Things I cannot say out loud....
- Thread starter Scarlett316
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BabyBoo36
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RIP Bren. You were on of the most kind, generous, friendly people I ever had the pleasure of meeting and we will all miss you. Sleep tight xxx
BrokenfoREVer
Goth Mummy (:
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babyboo
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BabyBoo36
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Thank you. She was a friend who only discovered she had aggressive, terminal cancer last week. Yesterday she sent us all a really upbeat message saying her cancer nurse had been really positive about slowing the disease and she was feeling so positive - she died early this am. I'm just in shock and so sad. Have just had to phone DH at work and tell him. I'll always treasure the fact that she's on my wedding photos thou x
O
Ozzieshunni
Guest
boo 
Sorry to hear that babyboo
So, I finally have time to update, rather than posting on the odd thread here and there lol.
DH and I are MUCH better. Seems that hitting rock bottom has done us some good. The counselling thing went down the drain; Relate made us go to an "initial" session which had just turned into mud-slinging, as you guys already know, due to to only finding out that he was watching porn on a regular basis and doing everything in his power to hide it (in the house, at work, incognito browsers on his phone etc) while still always refusing sex etc, not appreciating me at all, etc etc.. You know the story. The idea was for us to move on to sex therapy, as by definition, what he had was an addiction to it, and it was also to address the inadequacy he felt in bed which is what - he says - made him watch it in the first place as there was "no pressure". Pretty common problem addressed in sex therapy. Problem is, they said it wouldn't be "suitable" as there was a lot of anger in the relationship... Yeah, try 3 years of sexual frustration, and having my trust shattered into little pieces, which then created a whole host of NEW problems all snowballing ontop of one another, all because of a SEX issue.. So what would fix it? Sex therapy. But they said no, they wanted us to go to courses of individual counselling first (what would that solve, other than making it feel more secretive?), then relationship counselling (long course), then MAYBE they'd let us do sex therapy. Er...
1) Where would the magical money come from to pay for ALL of that, it's so expensive! 2) We're VERY limited in regards to childcare options, we can't take the p*ss when a couple of the other mums I know said they can watch LO occasionally for a SHORT while and 3) It's a waste of bloody time! All we'd be talking about the WHOLE time is trust, inadequacy, lack of sex, lack of appreciated, and how that's affected the rest of our relationship. Soooo, that went down the drain as we spent WEEKS arguing with them. They'd agree, then I'd get a letter in the post a couple of days later saying they changed their mind. This happened over and over again. So we'be given up. They seem to think that we don't TALK outside of their counselling rooms, but we have, and we've talked A LOT.. Sure, we've argued a bit, but we know to walk away and come back to it. As things seem to be better at the moment the sex therapy has gone on the back-burner, but we've both agreed to find somewhere else to go if we feel we need to a couple of months down the line.
We did initially decide to divorce, and DH was being a dick about it and changing his mind a few times a day.. One minute i had his wedding ring in my hand, then he'd change his mind, then I'd ring him to see how he was doing (his Grandad died the day after I told him I wanted a divorce...
) and then he'd tell me he'd changed his mind again. I lost my patience in the end and said it wasn't fair as this went on for a couple of weeks. Even as we were picking up LO's christening dress. That night we were finally able to speak properly, and I think he finally realised how that was making me feel, and he hasn't said it since. We were 200 miles away for LOs christening that weekend so it was a nice distraction, then we had to go another 150 miles the other way for his Grandads funeral, so I think he then saw I can still support him. We've been great since we got back. We're back in the same room (although his stuff is still in the spare room, we're moving it back soon) and... WE'RE HAVING SEX. GREAT SEX. Just, omg. (and, TMI, we filmed some which I'm sending over to him in dribs and drabs so he has some new material on his phone and has no excuse for watching porn again, haha). He's realised he isn't inadequate, he's actually *listened* to some tips for lasting longer, and realised that they actually *work* if he tries! We spoke again about the reasons he watched porn, he has FINALLY realised why it's such a problem (one of his old friends also helped with that, as she was friends with a lot of his old girlfriends and told me to tell him that a lot of his old relationships went sour because of it as well, but he honestly didn't see it and just assumed all relationships go sour after a while with him.. Can't be the lack of sex and volume of porn, and you not appreciating them and then ignoring them, obviously.. 
which just added to feelings of inadequacy) and he's assured me he doesn't want to do it anymore, and promised to tell me if he gets any "urges" to, even if it's embarrasing to talk about.. Not for me to get mad at him, but so we can address what has made him feel that watching it is the answer to whatever problem he's having at the time. It's taken A LOT of patience (and feeling sick) on my part, but I think it's finally paying off. I think he's realised that when you tell me the truth straight away, I'm a hell of a lot calmer!
He even says he thinks about me (only a little bit, small steps) when he's at work now, whereas before he couldn't care less, and actually enjoyed that he wasn't with me. I used to dread him coming home, but now I look forward to it a bit more. He's more patient about the house (still never understood that one anyway, he's a lazy buggar and used to practically live in squalor haha), and yeah, we're getting there. Still got some work to do, but were generally feeling A LOT more positive about things.
Thank you so much ladies for letting me vent to you the last couple of months.. You've been my rock I also feel better now I'm getting out the house more - I've done the beginners Pole Fitness course and I start the Advanced class tonight (I've been upside down already, hehe) and I'm starting Aerial Silks for 4 weeks next month too! I also bought some new underwear and UNDERWIRED bras as I'm stopping breastfeeding this week (speaking of massive bra sizes, my nursing bra was a 28J... 
) and I hope to tone up and generally feel better about myself! To my breasts: thank you for shrinking a teeny bit.. Please keep going, since I've been turned down for a breast reduction despite waiting nearly 3 years for it!!
Ooh Lettuce just noticed your post about my dress from LO's christening... Thanks hun
Wasps in my garden: FUCK OFF. I can't even go out for a cigarette when I'm stressing out because I'm so scared of you. I can go in the front garden, but then the neighbours will see me, and I'm ashamed that I started up again a couple of months after LO was born...
So, I finally have time to update, rather than posting on the odd thread here and there lol.
DH and I are MUCH better. Seems that hitting rock bottom has done us some good. The counselling thing went down the drain; Relate made us go to an "initial" session which had just turned into mud-slinging, as you guys already know, due to to only finding out that he was watching porn on a regular basis and doing everything in his power to hide it (in the house, at work, incognito browsers on his phone etc) while still always refusing sex etc, not appreciating me at all, etc etc.. You know the story. The idea was for us to move on to sex therapy, as by definition, what he had was an addiction to it, and it was also to address the inadequacy he felt in bed which is what - he says - made him watch it in the first place as there was "no pressure". Pretty common problem addressed in sex therapy. Problem is, they said it wouldn't be "suitable" as there was a lot of anger in the relationship... Yeah, try 3 years of sexual frustration, and having my trust shattered into little pieces, which then created a whole host of NEW problems all snowballing ontop of one another, all because of a SEX issue.. So what would fix it? Sex therapy. But they said no, they wanted us to go to courses of individual counselling first (what would that solve, other than making it feel more secretive?), then relationship counselling (long course), then MAYBE they'd let us do sex therapy. Er...
1) Where would the magical money come from to pay for ALL of that, it's so expensive! 2) We're VERY limited in regards to childcare options, we can't take the p*ss when a couple of the other mums I know said they can watch LO occasionally for a SHORT while and 3) It's a waste of bloody time! All we'd be talking about the WHOLE time is trust, inadequacy, lack of sex, lack of appreciated, and how that's affected the rest of our relationship. Soooo, that went down the drain as we spent WEEKS arguing with them. They'd agree, then I'd get a letter in the post a couple of days later saying they changed their mind. This happened over and over again. So we'be given up. They seem to think that we don't TALK outside of their counselling rooms, but we have, and we've talked A LOT.. Sure, we've argued a bit, but we know to walk away and come back to it. As things seem to be better at the moment the sex therapy has gone on the back-burner, but we've both agreed to find somewhere else to go if we feel we need to a couple of months down the line.We did initially decide to divorce, and DH was being a dick about it and changing his mind a few times a day.. One minute i had his wedding ring in my hand, then he'd change his mind, then I'd ring him to see how he was doing (his Grandad died the day after I told him I wanted a divorce...
) and then he'd tell me he'd changed his mind again. I lost my patience in the end and said it wasn't fair as this went on for a couple of weeks. Even as we were picking up LO's christening dress. That night we were finally able to speak properly, and I think he finally realised how that was making me feel, and he hasn't said it since. We were 200 miles away for LOs christening that weekend so it was a nice distraction, then we had to go another 150 miles the other way for his Grandads funeral, so I think he then saw I can still support him. We've been great since we got back. We're back in the same room (although his stuff is still in the spare room, we're moving it back soon) and... WE'RE HAVING SEX. GREAT SEX. Just, omg. (and, TMI, we filmed some which I'm sending over to him in dribs and drabs so he has some new material on his phone and has no excuse for watching porn again, haha). He's realised he isn't inadequate, he's actually *listened* to some tips for lasting longer, and realised that they actually *work* if he tries! We spoke again about the reasons he watched porn, he has FINALLY realised why it's such a problem (one of his old friends also helped with that, as she was friends with a lot of his old girlfriends and told me to tell him that a lot of his old relationships went sour because of it as well, but he honestly didn't see it and just assumed all relationships go sour after a while with him.. Can't be the lack of sex and volume of porn, and you not appreciating them and then ignoring them, obviously.. which just added to feelings of inadequacy) and he's assured me he doesn't want to do it anymore, and promised to tell me if he gets any "urges" to, even if it's embarrasing to talk about.. Not for me to get mad at him, but so we can address what has made him feel that watching it is the answer to whatever problem he's having at the time. It's taken A LOT of patience (and feeling sick) on my part, but I think it's finally paying off. I think he's realised that when you tell me the truth straight away, I'm a hell of a lot calmer!He even says he thinks about me (only a little bit, small steps) when he's at work now, whereas before he couldn't care less, and actually enjoyed that he wasn't with me. I used to dread him coming home, but now I look forward to it a bit more. He's more patient about the house (still never understood that one anyway, he's a lazy buggar and used to practically live in squalor haha), and yeah, we're getting there. Still got some work to do, but were generally feeling A LOT more positive about things.
Thank you so much ladies for letting me vent to you the last couple of months.. You've been my rock
I also feel better now I'm getting out the house more - I've done the beginners Pole Fitness course and I start the Advanced class tonight (I've been upside down already, hehe) and I'm starting Aerial Silks for 4 weeks next month too! I also bought some new underwear and UNDERWIRED bras as I'm stopping breastfeeding this week (speaking of massive bra sizes, my nursing bra was a 28J... ) and I hope to tone up and generally feel better about myself! To my breasts: thank you for shrinking a teeny bit.. Please keep going, since I've been turned down for a breast reduction despite waiting nearly 3 years for it!! Ooh Lettuce just noticed your post about my dress from LO's christening... Thanks hun
Wasps in my garden: FUCK OFF. I can't even go out for a cigarette when I'm stressing out because I'm so scared of you. I can go in the front garden, but then the neighbours will see me, and I'm ashamed that I started up again a couple of months after LO was born...
O
Ozzieshunni
Guest
Yay Vixie! I'm so glad to hear a positive update 
Thanks ladies 
Yeah I'm really pleased. Obviously I'm still a little skeptical, and it's hard to pretend that he didn't say all of those nasty things and some days I do get down about it.. But I'm doing some online CBT courses to help with my negative thought-processes, and I'm going to encourage DH to do the same since he doesn't have "time" for any therapy and he doesn't like the people that he's had counselling with before.. So this is the perfect way for him, then 
xx
Yeah I'm really pleased. Obviously I'm still a little skeptical, and it's hard to pretend that he didn't say all of those nasty things and some days I do get down about it.. But I'm doing some online CBT courses to help with my negative thought-processes, and I'm going to encourage DH to do the same since he doesn't have "time" for any therapy and he doesn't like the people that he's had counselling with before.. So this is the perfect way for him, then xx
Fergie
Rainbows & angel mummy
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Bratty neighbourhood kids ... please go play somewhere else. It was 10pm before we got some peace and quiet last night and to start at 7am this morning is really the final straw. Just all of you go piss off 
Boo ... why oh why do you wait til you have a nice, clean & dry nappy on before you decide to have a poo ??. Always a clean nappy and never a dirty one 
Boo ... why oh why do you wait til you have a nice, clean & dry nappy on before you decide to have a poo ??. Always a clean nappy and never a dirty one
OH, please get the fuck up and help me in the night. It has been WEEKS that LO won't sleep for more than an hour at a time without waking and I can't do this on my own 
I get that you have to work in the week but at weekends you could help me. Also, just because you were getting up early to go fishing today does not give you an excuse to lay there pretending not to hear
Yes, I breastfeed but he doesn't need the boob every time he wakes up and just occasionally it would be nice to be allowed to just lay in bed while someone else settled him. You now have 2 weeks off work so I expect to see your arse hopping out of bed now and again to help with YOUR baby. You are going to see a whole new meaning the term mushroom cloud laying MF if you don't
I get that you have to work in the week but at weekends you could help me. Also, just because you were getting up early to go fishing today does not give you an excuse to lay there pretending not to hear Yes, I breastfeed but he doesn't need the boob every time he wakes up and just occasionally it would be nice to be allowed to just lay in bed while someone else settled him. You now have 2 weeks off work so I expect to see your arse hopping out of bed now and again to help with YOUR baby. You are going to see a whole new meaning the term mushroom cloud laying MF if you don't
Lettuce
Getting better at this...
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Ouch firefly! Jen has just starred sleeping longer and I firmly believe the reason is cos DH goes in sometimes now. Can you make a deal that he does any wake ups before 12 and after 6? Or something? That was our deal occasionally when she was really bad and DH had to go to work. I'd put her to bed about 7:30/8 and go to bed myself, then he'd do any wake ups til he came to bed (he likes to stay up late), I'd do the night shift til 6am. At weekends we took turn about. It's only fair!
Jen has just starred sleeping longer and I firmly believe the reason is cos DH goes in sometimes now. Can you make a deal that he does any wake ups before 12 and after 6? Or something? That was our deal occasionally when she was really bad and DH had to go to work. I'd put her to bed about 7:30/8 and go to bed myself, then he'd do any wake ups til he came to bed (he likes to stay up late), I'd do the night shift til 6am. At weekends we took turn about. It's only fair! 
Emmy1987
Mummy to a princess!
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Auntie.... Why THANKS. I ask about jobs where you work as you got my cousin a TEACHING job when he has no qualifications to do so and gets paid almost £17 an hour and you tell me it's too late in the year and I have to go through the agency website... yet you managed to get my cousin work last week?????? "Treat you both the same" MY FUCKING ARSE. My mother would have never done to him what you have done to me.
