TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[purplelou]

Pad-omg Hun!
Glad you are ok!

 

[padbrat]

DrH you are not kidding they are a pain in the chest! Absolutely hurt like hell when I took a deep breath and combined with a cold... not a good combo lol.

Thank you too Purps, have to say the good ol NHS were amazing at how quick and thorough they were in taking care of me!

OMG work, study and being chocca full hormones??..... That is one heck of a combo!

Twig I would still say first pee of the morning due to it not being diluted. Also FF was freaky with me whilst it got 'used' to my cycle.... to be fair it was freaky non stop with me... even Lils, Dwrgi and Dash were scratching their heads over my charts lol

 

[nessaw]

Glad ur ok pad-v scary!
Hi ipen nice to c u back with what sounds like an exciting plan.

Vx

 

[emily405]

Twiggers, looks like you didn't temp yesterday? Or you discarded the temperature? I wouldn't worry about one day. Maybe you're running a slight fever. I woke up two days ago with 99.6 for no apparent reason, and then the next day was back down to 96.5. I didn't even feel bad. I have no idea what coming off the pill does for you. (I've taken it to avoid AF for a transatlantic flight because I have terrible cramps and who wants to be miserable and running to the tiny lavatory and possibly stuck on a tarmac and not able to get up if you can shift AF by a week thanks to modern technology, but really have no experience with the pill as birth control.) Of course, last month I was concerned myself because my post-O temps looked lower than usual, but I figured out that my winter temps are a little lower than my summer ones because I keep my heat so low, and the tracking I'd done before my first cycle ttc (last cycle) was a few months ago. But I wouldn't get too freaked out over one day. See how it goes over the month. I don't think you can really know your cycle this soon. It's only been a few days. I know you want to KNOW NOW!

I have no patience either, for what it's worth. It's much easier to tell someone else to be patient than to follow my own advice.

 

[Dwrgi]

Pad-VERY glad to read that you are okay, and that they have got you sorted with higher doses of sweeties. You must have been terrified. Take it easy lovely!

Ness-how are you lovely?

Dr H-I'd just run with the sleep lovely. Your body clearly needs it, with all the work it's doing! Big to you, xxxx

Twiggers-my temps are really erratic too. A possible cause of erratic temps if it continues over a period of time, is thyroid issues. However, you have to check stuff like batteries in thermometer, taking temps at exact time each day, things like having window open in the room (yeah, right! Not if you live in the UK at the mo.), drinking, etc. Give it a couple of months and see if a pattern develops. Good luck!

Hi all!

 

[twiggers]

x

 

[Lady H]

Twiggers dotted line is because you missed a couple of temps so won't be an exact line.

Pad OMG so glad you are OK xxxx

Emily do you use Fertility Friend to chart.....I love stalking charts......!

 

[pbl_ge]

Hi, Ladies!!!! I’m in the airport flying back from my conference. It actually turned out to be wonderful—great to see people, made some really good connections, my talk went well, and I got to enjoy some lovely San Diego sunshine! Unfortunately, by the time I arrive home tonight it’s supposed to be 23 degrees (-5 C) and snowing.

Let’s see how long it takes me to catch up!!! Starting at 12:36 by my computer’s time.

and welcome, Twiggers! I’m a professor too. And a quantitative researcher, so I’m allllllll about the graphs. I had a lot of fun (well, as much as was possible) tracking my HCG levels going down after my ectopic. It IS a bit crazy to do this on the tenure clock, but lots of people have, even before the era of clock stoppage for babies. Another woman here is an academic spouse. We can have our own little support group. Hope your stay here is short and sweet! RE crazy temps—there’s a lot of noise in temping, but don’t worry about it. Lots of ladies have massive swings in the first few days of their cycle, especially after BC.

LadyH

Spoiler

HAPPY V-DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maddy, hope your testing is going well. Sydney sounds lovely!

Owl, I can’t believe your RE passed! How sad. Do you like the new one? Where are you in the process now (maybe this will be revealed to me on later pages… ). to you. Hope skiing was fun! “Adult sitter.” Here's lots of for you!!!

Kismet, have you made it to your doctor yet? Will have to check in on your journal. to you!

Ness, glad to hear your appts have gone well. How are you feeling on the clomid?

Lils, are your family members behaving themselves now? Congrats on the journal. But I can’t see if there’s a link there. I had no idea you were NTNP for 12 years. I’m just sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you!!! And I CANNOT BELIEVE that list of tests!!!

BF, so glad Madrid went well!!! Have you heard back on tests? Did you decide when you’re starting? Let us know the details!!!

Dash, I wrote in your journal. Hope things are going well for you.

Moon-

Spoiler

Continued congrats to you! I can’t believe you have to wait so long for a scan! Sending you very sticky thoughts!!!

Emily, how’s cycle 2 going? Have you made arrangements to meet your donor already?

Hi, and welcome, Irish! Sorry you had an unsuccessful IVF. Hope 2013 brings you a miracle (and cheap!) BFP.

Dwrgi, how are you? I bet you’re just thrilled to be back in school! Did your coworker ever come back to pick up her slack??

Regarding CoQ10—I’m on 200/day. Is that not enough? For me it just means more delicious gummies! I guess that could get expensive. I had to travel with all my supplements this time, and I'm sure my buddy/roommate wondered why the heck I was taking so many pills. I just told her I'd had some deficiencies (D, iron), and that I was taking lots of supps to avoid getting the nasty flu. Doubt I was believed, but oh well.

OMM, I want to echo what Dwrgi said—I’m so glad you’re here! I don’t know you from way back like the others, but you are just so positive and supportive!!! Thanks for cheering us on, and I too hope you get a miracle!

Chicken—looks like you’re about to O—good luck catching that egg!!!!

OMG, Pad, I can’t believe all you’ve had to deal with!!! And here you are, strong and happy with a VIABLE little in your belly!!!! Many to you. And I’ll raise a glass in your behalf to toast getting through another scare!

Hello, Iamtrue—It definitely sounds like you’re ready for the FS, and I hope you get really good help and answers! I starting trying the same time as you, and I got one BFP, but it was in the wrong place. I’m giving it two more months before I see a FS. and to you!!!

Mirium, didn’t you just have a scan?!?! Where is your update young lady!!!????

Beryl!!!!
OH and I plan on taking our LO backpacking (trekking for some of you ladies, right?). Anyone know about that? We’ll be seeking lots of advice! Some friends did the Appalachian trail with a 2 and 4 year old. We’re not that cool, but I figure we could do weekends.

Hi, ipen! I don’t know you (just started coming here in the fall), but it’s nice to virtually meet you! Where are you in the adoption process? I think OH and I will take that journey, too, either after or instead of a LO of our own, depending on how this all goes. I love the TTGALTGYAB!

Many hugs and hellos and dust to everyone I’ve missed. This took me just about an hour, which means I probably missed some stuff. Sorry! My flight will be boarding in not too long, so I wanted to get done in time.

AFM, OH will be gone until Tuesday, at which point SMEP will begin. I hope he’s prepared, because he has a lot of work to do. He also just turned 40 yesterday—need to update my siggie. Nothing else to report!

and and
and and
and and
and and
and and
and !!!!!!!

 

[pbl_ge]

Twiggers dotted line is because you missed a couple of temps so won't be an exact line.

Pad OMG so glad you are OK xxxx

Emily do you use Fertility Friend to chart.....I love stalking charts......!

Emily is really having to put up with a lot of peer pressure to post that chart!!!!

 

[Lady H]

There are a lot of out and closet chart stalkers here!

 

[ipen44]

Dwrigi--Thanks for your stellar update. I am in utter disbelief at how many are expecting!!! Congratulations to you all.. You are strong women for sticking through this and fighting hard. Just goes to show that we will all be mothers because we are going to pursue it no matter what. And those little babies are going to be the most cherished and loved babies in the world.

It is so funny when I hear anyone else is pregnant, I want to barf--not all of you though. I am truly elated for you. You all have me thinking I am going straight IVF after we adopt our first

As for adoption. We have all of the paperwork done which took a good 7 months. We are in the U.S. and pursing private adoption, so the process goes something like this:
We go live after the agency confirms they have everything they need-should be next week.

Our agency will then activate our website and begin offering our profile to birth mothers who are considering adoption. This process is really controlled by the birth mother. They may select based on any criteria they wish. There is no waiting list or anything like that so you have to really try to market yourself to reduce your wait time.

Once a birth mother has expressed interest in you, you can call and speak with them. They set up a meeting for the birth parent(s) and adoptive parents to meet. Then both parties decided whether or not they want to officially "match".

Once matched, you are off the market for other birth mothers. So you wait for the baby to be born and pray that she does not change her mind. Once the baby is born, the birth parent(s) can sign the paperwork if they still want to pursue adoption.

If she sticks with plan A, you take your baby home and the adoption is legalized in a couple of months. If she decides to parent the baby herself, you go back live and start all over again.

Sorry to be so long winded, but it is quite a process. We are praying we get picked quickly by someone who is due in 4 weeks, has not used drugs, is bright, and easy to work with... We will settle for willing to give us a human.

 

[nessaw]

Hey pebble am not on the clomid yet. I have to take it cd2-6 and I was already on cd6 at the appt. So next month...or hopefully not!

All gd here dwirg. Looking lke school tom although as I live over 20 miles from school it will be a fun journey!

Vx

 

[Lady H]

ipen wow what a process. Sounds like you are on the right side of the paperwork but waiting for a potential baby sounds nerve wracking. Especially as they can still change their minds. I have everything crossed for you, you so deserve it xxx

 

[twiggers]

x

 

[Dwrgi]

Regarding CoQ10—I’m on 200/day. Is that not enough? For me it just means more delicious gummies! I guess that could get expensive. I had to travel with all my supplements this time, and I'm sure my buddy/roommate wondered why the heck I was taking so many pills. I just told her I'd had some deficiencies (D, iron), and that I was taking lots of supps to avoid getting the nasty flu. Doubt I was believed, but oh well.
!

Flip-that is an impressive post! Been a long time since I ventured something that thorough, so well done you!!! Glad that the conference went well! Weird to think of you being in the sky now, as I write this!! Incidentally, it's been -1 to -5 her for the past few days. I feel your anticipated pain!!!

Re. CoQ10. Well, I have been told and read from a variety of sources that you want to be aiming for 600mg per day. That is a lot and it IS expensive. You WILL rattle, but if you can get them sweet flavoured, then you're laughing!

Good luck with the SMEP!!!

 

[Dwrgi]

Ipen-that sounds amazing that you are so close to going live! What a strange experience. I am sure that you will have done everything that you can to make yourselves highly marketable! I so wish that you find somebody who is expecting in 4 weeks time, and is clean and good to deal with too!!! You never know, they may be around the next corner!! Good luck!

 

[emily405]

LadyH, I work with teens. Pressure all you want. I am very good at saying no. No, you cannot go on the field trip without your parent's permission. I'm sorry, I'm sure the cookies you baked are very tasty, but we cannot serve them because if someone gets sick I could lose my job. (Remember back when we old folks were in school and we'd all make food and serve it to whomever? There's no way I'm allowed to have anything not prepackaged or catered, ever.) The only creature I can't say no to is my cat, who will sit on my head until I get up and give her breakfast. I figure it's good practice for a baby who will cry until I get up and feed him or her or change a diaper.

Ipen, I have a handful of friends who have adopted. I'm always kind of surprised when they get babies. Internalized homophobia on my part, I guess. I sort of wonder what makes a woman give a lesbian couple a baby when there are straight couples out there, since we hear so much in the media about kids needing a mom and dad, yet several of my friends have newborns through private adoption. Anyway, that doesn't really apply to you. My point was that they get babies! It seems that they wait with their websites for a while, and then someone picks them. So good luck to you!

Pebble, I told my donor when I would like to meet. Hopefully he can do it those days. He lives about two hours away and I will drive most of the way out to where he is so it's not too inconvenient for him. I figure I should do most of the driving since he's doing me such a big favor. Ideally I think I'd do CD11 and CD13, but I can't meet on CD11. I expect to ovulate on CD13 or CD14, and am trying to decide whether it's better to do two days in a row, 12 and 13, or 12 and 14. I guess I'll see when he can meet. I know it's better to do it 48 hours apart. CD14 is Saturday, and I don't want to kill his Saturday so we'll see. I imagine meeting me for a short while after work on Friday might be easier than doing it Saturday. We'll see. He's pretty flexible and accommodating, but he's a man in his mid-twenties, and of course has a social life!

 

[ipen44]

Hi pbl!! What area are you in? I do a lot of complex statistical modeling...so I know all about noise. I am trying to control the temping as much as possible, but there are so many extraneous variables to control for!

Re adoption: we've considered this as well...we're totally open to it (international as well) but we definitely want an infant. What are the costs associated with private adoptions in the us? Are you using an agency or just an attorney??

Twiggers--this can vary a lot. We also only want an infant at this point in our lives. You can get away with just a social worker and a lawyer. That is the cheapest way to go. You need the social worker to do the homestudy and to serve as the person receiving the birth parent relinquishment paperwork if the adoption is between states. Some states require more home visits than others. If you go this route, it can be fairly inexpensive ($5k-$10k) depending on how many hours you need to spend on legal and how many home visits you need. If you find your own birth parent this is the way to go.

Agencies can cost between $20k and $70k. What you are mainly paying for here is for the agency to check out and council the birth mothers. Also, they tend to spend a lot of money on marketing so your wait time should be much less.

In the 2012 fiscal cliff deal, the adoption tax credit was made permanent so in the year that the adoption is final, you can get around 13k of your $ back. If you spend more than 13k, you can deduct that from your AGI for your taxes.

 

[emily405]

Obviously I am already considering the "Why don't I have a daddy" question even though my child will know other kids without daddies. I have kind of been thinking for a while that I will probably be the only mommy, though, but I didn't feel like I could wait around any longer and see how my relationship was going to work out. We don't live together. I know this is going to be my family's first question even though they are supportive of me in general. I have already decided how I will answer that question, both to them and to the potential child when it comes up, but it does weigh on me every time I read stuff about how horrible it is to bring a child into the world without a father, or at least without two parents. Sometimes I think that it would be better to provide a home for a child who is already born rather than to bring another one into the world who will only have one parent, but I could only afford to go through the foster care system, and I am not sure that I'm ready to provide for an older child with special needs, which is all that I would qualify for as a single woman of my age. If I don't get pregnant maybe I will try that route later, but I feel like I need to give this one a chance before it's too late, even if this isn't quite what I pictured my relationship situation to be when I was doing this. I never thought there was anything wrong with being gay, but it's really hurtful to read some of the stuff out there sometimes. I imagine those of you doing IVF and other extraordinary measures have some idea, because I've also read stuff where people ask why you go to the trouble and say that you should also just adopt.

 

[pbl_ge]

Just checked back in, and saw these posts! Must. Respond. ASAP!

Ipen, I have a handful of friends who have adopted. I'm always kind of surprised when they get babies. Internalized homophobia on my part, I guess. I sort of wonder what makes a woman give a lesbian couple a baby when there are straight couples out there, since we hear so much in the media about kids needing a mom and dad, yet several of my friends have newborns through private adoption. Anyway, that doesn't really apply to you. My point was that they get babies! It seems that they wait with their websites for a while, and then someone picks them. So good luck to you!

Obviously I am already considering the "Why don't I have a daddy" question even though my child will know other kids without daddies. I have kind of been thinking for a while that I will probably be the only mommy, though, but I didn't feel like I could wait around any longer and see how my relationship was going to work out. We don't live together. I know this is going to be my family's first question even though they are supportive of me in general. I have already decided how I will answer that question, both to them and to the potential child when it comes up, but it does weigh on me every time I read stuff about how horrible it is to bring a child into the world without a father, or at least without two parents. Sometimes I think that it would be better to provide a home for a child who is already born rather than to bring another one into the world who will only have one parent, but I could only afford to go through the foster care system, and I am not sure that I'm ready to provide for an older child with special needs, which is all that I would qualify for as a single woman of my age. If I don't get pregnant maybe I will try that route later, but I feel like I need to give this one a chance before it's too late, even if this isn't quite what I pictured my relationship situation to be when I was doing this. I never thought there was anything wrong with being gay, but it's really hurtful to read some of the stuff out there sometimes. I imagine those of you doing IVF and other extraordinary measures have some idea, because I've also read stuff where people ask why you go to the trouble and say that you should also just adopt.

It's so much harder to go against the grain, isn't it! But totally worth it, I think. And if I were giving up a baby, I would totally choose a lesbian couple. Here's why:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/10/lesbians-child-abuse-0-percent_n_781624.html
Obviously there are many reasons for this, and this one study doesn't mean that no lesbians will ever abuse a child. However I certainly believe, and this study supports the idea, that child abuse rates among lesbians may be well below the norm.

I also think the young people today are much less homophobic (we're not supposed to use that word anymore, according to the AP, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to use instead!). Give this 20 years and this will be a non-issue. In the meantime, I'm sure there are lots of young women who would have no problem giving to a lesbian woman or couple!

I also feel confident that the statistics about single parenting yielding bad outcomes are almost entirely reflecting poverty rather than some intrinsic need for two parents, and I say this based on the research literature. There are other aspects of single parenting that may lead to problems, such as limited time and ability to provide care, interactions to encourage brain development, and monitoring in adolescence to prevent problem behaviors, and a higher vulnerability to parenting stress which can get taken out on the kids. But I think those things happen frequently with two parent households! I'm a believer in the village approach to child rearing, so I don't think that a single woman of any orientation who makes sure the child/ren get interaction and monitoring throughout development will have problems. I mean more than typical parents do. We all mess up some things, right? Isn't that the deal?

I do think it's really important for kids of any sex to have good role models of all genders, but I don't think it needs to be in the nuclear family unit.

Anyway, stepping down off my soap box. I just couldn't not respond to this!!!