Ttc #3 over 35 - anyone else in the same boat??

[Bonnie1990]

Thanks mg. I thought for sure one of us at least would have made it.

 

[Dysan]

oh no girls! i am so sorry. i was also really hoping that at least one of us would get a bfp this month.
i know how you girls feel. although we have not been trying forever you cant help but to feel down... i know that there are some ladies out there trying for so long...gosh i do admire their strength.
take the next week to get your mind off ttc...i tried to do that this past week as much as i could. i feel very positive again now and specially happy knowing that this cycle i will not ttc daily or on demand...just when it feels right and pray for the best.

as for me, my cm seems to be preparing for fertile time of cycle...was so dry until af and now i can tell that i may start with ewcm perhaps in next few days. i have not temped consistently so i dont think that i can keep up with that...i think i will not do it for now...and just start if i find trouble conceiving after 6 cycles...

ok ladies, hugs to all! i know that you will be feeling great again as soon as af is gone.

 

[Fluffy83]

Thanks mg. Yeah it's hard to even think about starting all over again! It's frustrating to think that you cover all areas and still a at the end

To be honest i never had any problem before but this will be cycle #4 and I feel like giving up!!

There has to be an easier way lol

 

[Bonnie1990]

Ib told DB and he was like oh and went off like normal.
It so unfair. I'm upstairs hiding out from the kids crying and he acts like its no big deal!

He has said before we will worry if we not preggers by July.
I'm wondering if I should go see gyn for some simple tests. If they would even entertain me this soon or not.

It's just spotting right now but I know it's over. It's even harder knowing that that was it for 2012.

 

[marathongirl]

Ib told DB and he was like oh and went off like normal.
It so unfair. I'm upstairs hiding out from the kids crying and he acts like its no big deal!

He has said before we will worry if we not preggers by July.
I'm wondering if I should go see gyn for some simple tests. If they would even entertain me this soon or not.

It's just spotting right now but I know it's over. It's even harder knowing that that was it for 2012.

So sorry Bonnie please know we are all here for you. I cried most of last night and still feel pretty crumby today. Dh was upset but almost more incredulous than anything sort of like" what do you mean you're not preggo?" he thinks just because we have been timing it perfect that it's a sure thing. I told him that he had to stop saying that every time because it hurts my feelings and makes me feel inadequate
I also find it hard because dh has pretty young kids with his x and it's starting to really play on me that it's not happening for us. I know you are in the same situation so can understand. Feel free to pm me if you need to get anything really off your chest
It will happen for us eventually it just might take a bit longer.
Thanks for everything ladies.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Thanks mg and everyone
This is hitting me especially hard this time. I think becuase I had such a positive feeling this month and the nausea was very unusual. Also this was the lat month for a 2012 baby. And I was hoping it would have at least waited until tomorrow so we could maybe have some alone time tonight. It has been two weeks again.

I'm failing and I don't like it.

I went upstairs and had a good cry. There is more but it will have to wait. He did come up and gave me a hug. I know he is keeping the kids occupied and out of my hair so I had some time. It's not like we can really talk about it now. I was a bit unfair below but it was my initial reaction.

So the testing stuff and thermometer are away. I don't know what I'm going to do supplement wise, if anything.

I am even more upset now that I have looked at the calendar. We have the kids for spring break the 2-9th of April, smack dab in my next window. No nights free. I don't know what will happen. We may miss altogether.

Thanks again. It helps knowing I'm not alone.

 

[faithmum]

Oh girls - I just logged on and am so so sorry!!! I thought for certain one of us would be in. Big gigantic hugs

Well my day has been HORRIBLE. You know my fiance? The one I was going to marry? The one with whom I'm trying to have his baby? The one we have already gotten a marriage certificate - all we need to do is send it in to validate it?? Well I found out today that he's had my email account on his phone and reads every single thing that I send out or that I receive. He has my phone account on his phone and monitors my calls and finally; wait for it....he put a tracker on my car and has been tracking where I drive!! Ok here is one more wait for it and it has made me cry ALL day long - he has been on match.com and has lined up dozens of women to meet telling them he wants to take them on a date to Paris or Rome. Telling them they have the most beautiful eyes (the same thing he tells me!), I am crushed beneath it all girls. Keep me in your thoughts please.

 

[Bonnie1990]

OMG faithmum!
how did you find this all out?
how long have you been together?
OMG i dont know what to say

 

[faithmum]

OMG faithmum!
how did you find this all out?
how long have you been together?
OMG i dont know what to say

We've been together 18 months. You know the weird thing? I prayed at church this morning that God would direct my feet and help me straighten out the mess in my head about my divorce etc. This guy has had control and jealous issues in the past but says he's in counseling.

I forgot my phone and needed to make a call so I asked to borrow his. He got all strange about it. When I looked at it I saw MY email pop up. So I got out of the car and sat in the women's restroom for hours trying to make heads and tails out of it. That's when I saw the direction my car drove yesterday (every single turn) when I went alone to get my eyelashes dyed (I guess he thought I was going to go blow somebody???) and I saw all my verizon stuff there where he sees who I call etc.

 

[faithmum]

Finally - the crushing blow was seeing in HIS email (which previously I wouldn't dream of looking into) all these emails from women on Match!! All during months we've been actively trying to have a baby!! He's almost 50 and has begged me to get pregnant!! WTF???? I can hardly believe this is MY life!!!

 

[faithmum]

Now he's telling me all the ways it is MY fault!!

Thanks for listening ladies.

If you ever read stuff totally out of place here it's likely because I used to use his laptop to log on and I'm guessing I'm still logged on as me so he will be reading up/ Who am I kidding? He's already been reading up!

Oh girls - controlling jealous man. I should have friggin' known the first times he lied to me and spied on me. WHY did I think he could change?

Thanks for letting me rant. and cry. and if I could, scream.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Omg. I am in total shock.
I can't imagine how you feel right now.
Rant anything
Scream
Pm if you like. Or email when safe

 

[faithmum]

Omg. I am in total shock.
I can't imagine how you feel right now.
Rant anything
Scream
Pm if you like. Or email when safe

It is super sad for me because not only am I losing what I thought was a great man but also the hope I had in new life. I feel lost right now. So lost. It's strange to got from the ttc mindset to single at 45.

 

[marathongirl]

Omg. I am in total shock.
I can't imagine how you feel right now.
Rant anything
Scream
Pm if you like. Or email when safe

It is super sad for me because not only am I losing what I thought was a great man but also the hope I had in new life. I feel lost right now. So lost. It's strange to got from the ttc mindset to single at 45.

Oh no I don't know what to say other than we are here for you. If I could I would fly there and be there for you. I just can't even imagine, you are the most amazing woman. I love the way you are always there for us on here. Please know that we are here. Just lean on your friends they will help you, maybe you can talk to your person at your church just know what a strong woman you are.

 

[faithmum]

Thank you so much MG.

I had my accupuncture tonight set up for ttc and I just laid on the table and cried (so pathetic really). First time I've done it while crying and holding kleenex in my hands.

 

[Fluffy83]

Hiya ladies!
I've just logged in and caught up on what's been happening.....Faithmum I can't believe what I've just read!!! Omg im in total shock and I don't know how you must be feeling my dear!!!
Please feel free to get that s**t out of your system (sorry for my language) but at times like this it's the only language I can use!
So I know you're feeling betrayed by the way he's treated you but how do do really feel now about having his baby??
Why can't some guys see when they've got a good person and why find the need to treat them like trash!!!!

Faithmum I can only pray that you get the strength to get above this and clear your head from all the crap you've been taking, I don't want to pry into your private business but you know we're all here if you need to talk

Omg the more I think about what's he's been doing.......going through your emails is bad enough but tracking your car!!! Oh and don't get me started about the website stuff, I'm feeling your anger and pain but listen we're here for you and will help you get through it

 

[Bonnie1990]

Ladies.
I am still in shock over your situation faithmum. I want so bad to be there and hug you. I guess we will have to be your virtual shoulders.

I was thinking if you wanted somewhere else other than bnb to talk, are any of you other ladies on Facebook? I could create a private group if you didn't want all of this out here or if you didn't want to be here in this place now. Jut a thought. Fluffy and I are already connected on fb. Just let me know. We are here for you where ever you need us to be.

 

[Fluffy83]

That's sounds good to me bonnie some times it's hard to keep personal stuff private on these sites...... to everyone

I hope this day gets better for you faithmum.....you're in my thoughts

 

[Bonnie1990]

So I just scheduled an appointment with my gyn for an initial infertility (dammit im not labeled yet-why dont they call it fertility assessment instead?) assessment on 4/4. I know it's only been 3 months but I would rather not continue beating my head against the wall if my labs are all screwy you know?

Waiting for the nurse to call me back to see if I can get an order for day 3 tests so they are available for the consult.

Hope everyone is ok today
Faithmum-how are you holding up?

If anyone wants to do Facebook, PM me with your Facebook infor so I can invite you.

 

[Dysan]

Hi ladies,

Oh just logged here and I am in total shock of what's going on. Faithmum, I am so sorry for what you need to go through right now. I think that this is absolutely crazy.

I am not sure if this is my place to say so I apologize if this is offensive, I certainly do not mean it that way, but faithmum this person is not good for you and you need to leave him. I know that you certainly dont choose who you fall in love with but you dont need this. Life goes by so fast and now that you have this info you do have a choice what to do. I honestly dont think that people like that change fast or if they do at all - to do such a thing at his age you need to have severe psychological issues and a level of insecurity that is off the charts - i would certainly not feel the same way if he was 18 years old.

Of course this is my personal opinion and i could be so off...I strongly believe that, despite this crashing yours dreams that go beyond just having a guy next to you, we, human beings, are very resilient and I am sure that you will be able to move on to better things fast. You dont need him. If you realized through this TTC journey that having a baby is important to you, i think that would be better off going to a sperm bank and doing it on your own if you feel that you are financially capable. I know plenty of single moms that decided to have a child on her own and although it is not something for me, I consider them excellent mothers with great kids and strongly support their decision.

He is probably playing psychological games with you...using what he reads and knows to tell you what you want to hear. Take your time to think and be alone and dont do anything rushed, but know that if you stay with him, you should be committed to a difficult road ahead for people with those issues if they recover at all, they certainly dont do it overnight. You deserve great things and dont settle for any less. Sorry to ramble I encountered similar situations thorughout my carrer and saw the suffering.

As for the facebook group, I am somewhat interested because I hate that anyone can read this posts. However, I came here to discuss TTC with "strangers" in the sense that I dont want any of the people that I know, well know that I am TTC and my feelings through this process. IF I join, will my facebook friends know that I am TTC (ie by name of a group baby related or knowing that I am in a private group)? Will they have access to my posts just like when I post on my wall, etc? I certainly dont want that...i even have people from my old work environment there (used to be an attorney up until 1 year ago).

Faithmum hope you find the strength fast to deal with this. Allow yourself to be sad but know that moving on, whatever decision you make, is not as difficult as it now seems.