(Un) Fun Story Corner

[ANC]

Ohhh I'm sure we can all add to THIS one.

I just had a super annoying conversation at a family party, and I wanted to vent.

Grandma-in-law: "Hey, did you all hear about cousin's pregnancy?" (Yes.In Detail.Kill me)
"Ashley, you guys sure are behind!" (Thank you for that. I hadn't yet noticed, but I appreciate the insight) Husband:Silent Me:"Ok. We'll get on that"
"Various other comments that I must field as my non-confrontential husband cowers in fear of my later repercussions"

That, I can deal with. Annoying, yes, sad, yes, but she's old, and we chose not to tell her about our problems, so it's to be expected.

but I still love how people like to tell me that I'm behind their timeline.


THEN, things really got fun. My inlaws are super helpful with all this..they're helping pay for my treatment, which is obviously a huge deal. But I'm always getting the feeling/advice that I need to pretty much suck it up and deal with it.

Cousin is pregnant. My husband will be out of the state for 2 monnths on rotation so he won't be around for Easter, which is held at his cousin's house. we talked and I told him I was already dreading easter. I have gone to everything..every party, every baby thing whatever. I really don't want to go to this. It's been a hard winter. I'm trying to learn to put myself first sometimes.
So we decided not to go. It isn't a huge deal, we see these people all the time. I told him he could go and I'd fake sick or something.

so tonight his mom is like "well, I'm not happy about this" and "if it was your family you'd go, or are you missing everything with kids ever now?" And of course my husband just sort of sat there..he isn't huge on confronting things.

I love my in laws, but I don't understand what makes people think they know what I'm dealing with.

Yes, missing all holidays isn't healthy, or good. But i's OKAY sometimes. You can't judge me for something you can't understand.
Me being there would not be a big deal to them. Me being there would be hugely difficult and exhausting for me.


GRRR. I love boards like this where you can vent without being judged. Right or wrong, we're allowed to feel how we feel, and deal how we deal.

I wish this all came with a manual. I wish I knew the perfect way to handle it. But I don't so I just have to feel it out as we go...

So, anyone else have a story like that? Iiiiiiii bet you do.

 

[Robyn321]

Oh I have so many of these! Here's a few:

Looking round MIL's new flat: '..and there's a playground right there for my grandson...' (I try and ignore the comment and talk about something else)

Newly engaged friend: '...we want a big family. Why haven't you started on yours yet? It won't be long will it?' (I grimace while thinking 'you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about')

Dad at Christmas lunch: '..looking forward to next year when there'll be someone who will call me grandad at the table...' (Argh...the first time Dad mentioned he wanted a grandkid...I felt like dying inside)

Husband of pregnant friend: '..enjoy your heels while you can, once you get pregnant you'll never want to wear heels again!' (Me: 'I certainly will!' while thinking 'that is so the least of my worries right now')

 

[mandy1971]

It does hurt... and its lovely that the friends and family want you to have a family. I'd be tempted to off load (thats just me though, a problem shared and all of that..).
All my friends and family know, its work colleagues that put their foot in it, and I only choose to tell a select few and my manager now knows, but there are several women pregnant and with very young children....I'm happy to take part and listen to them about their pregnancies and children, because one day they will have to listen to me (and boy will I be annoying lol!!)
If people dont know that you're having a few hitches in that dept then they will of course put their feet in it.
You never know dear old grand ma in law could be your closest friend in all of this.....

 

[Leila Fae]

I totally misjudged a conversation with 2 work colleagues on Friday. They knew that I'd been trying for a while so when they asked how it was going I decided to be honest as part of my one-woman campaign to break the taboo of fertility problems.

This proved to be an error of judgement as all I got back was:

'Well you and T [DH] hardly see each other' - yeah, like reminding me that my DH works away a lot and it's really tough to match up timings is going to make me feel better.

'You know what, you and T should just go on a lovely holiday' - ah, the classic!

'Maybe if T worked at home more it would be easier' - erm, then we wouldn't be able to pay our bills the way things stand right now, but I don't want to have a conversation with you about finances seeing as you both earn considerably more than I do.

I should have just plumped for the *smile* 'things are ongoing' response. Lesson learned.

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Iv got one, My use to be pregnant best friend

Her: Im pregnant, why dont you get pregnant too so we can be pregnancy buddys!
Her again: Youll be pregnant in no time now youv got them tablets.
Her again: I hope your as sick as me when your pregnant.

Grr hurts so much! they have NO idea what we are going threw!

 

[Starbright]

I've got tons of stories like that! Mostly from DH's family ... the 'when are you two gonna have kids' type stories.
The most recent one is at a party at the weekend from someone I'd not met before. She kept telling me and DH not to have kids because they ruin your life.
... errr ok...
I know i know i know she didn't know about our problems about the ivf about the m/c but I just kept wishing she'd shut up!!
Ahhh it feels good to rant!
xx

 

[ANC]

Ah, I love it! I wish I could invite all you girls over for a drink..or supplements or something haha

Oh, I have told people, and I appreciate the support, but honestly, only about 3% of the people I've told haven't made it worse/made me regret telling them.

I know people are just trying to be helpful, but for my own sanity, I can't take too many people saying insensitive things.

I just HATE how people feel the need to give me advice on when to start a family.

And I think when people say things like "Oh, you don't want kids. they're loud!" there is nothing more ridiculous. Sounds like YOU don't want kids, actually. Me, I'm pretty sure (and my bank account is pretty sure) that I want kids, but thanks for the advice.


Ah, a board where we can vent without judgement! Because I can't actually ever say any of this, I have to smile and act like a normal person.

 

[FutureMommie]

Oh yeah, I've dealt with that too! They have no idea what we go thru our how we feel because they haven't gone thru it themselves, if they had they would NEVER ask another person about getting pg.

 

[Leila Fae]

Not really a LTTTC issue, but that did make it worse.

At my Dad's funeral last month no fewer than 4 people asked me when I'm going to make my Mum a Grandmother. Now, none of them know that DH and I have been trying for 2 1/2 years but I think it's really insensitive to ask that right after a funeral (literally, still in the little garden area at the crematorium) and remind me that I didn't make my Dad a grandfather. He died unexpectedly and was only 69 so while I can appreciate that their thought process was probably that a grandchild would be good for my Mum when she retires it was still upsetting. When I told my Mum a couple of weeks later she was so cross!

On the flip side I have a friend who is pregnant with her second baby and he's due at the end of this month. I know that she's been having a tough time with this pregnancy but I think she's really tried not to complain to me, knowing that I would give anything to be pregnant. So pregnant friends can be sensitive!

 

[Robyn321]

Leila - I'm so sorry you lost your dad, and how terrible of those people to say such things! Glad your mum was supportive when you told her, and hope you're doing ok.

 

[Starbright]

Leila I'm very sorry for your loss. 69 is no age at all really. I lost my dad at 62 and it also happened very quickly. It's devestating enough to go through without people saying such things to you. Hope you're holding up. Sending you lots of love xx

 

[stillunable7]

I have stories like that as well.... and most my family and friends know of our issues seeing as I have pg twice and have no kids and needed a big surgery during one pg and still get asked when will we have kids! Or when someone mentions a pg someone else says oo dnt worry ur time will come! Its rude dwn rite rude! I would luv to say well dnt worry one day you will hopefully learn manners! But I am one to hide my issues... its very hard for someone to. Blast out their flaus even knowin others have them but ur struggles are even a BiGger issue, at least for me! My sisterhad lost a pg one she likes to say well I understand you, but she dnt seeing she has 4 kids and I have none! Its a issue we will all have because Fertility issues isn't one spoke of like cancer or heart disease but I think it should be! :0) I hope all you ladies have a great day! :0)

 

[stouffer]

I just think asking when you are going to have kids is such a personal question, never mind the snide comments!

Thankfully most people know better than to say something like that to us but on the odd occasion when it does happen it makes me so cross!

 

[wifey29]

Oh, I have so many. DH's best friend's wife is due to have their baby this month (they weren't trying and considered aborting the poor little mite). He comes from a family that breeds like rabbits, all five of his mum's children had babies under the age of 20 and three are expecting now. Anyway his mum works in our local supermarket and last time we saw her in there she suggested that we change our surname to hers since we'll be pregnant straight away if we do that! She has also pointed out very loudly in front of a queue of people that there must be something wrong with us and that it's gods way of telling us that we wouldn't be good parents. We were shocked. I bursted into tears in full view of all these strangers and walked out.

We also get the "just relax, you're trying too hard". Really annoys me.

 

[twinkle1975]

Oh, I have so many. DH's best friend's wife is due to have their baby this month (they weren't trying and considered aborting the poor little mite). He comes from a family that breeds like rabbits, all five of his mum's children had babies under the age of 20 and three are expecting now. Anyway his mum works in our local supermarket and last time we saw her in there she suggested that we change our surname to hers since we'll be pregnant straight away if we do that! She has also pointed out very loudly in front of a queue of people that there must be something wrong with us and that it's gods way of telling us that we wouldn't be good parents. We were shocked. I bursted into tears in full view of all these strangers and walked out.

We also get the "just relax, you're trying too hard". Really annoys me.

Well done for not punching her!!

I was at church the other day & one of the kids came and sat on my knee for a cuddle & said 'I love you.' Her dad then said ' aww aren't you good with kids! Haven't you & M thought about having any?' I bit right through my cheek trying not to cry.

 

[FutureMommie]

Wifey that is so horrible!!!! I with twinkle, kudos to you for not dragging her across the counter.

 

[wifey29]

It took a lot of control!

 

[ANC]

Annd for your viewing pleasure, if you haven't seen it before: The Smug Pregnants!

Sooooo funny. Don't get me wrong, if I EVER get pregnant, I'm sure I'll be smug. haha But this is the best and I needed it today!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8

 

[wifey29]

OMG this is my new favourite video! Totally sums up how I feel right now!

 

[ANC]

Every time I get to the "Bitch, we don't really care.." I laugh til I cry. Ahhhhh. Hey, don't judge me. I'm starting Clomid again tomorrow and I have the cramps from hell today and am bloated like a whale!