TTC #1 Hopeful and Obsessed! lol

[mnelson815]

Omg Belle, I know! I just dont get why people who are actively trying not to get pregnant still do.... and then there is me doing everything I can to get one egg and sperm to meet up and it is the most impossible thing in the world.

Yes, it is funny, but he is just so clueless. I am just thinking, knowing me, he should know I have researched the SHIT out of all of this haha. If there was something so "simple", I would be all over that and not have us go spend 12K for some IVF. Ugh, Husbands...

Glad your tww is underway Belle! Hopefully something exciting happens at the end of it!

Wow Green, yeah that is crazy. Do you typically have some long cycles thrown in there sometimes? That would be driving me nuts!

 

[greenarcher]

Thanks Belle! Ugh, yea it's the worst. DH keeps hugging me from behind while I'm doing dishes or smething and I have to stop myself from snapping at him to let me go, don't grope me, etc.

I have had probably 2 or 3 cycles that were 33-38 days long, and they were all (I think) just after stopping birth control).

Still no spotting. Cramping I usually don't get until after AF starts. I still have some OPKs, I might take one later today. Could be I haven't even ovulated yet.

OH, I wanted to tell you guys that I joined a fertility study being run by 23andMe. I was already a customer, so I just enrolled and did a survey. They're sending me a $45 amazong GC. However, for people that aren't customers, you might get a free DNA testing kit! Check it out and consider enrolling!

JUUUUUUUUST kidding, I just checked their website and they're not taking any more applications. https://www.23andme.com/fertility/

 

[greenarcher]

Tiny amount of brown specking today. She'll be here by Wednesday. And even though I was expecting this, it sucks more this time around, for some reason.

Pretty sure my husband and I are boned when it comes to having kids.

 

[mnelson815]

Are you going to go for any fertility testing?
As much as I hate to say this, Belle and I welcome you into the club!

It honestly really can be just bad luck though that nothing has stuck yet. Don't give up hope just yet!! You are still in the under 1 year category!

 

[BelleNuit]

My deepest regrets Green, but you are more than welcome in the club. It still hasn't been a year for you yet so its okay to keep hoping that it will happen naturally! I think most docs want you to wait a year before you have testing done, but you could just exaggerate how long you've been trying (like I did) and get tested early if that's what you wanted to do. I started testing in the 9-11 month range.

Bah, AF is always such a bummer. It upsets me just as much when you guys get AF as when I do! And of course, like the masochist I am, I have to go and join those stupid testers threads every month and get disappointed watching bfp after bfp show up when I never seem to get a bfp! 19 Fricken tries! BAH lol. Thanks for listening to me rant

 

[greenarcher]

totally feel you. It's nice not to be alone, but I'm so over it.

I'll be starting my own company this year, so I don't think we'll get any testing done in 2017. Not exactly an ideal time to have a kid. Plus I'm pretty sure my OH is the problem (at home SA showed some problems), and I highly doubt he's willing to go get an actual SA done. Men and their egos.

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya men and their egos are pretty tough sometimes. It sounds like this might be a good time to just NTNP. You can always pursue testing a year or so from now if that's what you want.

Well 6 dpo today and started getting tender bbs. I'm assuming it's from the femara? Maybe more progesterone around this cycle? Mnelson did you notice more intense PMS symptoms when you were on femara?

 

[mnelson815]

No sorry, I typically don't get pms at all so it's hard for me to say really if femara changed much. It did cause my spotting to increase though which is pretty much my only symptom leading up to AF so maybe that has some merit to it?

 

[BelleNuit]

Hmm tough to say. I may ask around the forum to see what other ladies have found. They are just freakin sore which is surprising to me because my PMS has been pretty mild the last few months and I'm only 6 dpo :/ I'm also more irritable, and have this cramp/pinching down low on the right side. I dunno. Probably all just signs that my cycle plans to torture me for the next week before gifting me with AF.

 

[mnelson815]

Yeah I have pretty much given up on any symptom spotting besides a late AF haha. I have had ALL the symptoms in months with BFNs, and all I read about are ladies with ZERO symptoms and lots of BFPs, so I never read much into any symptoms anymore.
There was one month where I was super nauseous, smells bothered me, I came home from work and napped and I NEVER nap, and my boobs were sore. AF showed up just on time. So that was the month I gave it all up haha.

 

[BelleNuit]

Haha mnelson that about sums me up well. At first I was a huge symptom spotter, but it never amounted to anything. Now I just expect AF and I find the TWW so much easier to take as a result. I never expect to be pregnant so I'm never anxious to test and don't count down the days. It's better this way.

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I started spotting. So I'm 99.99% sure AF will arrive right on time on Wednesday. I'm mildly disappointed, but knew it was going to wind up this way anyway. I think we're going to have to do IUI. But we'll wait for now.

 

[greenarcher]

Belle, I'm not counting you out yet. I wholly believe that when you do get pregnant (even if not this cycle) you're still going to spot. It just happens to so many women. Plus your sore BBs sound positive! I didn't thin femara was supposed to affect progesterone, just estrogen, no? Correct me if I'm wrong (and send me links with info). Also, I read in the other thread that your husband had extra high hopes for this cycle, and that he's where you are a few months ago. I think that's great! If this cycle doesn't work out, remind him that it takes 70-90 days to form sperm, so he needs to not smoke for at least 3 months before he should REALLY get his hopes up

Mnelson, how are things with you? Just 10 more days! Are you going to have to stay the night in the hospital?

AFM, I flat out asked my husband if he still wanted to have kids because at this point, I don't think I'd mind either way. He wasn't pulling out, but hadn't really talked about it since he moved back in. He basically said he doesn't think we shouldn't ever really stop trying because it's going to take so long. I asked him if he would get a SA done and he said yes! I was very surprised. Though he did say it will need to wait until he gets a job (he's at 9 months unemployed now). I asked him if he was going to really help out and change diapers and everything (before he always insisted he could never do diapers, it would make him sick), and he said yes again.

I've been really happy lately, and I don't know why precisely. Moving and quitting my job has made me feel like I've got a completely fresh start, so maybe that and a few other things. I'm trying still to not start obsessing about TTC again. Not gonna temp, though I'll try to mark BD days. I just gave my best friend the last of my wondfo opks. Good riddance! It would be amazing to be bump buddies with her, but I don't think it's going to happen. For one, not happening for us. And she's had two MC. If it happens again, she's going to get testing done.

This turned out longer than I was planning. Hang in there you guys.

 

[mnelson815]

Belle, I totally agree with Green! Even in a month where you do get pregnant (the same with myself), I believe we will still spot. Apparently it is just what we do. Also knowing that some women still get what they think is a period around the timing of AF and end up being pregnant makes me think they are spotters like ourselves. Additionally, it is just your first month of femara, and for ovulatory women, it usually takes a few months on it if it is going to help at all. My acupuncturist told me to give it another go after I thought the first month sucked, and she was right. The second month was a lot better. So I would definitely continue your course of 3 before you totally feel like you have to mentally prepare for IUI.

Green I just love to hear all your updates from that message! I am so happy that you are in a happy and positive place right now! You've gone through a ton in the past few months so I am so excited to hear this. I also think the DH comments are wonderful. I love that he is willing to figure out if there are any issues and step up when it comes time to bring baby home. Couldn't be happier about your update!

AFM, Yes... 10 days ... wow! I can't believe it really. I hope I notice some positive changes after I get this done! Not just on the baby front, but from the pain front as well. I am getting super nervous though about them sending the polyps off and them coming back cancerous. Apparently my RE said it is less than 1% chance, but since there is always a chance, they always send them off. I can't help but have this overwhelming feeling that I am that 1%. Ugh. Wouldn't that just be my luck, just have to up and get my uterus removed.
I do not have to stay in the hospital since there will be no incision. It is all being done through hysteroscopy, so I will just be under general for like 20-40 min while the snip out the polyps and septum. Then I will have to wait in recovery for a while and then have to be driven home. All in all it should be a pretty simple procedure, just really hoping for a normal outcome from these polyps.

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks Green and mnelson. I know there is always a chance as long as AF isn't here, but I just don't feel it. Spotting was a bit heavier this morning, brownish so I know its older stuff. I'll continue with the femara for the 3 cycles like we set out to do. Green, I could be wrong as I haven't researched it, but my understanding is that if you mature larger follicles or multiple follicles that there will be a better quality corpus luteum and therefore more progesterone. that could be inaccurate, but its my understanding. I have had other cycles where I had sore bbs almost the full way through. Happened back in June. So it happens for me, just not often.

Green it sounds like you and DH are in a much better place! You sound so happy and at peace with everything Good for you for deciding to take a relaxed approach to ttc. It took me awhile to get there (and I have some cycles that are more relaxed than others) but I do feel better during the process for it!. I don't know about you, but I hate OPKs LOL. I hate taking them because I feel like I should take them in the afternoon and I always forget and stress about it, and I don't want to have to take them at work. I just hate them! Good for you for getting rid of them!

Mnelson!!! Seriously 10 DAYS!!!!! That has come up so fast!!! The procedure the way you describe it sounds very straight forward! It doesn't sound scary at all I can understand worrying about being that 1%. I would be worried too. I feel like since you've had to struggle with infertility you shouldn't have to get cancer too. There should be a life time limit of fertility/gynaecological problems that people can have!

 

[BelleNuit]

Blah, brown spotting continues. If I don't get AF tomorrow I might actually be excited. But at this point I don't feel too hopeful. I'll test on Thursday if no AF (will be highly highly surprised).

 

[greenarcher]

Your FF chart says you started AF, Belle? If so, I'm sorry to hear How did you like Femara? Ah okay I get the progesterone thing now. That makes sense.

Mnelson, I'm glad you don't have to stay the night. It's awesome how much things have advanced. I'll keep you in my thoughts. And I'm wilth Belle! You shouldn't have to deal with both! If you don't have a family history of cervical or uterine cancer, you should be okay.

I'm keeping you both in my thoughts! 10 more days until O day for me

 

[BelleNuit]

I dunno Green, I got this cramp last night right before bed and some red flow, but this AM its just back to spotting. I'm sure AF will show at some point today though. It's not looking good.

I guess I can't really say how well I liked femara because I wasn't monitored. So I'm not sure how well it worked for me. I did have more spotting with femara (not more days of spotting, just heavier spotting) so maybe it affected my lining? I got some SE with it which were uncomfortable, but manageable. But, it's where things are at right now so I'll do it again.

Have you decided if you guys are going to continue trying Green?

Mnelson, only a week a day left!!

 

[mnelson815]

Ugh, Sorry to hear Belle. That is the thing I hate most about spotting is when it is intermittent and I'm like... are we just going to do this thing and get it over with or do you want to continue playing with my emotions?
I had more spotting with Femara as well, except mine was the length of time, not amount, but I think that would make sense for you as well. Honestly, I agree that you can't tell how well it worked without monitoring. I just got lucky that I had a cycle where I had my saline sonogram on CD 11 so I got a nice snapshot of my follicle count as well. But I definitely think that the second and third round on it are better than the first, as your body is getting used to this new medication. My second round was much better!

Thanks Green! Yeah, cervical cancer isn't hereditary, so I am not too worried about that and we have zero family history of uterine. So hopefully that works in my favour as well. Plus I was on birth control for 10+ years, which is really supposed to reduce your rates for endometrial, uterine and ovarian cancer. I just have massive health anxiety where everything is always the worst scenario. I know that it is highly unlikely, but I always feel "it has to happen to someone, so I will probably end up being that person". Totally unhealthy way to live haha. I should probably look into getting this anxiety thing treated as well...

I second Belle, what is the new plan for ttc for you and DH, Green?

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya mnelson the limbo is the worst! Well limbo has ended, AF has arrived and its heavy and I'm having lots of cramps (way more than usual, I actually had to take meds for it and they only helped a bit). So I think that femara must have some how thickened my lining. I hope you're right mnelson and maybe the 2nd or 3rd round will be just what we need. I won't count myself out for cycles that haven't even started yet.

I'm kind of the same mnelson, I always prepare myself for the worst case scenario lol.