This morning

[MommyJogger]

Wow. The more I read from this guy, the more I want to punch him. His wife and son had a traumatic birth, poor him. His wife was mentally scarred by internals, poor him. His wife's body was changed by preg and childbirth, poor him. The baby his wife takes care of is high needs, poor him. Excuse me for a minute, I just realized DH deserves a BJ for being incapable of this level of selfishness. I'm gonna hold my family a little tighter tonight.

 

[fannyadams]

I agree there are parts that don't sit easy with me.
As others have mentioned-the morning thing, the relaxing evenings, the clingy thing, the cot at 2.5 and the whole why not be in the room with him.
I don't know why Denise didn't challenge him on any of these-I would be interested to hear his response.

Amy didnt go in a bed til she was 3 So what??

Because he was climbing out! Fine if lo is ok in a cot but surely once they can climb out its time for a bed?

 

[OmarsMum]

My friend locks his 3.5 yrs in his room when he goes to sleep, they have the monitor on. One day their neighbor knocked on their door early in the morning. Their kid managed to unlock the front door & was heading to the supermarket. The mum was hysterical when she found the kid outside. The door was locked & the keys were kept so high in a box, but he still managed to climb up, get the keys & leave the house at 6 am.

They found the cat in the washing machine one morning & he was going to start it!

He tried to make him own milk in the mornings using the stove. This is in addition to filling the tub & going in unsupervised.

Co-sleeping is not an option, the kid is big for his age, he doesn't like to sleep in his parents bed & there is no space in the room for an extra bed. In the morning before my friend goes to work, he moves the kid to their bedroom even if he's awake & locks in the mum & the kid inside (mum has spare keys).

They're worried about his safety, they co-slept until he was almost 3, but since then he refused to sleep with someone in the room with him. Even when the mum tried to move to his room it didn't work, he did not sleep at all.

 

[Natsku]

Thats a good point Omarsmum - some kids just don't want to bedshare or sleep in the same room so for kids like that (who do escaping acts at night) the safest thing is to lock them in their room.

 

[lozzy21]

I think there is a massive difference between locking the door but going to them if they were needed and locking the door and not going back for 12 hours even if they cry.

 

[Lina]

Thats a good point Omarsmum - some kids just don't want to bedshare or sleep in the same room so for kids like that (who do escaping acts at night) the safest thing is to lock them in their room.

Totally agree with this. My 19 month old refuses to cosleep/bedshare now, even though he did so for the first 14 months of his life. Thankfully for me he fits very well in his cot, but I dread the big bed change as he easily opens doors and is a little explorer.

 

[Natsku]

I think there is a massive difference between locking the door but going to them if they were needed and locking the door and not going back for 12 hours even if they cry.

Thats true as well. I wouldn't leave Maria alone for 12 hours if she cries but then again she does settle easily if I just go in once now but I did have to do CC to get to that point. But I guess with a child that nothing else works for then CIO would be the last resort in a desperate situation as true sleep deprivation is very bad for everyone involved.

 

[smelly07]

ouch - that was painful to read - Both my daughters were cuddled - rocked to sleep as babies - i never co-slept but their cots were in our room until they went into beds at 18 months old - then i would sit with them until they fell asleep (as they both wanted)- my eldest would wake up and come in to our bed on and off until she was 5.
My youngest who is 3.5 - i still lay with until she falls asleep and quite often she will wake and come in our bed - i know she will grow out of this when she is ready -just like my eldest did.

This doesnt intervere with our sleep or sex life -
They are happy - we are happy.

Also my husband is a firefighter and they suggest doors should be shut but never locked x

 

[MommyJogger]

Also my husband is a firefighter and they suggest doors should be shut but never locked x

^^Really excellent thought that I'm ashamed to say never even occurred to me.

 

[MommyJogger]

Sorry I keep harping on this, but this has started a tic in my left eye that won't go away and I can't stop thinking about it-- is it really possible to have the "evening relaxation" they were apparently missing knowing that your 3 year-old is sad/alone (and not wanting to be)/scared? How can you make love in the next room knowing you're hurting your child's feelings and not being there for him? And am I the only co-sleeper who waits until he's conked out and gets dirty on the bedroom floor? If anything, our bed-sharing son has made the sex we do have more creative-- it's like being a teen again and sneaking around so your parents don't find out. I'm pretty sure if DH said that watching me give life to his offspring put him off sex for a year or dared mention anything about excess nipple enlargement or bagginess (esp when he's not an attractive specimen), that would put me off sex for life. His wife's a hottie! That a man could be so lucky and not appreciate it just gets on my tits (I think that's the phrase I've seen used; it's my second favorite to "knob").

 

[Jaylynne]

When I first read it, it seemed extremely drastic but the child needs sleep! Then I thought how the hell is it fair to allow a child to get into such a habit and then rip him out of it. How about the parent sleeping in the childs room with him with the door shut (and locked from inside higher up if needed) until he got used to sleeping in his own room with the door firmly shut?

 

[smelly07]

Agree ^^^^^^^ when it got to the point that my eldest was getting too big for our bed and started to sleep like a starfish and my husband couldnt sleep - i would go jump in my daughters bed with her if she woke up - this didnt bother me - this to me was part of being a parent and making sure my child was secure and happy and that we all got the sleep we needed.

I remember our mutual friends were shocked by this, then after having their first son and he was a few years old - they said 'we know where you are coming from now' and the mother would do the same!!

My daughters however would go to bed at 7 and would only wake up during the night at some point - so we still had our evenings and time for some loving.

 

[chell5544]

I also think they could of done things differently and I'm sure the habit the child got into will now be a mistake the parents we learn not to make again, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes to learn from them.

However to me I don't see what they did any different to letting an 18 month old CIO in his cot, an 18 month old would prob not of cried for 3 hours but a 3 year old can push and keep going for a lot longer which is one of the reason if I ever felt like I needed to do sleep training I would do it at a younger age.

Not everyone is going to agree as not everyone is happy with CIO method however it was not abuse and to a certain extent we all lock our kids up I have my front door locked as DD1 can now reach the lock and open the door. If she was standing screaming at the front door to be let out I'm not exactly going to open the front door and say off you go then try not to get run over lol

 

[Natsku]

Sorry I keep harping on this, but this has started a tic in my left eye that won't go away and I can't stop thinking about it-- is it really possible to have the "evening relaxation" they were apparently missing knowing that your 3 year-old is sad/alone (and not wanting to be)/scared? How can you make love in the next room knowing you're hurting your child's feelings and not being there for him? And am I the only co-sleeper who waits until he's conked out and gets dirty on the bedroom floor? If anything, our bed-sharing son has made the sex we do have more creative-- it's like being a teen again and sneaking around so your parents don't find out. I'm pretty sure if DH said that watching me give life to his offspring put him off sex for a year or dared mention anything about excess nipple enlargement or bagginess (esp when he's not an attractive specimen), that would put me off sex for life. His wife's a hottie! That a man could be so lucky and not appreciate it just gets on my tits (I think that's the phrase I've seen used; it's my second favorite to "knob").

Depends if you have a child that wakes up easy. Now Maria is older I have to be in a different room to have sex as otherwise she'll wake up. Your child is still so young - a lot can change in a couple of years. And bedsharing gets a lot less fun once they start moving about more and taking up most of the bed! On the odd occasion that Maria comes into bed with me now she usually ends up lying across my face or something else equally uncomfortable!

 

[LoraLoo]

I also think they could of done things differently and I'm sure the habit the child got into will now be a mistake the parents we learn not to make again, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes to learn from them.

However to me I don't see what they did any different to letting an 18 month old CIO in his cot, an 18 month old would prob not of cried for 3 hours but a 3 year old can push and keep going for a lot longer which is one of the reason if I ever felt like I needed to do sleep training I would do it at a younger age.

Not everyone is going to agree as not everyone is happy with CIO method however it was not abuse and to a certain extent we all lock our kids up I have my front door locked as DD1 can now reach the lock and open the door. If she was standing screaming at the front door to be let out I'm not exactly going to open the front door and say off you go then try not to get run over lol

This is the point i was trying to make, while its not something I would do, I think the claims that its child abuse etc are taking it a a
step too far

 

[Natsku]

Definitely a step too far. There is real child abuse going on in the world but crying for a few hours, even though its not something I like or would let my child do, its still not actual abuse. I find it quite offensive when people say stupid things are child abuse since I've been accused myself

 

[LegoHouse]

I personally feel it is wrong to leave a child to cry for a long period of time, ever. Even now at 4 I can't stand my daughter crying for more than 10 minutes. It would break my heart. They're only little once, I don't want them to remember being sad. I'm weird though. Each to their own.

 

[LoraLoo]

I personally feel it is wrong to leave a child to cry for a long period of time, ever. Even now at 4 I can't stand my daughter crying for more than 10 minutes. It would break my heart. They're only little once, I don't want them to remember being sad. I'm weird though. Each to their own.

I dont think any parent ENJOYS hearing their child cry

 

[LegoHouse]

I don't believe that was what I said......

 

[LegoHouse]

I just can't deal with my kids crying. I tried CIO with my daughter and it lasted less than a minute. She was over a year old, too. I just can't personally do it. If people want to do that then fair enough. I personally don't think not wanting to sleep in your own bed is an imprisonable (if that's a word lol) offence.