trying or success stories after stillbirth

[dani86]

Hey everyone, haven't posted On bnb for a while so jst been catching up on posts!! Becktoria I'm so sorry for your loss it is one of the most painful things to go thru in the world! I lost my lil girl on 27 June and each day is hard for me some days easier than others, I know what u mean bout going out coz ur scared to see ppl coz I feel exactly the same and there's only certain places I will go. I dread the day someone close to me tells me that they r preg it will kill me so hopefully I get preg first then wnt find it as bad iykwim??! X c

 

[Delish]

Hmm Myangelavery I bet if you just jumped his bones he probably wouldn't turn you down!

*waves at dani*

Becktoria how are you doing this week?

 

[dani86]

Hi Delish x x

 

[Myangelavery]

lol!!!;-)

 

[Becktoria]

Hi ladies sorry not replied. Not been too good , after having my scan they decided it didn't look normal, plus pains I've been having not normal. So I got admitted to hospital and had an operation so they could have look inside. They found I still had bits of placenta left inside!! D&C done. Bit sore today just one thing after another,plus it would of been my beautiful little girls birthday today. I just ache for her so much my lovely little sister has bought me a star that's now named after her, so everytime I look into the night sky and I see the stars I will think of her and she will be twinkling down on me. Hope all you ladies are ok. Gives me great comfort I have people to chat with thankyou so much xxxxx

 

[Becktoria]

I meant my little girls due date xx

 

[Delish]

Oh Becktoria I'm so sorry you've had to go through that, as if you haven't had enough to handle. Big hugs to you, hopefully now your body can heal properly, we have enough pain to handle in our hearts without the physical letting us down too.

What a lovely thing for your sister to do, I'd been thinking about doing that or something similar. I was thinking in the future when I come to tell A/future children about their brother I can also use it to show them he's a star in the sky watching over, seems like it'd be a nice way to explain it. Do you know if it cost a lot?

I'm quite emotional today, hormones not helping with that.

I hope your week goes a bit better hon, always here if you need to chat. xxx

 

[Myangelavery]

Omg so sorry u had to go thru that sweetie ....thats aweful!!!!! My boyfriend and i signed for our daughters autopsy after i had her because nobody knew what happened and 3 months later they told us they didnt know y but it just wasnt done!! Its so painful to have a stillborn baby and have to say goodbye but then it feels as though u can never catch a break!! hugs to u becktoria!!

 

[Becktoria]

Thanks ladies. I'm feeling a lot better today. Delish big hugs too you hope you are feeling bit better today. Spoke to consultant who's doing my 6 week check she saud I should have my appt through at beginning of September so fingers crossed I will get some answers. I hope so as I really want to try again once I'm physically better. I will speak to my sister and find all the details for you with buying a star. I sobbed when she gave it to me it was such a lovely thought. Really want a glass of wine tonight, can't wait to finish my antibiotics. Got a few days supply after op just in case. Lots of love to everyone xxx

 

[Delish]

Glad you're feeling better Becktoria. My consultant appointment will be September 2nd, I'm dreading it, but glad it looks like yours is coming through quicker than mine - seems to have taken ages. I doubt he can give me any answers but I hope to ask him about what they will do for me in future pregnancies.

I had a bad day today as my friend found out today she is having a boy and I couldn't stop crying at the bus stop. I hate feeling so jealous but I can't help it.

Hope you can have your wine soon hon, I have had some this week for the first time in about 3 years, was lovely!

 

[Becktoria]

Oh delish I know exactly how you feel, it must of been awful for you. Sending a big hug your way. I'm finding it difficult to be around anyone pregnant at the min. My sister is booked in for her c section in 3 weeks, it's going to be so hard when she has her baby especially if it's a girl. We went through pregnancy together and couldn't wait to be off on maternity together bringing up r babies. It's going to b a constant reminder that my beautiful girl should be here and would be the same age as her new cousin.it crushes me inside. I even think my husband is getting sick of my constant downers. I know he's upset too but I think men just tend to get on with it. This whole in my heart is never going to go is it? When I wake up in the morning the agony slaps me right in my face. I've got another little girl that keeps me going but I'm struggling even with her. I'm so glad you have your appt through and I hope you get some answers and reassurance for future rainbow babies. I don't want to try until I've seen my consultant . Plus I'm still bleeding,even more so now I've had op to remove bits of placenta. I just worry this has affected my fertility I know that sounds silly but can't help think the worse. I hope you have a better day today. Let's keep are chins up xxxxx

 

[ascharnh]

I have been reading everyone's posts and just wanted to say thank you and introduce myself. My name is Angela. I lost my twin little boys, Christian and Everett, at 22 weeks gestation a week ago today. They were my first. The doctors don't know the cause, but we are still waiting for the placenta pathology to come back so maybe that will give some answers. We have spent the last week planning the funeral which is today in about 2 hours. I don't know how I am going to get through it. I have had thoughts of running away because I don't think I can handle it. It helps me to read your posts and to think about trying again to have a rainbow baby. Learning all the lingo, slowly but surely. My heart aches like I never knew it was possible to hurt. Thank you for giving me some hope.

 

[mhazzab]

I have been reading everyone's posts and just wanted to say thank you and introduce myself. My name is Angela. I lost my twin little boys, Christian and Everett, at 22 weeks gestation a week ago today. They were my first. The doctors don't know the cause, but we are still waiting for the placenta pathology to come back so maybe that will give some answers. We have spent the last week planning the funeral which is today in about 2 hours. I don't know how I am going to get through it. I have had thoughts of running away because I don't think I can handle it. It helps me to read your posts and to think about trying again to have a rainbow baby. Learning all the lingo, slowly but surely. My heart aches like I never knew it was possible to hurt. Thank you for giving me some hope.

Hi guys, sorry for jumping onto this thread, just saw this last message and felt I had to reach out to you, Angela. I was going to PM you, but it wouldn't let me. I lost my twin girls at 23w, almost 9 weeks ago now. My heart has been broken by losing my little girls, I just wanted to say that if you want to talk, I'm here for you. I've found a lot of comfort from speaking to others on here, particularly those who have also lost twins.

I hope the funeral goes okay for you (if you know what I mean), I'm so sorry you are having to go through this xx

 

[Becktoria]

Oh angela massive hug to you. I hope the funeral went as well as it can be. I lost my liitle girl at 36 weeks pregnant 4 weeks ago tomorrow. It's the most painful thing anybody can go through. I hope you get the answers you need, I'm in limbo too I just have no answers to why this happened and frightened it will happen again. If you ever need to talk to anybody I am always here for you. I find it a great comfort to speak to all the lovely ladies on here and we all know what each other are going through. Lots of love xxx

 

[Delish]

Thanks Becktoria. Trying to be reasonable about it but I don't bloody well feel like being reasonable to be honest! I want to shout in a big loud voice IT'S NOT FAIR! But I don't like making a fuss so I keep quiet obviously.
It must be even worse for you with your sister being so close to her due date. Your husband probably just doesn't know what to do for you hon, I'm sure he's not fed up with you. I don't talk about it in much depth with mine anymore, I mention if I have a bad day or something upsets me, but that's it, I don't know how to handle his grief and I don't want to put mine on him. So we try and look ahead as much as we can because looking back's too painful.
Sorry, that was a bit rambly and didn't make a lot of sense! I hope your bleeding stops soon anyway, I know I was so relieved when mine did, it's one less reminder of what's happened I guess.
I'm due to test when my appointment comes so I'm crossing everything I can go knowing I'm pregnant but somehow I know I can't get that lucky, since the universe seems to have it in for me lately.

Big hugs to Angela & mhazzab. Angela I really hope the funeral went as well as possible for you and that you are being kind to yourself today, I know I dreaded G's funeral so much and the day was just another torture to get through. But we get through it somehow. God knows how.
You are always welcome here to cry, rant, whatever to us, we all know your pain hon. And if you do start trying again we're right here for that too, it's a scary & stressful thing this time around I'll admit but so much easier for having others to share it all with.

I've written bloody loads now, I'll shut up! xxx

 

[mhazzab]

Big hugs to Angela & mhazzab.

thanks Delish!

so sorry all of you have had to go through this. I was worried throughout my pregnancy that something bad would happen, but I didn't seriously think that it would - these sorts of things happen to other people, don't they? For those waiting for answers as to why - I hope you get them. It took over 7 weeks for me to get my appoinbtment, seemed like forever. There was evidence of group B step in the placentas, but they said that probably happened because of the premature labour (apparantly I'm a carrier). Basically I was told there was no known cause for my premature labour, and it was thought that I would be at no higher risk next time. Although it's good that there were no genetic issues, or cervix problems, it's scary that we don't know why it happened.

For those who are trying again - I wish you all the luck in the world. I finally ovulated last week for the first time post partum, so next time the egg's on its way, I will be trying for my rainbow with you.

xx

 

[ascharnh]

I just took an ovulation test this morning for the first time because I wanted to start tracking my cycles and it came back positive. It has only been 8 days since I delivered. Anyone know if it is possible to ovulate this soon after delivering? My doctor said to wait at least 2 cycles before I start trying again but I want to so bad. I am probably not ready emotionally though since I just buried my boys on Sat. I just don't have much else to live for right now. I know you all will understand since you have been through it as well. Thank you Bectoria, Delish and mhazzab for your kind words. The loss of my two beautiful boys has been unbearable up to this point and I don't know how I am going to survive it. All I want to do is lie in bed and stare at the wall all day every day. I hope this gets better with time.

 

[Delish]

ascharnh - I'm not an expert but I'm wondering if the pregnancy hormone could still be in your body giving you a false positive? Did you take any negative opk tests before the positive one?
I know they came up (false) positive for me for about a week after the birth because of this, then not long after that I got positives again which I assume were proper ones but I didn't count myself as properly trying until my first period tbh so I could track properly.

Big hugs to you, you do whatever feels right for you hon, if you're not sure you're ready yet then tracking is still a good idea so you're ready to go when you want to, but if you do decide to go for it don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't, not even the doctor (unless there's a medical reason for it obviously). We all react differently but we all need to do whatever works for us to try and heal our hearts a little. There is NO right or wrong here. xxx

 

[ascharnh]

It was the first one I took since delivering. I have taken one every day since and they have all been negative. I had a D&C to remove the placentas after giving birth and am still bleeding from it so I doubt I would be able to get pregnant right now anyways. I am just going to keep tracking it so maybe we can try on the next positive. I don't know how I am going to be pregnant again though. I will be a nervous wreck, I just know it. The doctors sent me home when they shouldn't have so I have absolutely no trust in the medical system anymore. Sucks!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Ladies,

Can I cautiously join you? I lost my ID twin boys, Ethan and Hayden at 20wks, due to pPROM, followed by labour 6 days later, on 31st July. I haven't had my follow-up yet but I had no markers in my blood for infection for those days really but a positive swab for GBS, so have no real answers what happened either, yet. The only reason we even got that swab result was because I did it myself, they forgot to do them when they were doing the speculum exam and due to the menbranes being ruptured it wasn't a good idea for them to be going in there any more than neccessary. The placenta went to histology but we declined autopsy on the boys, as they were apparently normal, they doubted they would get much from that and we couldn't bear the thought of them being messed with any more - I know that's daft as they had departed their wee bodies but that's how we felt. We have the placenta back but won't have any actual results until the follow-up, if at all.

I'm not even sure we want to try again, we can't make any decisions until we have seen the consultant, and even then I'm not sure we could go through it all again, but I feel awful for my DD, she was so looking forward to being a sister - she's 8 so very well aware of what's happening and has already been asking if we could try again. Maybe the regret of not trying through fear would be worse than the fear itself? I don't know. I feel so guilty even thinking about it - I don't really want another baby, I want my boys back, but I can't have that.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm so sorry for all of your losses, I wish none of us had to be here and meet this way.

Thanks for listening xxx