hey ladies. af is due between tuesday and thursday, not feeling confident, don't think i'll get my turn anytime soon. i'm starting to accept it may never happen - pessimistic i know, but i can't see myself pregnant, ever, all i see is heartache. OH has smoked for far too long, and i believe there may be a small history of infertility in my maternal side (i'm very into genealogy, i don't know if infertility can be hereditry, but i know a few of my ancestors siblings could not have children) so i feel this may be my part of the family tree, i just have to accept this. i know this sounds awfully negative, but we have done everything right for the past 12 months, i know it can take couples this long to conceieve and each month there is only 20% chance of it working, but i can't see how it can be fair that there are alcoholics and drug addicts getting pregnant, when i've given up everything and been as healthy as possible and it hasn't worked. we have timed everything right. We have tried 'relaxing' but it hasn't worked. i've tried getting druk, and it hasn't worked. all this trying to conceive is achieving nothing but stress on my part, and it's causing OH to worry about me. I'd give anything to have a baby, i'd absolutely give anything, but life isn't fair anymore. my partner keeps saying good things come to those who wait, but my whole life I have been good, I have been brought it in a lovely home with a lovely family i've never been in trouble and have always done what was right - and now i'm having to watch people be parents and who don't understand how to love a child.
sorry ladies, i'm sure i'll come back and say i'm feeling much more positive, but today this is how i feel, i have no one at home to talk about it, so i keep it locked up and it makes me feel worse, i think i need some major pma, but i can't find any anymore.
really sorry for the negativity. very happy for you both, another girl!! lol, everyone around me is having girls at the moment. 2011 is going to be a very pink year!!
love you all.
