & my smart wee boy won't suffer you for long. Much like I didn't with my dad.
Legs & back... Please stop hurting. I promise I'm going to make an appointment for the dr. I'm just scared in case it's something serious, ms runs in the family & I'm concerned.
Natsku
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Lettuce Hope its not ms Broken
Signed the rental agreement for my new home and will get my keys on the 26th so will be moving the last weekend of the month!
Though found out my sauna turn is 20:00-21:00 on saturdays which is a bit late for Maria
x Michelle x
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Emma,
You are my f*cking sister and you haven't seen Tabitha since Xmas eve, and Hayden since October. You manipulated Christmas so you could spend it it your OHs family AGAIN. You even had the cheek to ask mum and dad to visit you at your OHs parents on Christmas Day.
I asked you here for breakfast but you were too busy having a "family" breakfast with your OHs family. What about us! We are family too!
2 little kids aren't going to know their own bloody auntie.
Oh, and when dad emailed you last week, you berated him for the fact that mum hadn't 'apologised' for HER behavior over Christmas? I mean WTF?! You told him you didn't want to make idle chit chat.
Is that why you haven't bothered to email him and ask him how he got on at the hospital on Sunday morning? Or are you too busy with your OHs new niece?
He is really upset with you, I at least hoped you would have common courtesy to take 5 mins out of your busy life to email him. But hey ho, he had some polyps removed which the surgeon thinks aren't dangerous but are being sent away for tests. But you would know that if you bloody cared to ask.
Even through all my posts about the kids being unwell, about Tabitha having her blood tests, about all their achievements and cute as hell photos you can't even press the 'like' button on facebook? OH has deleted you both from his facebook and tbh I'm close to it myself.
And breath!!
You are my f*cking sister and you haven't seen Tabitha since Xmas eve, and Hayden since October. You manipulated Christmas so you could spend it it your OHs family AGAIN. You even had the cheek to ask mum and dad to visit you at your OHs parents on Christmas Day.
I asked you here for breakfast but you were too busy having a "family" breakfast with your OHs family. What about us! We are family too!
2 little kids aren't going to know their own bloody auntie.
Oh, and when dad emailed you last week, you berated him for the fact that mum hadn't 'apologised' for HER behavior over Christmas? I mean WTF?! You told him you didn't want to make idle chit chat.
Is that why you haven't bothered to email him and ask him how he got on at the hospital on Sunday morning? Or are you too busy with your OHs new niece?
He is really upset with you, I at least hoped you would have common courtesy to take 5 mins out of your busy life to email him. But hey ho, he had some polyps removed which the surgeon thinks aren't dangerous but are being sent away for tests. But you would know that if you bloody cared to ask.
Even through all my posts about the kids being unwell, about Tabitha having her blood tests, about all their achievements and cute as hell photos you can't even press the 'like' button on facebook? OH has deleted you both from his facebook and tbh I'm close to it myself.
And breath!!
Lettuce
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I'm sure someone will swap with you nats, maybe someone that doesn't have kids and would prefer later.
But it sounds great, can't wait to see pics.
Oh Michelle hope your dad is ok, that's terrible his own daughter hasn't bothered to ask. But I do totally get you on the "not bothering with the kids" thing. I feel your pain. I think all you can do is rise above it and remind yourself they're the ones missing out on two amazing kids.
But it sounds great, can't wait to see pics.
Oh Michelle
hope your dad is ok, that's terrible his own daughter hasn't bothered to ask. But I do totally get you on the "not bothering with the kids" thing. I feel your pain. I think all you can do is rise above it and remind yourself they're the ones missing out on two amazing kids.
BrokenfoREVer
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Great news on the new place Nats. I'm sure someone will swap
Michelle. I hope your dad is okay. Feel your pain about family tho. Mine are very similar. I cba with most of mine. They only care about them & what's happening to them.
Meat Loaf.... Don't you dare cancel on Friday... Don't you dare!!! I've waited too many yrs too see you & I'm excited beyond words. Get better!!
Michelle. I hope your dad is okay. Feel your pain about family tho. Mine are very similar. I cba with most of mine. They only care about them & what's happening to them. Meat Loaf.... Don't you dare cancel on Friday... Don't you dare!!! I've waited too many yrs too see you & I'm excited beyond words. Get better!!
Hi ladies to everyone's
Lettuce as you can probable gather I'm the same having,a really crappy and bad few months. I'm in the process of find out if is ms or fibromyalgia..
..it's changed my life so much .. The worst pain is walking, OAP walk faster then me. 
. ...plus just had a phone call saying my vitamin d is low..blah ...big hung to u lettuce ..
to everyone'sLettuce as you can probable gather I'm the same having,a really crappy and bad few months. I'm in the process of find out if is ms or fibromyalgia..
..it's changed my life so much .. The worst pain is walking, OAP walk faster then me. . ...plus just had a phone call saying my vitamin d is low..blah ...big hung to u lettuce ..
