Trying, waiting, hoping

[DuckyBlue]

I'm a little confused!
Just did my ovulation test - I realise it's afternoon but have been so tired today that I didn't get a chance to do earlier. The Clearblue test has the STATIC SMILEY (peak!!) But the First Response ovulation test and the cheapie ones don't seem to be completely the same result - unless I'm interpreting it wrong. I'll add pictures of them all.

I'm also confused because I don't have any egg white or watery CM! I did last weekend but definitely not today. Yesterday it was kind of sticky. So I'm not actually sure what is going on!

D is away for the weekend working so this is the worst time for me to get a peak!!

 

[DuckyBlue]

Today I decided to check the cheapie tests and my last First Response test as they weren't showing "peak" yesterday. Well the First Response may have been possibly but the lines definitely weren't the same colour! Today the lines on all the tests are lighter. I think I read it should be negative after the LH surge? But with the cheapie tests I never got the lines being dark! When I put the information into my apps, they all changed from today being Ovulation day to saying I'm now 4 days past Ovulation ... I'm incredibly confused!
I've uploaded today's tests. D phoned this morning and we talked about thes tests. We're both very confused but we're hoping that Ovulation already happened ...

 

[DuckyBlue]

Today is cycle day 23. I have a bit of thrush which is not fun at all! I've read that thrush/yeast infections are more likely in pregnancy and I've never had it before so I don't know whether to get excited or not. D, bless him, is treating me like I'm sick and took a day off work yesterday to look after me. It's actually quite annoying but don't tell him that!
I'm assuming the thrush is the reason I have no CM at all?
Feel like I'm going to be very mad if the thrush clears up and then I find out I'm not pregnant! I have a couple of other symptoms like feeling bloated and constipated but still not getting my hopes up too much!

D's sister came over the other day and offered to be a surrogate for us if needed. Whist it's a lovely offer I'm not sure, mainly because her children are quite young and wouldn't understand that their mummy is having a baby that isn't their brother or sister. Does it sound selfish to also admit that there is a part of me that wants to be pregnant and wants to feel that baby growing inside ME? We've always wanted a family, however that came about, but a part of me has always wanted to experience pregnancy too ... D and I just said to her we'd discuss and let her know but honestly I think D is as reluctant as I am. We both want to experience the entire parenting journey together - whether that is pregnancy and birth or the adoption process. But most of all we just want a family together and I wonder if it is selfish to turn down D's sister's offer. It's not an option we'd ever considered so of course will need a lot of discussion!

Because I'm impatient I did a pregnancy test yesterday. It was negative. D thinks I should wait a bit longer which I'm trying to do but why is peeing on sticks so addictive?

 

[Bevziibubble]

That was so sweet of D's sister

I hope you're feeling better soon

 

[DuckyBlue]

After the spotting I had yesterday there's been no other blood, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.
D commented earlier on how I've been so much more tired this cycle than usual, and I also have felt quite sick - however I'm not sure you can have symptoms until after implantation? We aren't even totally sure if/when I ovulated let alone if the spotting yesterday was implantation bleeding or not! I'm putting it down to the weather for now!

 

[DuckyBlue]

Today is cycle day 28. Did a test this morning and it's negative. I know it's not over until my period arrives but I can't help thinking I'm out again. I didn't sleep well last night - was tossing and turning so much that D ended up sleeping in the spare room as he has to work today and I was keeping him up! Poor D.
I suppose it could be too early to test still? If I did ovulate around day 18 like the Clearblue test said then I suppose it should be a couple more days before I should even expect my period? As my last few cycles were 28 and 29 days I thought I'd test today as there'sno sign of my period. The cycle before was 32 days, which would more or less line up with ovulation around day 18. The cycle before that, however, was the one that was over 70 days and this is what is worrying me. The last time I had a very long cycle of more than 60 or 70 days, the next couple were short (for me) and around 28-32 days and then I had another extremely long cycle. What if that's the case here? I really hope not but it's definitely playing on my mind!

 

[kittiecat]

Following!

sorry about the negative test . Hope it’s just too early.

 

[DuckyBlue]

Following!

sorry about the negative test . Hope it’s just too early.

Thanks. Me too. However I'm feeling less hopeful today. I had last week had a few symptoms, like feeling nauseous and bloated. I read that symptoms don't appear after implantation but that a rise in progesterone could cause those symptoms. Anyway today I've had no symptoms at all. I have a slight headache but that's about it. If I did ovulate around day 18, as the Clearblue test said, then that makes me now around 10 days past Ovulation and I read today that progesterone levels decrease around then if you're not pregnant, which can decrease the symptoms I hope this isn't the case but I'm not as hopeful as I was ...

 

[kittiecat]

. I know a lot of people who don’t have any full on pregnancy symptoms till after 6 weeks ish so try not to read too much into it though I know it’s easier said than done. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you

 

[DuckyBlue]

Thank you!
D's sister told me she had no symptoms until later in pregnancy but I honestly thought she'd said that to make me feel better!
I don't usually feel this tired and sick during my cycle, even after ovulation. And I've never felt bloated during my cycle before. I just wish the tww wasn't so frustrating!
This weekend it'll be 9 years since we first started ttc. I'd love to be able to surprise D with a positive pregnancy test!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I've got everything crossed for you

 

[DuckyBlue]

I've got everything crossed for you

Thank you!

 

[kittiecat]

I hope you get to surprise him! Fx’d for you!

 

[DuckyBlue]

Another negative test today, but no sign of my period.
The fact I had spotting last weekend is the most confusing thing. If it wasn't implantation bleeding then I've no clue what it was, but if it was surely a test should show up positive by now?? I read 3-4 days after implantation for HCG levels to be high enough to show on a pregnancy test. If that was implantation bleeding then it's been 5 days ... I'm assuming this means I'm out? My apps are now saying that I'm 11 dpo and I saw online that this is often too early to test. I'm so confused! Probably should stop reading things on the Internet

 

[kittiecat]

It does sound confusing! Really hope you get some clarification soon!

 

[DuckyBlue]

Another negative. According to my apps I'm 12dpo so should probably see a positive test if I'm pregnant. No sign of my period though.
I'm starting to think D's mum is right. There's something wrong with me. Once again I feel like I've let D down. At this point I want to give up. This weekend is supposed to be special. It's the anniversary of when we went on our first date. We were 12 and went to the cinema with a group of friends. Afterwards D took me to get pizza and asked me to be his girlfriend. And it'll be 9 years since we first started trying for a baby. I honestly don't feel like celebrating anything. I want to curl up in a ball and cry but I know I'll put on a brave face as always and celebrate our anniversary, for D's sake

 

[Bevziibubble]

 

[DuckyBlue]

D came home from work this evening and I broke down. I told him I felt like a complete failure. He just hekd me close until I eventually stopped sobbing, and after plenty of reassurance from him that I'm not a failure I felt just a tiny bit better.
I told him that I didn't think it was fair to either of us to keep going through this each month. I love D more than anything but seeing how devastated he is each time I get a negative test breaks my heart even more.
I've told him I don't feel like celebrating our anniversary this weekend so he said we can do something next weekend instead and that this weekend will be just for us to regroup, rest and talk. He even called his brother and cancelled the plan for us to babysit tomorrow night!
I'm under strict instructions to rest and relax this evening so right now he's running me a bubble bath!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry hun

Your DH sounds amazing and so caring!

 

[DuckyBlue]

I'm so sorry hun

Your DH sounds amazing and so caring!

Thank you. He really is. How I ended up with him I'll never know!

Just now I had a little brown spotting when I went to the toilet. Any kind of spotting is unusual for me, and this is the second time I've had spotting!
The spotting has actually stopped now but I'm assuming it's the beginning of my period as that's always brown for me, although I never get spotting. Honestly am so confused!