Things I cannot say out loud....

[tanya]

Mil, I've asked you repeatedly not to teach and encourage Flynn to suck his hands please stop it, if he wants to suck he has a dummy, I handed you the dummy today
That was kinda when you should have put it in his mouth not put it down on the table (with the teat touching he surface where your cats sit) and shove his hands in his mouth, his hands were germy do you not remember two mins before when he had a handful of cat? The cats soft as shit and lays next to him so he can pull his fur and ears! Dopey git just purrs!
Thanks for changing his nappy for me when I left him there to pick dh up, Yes well done it was straighter than last time and you managed very well (she never changed disposables before) but was it necessary to pull his clothes off the minuite I got back to show me? Yes it's a nappy, I've seen millions of them and poor Flynn was really confused!
I was slightly concerne when I got home and had to change him though... Is there any way you could explain why there was a babywipe IN his nappy? How did you leave it there? Poor baby must have been uncomfortable!

Sil, I don't know which one does it but could you possibly try not to spit toothpaste on the taps? Its gross, I know it's not dh, he has blue gel and it's definitely not me because I don't use toothpaste I have dentures lol

Bloody weather, stop raining! I live on the edge of a country park that I've not got round to visiting yet, I was going for a walk tomorrow but it's raining too hard and the paths will be muddy and slippery an since I'll be babywearin it's not safe, seriously the entrance is nearly opposite our house and I've never ventured in!

And the

 

[MissFox]

DH- PLEASE HELP WITH ROSIE! STOP PLAYING VIDEO GAMES I AM WORKING!!! I am telecommuting to make sure some work gets done and I would appreciate not having to entertain her also. a;lgaiohiorerjfijofooj

 

[Kalah]

To my/my mom's wonderful kitty Carlos: I love you but OMG I am so allergic to you it is not funny. Your fur didn't used to bother me this much but my eyes are so irritated that everything is blurry all day so I can barely see to get my tissues to blow my nose every 5 minutes. Why do you have to be so fluffy your fur is everywhere! I'm not used to having pets and I now have fur on everything! It's on my clothes, my shoes, my bags, the couches, WTH is going on here go away fur!! I've swept and mopped and wet dusted and cleaned the couches all which wearing a dust mask but still my allergies are driving me up the wall.
Also, I know I used to let you cuddle up with me to sleep at night but I really can't do it anymore because your fur clogs up my nose and I can't breath so please stop trying to cuddle up with me when I go to bed because I don't have the heart to push you away =(

On the bright side, Kili has met a big fat cat and a tiny tiny dog for the first time (she's never been around domestic animals) and she f**king loves them. She laughs her face off as she pets them and it's so cute.

 

[StarlitHome]

Just minor ones...

DH's Aunty - please please please don't say anything to push my buttons when we see you tomorrow, I know you're old and ignorant about babies but PLEASE, rein it in I don't need the stress!

MIL - if I say "I think she needs to eat more" after you've held Molly for a few minutes and she's fussing, I'm probably right as I'm her mama...

SIL - she's too little to understand peekaboo. Sorry. Wait a couple weeks, okay?

(I'll probably have more tomorrow.......)

 

[Natsku]

To Maria: Please be nice to the other babies at baby group today. Do not try and gouge their eyes out. Also please don't wake up from your nap yet, mummy wants breakfast.

 

[GDrag]

OH - don't pretend that you forgot about using a condom, I KNOW you want more children. I do too but this is a bit soon after Boo. If I'm preggers I will make sure that it's triplets and YOU will raise them. Alone.

MIL - Nope, his tummy doesn't hurt because he's not wearing shoes. He is smiling. And happy. As always. I won't put shoes on his feet before he start walking, and he's not cold, it's summer ffs. Get a grip.

All the old ladies of this weekend - nope, he's not hungry, if he was I would feed him. Not jam-tarts or sweets but boobie juice. And don't look so shocked that I haven't started to wean yet, that will happen when both he and I are good and ready.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

OH - don't pretend that you forgot about using a condom, I KNOW you want more children. I do too but this is a bit soon after Boo. If I'm preggers I will make sure that it's triplets and YOU will raise them. Alone.

Thought it was the woman that was meant to 'forget' her contraception in a bid to get pregnant

 

[Ozzieshunni]

 

[GDrag]

OH - don't pretend that you forgot about using a condom, I KNOW you want more children. I do too but this is a bit soon after Boo. If I'm preggers I will make sure that it's triplets and YOU will raise them. Alone.

Thought it was the woman that was meant to 'forget' her contraception in a bid to get pregnant

OH didn't want any children, it took some convincing to have the one. Now that LO's here OH enjoys it so much he wants only 4 / 5!

 

[Lety]

OH - I do NOT have PND you are just pissing me off so quit saying it!

 

[missVN]

OH- you are a selfish prick and right now I don't like you very much at all Thank you for leaving me with a grizzly,over tired baby who will not sleep while you go for a nap because you are tired And please stop rubbing it in with snoring,I'm going to bash you round the head with a very heavy object if you don't stop

 

[Ilikecake]

Dear J....YOU are a little monkey!!! You have never ever slept longer then 4 hours in a row. Mummy has gotten up with you every night for almost 7 months now. Daddy has never ever gotten up with you...so why...when daddy noticed mummy was on the brink of exhaustion and said he'd do the night shift for a night....did you sleep through?!

Little sod!!!

 

[Cupkake.Luver]

Dear LO,

Why did you stop sleeping throught he night? Mommy enjoyed it so much when I got sleep...now, I wanna rip my face off from working 12 hour shifts to sitting up with you all night. I love you but its NOT COOL!

 

[Scarlett316]

This is a bit random but.....

Mil, the burgundy sofa you just had delivered is gorgeous and the terracotta one you got rid of was horrendous so good decision.

But are you seriously telling me that it never occurred to you at all that once you had the new sofa, that your curtains, rug, wallpaper, cushions and ornaments wouldn't match. Seriously???????? That's a very special kind of stupid!!!!

 

[lisaf]

LOL!

 

[Mizze]

This is a bit random but.....

Mil, the burgundy sofa you just had delivered is gorgeous and the terracotta one you got rid of was horrendous so good decision.

But are you seriously telling me that it never occurred to you at all that once you had the new sofa, that your curtains, rug, wallpaper, cushions and ornaments wouldn't match. Seriously???????? That's a very special kind of stupid!!!!

Mizze x

 

[Lettuce]

DH... The reason your jeans are still wet is cos you didn't take the washing out the machine. Fanny. After I asked you to, 4 times!
Oh yeah, and when I come home from taking Jen out the whole day, don't you dare tell e you are tired. And that you want to play your xbox to "wind down" you must think I'm an idiot if you don't realise I know you were playing it while I was out instead of working.
WHEN IS MY DOWNTIME.!?!?!!
I'm up when she gets up during the night, I get up with her in the morning, I care for her all day, except the odd nappy, or when I put her in your arms and go to do housework, and I put her to bed (about 10.30) and then I go to sleep. I want some me time!
Jenny, please do what other babies do and go to bed at 7 or 8! I'd like to read a book sometime! xx

 

[cowboys angel]

Mine does that too, goes to sleep between 9 and 11:30.

But she sleeps til 8-9 so.....

 

[Eliza_V]

DH: You finish work at 5pm. We started this new bedtome routine yesterday where we have dinner when you get home from work (6-6.30) and then she's in the bath at 9, and in bed by 10, so we get 2 hours to ourselves. You come home at 8pm (12 hours on my own with her is exhausting), but neglect to tell me so I can't even eat something myself. When her bedtime gets moved to 7pm when shes a bit bigger, you will miss time with your daughter if this keeps up. I'm not keeping her up for your sake.

LO: Thank you for sleeping from 10-12pm last night, and then doing a dreamfeed without any fuss! But waking up at 4am for another feed (which you don't normally do, you used to sleep 12-6 or 1-7am) and then screaming 'til 6am was NOT appreciated. Please don't do it again tonight

 

[Eliza_V]

This is a bit random but.....

Mil, the burgundy sofa you just had delivered is gorgeous and the terracotta one you got rid of was horrendous so good decision.

But are you seriously telling me that it never occurred to you at all that once you had the new sofa, that your curtains, rug, wallpaper, cushions and ornaments wouldn't match. Seriously???????? That's a very special kind of stupid!!!!

Sounds like something I would do!! (actually.. something similar to what I have done! )