What age do you think it is ok to leave children at home?

[karlilay]

Madi is 5, nearly 6 and I pop to mums, a few doors away and leave her watching the TV now.
She comes round if she wants me.

I would say maybe 7/8 to pop to the shop etc.

At 15 I'd been going clubbing and stuff for a year, camping out, doing all sorts of stuff. I will live by the same rules my mum did I think. Always tell me where your going/are. Don't be afraid to ring me if you want me to get you, even if its in the middle of no where or somewhere I won't approve of, I won't be angry, I just want you to be safe.
Always have your phone on and charged.

I never took the piss. And me and my mum have and always have had a really good relationship.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I thinking I started being left alone secondary school age so 11, I would catch the bus home from school alone then my parents would be working for the next hour or two so I was home alone. As mentioned there's no after school care at that age so it's expected. Haven't thought things like this about my own DS though x

 

[Natsku]

I think it absolutely depends on the child (I'm talking the maturity once they reach 13/14 and above).

My sister is 13 but imo more immature than I was at that age. She's never left home alone for more than a couple of hours.

I absolutely disagree with a child under 12 being left alone for ANY length of time in the home for longer than five minutes popping to the shops. I just don't think it's necessary.

As for 6/7 years olds taking care of themselves and walking to school alone, I am stunned Didn't know people really allowed that

Whole countries allow it and the kids do fine. I can understand its shocking when you're not used to it (hell even I thought it was odd when I first moved here) but once you see how capable these kids are, it starts to seem much more reasonable.

 

[RaspberryK]

^^^^
Yup when we were in Japan train loads of like 6 year olds making their way home from school on their own.

Karilay - my Dad had similar rules, I don't care what you are doing or who with (within reason) just don't lie to me, keep your phone on. My Dad used to get out of bed at 3am to collect me from parties/town rather than me walk home/get a taxi by myself etc.
He used to buy me alcohol to take- he never worried I would get too drunk as I had been drinking at home with them for years the odd one you know, knew my limits and it wasn't some novelty or out of bounds so I never felt the need to abuse it.
xx

 

[tinkerbelle93]

My mum and dad also used to give me lots of freedom and stay out very late but they'd always happily drop me off and then pick me up afterwards even when it was very late, something I was really grateful for, a lot of my friends parents wouldn't do this for them

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My OH said about for over night but I cant imagine us ever needing to discuss it tbh lol cause things will be different for us anyway.

 

[Eidson23]

I think it absolutely depends on the child (I'm talking the maturity once they reach 13/14 and above).

My sister is 13 but imo more immature than I was at that age. She's never left home alone for more than a couple of hours.

I absolutely disagree with a child under 12 being left alone for ANY length of time in the home for longer than five minutes popping to the shops. I just don't think it's necessary.

As for 6/7 years olds taking care of themselves and walking to school alone, I am stunned Didn't know people really allowed that

Whole countries allow it and the kids do fine. I can understand its shocking when you're not used to it (hell even I thought it was odd when I first moved here) but once you see how capable these kids are, it starts to seem much more reasonable.

I agree, I have seen articles related to crime rates in different countries which is probably what the main difference is. Here in the US, in my city specifically, the crime rate is VERY high. My 7 year old would never walk home from school, but in a place like Sweden where the crime rate is very low, it's completely normal! I've had to take courses on "cultural shock", which is surprisingly common in the US, because of my military training. It's specifically for that reason, because people just can't wrap their minds around the cultural differences. I don't think it makes it irresponsible in any way, and people stating that need to open a book or two. Something that's "the norm" in one country can be appalling in another, it doesn't make one or the other "right" or "wrong". I'd NEVER breastfeed my child until 5 years old, but some cultures do! And I wouldn't be horrified or judgemental just because someone does

 

[alicecooper]

Entirely depends on the child. My DD was fine being left whilst I popped to the shops when she was 6. She's nearly 9 now and never had any problems leaving her whilst I'm at the shops for up to an hour. She has my phone number and rings if she needs to ask about anything.

My DS1 though is almost 7 and he's not okay being left. We tried it once a few months ago (leaving him with DD for 15 minutes) and he nearly broke the blinds whilst shouting at his friends out of the window. He's not very responsible and I think it'll be a good year or more before we attempt it again.

When I was 8 I used to be fine being home alone when my mam was out at work, and my best friend when I was 9 used to be a latch-key-kid, taking the school bus home and letting herself in as her mother worked until 5pm. It just wasn't a problem.
When I was 13 I was babysitting for neighbours kids for several hours whilst their parents went for an evening out.

 

[alicecooper]

I think it absolutely depends on the child (I'm talking the maturity once they reach 13/14 and above).

My sister is 13 but imo more immature than I was at that age. She's never left home alone for more than a couple of hours.

I absolutely disagree with a child under 12 being left alone for ANY length of time in the home for longer than five minutes popping to the shops. I just don't think it's necessary.

As for 6/7 years olds taking care of themselves and walking to school alone, I am stunned Didn't know people really allowed that

I find it amazing that you think children under 12 can't be left alone for more than 5 minutes. It just goes to show how different people's opinions can be.

 

[catty]

I remember I was left alone overnight in primary school so I would have been about 11 with a 14 year old sister and I left my key in my tray at school. My sister didn't have a key so we were sharing one. Luckily when I went back to school an hour or so later the teacher was still there but I think this was a crazy amount of responsibly. I think the fact I had a 14 year old sister justified it to them?

My parents went abroad for a week or so twice a year from when I was about 13-14 and my sister would have been 16-17. I went to school everyday but did have parties from about 15.
It hasn't harmed me at all but I remember sometimes id have a very small party and lots of people from my school would find out about it and show up which i found VERY stressful and do wish ( even though it would have been uncool) that a parent had came and stopped it.

I honestly don't no an age yet, I only have babies at the moment and I'm still at the stage where I stress leaving them 2-3 mins paying for petrol...

 

[Natsku]

I think it absolutely depends on the child (I'm talking the maturity once they reach 13/14 and above).

My sister is 13 but imo more immature than I was at that age. She's never left home alone for more than a couple of hours.

I absolutely disagree with a child under 12 being left alone for ANY length of time in the home for longer than five minutes popping to the shops. I just don't think it's necessary.

As for 6/7 years olds taking care of themselves and walking to school alone, I am stunned Didn't know people really allowed that

Whole countries allow it and the kids do fine. I can understand its shocking when you're not used to it (hell even I thought it was odd when I first moved here) but once you see how capable these kids are, it starts to seem much more reasonable.

I agree, I have seen articles related to crime rates in different countries which is probably what the main difference is. Here in the US, in my city specifically, the crime rate is VERY high. My 7 year old would never walk home from school, but in a place like Sweden where the crime rate is very low, it's completely normal! I've had to take courses on "cultural shock", which is surprisingly common in the US, because of my military training. It's specifically for that reason, because people just can't wrap their minds around the cultural differences. I don't think it makes it irresponsible in any way, and people stating that need to open a book or two. Something that's "the norm" in one country can be appalling in another, it doesn't make one or the other "right" or "wrong". I'd NEVER breastfeed my child until 5 years old, but some cultures do! And I wouldn't be horrified or judgemental just because someone does

What's interesting is that Sweden, not only a lower crime rate, but has a lower rate of accidents in children which is not what you'd expect considered the freedom children have there. Children that have that freedom and engage in risky play from a young age are less likely to have accidents as they get a bit older so unsupervised kids there are actually safer than supervised kids elsewhere!

If I lived somewhere with a high crime rate I wouldn't give that amount of freedom either. Things do depend on areas. I'd let Maria roam free even in the "rough" area of town here as even that roughness comparatively speaking is pretty benign (you're only really in danger here if you're an addict or friends with addicts)

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

 

[dani_tinks]

I definitely wouldn't leave an under 12 alone in the house, even though I live in a very safe area. Of course it's hard for me to judge because my son's only 4 but I just don't think I'll be comfortable with it.

 

[smileyfaces]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

 

[Lauraxamy]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

Exactly. An 8 year old should not have responsibilities like that.

 

[Natsku]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

Because sometimes 8 year olds need to do that. Think about single mothers, is it better that they stay on benefits until their kids are over 12 or that their kids spend a couple hours home alone after school? 8 year olds here are (mostly) quite happy to have that responsibility, often they aren't alone anyway, they go to the park with friends or go round a friend's house or the friend comes to theirs.

 

[Lauraxamy]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

Because sometimes 8 year olds need to do that. Think about single mothers, is it better that they stay on benefits until their kids are over 12 or that their kids spend a couple hours home alone after school? 8 year olds here are (mostly) quite happy to have that responsibility, often they aren't alone anyway, they go to the park with friends or go round a friend's house or the friend comes to theirs.

I'm a single Mum, not on benefits, I work more or less full time and when they're school age both my children will go to after school clubs at the nursery setting they now attend. If the one they attend now was to shut or something I'd find another or I'd find a child minder and/or ask family members. their Dad etc, to help me out more. All the before and after school clubs run up until the age of 11 so that's the age mine will go until. Before that I'll gradually give them more responsibility so they can get used to it and even then I'll be getting family members to check in on them at first, but at 8, in my opinion, they're far too young to walk home alone and spend three hours there until I return from work and I definitely wouldn't like them to be going to the park and wondering about, if I did ever leave them I'd want to know exactly where they were. At 8 I still think of them as a child who needs caring for, at 11 they are growing into a teenager and don't need caring for, or things doing for them as much.

 

[Blah11]

..or find appropriate after school childcare like single mothers or households where both parents work over here do.

 

[noon_child]

There isn't a legal age in UK but there is a law to cover that it must be reasonably safe - eg the child should know not to mess with the gas cooker, recognise a danger and act on it appropriately (get out house if fire etc), know how and when to call 999 etc. How long and what time of day probably has an effect too. If the authorities were aware of a child being left alone they'd consider it on a case by case basis to decide if it's neglect.

Yes it is your responsibility as a parent to judge whether your child is mature enough. However you must leave them the means to look after themselves e.g keys to get out of the door, access to food. If leaving them for long periods (like overnight) you need to have made reasonable arrangements to check they are safe e.g phone them, or have a neighbour check on them.

I myself had been taking a bus to and from school since age 11 and my parents weren't at home when I got back because they were still at work. I think this is quite common and it is important to prepare them for this before they get to that age by teaching them the dangers and giving them periods of independence.

My DH was left alone from age 7ish while his Mum worked (she was a single Mum with no relatives nearby). He was quite a capable child, and she thinks this is normal, but I'm not sure if he ever told her about the time he electrocuted himself trying to get a plug out of the wall!!! He was fine (luckily) and actually was not lacking in understanding about electricity, just got lazy for a moment like someone any age could.

 

[Natsku]

For me its not abiut abduction etc. More about being just left at home at a young age. I cant understand why a 8yr old needs to be responsible for that. The country is irrelevant with staying at home (my opinion).

Because sometimes 8 year olds need to do that. Think about single mothers, is it better that they stay on benefits until their kids are over 12 or that their kids spend a couple hours home alone after school? 8 year olds here are (mostly) quite happy to have that responsibility, often they aren't alone anyway, they go to the park with friends or go round a friend's house or the friend comes to theirs.

I'm a single Mum, not on benefits, I work more or less full time and when they're school age both my children will go to after school clubs at the nursery setting they now attend. If the one they attend now was to shut or something I'd find another or I'd find a child minder and/or ask family members. their Dad etc, to help me out more. All the before and after school clubs run up until the age of 11 so that's the age mine will go until. Before that I'll gradually give them more responsibility so they can get used to it and even then I'll be getting family members to check in on them at first, but at 8, in my opinion, they're far too young to walk home alone and spend three hours there until I return from work and I definitely wouldn't like them to be going to the park and wondering about, if I did ever leave them I'd want to know exactly where they were. At 8 I still think of them as a child who needs caring for, at 11 they are growing into a teenager and don't need caring for, or things doing for them as much.

There is no after school care or child minders for kids after 2nd grade here (and that's probably the case in many other countries that have the same attitude about childhood) so unless you get an au pair or a nanny which is going to get pretty expensive (and unaffordable for many) there is no other option. Pretty hard to find a job that is less than 5 or 6 hours a day (length of school day at that age, 4 hours for the 7 and 8 year olds). Not everyone has family members near by or who can help out with childcare.

The fact is that some families are forced to do this and other families choose to do this because they believe it has its benefits and until you've seen for yourself how well it can work you really can't judge.