ttc after a d&c

[Storked]

WOW! That has got to be super stressful! I dont understand why your husband is saying these things now and causing all sorts of drama. How do you wait until your wife is pregnant to bring up things that bother him like him paying for things when you were in college and dating. It really sounds like work would be a less stressful environment compared to your home with him. I second what Bethany said, I now want to just smack him and say what is wrong with you! It was nice that he helped with paying for things when you guys were dating but that was his choice. Now that you are married, its suppose to be a JOINT effort that you guys make. Not he pays for this and you pay for that. If that works for you guys then thats ok, Im not knocking your system but this tit for tat thing needs to stop with him. He is going to be a father. How would he feel if your daughter was being treated like this by someone? Im sure he would not like it. Im sorry to go off but I dont like that he is making you feel this way. Its just not right. We love you loads hun and are always here for you. Im praying this all gets better for you. xoxo

Jen, I second what Amy said. He does not get to talk to you like that and him taking it to his family to discuss is downright despicable. He needs to be taught a lesson. He needs you Jen. He needs YOU. And because he needs you, you have the power, not him. He doesn't get to make demands. He doesn't get to talk down to you. His family doesn't get to talk down to you.
You are pregnant. You have lost a child and you have been sick. You aren't lazy- it sounds like they are.

I won't tell you how to run your marriage but I do want to impart something: you cannot make a marriage work by yourself. I have tried. And this thing that he has where he complains to his family and they help nurture seeds of dissent in your marriage? I am afraid that it will blow up in your face and his. Because they are telling him that you aren't pulling your weight and he is buying it. But if he were to lose you he'd become aware of just how much he came to rely on you. And by that point you may not trust him enough for a second chance. He needs to step carefully. Because if he is calling you lazy, saying how much you stress him out...and you go back to working like a horse and lose another child...could you ever forgive him?

 

[jen435]

The reason he bought he tires and gas was because i drove 1 1/2hrs back from college all the time to see him. He may have filled up my car five times in 6yrs of dating.... Also the tires where a christmas gift he bought me cheap ones but it got me by. When he came to visit me the 4 times he did he took me food shopping so i could go home and cook for him and the left overs usually lasted me the week. It was nice but i never asked and i had enough to get me by. It wasnt necessary just made him feel good. So i thought. Never thought it would come back to bite me. Our money is shared i have my acct he has his but its linked so when he sees my bills been paid then he takes what i have left and puts it towards our bills. He handles the house bills and i just work. So it is combined its just i dont make enough to pay all house expenses when he has a no profit month. I missed 2 1/2 days of work and its really what caused the problem. I made enough in dec to only pay my bills and food bill. Thats it. I used my bonus on him for christmas.

 

[jen435]

Bethany you are right but he will never see it that way. I know once im working again he will realize we still.need his income. His business is a touchy subject.

 

[Storked]

Bethany you are right but he will never see it that way. I know once im working again he will realize we still.need his income. His business is a touchy subject.

I understand. And I do want to say that I hope me and Amy talking smack like war goddesses doesn't make you uncomfortable. You can always talk to us and we will always be on your side. I hope that you can take what I said and know that you don't have to follow it or feel guilty about not following it. Only you are in that marriage and you know it better than me
Don't let him mention things in the past because to me it doesnt sound like he did all that much to begin with. When he brings it up mention all that you do to support him. Or, if he doesn't communicate, simply stop speaking to him when he is being verbally abusive. Just ignore him. Let him have a taste of it.

You are a sweet girl.

 

[mommylov]

OMG yes Bethany! Jen, Bethany is so right. You cant afford to do thing that will cost you this lo. I cant believe it would take you working full time for him to see how much you do contribute. To be honest, even if you didnt bring any money in... does cooking and cleaning and all that you do not count? I hate that him and his family are doing this. I fear that even when you do go back to work, he wont fully appreciate you. He will just be like "This is the way it should be". Ugh... he is making me so angry for you hun... and his family too. You dont deserve this. I really hope that he appreciates you before its too late. People tend to pull thier head out of thier a$$ when its too late.

 

[mommylov]

Bethany you are right but he will never see it that way. I know once im working again he will realize we still.need his income. His business is a touchy subject.

I understand. And I do want to say that I hope me and Amy talking smack like war goddesses doesn't make you uncomfortable. You can always talk to us and we will always be on your side. I hope that you can take what I said and know that you don't have to follow it or feel guilty about not following it. Only you are in that marriage and you know it better than me
Don't let him mention things in the past because to me it doesnt sound like he did all that much to begin with. When he brings it up mention all that you do to support him. Or, if he doesn't communicate, simply stop speaking to him when he is being verbally abusive. Just ignore him. Let him have a taste of it.

You are a sweet girl.

For sure, Jen we have nothing but your best interest at heart. Im sure I can speak for all of us when I say you are a doll and it hurts us when you hurt.

 

[Storked]

Bethany you are right but he will never see it that way. I know once im working again he will realize we still.need his income. His business is a touchy subject.

I understand. And I do want to say that I hope me and Amy talking smack like war goddesses doesn't make you uncomfortable. You can always talk to us and we will always be on your side. I hope that you can take what I said and know that you don't have to follow it or feel guilty about not following it. Only you are in that marriage and you know it better than me
Don't let him mention things in the past because to me it doesnt sound like he did all that much to begin with. When he brings it up mention all that you do to support him. Or, if he doesn't communicate, simply stop speaking to him when he is being verbally abusive. Just ignore him. Let him have a taste of it.

You are a sweet girl.

For sure, Jen we have nothing but your best interest at heart. Im sure I can speak for all of us when I say you are a doll and it hurts us when you hurt.

This is true. We don't want you to hurt. We won't tell you to walk away or anything like that but just explore all your options honey. I don't want all of this stress to break you

 

[aaronswoman79]

hi everyone! Jen, I just read over the messages. I am just speechless at what is going on with your husband and his family. I had a similar problem when my husband and I first got married, his family didn't like me, and always talked bad about me. I only met his mother, who came with him from Utah to come and meet me and his brother who came to the bay area for something else but met up with us. Neither of them liked me. And they went back to Utah spreading rumors about me, and told everyone they didn't approve of me so the whole family followed their lead and never approved of me. When we got married and after we had our daughter, Natalie (my 6 year old) they never accepted her. She was a very very cute baby and got attention everywhere we went, but when we sent them pics, they would never compliment her and basically they didn't like her. They have never met Natalie in person, I have never even met my husbands father or sister. When are daughter turned 2 things got so bad that they didn't even call for her b-day, they didn't send a card, gift.. nothing. And my father had just died and they refused to send me any condolences, card nothing. They told him they didn't give a damn that my father died ( and his mother met my father). To make a long story short he called them to tell him how he felt about all of this, and they told him the basically didn't care about our daughter and that I was mentally ******** and stupid and they told him he was disowned. My husband told them off and that was the last time he had contact with them. Its been 5 years with not contact with these people and life is so much better. My husband was very manipulated by them and it took a long time for him to break free, but if they would have stayed in the picture our marriage would probably be over by now. It took them basically disowning our own daughter and calling me names to push my husband overboard. He is much happier without them in his life. His whole family is toxic.

Jen, you need to stay away from these people. It sounds like they are trying to turn your husband against you. I don't like where this is heading. Is there any way you can have a serious but argument free talk with your husband? He needs to chose whether he wants to be married to you or to his family, because his family is causing a lot of problems and he is letting them. YOU come first, and the BABY comes first. Your health is more important than anything, especially for your baby. He should get off his butt and work 2 jobs if he has too, because I am old fashioned too and I think he should support both of you, especially while you are pregnant with health issues.

 

[TTCSecrets]

Hey girls, ive not yet had chance to catch up but hope you are all okay?

WEll, im 7dpo today, got sore left side nipple, ive had to take my bra off it hurts that much, and its erect and wont go down.. Hoping its a good sign but i dont want to symptom spot, how are u all? xxx

 

[mommylov]

Jess, so sorry you went through all that . I hope that Jen doesnt end up having to deal with this much longer and that they can all work it out.

Tash, hi hun! That sounds very promising and looks like a good sign!

 

[xoxo4angel]

 

[mommylov]

Thanks Angel!! ya the catheter is what did it for me.. other than that it wasnt bad. I was only there about 45 mins and the actual scan didnt take long at all but when he put the catheter in and blew up the balloon, I was like aaaaahhhh! I hope I more fertile! I got my OPK (Both cheapies and digital), Preseed, and loads of HPT so Im ready!!! Im PRAYING I can join the preggers club with a healthy bean... fx!

CD 7 for me... woo hoo!

 

[ilovehim91810]

hello ladies,
im new to the thread after ttc for over two years i finally got my oct 25th,however when i went for a scan i was suppost to be around 10-11weeks and baby was only measuring around 6w 4ds with no heartbeat anymore

i had my d&c done last sunday,my doctor told me to wait 2weeks but also said id probably be safe once all the bleeding stop! well the bleeding stop wed at 10 days pass the surgery and so me and dh bd.
i just couldnt wait any longer i just needed to jump back on the ttc bus asap because losing this baby has just broken my heart
you know when i was prengnant with my son the only thing i had was a tiny bit of bleeding around 6weeks but that was all,so i wouldve never thought this was going to happen to me!
you never think it will happen to you and then it does sad thing is i actually had a dream two days before i found out about the loss and then hey what do you know i go for the scan and instead of me seeing my baby getting bigger and moving around i had the worse thing ever in life happen to me.

ive heard that after m.c and d&c that your more fertilied & im really hoping for my again soon,i know some ladies who got pregnant right after their loss and they never even got their period!! im so hoping that this will happen to me because i just did not deserve this nightmare not at all
i know my lo is in good hands with god though but i just cant help but to wish that the lo was still growing in my stomach
every sunday is a reminder or when i got the surgery done and it is also when my weeks changed like this sunday it is so depressing to know i shouldve been turning 13weeks starting to get a nice little round bump but instead i dont get nething.

i got morning sickness really bad with this pregnancy that ended tooo soon and i swear if only i got my again i would never ever complain i mean id do anything in this world to get pregnant again,im just very scared of not being able to get pregnant again or even this happen again and i just wont be able to face either one of those

you know what i dont get
i dont get that they have come along way with medical care and you'd really think that they'd of come up with a ways to stop m/c or do something,i mean its just crazy if u go to my hospital if ur not atleast 16weeks they will not take you to the labor & delivery floor they'll just take you to the fast track where they do a whole bunch of nothing
i just wish they came up with something that helps baby make it because nobody should ever have to go threw this.

my sister is 6months pregnant and it kills me that she is even pregnant at all because ::A:: she has a 16month old which you know is still a baby ::B:: her husband is a sex offender plus has a child abuse charge and he doesnt work she not working right now he doesnt take care none of his children not the ones before my sister nor does he take care of my sister son either he even busted her lip open when she was pregnant the first time giving her 15sitches its just a big sad story

i just really hope that god blesses me soon, not only me but all of us who are ttc after a LOSS

 

[lilesMom]

hi guys was playing catch up xxxxxx

amy i am soo soo glad for u, no surgery and go ahead to ttc with proper help, couldnt be better in comparison to yest xxxxxxxxxxx hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx
so glad u have go ahead xxx docs say funny things that worry us and then seem to change their minds again after xxxx im glad they did explain properly and ur back in the game xxx

jen i agree with the girls , ur dh is being an ass, xxxx
but u know that he is at the mo, hence the gving out which u are more than entitled to and welcome to do here anytime , xxxxx
it does sound very early for goin back to work chick, but do try ur best tt ake it easy as u can. if doc says yeah then u should be fine if u take it easy and dont belooking for more days just cos ur Dh wants to play comp games instead of work . xxx
maybe its time he grew up, he will be a dad soon after all xxx
i do have arguments with my Oh too, used to alot more before but in last 2 yrs i wont ever raise my voice anymore and i wont sulk as much as i used to, now i just say to him that he is upsetting me and its not necessary to do so
my being calmer makes him calmer, is hard to do some days though.
as for him invovling his family , that would drive me bananas, next time he says anythign he has been told by them , try telling him u want his opinion not theirs, adn if u wanted theirs u would have asked them.
im the same as the girls, im not trying to annoy u or tell u
how to run ur life, im just saying what i find works for me, but everyone is diff, xxxxx
hugs honey, hope htey cope the feck on soon for u, xxxx
as if u havent enough on ur plate the last while , arrrgghhh
my rant on ur behalf over xxxxxxxxxxxx

angel sooo glad ur scan went well xxxxxxxxxxx hurray for great news xxxxxxxxxxxxx

tash that sounds really good honey xxxxxxxx fx xxxxxxxxxxxx

bethany hi sweetie, hope ur xmas was fabulous honey xxxxxxxxxxxxx

alls good with me at the mo thank god
our 5 ferrets did escape cos the storm blew the top of their box, i found 3, Dh is out looking for other 2 now.. its hard cos they r small enough and its rainy and dark, hope we find them all, the poor mites xxxxxxx

 

[lilesMom]

welcome ilovehim, sorry its under such awfull circumstances that u found us xxxxx
ive tears in my eyes readin ur story hon, it brings back so much to me. xxxx
i was tryin for my first and i had spotting at 6.5 weeks, i went to doc and went for a scan and they didnt know if things ok or not, was told go away and come back in a week to see if bub grew. next week next to no growth but they still couldnt call . i was told i prob had mc but not sure so another week of torture awaited, til next scan they said i had mc . worst day ever, i had my d and c 2 days later at 10.5 weeks,. xxxxx
i waited 3 months to try but only cos i had liver issue to get checked out first xxx
when i started tryin i concieved and got bfp within 12 days, iw as sooo happy so it can happen fast and i do think u are more fertile xxxx
dont be too dissappointed if it doesnt happen right away though hon, cos it can take alittle bit for ur body to come back after ur loss, xxxxxxxxxx

hugs honey, take it easy on urself and take care of urself.
crying u r eyes out is normal as is havin days u dont cry xxxxxxx
we r here for any qs u have and for support , xxxxxxxxxx
so sorry u r goin through this, give urself time to heal emotionally and be patient with urself, i still have days i cry for lile xxxxxxx

 

[lilesMom]

where did everyone go? xxxxxxxxx

 

[lilesMom]

this week is the first week that had gone soo fast
i just realised il be 18 weeks sun usually im counting the days, hurray for xmas and having Oh home most of the week,
he has been really good to m lately, i got brekkie in bed one day last week, and dinners made for me a few times he has also been gettin excited about bub, i cant wait till my scan, hurry up time

 

[mommylov]

Hi Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about fur babies. I hope dh can find them!

Ilovehim, welcome and so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you a in a pretty rough situation. You found the best group of girls for support here. I found out I lost my baby when I went in for my 10wk scan and the baby had no heart beat and was only measuring 8 weeks. I had a d&c 2 dats later. Dh and I then got the green light to try again two months later since my dr wanted to wait until my hcg levels got to zero and I had one normal cycle. We did but ended up mc again but this time is only about 4-5 weeks and it was natural. We just got the ok to try again today. Waiting is a personal choice if your dr okd it. It's something you never forget but with time, you are able to cope with and accept and move on. We all have gone through and are going through a variety of situations here so I'm sure you'll find the answers you are looking for. Hugs to you!

 

[mommylov]

I'm here Laura! I'm so glad you have been enjoying this now and that dh gave your breakfast in bed and dinners. What a sweetie! Do you have a bump now?

 

[lilesMom]

i spoke too soon amy , he is a gumpy git tonight, losing pip has made him cross , it snot my fault . if it wasnt for me he wouldnt have mia, millie and one of the boys(they dont have names cos he is looking for new homes for um ) , oh well
other than the odd hiccup i am enjoying myself now
i do have a big bump babe, i have for a good bit, i got some mat clothes yest that r nicce. upt ill now i have been wearing stetchy clothes or just bigger sizes
i still have only put on 3 pounds so im happy my bump and boobs can grow so long as im not puttin on too much