TTC 30s/40s Club

[polaris]

Hi All! Guess this is where I fit? I've just turned 30, my hubby is somewhat older than me (hehehe, his b'day next week, he's gonna be 45!)

We've been married just over 2 yrs but been together for what seems like forever.. I've a son who's 9 going on about 15 from a previous relationship, and my hubby has a son who's 14 we see him as and when he wants. Life is so busy at that age...

We had a year of mixed emotions last year, joys of finding out we were gonna have "our" 1st, getting use to the idea; going for a scan involving the family to see that things had gone wrong. I'm not sure what was worse, seeing it on the monitor or having to explain it all to my son.

We then had to arrange a termination, go through the whole ordeal of the nurse not reading notes, assuming I was wanting rid & could change my mind. If all had gone well I wouldn't have been there! I gave her a few choice words and sat in the car and cried my eyes out..

That brings us upto about Oct, after some time off work and visiting dr regularly; advised to try again. I seem to dread the week I'm due my period now. Guess it's all false hopes.

Gosh, that all seems rather heavy as an introduction about me & why I'm on here. Sorry!

I'm beginning to feel as though we're becoming obsessed, when I'm due, when the best time etc. Almost as if the fun and impromptu moments have gone.

I'd like to get to a happier time & place, at the moment we're plodding there slowly..

Wish I could get rid of the impending doom feeling for when I'm due.. lol

Hi eswift and welcome.
You have been through the mill in the last year, it's not surprising that TTC is connected with a lot of difficult emotions for you. Your experience with your last pregnancy was so awful and then the carelessness of the nurse's comments to top it all off!! That really makes me angry.
You will get to a happier time but like lioness says, you just need to give yourself and OH time to grieve and recognise that what your feeling is normal given everything you have been through. Fingers crossed for a happy outcome for you soon.
Polaris

 

[polaris]

Thank you Polaris, the mind is a powerful thing. Even though the is here, I still look at my body and think "It doesn't look like my normal body." It has changed. But hey, a neg is a neg and a is a . I am thinking about trying out BBT as I need to understand what's happening to my body and work with it, knowledge is power they say .

Where are you in your cycle now? Hope everything goes to plan

Thanks for asking, I am on CD10 today. I have no idea when or if I am ov-ing so am just getting down to BDing!!
I am also thinking about trying out BBT as I have a fear that I am not ov-ing, I don't really have any reason for thinking that but it plays on my mind a bit. I think maybe because I was on BCP for so long I worry that I might have messed up my system. Also my cycle was pretty irregular before I went on BCP (but I was only a teenager at the time).
Polaris

 

[ellie]

Hey all,
eswift for what you had to go through .... i am sorry and hope that you get some good news soon.
seems like many of us on here have had a bit of a rough time... as nuttyjester said, makes us stronger? hope so ....
i am feeling pretty crap about being older today .... i was all geared up to start ttc'ing this month and so far i haven't ovulated (usually around day 16 or so) and no real signs of it happening. even went to acupuncturist yesterday who gave me treatment to 'stimulate my ovaries' - and nowt! And, even managed to persuade oh to bd 'for that purpose' just in case ....

Sometimes I feel good about ttc'ing at this age (settled, relatively secure, happy, more than ready for the changes etc) and sometimes, like today, I feel like I really might have 'left it too late' at 36 (which wasn't even my choice) and I might now be having problems.
Urgh. Does anyone else have these kinds of wobbles?

Sorry to moan ... hope everyone is having a good weekend

 

[confused_one]

ellie I totally understand where you are coming from. i'm 35 and feeling really down that my time to have a baby is soon coming to an end (or at least I feel this way!) like you, it wasn't my choice either. now that i've been ttc (really for about 3 months) .. my body is playing all these dumb tricks ... i hate it ... i'm going to be ovulating in the next or so (according to my ov cramps! and increase temps today) ... and i'm so emotional and stressed (due to work, family issues etc). I know being stressed isn't a good thing if you are ttc. soo ... i'm going to make the best of things this month although i REALLY wanted a BFP for Valentine's Day!!!

so don't feel bad ... i'm feeling those "wobbles" like you!!!

let's be positive or at least try to be!!!

 

[eswift]

Thank you all for your kind words and well wishes.

We've all got issues with one thing or another. I hope for us all that life changes for the better very soon...

After all February is the month of LOVE, so let all get down to some serious 'loving' and have lots of fun whilst doing it...

As my OH is somewhat older than me (15 yrs) he keeps telling me that age is purely a figure. It's all about how you feel and how you look at it. He say he's 18 with experience. LMAO makes him feel good - all his mates just class him as a lucky bugger having a lass so young.

I think he's covering his own back by saving money on his care when he truely becomes an Old Git!!

 

[ellie]

eswift thanks for making me smile with that! excellent!

thanks confusedone - in a way i'm glad it's not just me ... I really feel like i'm at the age where people are not now expecting me to have any babies and might be a bit shocked if i was (even my mum keeps telling me i'm getting old now). Sorry to hear you are stressed ... I feel that too, mainly with work, but what canya do... oh says 'just relax' (!!!!!! that wonderful phrase)
I really wanted that V'day BFP as well ... I am not sure whether I will ... I am trying to hold out hope and 'if not maybe next month' but sometimes it feels like time is running out - its a horrible feeling.
Anyway I hope you have made the best of it and good luck - would you be due to test around the 14th as well?

 

[heavenly]

How did I not see this thread..only been a member since Oct.....

I have just turned 43 and me and OH (32) are TCC, it will be our first....if we get that lucky. I have just started Cycle 4 and am on CD4 of a 24 day cycle. Just bought my first lot of opks so hoping that will give us a bit of luck this month.

Good luck to everyone getting a

 

[polaris]

Hi heavenly and welcome!
Hopefully the OPKs will help and that your comes through for you. I love this thread and would love to see us all getting good results.

I have just bought a BBT thermometer to try and track my cycle. Tried to use it for the first time this morning but I think it might take me a bit of time to get the hang of it!! I didn't hear it beep so was lying there for about 5 minutes or more with it stuck in my mouth LOL. Not sure if the reading is right or not, but this cycle is really just for practice as I'm already on CD11. I would just feel a lot better if I knew that I was ov'ing.
Polaris

 

[Loo]

Just thought I would stick my nose in!! The 'wobbles' about our age are totally normal (I am virtually 35). Everyone on here has up days and down days. I started ttc at 33 but had a miscarriage and eventually, more than a year after originally trying, I am pregnant again. My fingers are crossed for this one and it seems to be going ok so far.

My advice to you would be:

1) Try not to set goals ('I want to be pregnant by my birthday' or whatever) as that only leads to disappointment.

2) Try not to let it take over your life! I put all sorts of things on hold 'in case I might be pregnant' and you then get annoyed and frustrated when you aren't. The time I decided 'oh what the heck' and booked a holiday etc was the time I then got pregnant.

3) Don't dwell on not trying earlier. It has to be a joint decision and it doesn't help to think 'I would have tried earlier if it wasn't for x'. We have just accepted that things weren't right for us to try before and if leaving it late means we had problems, then that would be something to face together without blaming one another.

4) Enjoy the journey! Easier to say in hindsight than at the time...but there was a thread in the TTC section ages ago listing what everyone has learnt from TTC (or it might have been miscarriage in the loss section) and we have all go so much from TTC. It's just not 'the main prize' so sometimes it gets forgotton...

Anyway, hope that wasn't patronising or anything! Just wanted to pass on some thoughts from an old-timer!!

Lots of luck x

 

[polaris]

Hi Loo, First of all congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope that all goes well for you this time round.
Your comments on TTC make a lot of sense to me. Especially in relation to not setting goals and not putting everything else on hold in case of getting pregnant.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Polaris

 

[soulsister]

Hi

Can I join you ladies?

My name is Laura and we are trying to conceive a little brother or sister for my darling 4 year old daughter. Only started trying this month (but I didnt work as just got AF - I'm not too disappointed as it was only first cycle). I have just turned 34 and DH is 42

Last year was horrible - I fell pg very easily but sadly had to interrupt the pregnancy at 23 weeks as our little one was diagnosed with fatal Pallister Hall Syndrome. Was very hard on us all as you can imagine. (sorry dont want to depress anyone there)

Anyway, looking to the future now, and looking forward to seeing a BFP in the forthcoming months.

Good luck to all you ladies - and worst case scenario, if it doesnt happen for me, I'll be very good a cheering you all on.

Thanks for listening

Laura x

 

[polaris]

Hi

Can I join you ladies?

My name is Laura and we are trying to conceive a little brother or sister for my darling 4 year old daughter. Only started trying this month (but I didnt work as just got AF - I'm not too disappointed as it was only first cycle). I have just turned 34 and DH is 42

Last year was horrible - I fell pg very easily but sadly had to interrupt the pregnancy at 23 weeks as our little one was diagnosed with fatal Pallister Hall Syndrome. Was very hard on us all as you can imagine. (sorry dont want to depress anyone there)

Anyway, looking to the future now, and looking forward to seeing a BFP in the forthcoming months.

Good luck to all you ladies - and worst case scenario, if it doesnt happen for me, I'll be very good a cheering you all on.

Thanks for listening

Laura x

Hi Laura and welcome!
I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences last year. That must have been a really tough year. Let's hope you get pregnant just as easily this time but that everything goes well this time.
I have only just come off BCP in December so am on second cycle too. I am 34 in April. We can cheer each other on!!

 

[confused_one]

ellie ... i am hoping to test on Valentine's Day

Loo ... thanks for all the advice ... the way i try to look at is "practise makes perfect" LOL and so for now, we are going to continue practising until we get our BFP!!!

 

[lioness168]

Thank you Polaris, the mind is a powerful thing. Even though the is here, I still look at my body and think "It doesn't look like my normal body." It has changed. But hey, a neg is a neg and a is a . I am thinking about trying out BBT as I need to understand what's happening to my body and work with it, knowledge is power they say .

Where are you in your cycle now? Hope everything goes to plan

Thanks for asking, I am on CD10 today. I have no idea when or if I am ov-ing so am just getting down to BDing!!
I am also thinking about trying out BBT as I have a fear that I am not ov-ing, I don't really have any reason for thinking that but it plays on my mind a bit. I think maybe because I was on BCP for so long I worry that I might have messed up my system. Also my cycle was pretty irregular before I went on BCP (but I was only a teenager at the time).
Polaris

Hi Polaris, hope this month is your month . Keep us posted as to how things go. I have started charting, its has only been a couple of days, so we'll see how it goes. The past couple of days I have been feeling all over the place - a bit stressed and down. I wonder if its the hormones...grrrr....wish I knew what was problem with me sometimes.

 

[lioness168]

Just thought I would stick my nose in!! The 'wobbles' about our age are totally normal (I am virtually 35). Everyone on here has up days and down days. I started ttc at 33 but had a miscarriage and eventually, more than a year after originally trying, I am pregnant again. My fingers are crossed for this one and it seems to be going ok so far.

My advice to you would be:

1) Try not to set goals ('I want to be pregnant by my birthday' or whatever) as that only leads to disappointment.

2) Try not to let it take over your life! I put all sorts of things on hold 'in case I might be pregnant' and you then get annoyed and frustrated when you aren't. The time I decided 'oh what the heck' and booked a holiday etc was the time I then got pregnant.

3) Don't dwell on not trying earlier. It has to be a joint decision and it doesn't help to think 'I would have tried earlier if it wasn't for x'. We have just accepted that things weren't right for us to try before and if leaving it late means we had problems, then that would be something to face together without blaming one another.

4) Enjoy the journey! Easier to say in hindsight than at the time...but there was a thread in the TTC section ages ago listing what everyone has learnt from TTC (or it might have been miscarriage in the loss section) and we have all go so much from TTC. It's just not 'the main prize' so sometimes it gets forgotton...

Anyway, hope that wasn't patronising or anything! Just wanted to pass on some thoughts from an old-timer!!

Lots of luck x

Thats great uplifting advice. Some days can be difficult for everyone, some well grounded advice is good medicine. Thanks again

 

[polaris]

Hi Polaris, hope this month is your month . Keep us posted as to how things go. I have started charting, its has only been a couple of days, so we'll see how it goes. The past couple of days I have been feeling all over the place - a bit stressed and down. I wonder if its the hormones...grrrr....wish I knew what was problem with me sometimes.

I just started charting too! Got a BBT thermometer on Saturday so likewise it has only been a few days. I think the first day was wrong because I didn't hear the thermometer beep so I was lying there for about 10 minutes with it stuck in my mouth!! Anyway we will see how it goes.
Sorry to hear you're feeling stressed out over the last few days, I think most of us get days like this, it's not nice but it will pass. I think it's normal for your mood to be up and down when TTC because you are going through such a lot emotionally on the inside.
Good luck with the charting, I hope this is your month for a
Talk soon,
P

 

[lioness168]

Hi Polaris, hope this month is your month . Keep us posted as to how things go. I have started charting, its has only been a couple of days, so we'll see how it goes. The past couple of days I have been feeling all over the place - a bit stressed and down. I wonder if its the hormones...grrrr....wish I knew what was problem with me sometimes.

I just started charting too! Got a BBT thermometer on Saturday so likewise it has only been a few days. I think the first day was wrong because I didn't hear the thermometer beep so I was lying there for about 10 minutes with it stuck in my mouth!! Anyway we will see how it goes.
Sorry to hear you're feeling stressed out over the last few days, I think most of us get days like this, it's not nice but it will pass. I think it's normal for your mood to be up and down when TTC because you are going through such a lot emotionally on the inside.
Good luck with the charting, I hope this is your month for a
Talk soon,
P

Thanks for you encouraging and supportive comments, much appreciated. I hope you get the thermometer thing down pat soon hehehe. Thats good, great to have a bit of a laugh! Im at CD5 now, and started charting on Friday. If you find anything interesting that may be of help, let us know. So far so good at this end (I think). Today has emotionally been a better day, have 2 days off work now also (maybe that helps). Let us know how things are going, and I'll keep you up to date of anything interesting on this end. Good luck, fingers and everything else is crossed for you.

 

[NuttyJester]

Just wanted to say to polaris - you're a star! I come on here every day and check this thread and I don't always feel like talking, but you keep it going, welcoming everyone and with a kind word for all... Thank you!

 

[polaris]

Just wanted to say to polaris - you're a star! I come on here every day and check this thread and I don't always feel like talking, but you keep it going, welcoming everyone and with a kind word for all... Thank you!

Aw that is really nice of you! Thank you for your kind words. I really enjoy chatting to everyone on here, especially cos me and OH haven't told anyone in the 'real world' that we are TTC, so it's great to have lovely people to share my obsession with!
P.

 

[polaris]

Thanks for you encouraging and supportive comments, much appreciated. I hope you get the thermometer thing down pat soon hehehe. Thats good, great to have a bit of a laugh! Im at CD5 now, and started charting on Friday. If you find anything interesting that may be of help, let us know. So far so good at this end (I think). Today has emotionally been a better day, have 2 days off work now also (maybe that helps). Let us know how things are going, and I'll keep you up to date of anything interesting on this end. Good luck, fingers and everything else is crossed for you.

Thanks lioness, i'm glad that today has been a better day. I think for me that it is important to just give myself permission to have 'down' days every now and then, rather than getting annoyed with myself for feeling upset which just makes me feel even worse! Talk to you soon and good luck. I would love to see you get your !
P.