Things not to say to a premmie mummy - share your stories!

[mom2eight]

I am glad to see people who felt the same way I did. My daughter was born at 31 weeks and spent a month in the NICU. The comments people made never made me feel better only reminded me that I had pre eclampsia and she came early..!! I had to be put to sleep for the delivery so I woke up to my Husband and my brother not my baby. She is 14 months old now and on her 1st birthday my brother had to remind me he was the second person to see my daughter when she was born. I think I was the 4th. As you can see it still bothers me 'just a tiny bit" still. People need to think before they speak!

 

[Foogirl]

I am glad to see people who felt the same way I did. My daughter was born at 31 weeks and spent a month in the NICU. The comments people made never made me feel better only reminded me that I had pre eclampsia and she came early..!! I had to be put to sleep for the delivery so I woke up to my Husband and my brother not my baby. She is 14 months old now and on her 1st birthday my brother had to remind me he was the second person to see my daughter when she was born. I think I was the 4th. As you can see it still bothers me 'just a tiny bit" still. People need to think before they speak!

If my brother said that, he'd get a thumping. There is no excuse for such insensitivity.

 

[angelstardust]

I liked the comments about them growing up big and strong. Liked being reminded that they wouldn't be tiny, fragile babies forever and a little glimpse into a future where I didn't have to worry all the time (ha! yeah, as if!). I also took the 'looks like a doll' comments to mean they were perfect looking (no random glob of snot or flakey bit of dry skin hanging over their eye).

I did (and still do) hate it when people say I was lucky because they had horrific heartburn from 36 weeks and I got to miss that. Because both of us being in intensive care is so much better than heartburn.

 

[Foogirl]

I liked the comments about them growing up big and strong. Liked being reminded that they wouldn't be tiny, fragile babies forever and a little glimpse into a future where I didn't have to worry all the time (ha! yeah, as if!)

It was nice to hear - once or twice. But after the 50th time someone has said it, it did get really annoying!

 

[AP]

Thanks to Foo I have re-read this, wondering if i see new light. i don't. All I see is all of us threatening to thump, slap or throw someone down the stair preemies make us mental

 

[Foogirl]

Thanks to Foo I have re-read this, wondering if i see new light. i don't. All I see is all of us threatening to thump, slap or throw someone down the stair preemies make us mental

I was just having a wee read of it myself. These things still piss me off!

 

[AP]

I dunno if time makes it better or not tbh its something that sticks x x

 

[Foogirl]

I dunno if time makes it better or not tbh its something that sticks x x

It's wierd. Time made it better for me, I was eventually fine about the whole thing until about 6 months ago, then found it started to bother me again

 

[AP]

^ i think you're right. I said similar to the midwife when i was in labour- sometimes its all ok and im strong about it but it always comes back to remind me for a bit.

 

[Hotmum]

i hate it when people dismiss what we went through by interrupting and saying 'oh but he's fine now, isn't he!', as if just because he is okay now somehow discounts the trauma and upset of having a premature baby.

i also hate it when i tell people i had severe preeclampsia and had sam prematurely say to me things like 'oh i know just how you feel, i had sereve preeclampsia too at 38 weeks and had to be induced so i ended up in hospital for 3 days'. i know that can be so difficult for them, for multiple reasons, so not to discount their own difficult experience, but they can't claim to understand what it is like to have an early low birth weight baby who needs NICU/SCBU care for weeks.

TRUE -HIGH FIVE !

lol

I know any kinda of complications during pregnancy or post-partum can be hard... But I had mine at 34 and I have a good chance of having this one at 31!!! Because of the f*#&@* pre eclampsia ( sorry I just hate the disease)
and i get sooo much people like- ´´ NO you will be fine, I had pre E too and stayed at the hospital for 4 days before going home !´´

-´´oh, and how long were you pregnant``

- ´´37+5 weeks ! Can you believe it?``

men... i had a 34... I stayed 14 DAYS not 4, I may stay again a MONTH not 4... I am suffering really bad with headaches, backpain, high blood pressure and contractions !

Taking Ivs, meds, steroid shots, and you think this is a competition? I am sorry I dont want to compete with ANY one, I am to be the looser and have a healthy full term, than having another premie...

Anyways ! I agree girl, there is some WEIRD competitive people !

=)

 

[bob2331]

wHy do people always ask you how old your baby is, and when u tell them, they say are u sure!!! No i forgot about going through hell and back and really i had him last week!!!

I have had someone, about 2 months ago now, in harvester, come up to me and say, i thought that was a doll u had in the high chair! WTF do u see many dolls in highchairs now adays!

I think all of us must get the old 'at lesat u didnt have to push out a big baby' or at least you could to get some sleep before they came home!!!

I have never had a termie and never will, but it must be so different or are we just that little crazy after going through our premmies xx

 

[Hotmum]

kitty, that's another one that drives me mad, people thinking that having them in SCBU is a rest. especially when expressing milk every few hours during the night (and day!) but not being able to nap with baby during the day, because it's not like you can kip down in the hospital for a cuddle and a nap. you just end up awake day and night getting more and more emotional and exhausted.

TRUEEE

i HATE when people say ´´how good it is`` to rest before baby comes home...

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING !

We dont rest lol , we go back and forth to the hospital several times a day (at least I did lol ), we wake up in the middle of the night NOT BECAUSE WE GOTTA feed our little one but because we have to PUMP =(

anyways. done rsrs

 

[Dasy25]

I have had someone, about 2 months ago now, in harvester, come up to me and say, i thought that was a doll u had in the high chair! WTF do u see many dolls in highchairs now adays!

I hate that comment sooooo much and get it most days....today i had Ella in the baby seat of a trolley and the checkout woman said (as i was buying her pyjama's) "Oh my god it's a doll!" Eh actually NO! Like i'm in the habit of bringing my doll around the supermarket and buy them PJ's!!!!! Grrrr It's so so irritating!!!

 

[Funbella]

Hi new to these forums; we were expecting twins, went into labour at 24 weeks and lost one due to complications, the other survived.

What's really surprising is, having met a surprising amount of parents of twins of which one survived, the amount of times people say "at least you've got one".

It's a difficult thing to explain to someone about your dreams, hopes and aspirations that are dashed through many months of NICU.

Part of me tries to understand how I would have reacted pre-baby with that information and if I would have said the same thing. I also find it's easier to understand people's knee-jerk reactions to difficult questions having been through all of this, and to choose when to explain, and when to brush their questions off completely.

 

[EmSmith1980]

I had Anya at 23+6, and it was touch and go for quite a few weeks. One idiot said to me "well at least if anything happens to her, you've got your other 3 kids". Still brings me to tears thinking about it. Like it would be ok if she died because I had 3 older children. :'(

 

[Scottiemum]

i hate it when people dismiss what we went through by interrupting and saying 'oh but he's fine now, isn't he!', as if just because he is okay now somehow discounts the trauma and upset of having a premature baby.

Thats the thing that gets me too. The experience of having a preemie doesnt stop when LO gets home.

Yeah that gets to me too...when they say "oh shes fine now" and I'm like "yes" but what am I going to say in the middle of eg supermarket, office..."well health wise fab but not sure how she will be developmentally " tough!

or

How old is she now?......."15 months". Oh is she walking? "No" and then feel like I have to go into the reasons why not and then see the shocked looks and them not knowing what to say back..awkward!

 

[freddiesmum]

I have another little boy at home so on thursday and fridays I spend the day time at home with him and the night at the hospital with teeny and one the NICU nurses said to me 'i'll see you thursday day then' and then quickly follwed by 'oh no, i forgot, your just a part time mum'!!!! YOU HAVENT GOT ANY BLOODY CHILDREN SO YOU HAVE NO FLIPPIN IDEA HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE TO SPILT YOUR TIME, TO SIT WATCHING ONE OF YOUR BABIES FIGHTING SOOOO HARD AND THEN DESPERATLY WANTING TO SEE THE OTHER FOR A TINT BIT OF NORMALITY!! IMBICILE!! rant over lol
*hugs and wishes*

 

[AP]

:O a friggin pert time mum
Omg wat a cheeky bitch!

 

[Cloberella]

I was in the clinic the other day and one of the mums said to me that having a baby late was 'worse in a lot of ways'. No, no it isn't.

I get the 'he looks like a doll' a lot too, and 'well he's fine now'. Yeah he's fine now so I'll just erase all those weeks of anguish, the memory of him stopping breathing and turning blue and get over it because he's fine 'now'.

 

[Laura2919]

I had someone stop me in Asda to ask why I was pushing around two dollies in a pram and then the next time I went my mums friends daughter was in there and she thought the same.. Mind you there are some people out there who do crazy things so hey ho. Lol