trying or success stories after stillbirth

[jesz9]

I am very sorry for everyones loss....it jus breaks my heart. My son was stillborn at 21 weeks last October...my amniotic fluid got low is the only thing we know of....we had an autopsy done, but he was perfect, just measuring a bit behind. We got him through doing fertility treatments....and I wanted to offer some hope here.....after almost a year.....we have done IVF and we are expecting twins.....everyday I am scared to pieces.....but trying to stay positive....I just wanted to offer hope that miracles can happen....hoping you all get the miracles you so deserve *big hugs*

 

[Delish]

ascharnh - big hugs to you hon. I know how scary it is but if & when you want to go for it you will find so much great support here, that's for sure.

Nikki - of course you can! I'm so sorry to hear about your boys, it's no daft at all, I couldn't bring myself to have a post-mortem either, it just felt wrong for me, but they've looked at the placenta and taken my blood. My consultant appointment is next Friday so I guess I find out if there was anything wrong then but my gut feeling is it was a cord accident as it was wrapped around his neck a few times.
When is your follow up?
I wish I could give more useful advice but I only say what I said to the previous lady - if you decide you want to try again we're all here to support you, no one can take the fear away but there is a lot of comfort for me in knowing I'm not alone in this journey. I will always make sure people know my next baby will NOT be a replacement. That could never happen. But I got pregnant because I wanted to raise another child and that need hasn't gone away, it's stronger than ever. My son is always my baby but I still have the longing for a baby in my arms. Hope that makes some sort of sense!

jesz -hi & welcome to you too. So sorry for your son too, but congrats on your two rainbow babies! Wishing you a very healthy, happy pregnancy, thank you so much for coming here to encourage us all.

I just wanted to say that I'm so dreading my consultant appointment. I saw a photo of the hospital today and felt sick and cried. Over a PHOTO - and I'm meant to go back in there!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh delish, best of luck - I know how you feel there - I had to go to the wee rural unit where I went for my emergency scan and I was shaking, I can't imagine what it will be like if I ever have to go back to the main hospital where I had the boys. I've asked for my consultants appt to be at the rural unit, so I don't have to - that's the only joy of being so far away, not so good when the s**t hits the fan but at least I don't have to go there all the time. Can you request being seen anywhere else?

 

[Delish]

Thanks Nikki - I don't think I can go anywhere else Just got to grit my teeth and get through it somehow! I'm trying not to think about it but I can definitely tell the anxiety is coming out in different physical forms. I think the mind can refuse to worry but the body knows what's going on!

Hope everyone's ok today & looking forward to hearing some lovely rainbow announcements soon (and a cheeky hope that one of them will be mine).

 

[Becktoria]

Hi delish, just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you for your Friday appointment. I hope all goes well and you get some reassurance if not answers to help you in future pregnancies. Big hug xx

 

[Becktoria]

Hi ladies didn't have anywhere to go to speak to anyone. Feel so depressed today. I've been doin so well, and today I feel as though I've just hit a brick wall an this heart wrenching emotion has slapped me in my face. The only way I can describe it is as if I'm suffocating an I can only come up for tiny bits of fresh air. I want my baby girl so much, I can't function without her. I know everything still raw it's only been just over 5 weeks. My sister is booked in to have her baby next week an I think it's Just brought all this pain I thought I was handling well back. I feel so jealous I can't help it. My little girl was supposed to be born before her baby she should b here with me now. I don't no how um
Going to get through the next couple of weeks with a newborn coming into the family when there should be 2 little babies. I feel as though I can't even talk to my husband at the minute about how I feel, I think I'm getting on peoples nerves. Crying writing this. So sorry for the rant you are the only people who know how I feel. I feel so alone x

 

[Delish]

Hi Becktoria - first, thank you for thinking of me hon. I'm dreading it, will let you know how it goes though.

Secondly, have a big virtual hug. I'm sorry you're feeling so low, it seems to be like that really, you think you're doing ok then it hits you again and you have to pick yourself up all over again. And again. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you with your sister, my friend is pregnant with a little boy and it's killing me daily, if I'm not pregnant again before he is born I don't know how I'll cope. I honestly don't think I can even handle seeing her soon.
Put yourself first, if you're not up to going over to see the baby straight away (I wouldn't be) then don't. They will understand and if they don't then honestly - tough! I know it's hard not wanting to upset others but to be honest sometimes it's either them upset or you, and at least their being upset doesn't involve their having lost a baby. Can you tell I'm starting to develop some toughness??

I'm having a bad day too, got my period yesterday when I'd been getting quite positive about this month. So have to start again and looks like my cycle's messed up too. And my little girl smashed her front tooth and is now missing a chunk. Spent a lot of yesterday and today crying and feeling it all over again, got to pick myself up and start over.
xxx

 

[DMH1988]

I'm new here too. It's been almost 2 months and I am at a point where I have to have others to talk about it who actually understands. I have my boyfriend to talk to but it's hard for him and I don't want to bother him with it everyday. For the first two weeks after, the minute he would get home I would just lose it and break down crying. He said it's hard coming home to someone so upset all the time.

 

[Delish]

Big hugs DMH1988. You're always welcome to talk on here with us. Feel free to share as much or as little as you want, we all understand. Are you trying again or just thinking about it? x

 

[DMH1988]

I want to try but he's not ready to really try. At the same time we aren't really preventing either. His idea of "preventing" is the pull out method. I tried to tell him that isn't that effective but he's a hard headed man.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Beckatoria, I hope you are feeling a little better, it must be so hard to have your sister pregnant and about to deliver, it's bound to stir everything up for you. I know what you mean about getting on everyone's nerves, I feel as if it's all I talk about to some people and it must be irritating, I'm not talking about them and I worry they will start to avoid me. If they are true friends though, they will understand and you can't be thinking about everyone else just now. I'll try to take my own advice too! Delish, good luck for your appointment, hope it goes well for you and you get some good info. I would reccommend you write your q's down if you haven't already as you are likely to get flustered and forget some. ((big hugs)) to you both.

DMH1988, I'm glad you found these ladies, they are a great support to everyopne and each other. I'm sorry your partner finds it hard you being upset, men can be so different in the way they deal with things. I hope you can convince him to try again when you are both ready, or that his "prevention" fails, hehe. Shouldn't say that I know. Big hugs to you too. xxx

 

[Becktoria]

thanks nikki, its so hard at the min i was doing so well for weeks then all of a sudden as my sisters due date is getting closer im a mess
thanks to everyone thats replied

DMH1988 i know how you feel with your partner , i think im really starting to get on my partners nerves im constantly crying lately, like you the minute he walks in im in tears. Im trying my best not to go on about it all the time bue its so hard.

My little girl who is 4 was crying to me the other day, she said she wants the baby back and can the fairies take us to heaven to see her. It just breaks my heart i so want her to have a brother or sister. When i got pregnant she asked me how it got in there haha so we told her we wished for the baby and the fairies come and granted our wish. So now she keeps saying and touching my belly saying is there a baby in there mummy and i tell her no and she says " why not because ive wished for another one" Its so so sad and so unfair. I want another baby so bad but dont think my body is ready just yet. i need my period to return to normal first and go from there. Its so frighteneing though isnt it if we get pregnant for next time.

Delish ive been thinking of you today. How did it go hun?

Sending big hugs to everyone. dont know what i would do without this site

xxxxx

 

[Delish]

Aww Becktoria that's so sad about your little girl saying that, maybe tell her sometimes it takes a while for fairies to make the wish come true? Bless her though.

DMH perhaps your partner is scared of actively trying but if his 'method' fails he'll actually be happy? He must know it's not a good prevention so maybe he's hoping the decision will be taken out of his hands if you know what I mean?

My appointment was truly horrible, had to go past all the maternity sections to get there, the consultant stared at me constantly making me really uncomfortable, then said I seemed flat and he was worried about me, had I considered medication? I was quite upset and cross, he doesn't know at all how I am, he had only seen me for 5 minutes by that point! Obviously I wasn't at my best, it was very hard being there.
Anyway the short version is there was nothing they could find that caused it, and I'll get consultant-led care and extra scans in future.

Sending hugs to all you girls and thank you for the kind thoughts. xxx

 

[DMH1988]

Delish, I think you are right. He doesn't like the idea of a baby being "planned" which I know because he's said so before. I was with his sisters and mom yesterday and his nephew who's 4 pointed at a picture of a baby and said "you have a baby like that. where is your baby at?" I just looked at his mom because I was just at a loss as to what I should tell him since he's only 4. Thankfully she handled it for me telling him that my baby was in Heaven with Jesus, but the rest of the day I was a mess and I couldn't stop crying.

 

[katie21188]

Hello, can i join you also? I'm currently almost 7 weeks out of delivering my twin girls Ella & Lilly due to pprom also.
I went to hospital and they admitted me in for the night, I was 22 weeks pregnant.
The next day I had an ultrasound and it looked really good, I was still producing amniotic fluid and the babies looked great. They were going to send me home but my mum made me stay in another night which I am glad I did as that night I started getting lots more pains and ended up being fully dialated before they checked me and 15 hours later I gave birth to Ella who was stillborn and then 3 hours later her sister Lilly.
It was the worst day of my life and I was in a lot of shock so didn't wanna see them for a couple hours but then I really wanted to. They were so beautiful and looked just like my fiancé and I.
We at at the stage we really want to try for another baby and i'm thinking we will but I am scared also it will happen again, everyone reassures me it wont but no one can tell the future
We also didnt want to send the girls for a PM so they did some tests at the hospital and everything came back normal, there was no signs of infection or anything so we were told they think it is just due to multiple pregnancy.

I am really surprised at how many people have been through the same thing. I am hoping for our rainbow baby soon

Do use have a lot of people around you that are pregnant? for me I swear everyone in my DH's family is having babies, mostly all around our girls due date which was 21st November so it will be very hard and am thinking I would love to be pregnant by then

 

[darkNlovely]

I have been reading everyone's posts and just wanted to say thank you and introduce myself. My name is Angela. I lost my twin little boys, Christian and Everett, at 22 weeks gestation a week ago today. They were my first. The doctors don't know the cause, but we are still waiting for the placenta pathology to come back so maybe that will give some answers. We have spent the last week planning the funeral which is today in about 2 hours. I don't know how I am going to get through it. I have had thoughts of running away because I don't think I can handle it. It helps me to read your posts and to think about trying again to have a rainbow baby. Learning all the lingo, slowly but surely. My heart aches like I never knew it was possible to hurt. Thank you for giving me some hope.

Hello, I also lost twin boys at 22 weeks. Everything was normal and no complications until I went into premature labour and had to deliver. The only thingthe dr. noted was that one of the umbilical cords was thinner than the other and that same smaller one may not have been getting enough nutrients.

 

[Delish]

Hi Katie, I'm SO tired so sorry for a short message but welcome to this thread, wish you didn't have to be here but there's such a supportive bunch of girls here. And yes it seems the whole world is getting pregnant just to spite me lately. *sighs* One of my closest friends is the hardest one to handle.

Hugs to everyone. xx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh Beckatoria that's heartbreaking your wee one saying that. We had something similar in that when I was in hospital after the membrane rupture we asked our wee girl to cross her fingers for us, my OH checked her in bed at night and she was sleeping with all her fingers tightly crossed. Then when it all went wrong anyway she started asking if she hadn't done it enough and I was so sad and peeved at myself for asking her to do that, I didn't think it through. We reassured her though and apologised to her for asking her to but she's 8, nearly 9 so can understand a bit more. It's so sad though seeing them go through this. I think as long as you explain that it's not because she didn't wish hard enough or anything like that you've not got a baby yet, then it should be OK as they do often blame themselves too. It's a hard one as she's maybe a bit young for the truth but this is the problem with the stories we tell to explain things, they've got a habit of tripping us up, haven't they! Maybe say they will only bring one when they know Mummy's body is all healed? Oh I dunno, that's maybe gonna make her hassle you all the time, asking if you're better...sorry I can't be of more help.

Katie, hiya, I replied to your PM before I read your post here so I now realise I've asked you a few things that you've already covered, so just ignore those bits. I also read recently about how the weight and extra fluid with twin pregnancies can trick the body into thinking it's time to deliver when it isn't and given your story and the fact there was no infection or anything that maybe is a possibility for your case? Oh we'll never know, will we?

My best friend and neighbour is 20weeks pregnant and another friend is due right around my due date too, it's getting hard. Half of the place seems to be pregnant just now, it's known as a fertility hotspot in the area! I think it's just due to the amount of young families here though.

I've just come to the horrible realisation that I can't afford to stay off work any longer so am going to have to ghet back into it - I'm a part-time duty manager in a small resaturant so it's going to be soooo hard to past a false smile on my face and welcome people in. Lots of folk saw me with my big twin belly too, but may not be around enough to know what's happened so I'm so afraid of the "oh you've had your baby then?" remarks that are bound to happen now and then. Also I seem to be OK until anyone asks me how I am, then I lose it, so that's bound to happen a good lot of the time from the people that do know what happened. It's a small place I live in and the work only has a small amount of staff, only myself and the owner has their manager's ticket (which you need to sell alcohol over here, if you are in sole charge, which I am as it's only tiny) so there isn't anyone to take over if I have a meltdown, I'm so scared. We also get a lot of young families in with kids, babies etc which I normally love but it's going to be a hard part now too. Maybe it will be for the best anyway to force me out of the house and into society?

Hope you are all as well as you can be today.

xx

 

[Becktoria]

Hi ladies didn't no where else to go feel like I'm
All alone an got nobody to talk to these days. Well my sister has had her baby. Feel happy for her but have this overwhelming, suffocating sadness. I've not stopped crying all morning. I'm petrified to go an see her an the new baby. It's just a massive reminder of what I should have. I feel broken xxx

 

[Delish]

Oh Becktoria I'm so sorry, I'm not surprised at all you're struggling with it, I know I would be handling it terribly. I can't bring myself to look at my friend anymore and I don't know how I'll make myself go see the baby if I'm not pregnant before he arrives. Awful as it sounds I think I'm going to try and see much less of her until my turn comes round again because it feels like a twisting knife in my stomach every time.
I hope it doesn't lose me a friend but I have to look after myself now, which I haven't been very good at doing, and I think you have to do the same hon.
Don't rush yourself, if you decide to go see the baby I think you should warn your sister in advance it will be hard for you and you might not stay long. She will understand, if she has any compassion at all!

Have you talked to a doctor/counsellor/local SANDS group? I haven't but it's not really for me, I find it better coming on here to talk to people, but I wondered if it might be something for you? Whereabouts in the country are you? xxx