Trying, waiting, hoping

[DuckyBlue]

Thursday was my birthday! Because of current restrictions we couldn't meet the entire family, which being honest was actually quite nice! D and I went for a lovely walk, and took our friend's dog. When we got home D made hot chocolate and we drank it in front of the fire whilst eating far too much cake, as D had made so much cake for Halloween and my birthday. We got a pizza for dinner and ate it in bed whilst watching a movie. It was like a little date night which was lovely. I think D has arranged for my parents to visit this weekend, and I know Mum has insisted that she does the cooking!
My period arrived this morning which I'm annoyed about, as one of my apps had really got my hopes up as my BBT had dropped then increased again and it was telling me this was a good sign. I'm not feeling very well so I'm kind of glad my parents and D have insisted I'm "not allowed" to help them with cooking or chores because of it being my birthday. I didn't sleep well last night either, so I've spent the last hour or so making up little Halloween goody bags for our nieces and nephews as we won't be seeing them and they can't go trick or treating. Each of them has just a small amount of sweets (per their parent's requests as they usually get a lot of sweets and chocolate off everyone else) as well as a few small toys or activities, and a warm pair of gloves each! We usually make them goody bags for Halloween anyway, because we prefer this over giving them a ton of sweets, but this year we added a couple of extra things as it's been a strange old year. One of D's sisters said not to bother making goody bags for their children as they felt they are "too old" for them, but the children told us they love the goody bags and specifically requested them! So I've made them anyway. D asked last night if he could please have a Halloween goody bag too so I've made up a little bag of sweets and added in a couple of surprises for him. Halloween is his second favourite time of year (Christmas being his absolute favourite) and he really is like a small child sometimes. He wants to watch The Addams Family today and has declared a pajama day as he can't dress up for Halloween!
I've almost completed Christmas shopping and D is going to help me wrap everything in the next week or two so we can post them off as I doubt we'll see much family over Christmas this year!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm glad you had a lovely birthday It sounded like a great day!

I'm sorry AF arrived earlier than you expected

Lol at DH requesting a Halloween goody bag too!
Have a great day

 

[kittiecat]

Glad you had a lovely birthday. The pizza in bed sounds a perfect birthday dinner to me .

Hope you had a lovely Halloween. The goody bags sound great

 

[DuckyBlue]

It's cycle day 18. Usually I'd get my peak on the ovulation tests on day 18, but the digital test is saying low and the cheapie tests are negative. I stupidly forgot to test before yesterday (which was the same result as today) partly because I was busy and partly because I thought I wouldn't get my peak until today. So now I'm concerned I may have missed it completely. Either that or this cycle is going to be longer than it has been recently, in which case it could be a while before I ovulate. I've also been doing my BBT again this month but it's so all over the place!
If this cycle is back to being extremely long then it's likely I won't ovulate this cycle, according to my doctor. I'm hoping I just missed the peak because I didn't test earlier, especially as the line on the digital test strip after removing it from the monitor thingy is much lighter than yesterday! D and I have been trying regularly so if I ovulated earlier than usual then I'm hoping we caught it.
D and I had agreed if I wasn't pregnant by Christmas then we'd stop trying for a while. I'm starting to think this is what we're going to have to do

 

[Bevziibubble]

I hope that you haven't missed your peak.
I've got everything crossed for you

 

[kittiecat]

. I have everything crossed for you

 

[Dayzie132]

We been ttc for 6 month now and have 2 children already i am half way through my ttw
I don't know if im symptom spotting but I ovulated on the 14th and have had cramps and lower back pain since ovulation I am currently 10 dpo did a test and it was a BFN.....i feel so disappointed but will re test in the next few days....the last 4 day iv been burping no stop and bring up sick when I do not sure if its a symptom but this never happens and never get intagestion problems only when I'm pregnant... i have had so much gas even little flutters, sort of like muscle spasms in my lower stomach i don't understand it.... im normally a very active person but i have no energy and feel so Exhausted all day long.. my AF isn't due for another 5 days and iv had so many different symptoms... and i really have my hopes up.... this is my first time tracking and fully committed to trying but has anyone had these symptoms and be successful with ttc need a bit of hope to get me through these next few day

 

[DuckyBlue]

It's cycle day 25. Yesterday I had a small amount of clear CM - I wouldn't say "egg white" exactly. I don't think I've really ever had that. Anyway I have been doing ovulation tests still in case this is a longer cycle but they're all still negative and the digital is saying low. D said rather than worrying about testing more this cycle to just see what happens.
D and I also had another talk these past few days and one thing we've said is that the Covid situation has been stressful for us both, along with issues with the family (especially D's mother) and that possibly the stress isn't helping, and whether to extend TTC past Christmas. But I also don't want to extend our original plan of stopping trying after Christmas for too long. I'm not sure either of us can cope with the disappointment! So we've decided on a compromise - if I'm not pregnant by Christmas then we'll both see how we feel and either stop for a bit or keep trying for 3 months after which we'll stop trying for a while.
Yesterday I was very emotional and shouted that I was a failure and was convinced D was going to leave me because of all this. D, bless him, did his best to cheer me up and didn't seem to mind that I was crying because "there's a puppy on tv" . Guess he's used to my emotional self now And this morning I woke up to a steaming cup of tea and fresh bread (D's been baking again!) with a note from D saying that he had done the housework and I could relax today. It was 8:45am so he either did the the housework after I went to bed or got up extremely early this morning!
D is excited because I've finally agreed we can put up the Christmas decorations early this year! I know how much D loves decorating the house for different holidays and it feels like he only just decorated for Halloween so I didn't want to undo all his hard work by putting up the Christmas decorations too early! At least, that's the excuse I gave him. In reality whilst I love Christmas it's tradition for us to put our tree up December 1st and decorate the rest of the house throughout December. But this has been a crazy year so I agreed. He's currently in the attic whooping with joy at the decorations and saying things like "I forgot we had this!" Think I'll leave him up there for a bit as he is having so much fun

 

[LALSmith]

It's cycle day 25. Yesterday I had a small amount of clear CM - I wouldn't say "egg white" exactly. I don't think I've really ever had that. Anyway I have been doing ovulation tests still in case this is a longer cycle but they're all still negative and the digital is saying low. D said rather than worrying about testing more this cycle to just see what happens.
D and I also had another talk these past few days and one thing we've said is that the Covid situation has been stressful for us both, along with issues with the family (especially D's mother) and that possibly the stress isn't helping, and whether to extend TTC past Christmas. But I also don't want to extend our original plan of stopping trying after Christmas for too long. I'm not sure either of us can cope with the disappointment! So we've decided on a compromise - if I'm not pregnant by Christmas then we'll both see how we feel and either stop for a bit or keep trying for 3 months after which we'll stop trying for a while.
Yesterday I was very emotional and shouted that I was a failure and was convinced D was going to leave me because of all this. D, bless him, did his best to cheer me up and didn't seem to mind that I was crying because "there's a puppy on tv" . Guess he's used to my emotional self now And this morning I woke up to a steaming cup of tea and fresh bread (D's been baking again!) with a note from D saying that he had done the housework and I could relax today. It was 8:45am so he either did the the housework after I went to bed or got up extremely early this morning!
D is excited because I've finally agreed we can put up the Christmas decorations early this year! I know how much D loves decorating the house for different holidays and it feels like he only just decorated for Halloween so I didn't want to undo all his hard work by putting up the Christmas decorations too early! At least, that's the excuse I gave him. In reality whilst I love Christmas it's tradition for us to put our tree up December 1st and decorate the rest of the house throughout December. But this has been a crazy year so I agreed. He's currently in the attic whooping with joy at the decorations and saying things like "I forgot we had this!" Think I'll leave him up there for a bit as he is having so much fun

How amazing is D?! Can I clone him please? He cleanedd the house for you before work so you can relax and he's ecstatic about putting up the Christmas decs ?! He sounds like a dream! Haha. Hopefully now you've spoken you'll both feel a lot less stress and pressure and for that reason it might just happen for you

 

[DuckyBlue]

We been ttc for 6 month now and have 2 children already i am half way through my ttw
I don't know if im symptom spotting but I ovulated on the 14th and have had cramps and lower back pain since ovulation I am currently 10 dpo did a test and it was a BFN.....i feel so disappointed but will re test in the next few days....the last 4 day iv been burping no stop and bring up sick when I do not sure if its a symptom but this never happens and never get intagestion problems only when I'm pregnant... i have had so much gas even little flutters, sort of like muscle spasms in my lower stomach i don't understand it.... im normally a very active person but i have no energy and feel so Exhausted all day long.. my AF isn't due for another 5 days and iv had so many different symptoms... and i really have my hopes up.... this is my first time tracking and fully committed to trying but has anyone had these symptoms and be successful with ttc need a bit of hope to get me through these next few day

I've got my fingers crossed for you. I've had all these symptoms and not been pregnant so I guess it could go either way.

How amazing is D?! Can I clone him please? He cleanedd the house for you before work so you can relax and he's ecstatic about putting up the Christmas decs ?! He sounds like a dream! Haha. Hopefully now you've spoken you'll both feel a lot less stress and pressure and for that reason it might just happen for you

He's actually off work today so him cleaning the house this morning makes me feel bad because he used his day off to do that!
He's always excited about the Christmas decorations. Christmas is his favourite time of year and honestly he's like a child when it comes to the decorations, presents etc! The only thing he doesn't get excited about is putting everything away again after Christmas
As for cloning him ... Whilst I'm not exactly sure whether cloning would make an exact copy of him sometimes I'd like to clone him too so that he can relax one day and the clone can do all the things he does! We really could use a holiday

 

[kittiecat]

D sounds great! Love his enthusiasm for Christmas! Hope you manage to destress over the festive season

 

[Bevziibubble]

D sounds very excited for Christmas!

 

[DuckyBlue]

D sounds very excited for Christmas!

Oh he is! Right now he's wearing a Christmas hat, eating mince pies and singing Christmas songs whilst decorating the tree. I'm just watching him because I'm tired but also it's so fun to watch him so excited! He has promised I can put the star on the top of the tree later though

 

[Bevziibubble]

Aww!

 

[DuckyBlue]

It's cycle day 34. I had a negative pregnancy test but there's no sign of my period I never did get a peak on the ovulation tests - I gave up testing after 10 days. I had very mild cramps this morning and honestly thought my period had started but it hadn't!

D and I went for a wet, muddy walk earlier and returned to find my parents at the door with a hot dinner, a board game and a few beers (for my Dad and D) which was lovely! Dad and D are now talking about sports whilst Mum and I are rolling our eyes at each other because we don't have a clue what they're on about! It's lovely to have them here as D and I have both been feeling a bit down these past few days. I'm sure it's the weather and we're both feeling a little down about the whole ttc journey, so having my parents here has been lovely. I suspect Dad brought beers so they can stay the weekend because Mum wants to "take care of us"

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm sorry about the bfn

Sounds like a nice walk and how lovely of your parents to stop by with treats for you. Sounds like a lovely time with them

 

[DuckyBlue]

It is so lovely to have them here! Although D and I have already decorated for Christmas we'd left the star on the tree for my parents to do as we usually all decorate together. Dad was almost as excited as D gets! Honestly those two together is like looking after two toddlers haha. Mum's going to have her hands full if they do stay the weekend!
Dad was also very proud of himself as he'd made jam for the first time ever! Mum helped him but he'd made it mostly by himself and it's so yummy! It reminded me of when I was very small and my parents took my sister and I strawberry picking. We of course ate more strawberries than we put into the basket, but Mum always made jams with whatever was left! D is once again baking bread (honestly he could start a bakery!) so I think we're having bread and jam for breakfast tomorrow!

 

[Bevziibubble]

Aww your dad sounds great. I'm glad you all had a lovely time

 

[DuckyBlue]

It's cycle day 37. Still no sign of my period and still a negative test. I took the pregnancy test this morning and broke down when it came back negative. D cried too. I've seen him cry before, but rarely as he usually doesn't like to cry in front of people, unlike me who tends to get very emotional. My parents had decided to stay the weekend and Mum walked in to find D and I both crying and she just hugged us close until we stopped crying, after which she put the kettle on and made us all a cup of tea. Then we broke the news to my Dad. Dad broke down when D told him he'd "failed to give them a grandchild" (I suspect his mother's words are still affecting him deeply). Both my parents adore D and both reassured him (and me!) that neither of us have failed them. They have some grandchildren, through my sister, and fully support whatever decision we make next, whether that's adoption or to not have children. I did overhear D telling Mum that he felt bad because it's been so long that we've been trying with no results, and Mum just told him that it doesn't matter how, when or if we have children, and that she'd always love us no matter what. Honestly it was good to hear that because D and I had felt under intense pressure from his mother to have children and "give her biological grandchildren" (her words) as soon as possible. She always told us it was "easy" - and proceeded to say things like "I had eight children, so it must be easy!" Honestly I'm glad we don't speak to her anymore. After more talking with Mum it was good to hear her acknowledge how difficult it is for some women to get pregnant!
Mum is staying a few more days, which is honestly great because both D and I are emotionally drained right now. Dad has to work tomorrow so went home earlier, but he's called us twice since he got in, although I can't decide if it's annoying or not!
D and I went for a walk earlier to clear our heads. It was nice to just be with him, even if there were moments of silence.
I think D and I are probably going to stop trying after Christmas as planned. We had talked about possibly extending that time for a few months but honestly im concerned on the impact it'll have on us emotionally if it doesn't happen, and I don't want to be in a place where we keep extending the time frame in the hopes it works. I'd rather have a set time that we stop trying, for now at least, and take some time to process this long journey, and discuss our options, without constantly putting it off. We were going to have date night tomorrow but D said he'd find it awkward with Mum here, as it's likely our date night would be at home but Mum said she's more than happy to go out for a few hours, or stay in another room or something and that it was important for us to have date night. D then handed Mum a shopping list titled "Date Night" (she was going to the shop anyway) so I suspect he's planning to cook again!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry about the negative test. Your parents sound so supportive, I'm glad that they have been there for you and D. Thinking about you