What age do you think it is ok to leave children at home?

[noon_child]

Why donthe children go away 'unsupervised?' Im guessing they are responsibility of the school at the time which is probably safeguarded.

When we went on a geography field trip we were 14. It was for two nights staying in a hostel where it was just our year group. Once the "school day" was over (4pm) we were "unsupervised" - we had to be there for dinner at 5:30pm and in our beds for 9pm and if we were leaving the hostel we had to sign out but we were allowed to walk down to the shops in the town, hang about etc. whatever we liked. If we weren't back for 9pm we were considered lost and it was panic stations, but we were all trusted to be responsible for ourselves for a few hours in a place we had never been to before at a time when no-one had a mobile phone! Some of my friends found it normal, others were out of their minds with how FREE it felt as obviously they weren't allowed the same at home.

French filed trip when we were 12 we were allowed to walk round french villages in pairs or groups (answering our question sheets) for 2hrs at a time, and then it was our responsibility to find our way back to the coach to be taken to the next museum or village etc. Obviously it was panic stations if we didn't get back to the coach but for those two hours we were taking care of ourselves (and map reading etc. as these were totally unfamiliar places). This wasn't all day everyday but it happened 3 or 4 times over a week's trip. As we were younger we weren't allowed out in the evening.

 

[lindseymw]

^^ That's a point Noon Child. I went to Germany with the School twice. On both occasions, most days we would do an organised trip on the morning, then left to our own devices on the afternoon in a foreign town. We were just told where to meet & what time, that was it...no mobile phones in them days! Me & a friend went shopping in Cologne, on our own, no adult supervision at 13 years old.

 

[RaspberryK]

Yep we had the same on various trips too girls! xx

 

[sethsmummy]

I havent read all the replies as theres so many but in MY HONEST OPINION

leaving a child under the age of roughly 11/12 is just irresponsible and wrong and i wholly believe it should be made illegal. No child should have to be mature enough under that age to look after themselves no matter how independent they are.

but thats just MY opinion

 

[Lauraxamy]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

Because sometimes 8 year olds need to do that. Think about single mothers, is it better that they stay on benefits until their kids are over 12 or that their kids spend a couple hours home alone after school? 8 year olds here are (mostly) quite happy to have that responsibility, often they aren't alone anyway, they go to the park with friends or go round a friend's house or the friend comes to theirs.

I'm a single Mum, not on benefits, I work more or less full time and when they're school age both my children will go to after school clubs at the nursery setting they now attend. If the one they attend now was to shut or something I'd find another or I'd find a child minder and/or ask family members. their Dad etc, to help me out more. All the before and after school clubs run up until the age of 11 so that's the age mine will go until. Before that I'll gradually give them more responsibility so they can get used to it and even then I'll be getting family members to check in on them at first, but at 8, in my opinion, they're far too young to walk home alone and spend three hours there until I return from work and I definitely wouldn't like them to be going to the park and wondering about, if I did ever leave them I'd want to know exactly where they were. At 8 I still think of them as a child who needs caring for, at 11 they are growing into a teenager and don't need caring for, or things doing for them as much.

There is no after school care or child minders for kids after 2nd grade here (and that's probably the case in many other countries that have the same attitude about childhood) so unless you get an au pair or a nanny which is going to get pretty expensive (and unaffordable for many) there is no other option. Pretty hard to find a job that is less than 5 or 6 hours a day (length of school day at that age, 4 hours for the 7 and 8 year olds). Not everyone has family members near by or who can help out with childcare.

The fact is that some families are forced to do this and other families choose to do this because they believe it has its benefits and until you've seen for yourself how well it can work you really can't judge.

Not judging, I know as parents we all have difficult decisions and situations but that's just me and what I do. In that situation then I just wouldn't work. I work now so they can have nice things and so we can have holidays etc, but money isn't everything. I'd rather claim benefits and have barely any money than leave my kids alone at such a young age. Again, not judging I'm just saying that's personally what I'd do.

 

[Natsku]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

Because sometimes 8 year olds need to do that. Think about single mothers, is it better that they stay on benefits until their kids are over 12 or that their kids spend a couple hours home alone after school? 8 year olds here are (mostly) quite happy to have that responsibility, often they aren't alone anyway, they go to the park with friends or go round a friend's house or the friend comes to theirs.

I'm a single Mum, not on benefits, I work more or less full time and when they're school age both my children will go to after school clubs at the nursery setting they now attend. If the one they attend now was to shut or something I'd find another or I'd find a child minder and/or ask family members. their Dad etc, to help me out more. All the before and after school clubs run up until the age of 11 so that's the age mine will go until. Before that I'll gradually give them more responsibility so they can get used to it and even then I'll be getting family members to check in on them at first, but at 8, in my opinion, they're far too young to walk home alone and spend three hours there until I return from work and I definitely wouldn't like them to be going to the park and wondering about, if I did ever leave them I'd want to know exactly where they were. At 8 I still think of them as a child who needs caring for, at 11 they are growing into a teenager and don't need caring for, or things doing for them as much.

There is no after school care or child minders for kids after 2nd grade here (and that's probably the case in many other countries that have the same attitude about childhood) so unless you get an au pair or a nanny which is going to get pretty expensive (and unaffordable for many) there is no other option. Pretty hard to find a job that is less than 5 or 6 hours a day (length of school day at that age, 4 hours for the 7 and 8 year olds). Not everyone has family members near by or who can help out with childcare.

The fact is that some families are forced to do this and other families choose to do this because they believe it has its benefits and until you've seen for yourself how well it can work you really can't judge.

Not judging, I know as parents we all have difficult decisions and situations but that's just me and what I do. In that situation then I just wouldn't work. I work now so they can have nice things and so we can have holidays etc, but money isn't everything. I'd rather claim benefits and have barely any money than leave my kids alone at such a young age. Again, not judging I'm just saying that's personally what I'd do.

That's fair enough, we all have different ways of doing things and different sacrifices we're willing to make, and have different situations that we are in. I feel its ok to leave an eight year old and others think its not, its fine to have our own opinions, just not to judge others as this really is a cultural difference, not a difference in caring or neglect.

 

[wishuwerehere]

^^ natsku!

 

[Wriggley]

7 is far to young in my opinion.

It does concern me how quick childhood seems to be and there does seem to be a lot of pressure on kids to grow up quickily.

I dont believe at 7 a child should have to be learning this level of independence - i thought this sort of thing is something kids start experiencing as teenagers.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I've got to say I've been thinking about this today and am still rather shocked that some leave there 5/6/7 year olds. I'm not talking about other countries just the uk as although I don't agree with it personally I accept it is just probably a case of cultural differences and as I don't live there can't really comment on what's done on or not done.

I think if I knew that someone was around where I am I would seriously consider reporting it no matter if it was 5 minutes or 30 minutes plus?

 

[bumpy_j]

I think it absolutely depends on the child (I'm talking the maturity once they reach 13/14 and above).

My sister is 13 but imo more immature than I was at that age. She's never left home alone for more than a couple of hours.

I absolutely disagree with a child under 12 being left alone for ANY length of time in the home for longer than five minutes popping to the shops. I just don't think it's necessary.

As for 6/7 years olds taking care of themselves and walking to school alone, I am stunned Didn't know people really allowed that

I find it amazing that you think children under 12 can't be left alone for more than 5 minutes. It just goes to show how different people's opinions can be.

Yeah I agree. I wouldn't leave a child under twelve alone for hours at a time, but for a little bit to pop to the shops or to let themselves in after walking home from school? Not really a big deal my mum was sending me to the shops on my own from around the age of seven. For whatever reason, we're very, very protective (arguably overbearing) in the UK as opposed to other European countries.

 

[shamrockerjo]

I grew up in Finland and am now living in the UK so I see this from both sides. I walked to school on my own from 7 years old, school would finish at 12 and I would go home or play with friends until my parents came home at around 5. It was completely normal, that's what all my friends did, everybody.. I also got myself ready for school as my parents would usually leave for work before school started. Whenever I go back to Finland I always see so many little kids running around without grown ups and it's totally fine, no one questions it because it's the done thing. And IT WORKS. In the UK however, it never would. The British society is completely different for so many reasons. Not only because this is a small island with 63 million people whereas Finland is bigger geographically with only 5 million people.. So a lot more cars on the roads, also unfortunately many more unpleasant people walking the streets.. So no, I would not feel comfortable leaving my daughter alone at home or letting her go out on her own, not for a very long time.. She is only 4 now but very sensible and independent for her age, in a few years' time I'm sure she COULD cope with being at home alone for a bit just fine and it wouldn't be a problem but I don't think I could let her. Letting her walk to school isn't an option for us as her school is so far away but again, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with her doing it on her own probably not even at 10. I trust her, I just don't trust the world around us.

 

[morri]

look it is me on the way to preschool at 6 years old . it is as dgrllamus said the norm here, you walk or go by bus depending where you live. and guess what, we would even walk to our friends (or ride a bike) to go play with them or go to sportsclubs. Afterall our parents havent got time to cart so and so many kids around town.
at 12 i was riding to the shooting club in the next village (15min by bike) and no one bats an eyelid at that here. ever kniwn the blog https://www.freerangekids.com/
everything she describes as frerange parenting is the norm here. I was riding the bus to speech therapy at age 9 into town. (15 min by bus)

also overnight , my mother got a new boyfriend when i was 15 so she would stay over night with him. a 15 yo is generally mature enough to look after themselves.

 

[Marie000]

When I was a kid, I'm pretty sure I walked to school by myself by age 6. I also remember walking a few blocks over to a friend at age 5.
I also remember being left at home for an evening when I was maybe 10 years old.
None of it ever struck me as dangerous or irresponsible. It's just what people did back then. Of course when we walked to school, we were never truly alone. All the kids in the neighborhoods would be walking to school at the same time. I wish I could do the same with my daughter when she is older, but I doubt the current school policies would make it possible.

I checked and in Canada, the recommendation is not to leave children home alone before 10. It's not illegal to leave them alone before that, but if there is an issue, it could be held against the parents. That is my understanding.

And you are legally allowed to hire a 12 year old as a babysitter. Of course they recommend you make sure the babysitter is mature and responsible, and not to use younger babysitters for long absences. So surely leaving a mature 12 year old at home alone should be no issue.

 

[Tasha]

Interesting thread

My three are ten, nine and six. The longest I leave them is to pop the rubbish bag in the bin (we have communal bins) or pop to the car to grab something. So two minutes. My three are no where near ready for being left alone whilst I pop to the shop or anything else. I don't know when they will be because I thought the oldest would of been left a little by now (like if I popped to the shop four minutes walk from my house) but he isn't ready yet.

Here year five and six are allowed to leave school alone, that means the youngest ones will of just turned nine. I personally feel it's far too young for this area, it's not like it is a ghetto or anything but crime rates aren't very low and also we live in London on the major roads from heathrow to Central London or vice versa. People like crazy idiots here and to get away from the school it's major roads in all directions, so I really don't feel it's an option here

 

[Natasha2605]

Our local primary school is five minutes away, on a straight residential road. No idea when I'll allow them to walk it alone. Maybe 10? Completely overprotective of me I know. I'll maybe feel different when the time comes

 

[Natsku]

Our local primary school is five minutes away, on a straight residential road. No idea when I'll allow them to walk it alone. Maybe 10? Completely overprotective of me I know. I'll maybe feel different when the time comes

This is something where we might all feel differently when the time comes, depending on what our kids are like then (and what we are like). I might completely wuss out when Maria is 7 and not let her walk to school alone or stay home while I go to the shop.

 

[Tasha]

Completely agree Nats. If you asked me when my ten year old was four then I probably would of said he would of been able to walk alone, when the reality for us is that we've moved house and it's a much longer walk (well bus journey and walk) on more dangerous roads so it's out of the question any way but he isn't actually ready to walk alone regardless of distance/dangers.

 

[CRWx]

Wow, this thread got long quickly!

Everyone's opinion is different, reading through has been interesting.

As for having a babysitter under the age of 16, I fell pregnant at 15 and can't imagine being told I had to have someone to mind me! Then again, I suppose it depends on the individual, most, if not all 15/16 year olds I knew had definitely been left on their own for hours, if not overnight, regularly!

It's interesting how it differs through everyone.

xxx

 

[leelee]

As a social worker, I get asked this a lot. As someone else has stated, there is technically no law on this. However, we class leaving a young child unattended as neglect and that itself has serious consequences (sometimes with social services, and sometimes with the police).

We work on the general rule that at 13, a mature child could be left alone for a few hours after school (a short walk to and from school alone at 10-11 is also acceptable). Any younger than that and we would investigate (and I have done, numerous times).I'm sure this won't go down well with some people who think that 7 year olds are fit to look after themselves but I think it is very justified.

I am well aware that different countries have different guidance and laws etc, but guidance and laws aside, what parent in their right mind would leave a 6 or 7 year old alone for any length of time???? How hard is it to put them in the car and take them with you? It's not teaching them independence, it's irresponsible.

My children and their safety and well-being are my number one priority, not ensuring I can get to work and 'popping to the shops for 5 mins'.

I am truly horrified by some if the responses I have read on the his thread. Shame on some of you.

Well said, there is just no way I would leave a 6 year old alone when I popped to the shops. Why not just bring them with you? My husband worked away for a year when my 2 were very young and I don't drive so we had to go out in all weather, or wait til the next day.

 

[rosie272]

Interesting reading what happens in other countries/cultures. My sisters and I were never really left alone when we were really young our mum was a sahm and my dad worked so she was always there to take us to and back from school. We did walk to primary school alone when we were in p6 and 7, but the school was literally 5 mins away on a straight road! In high school, it was a bus ride so we went with neighbours kids in a group and sometimes walked back, I would have been 12+ though.

If I ever need to just pop to the shops I'll just bring charlie with me, I have no idea at what age he'll be mature enough to stay home alone - I'll need to wait and see! The first time my parents left us I was 14 but my sister was 19 so she was in charge, everything was always fine. I think it depends on the child and maturity levels.