**Waiting and Waiting...2018 Mommies To Be! <3**

[swedengirl]

Im so sorry aidensmomma. Hugs coming your way! My thoughts are with you xxx

 

[karoolia]

aidensxmomma I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the heartache you have been through with your losses. My mc was also a missed miscarriage and I remember feeling like my body had betrayed me by not letting me know. Did your doctor talk to you about how long you need to wait physically? Mine said just one cycle, but maybe since you have had a few mc this year you might need longer. Emotionally, wait as long as you need. It's a tough road regardless of when you try again. Sending you lots of virtual hugs.

 

[Alligator]

Oh aidensxmomma I am so sorry I also had a missed miscarriage and it was horrifying. I felt like my body let me down, I felt like I couldn't do what my body was supposed to do, and the crushing sadness...ugh. My heart is breaking for you.

As karoolia says, we were told to wait one cycle before trying again but honestly I don't think my body was ready. I ended up needing a d&c and I don't think I was physically healed that first month. My first AF was very heavy for only one day, then nearly nothing (spotting) for 2-3 days. I think. clearly, my body needed more time to heal. My second AF was much more normal (still not back to usual), but I also feel a lot more settled emotionally now. Do what's best for you and lean on your DH. xo

 

[aidensxmomma]

Thank you for the support ladies

My doctor didn't say anything in regards to when we could try again. But I have another appointment next week and will bring it up then. My OB did explain that this loss was different from the other losses I've had - the others were before 5 weeks and more likely related to a progesterone issue where this loss was probably a different cause. I am fairly certain that the worst parts of this loss have happened, so I feel slightly better that at least my body could do that much. I'm holding out hope that maybe everything will go smoothly from this point forward.

As heartbroken as I am, part of me really wants to be able to try again now. I've never been good with waiting and I always seem to deal with any bad situation better by making a plan and moving forward, ya know? But then I feel horribly guilty for feeling like that. DH has said that he's okay with whatever I want to do, which is both sweet and unhelpful.

I'm focusing on taking care of my kids and preparing to move inn November 1. Being busy is making me feel more normal and I think that's been helpful.

 

[Alligator]

Aiden you sound just like me. I was eager to try again right away as I just knew it would help me heal, and also it would help me feel like I was doing SOMETHING. I felt so helpless throughout the whole miscarriage and like I had no control over what was happening inside my body, and to my body. It was so scary and upsetting, and I think the idea of trying again gave me a sense of control back. It makes perfect sense to me what you're feeling and you shouldn't feel guilty for it (although I also felt that way). I am glad your DH is supportive, mine was the same.

 

[karoolia]

I felt the exact same way. Some people told me I shouldn't try again until I felt completely at peace and emotionally healed, but for me, trying again was the very thing that helped me heal. We actually started trying again before I even completed one cycle. We didn't conceive then (I don't even think I ovulated), but it made me feel like I was doing something. My OB said there really wasn't a right or wrong time to try again, some doctors tell you to wait, but he said, that is mainly to give you time to emotionally recover. He said, if that wasn't right for me then we could dive in right away.

I hope you are doing as well as you can.

 

[aidensxmomma]

Alligator and karoolia - Thank you so much for your support and making me feel a lot more normal about everything I'm feeling. I do really think moving forward towards having a rainbow is going to help with healing a lot. After I lost my daughter, I had always felt really "stuck" until my nephew was born. It wasn't until then that I finally could heal and move forward. So I think this is very similar to that.

So far, I am doing better than I thought I would be. I think I'm just at peace with it...I know there is nothing that I can do to change what happened at this point, I seem to have gone through the worst physical parts already, and I feel secure in moving forward. I mean, I'm heartbroken and since Monday, I spent a lot of time crying, but I've been letting myself feel everything and deal with it as it comes. I am sure there will be a lot of ups and downs, but I have a good support system and DH seems to just know how to handle each new wave as it comes, so I feel confident in being able to both grieve and keep going forward.

And I want to thank all of you for giving me the chance to talk about everything and thank you for not judging me. This is such an awesome group.

 

[Alligator]

There will certainly be ups and downs but it sounds like you are in a healthy, healing place to process your loss and grief and that is wonderful. It's so important to let yourself feel and cry and grieve however is natural for you and however gives you peace and healing.

Never any judgement, here if you need anything at all

 

[BellaRosa8302]

aidensxmomma, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss(es). I don't have any advice, but it sounds like you're in a good place to heal. I don't blame you at all for being ready for your rainbow! I hope it comes soon

 

[karoolia]

I don't think I updated over here. We had our anatomy scan last week and everything was perfect! It took 1.5 hours and I was nervous at times, but everything he checked was where it should be and functioning the way it was supposed to function. We didn't find out the baby's sex though. DH really wants to be surprised. I'd like to know, but it's not a big deal to me so I agreed. Now we just sit and wait another 18 weeks and we'll get to meet baby!

 

[Alligator]

So exciting. I feel like time is flying by!

 

[swedengirl]

So happy to hear Karoolia! Can't believe you are already 22 weeks! Have you felt some kicks yet?

 

[karoolia]

Yes! I have been feeling movement since 17 weeks, but it hasn't progressed to anything big. Once in a while I feel something that I know is probably a kick, the rest of the time, I just know baby is doing something in there. I think he or she is a fairly chill baby. During our ultrasound the OB get trying to make baby move to get a better look at the heart and baby just would not roll over. He/she definitely squirms and kicks though so I'm hoping I feel more distinctive/frequent moves soon.

If anyone is interested I started a pregnancy journal today. My first post is long and probably overly emotional, but I also shared some of our announcement pictures from a few weeks ago and some scan pictures

 

[KalonKiki]

Terah - I'm so incredibly sorry about your MMC. I'll get it added to the angel list.
I hope you're dong as well as you can, there will never be any judgement in this thread and we will always be here for you.

Karoolia - Congrats on a healthy baby at your anatomy scan! I admire your will power to not find out the sex, I had been itching to find out from the moment I got my with both of my babies. I'm hoping I can go team for my next pregnancy but my impatience may get the better of me again.
I'll have to look for your pregnancy journal, I'd love to follow it.
I felt movement for the first time at 17 weeks with DS too.

Alligator - I saw that you're 4 weeks pregnant in your signature, congrats on your and H&H 9 months! I'll get you added to the preggo list.

Sorry I've been gone for a while ladies. It's been hard for me to get on here lately, I've been so broody and feeling hopeless because I'm not sure that DH will feel ready to TTC next Fall like I'm hoping. He seems very set against having another baby at the moment and of course I'm feeling incredibly ready to have another baby right now. Like I'd start TTC this cycle if he asked even though next year would realistically feel better. It could be because trying now would give us roughly the same age gap that DS and DD have and I like their age gap but who really knows why the broody bug has bitten me so hard lately. It doesn't help that DS has been begging us for a baby brother on a near daily basis for the past couple of weeks, even though DH and I would both prefer another girl.

 

[KalonKiki]

It's your month November 2017 NTNP/TTCers! Best of luck and lots of baby dust to you all. I hope that your journeys are short and sweet. Remember to update us on your journeys so that we can update your place on the list.


~*TTC/NTNP List*~



*November 2017*

BrittneyAnne - Baby #1

aidensxmomma (Terah) - Baby #5 (Baby #2 with OH)

sarah34 - Baby #2

AnjaaniPari - Baby #1 w/ PCOS, taking Clomid

 

[Alligator]

Thank you kalonkikki, and I’m sorry your DH doesn’t seem to be onboard. That can be so frustrating when you know what you want so badly. I hope he comes around. Hugs.

 

[tverb84]

So almost two weeks ago I got a job working in a restaurant in the buffet area. I started last weekend and worked this Friday, yesterday and today. I'm not really sure if I still have the job because yesterday the manager told me I wasn't working fast enough and would let me know if they need me to work next weekend.

Honestly, I'm not that sad if I don't get called back because it didn't feel like I fit in and no matter how much I tried to say it wasn't enough.

 

[BellaRosa8302]

Keely, I feel for you. It's tough when you know what you want and your DH isn't on board (keyword - yet!). And I totally am on the same page with Maddy! She has been asking & asking for a baby sister! I don't think DH has a preference... I sure don't (except wanting to please Maddy!). We both ask her, "But what if it's a boy? What if it's another brother? We can't "order" a girl baby - we get what we get." But she insists she doesn't want another brother - just a little sister. She talks about her in words like "MY sister" - as if she already exists, and she's just waiting for her to get here. In the meantime, DH & I really are far from being "careful" when it comes to BDing, even though this is REALLY not a good time for me to get pregnant, but we're really acting more like NTNP. So who knows. It could be anytime And here I am unsure of expanding our family. 2 small kiddos with me working full time has me frustrated and exhausted 24/7. I just can't even imagine adding a 3rd to that mix. Yet I do still get pangs for another little baby. Who knows.

Anyway, enough about me... tverb84, that sounds kinda sketchy, but the restaurant industry can be like that. I used to work as a hostess at a restaurant, and I would show up only to have them tell me I wasn't needed and to go home. Or I'd show up and be told not to clock in yet and told that I should order some food while I waited (but yet I'd have to pay for the food). Of course I was 17 at the time, it was my first restaurant job, and I just thought that's the way it was.... if they're going to string you along like that, I'd say buh-bye & walk out. You don't need that in your life!

Congrats Alligator!!!

 

[KalonKiki]

Christina - I'm sorry you're pretty much in the same boat! It's really been getting me down, I'd feel so much better if he didn't talk about it like it's the worst idea in the world, it makes me feel like he'll never be ready and I know that if we don't go for that last baby I'll regret it and likely become resentful. I just really wish we were on the same page about if and when to have another baby like we were when we were WTT for DD. I thought WTT was hard last time when I was simply impatient but this time it's stressful.

Tara - I'm sorry the job doesn't seem to be working out, that really sucks.

 

[lesondemavie]

Hi all, DH and I are WTT for #2 right now. After a rocky journey to baby #1, we welcomed our daughter into this world this past July. I&#8217;m 35 and it took 2 years from start to baby in my arms the first go around, so we plan to start trying again soon. I&#8217;m hoping the second time will be faster since we know why we had trouble now and it&#8217;s a somewhat easy fix. Still I&#8217;m nervous about opening myself back up to the heartache and grief we experienced in 2016. My heart goes out to those experiencing the shock and grief of a missed miscarriage now .

I&#8217;m currently back at work pumping and still breastfeeding when home and no sign of AF yet. The plan is to stop pumping in January when baby girl is 6 months. I&#8217;m a little nervous about weaning bc bfing is such a comfort for her, so I&#8217;ll probably still let her suck when I&#8217;m home and we&#8217;ll see how it goes. I&#8217;m thinking AF should return soon after I stop, and as soon as the witch is back ttc is a go. I&#8217;m hoping that means we&#8217;ll be back at it in February 2018. They say ttc before a year puts you at greater risk of miscarriage but so does aging, so I&#8217;m hoping 6 months will be a good in between for us. We are both back on all of our ttc vitamins and well I will eventually have to test out dtd again (which has been the furthest thing from my mind since delivery).

Looking forward to getting to know you all and cheers to our dreams coming true