Why are people so ignorant about registries???

[Dk1234]

I think it's wonderful. I love going to showers and giving gifts as much as I loved having one and decieving them.

 

[Jaylynne]

I really don't get what's so hard to understand. So it's not done much in the UK. got it. But it's very much the norm in the US. Family and friends EXPECT you to have a shower at some point if it is your first baby. It's that normal here. It's not tacky unless the pregnant woman is rude and behaving like a spoiled brat :::cough cough:::: It is a party where everyone that's there oooh's and ahhhh's over cute things. I love them!

 

[staralfur]

I don't think that showers are about buying people things so they don't have to. I didn't put any "big ticket" items on my registry and I'd be really surprised if anyone I knew did.

It's usually soothers and car seat toys and other accessories. So as not to imply that people should be providing for your baby, rather they're just contributing something fun and small.

 

[Foogirl]

I really don't get what's so hard to understand. So it's not done much in the UK. got it. But it's very much the norm in the US. Family and friends EXPECT you to have a shower at some point if it is your first baby. It's that normal here. It's not tacky unless the pregnant woman is rude and behaving like a spoiled brat :::cough cough:::: It is a party where everyone that's there oooh's and ahhhh's over cute things. I love them!

Yep, understand the concept of the shower and the concept of the registry,( although even with those there seems to be disagreement here about the purpose etc)

What I dont get are the arbitary rules that seem to have sprouted. So buying a gift from the registry to ooh and ahh over is acceptable, buying a gift you'd prefer to give is not. Having five showers for your first baby is acceptable, having one for each of your five children is tacky. Inviting your sister's auntie's cousins next door neighbour to the first child's shower is acceptable (as long as they buy a gift off the register), but inviting your best friends to a shower for your second child is not.

That and, you only deserve gifts if you can't afford to buy things yourself.

Having a party with friends to celebrate the impending birth seems like a nice thing to do, but with all those rules, I'd be giving it a miss. I wonder how long it will be before it catches on over here.

 

[Andypanda6570]

It is tacky to have further showers cause yes that is greedy, if you have a baby and then 4 yrs. later have another one or two the stuff from the first shower is almost always saved to pass on to siblings, that is one point and I feel perk of even having a baby shower, it also serves for future children . I had my last son 10 yrs. later and I didn't have anything BUT I also did not want a shower, i was in the position that I could buy myself whatever i needed, but my friend gave me one and didn't tell me it was a surprise.I didn't register for it cause I didn't know about it and I wouldn't of anyway even if I did know about it, I would have politely declined. If women have 5 showers for 5 babies or 5 showers for one baby then yes I myself find that tacky, but that is me and that is not the norm as far as i know. Like now in 2010 I became pregnant, it was 12 yrs since I had a baby and this one was a girl, I lost her at 22 weeks, but I am sure someone would have gave me something and yes I would have needed it, cause I never had a girl and it would have been almost 13 yrs if she would have been born since I had a baby.

If someone bought me a gift that was not on my registry I would not give a flying fig, as long as they were at my shower, I couldn't care less what they bought, not everyone cares about that.

About the invites inviting your sister's aunt's cousin is where ya lost me We invite people who are family and close friends , I have had parties of all kinds for 20 yrs and the same people have always been invited unless there has been a broken relationship.

I understand fully that it is not some people's norm, but really is a wonderful thing for the mother and the people joining in on it, they all want to do it for the parents, it is a nice start and lessens the load for the expectant parents . I have never heard of rules for a shower, never..

 

[Foogirl]

I have never heard of rules for a shower, never..

You started your post by stating one of them - shower for first baby only.

Quite a few folk here have said their friends have thrown a shower they didn't know about. I can't believe someone would do that. That's one friend I could do without!

 

[Dk1234]

I really don't get what's so hard to understand. So it's not done much in the UK. got it. But it's very much the norm in the US. Family and friends EXPECT you to have a shower at some point if it is your first baby. It's that normal here. It's not tacky unless the pregnant woman is rude and behaving like a spoiled brat :::cough cough:::: It is a party where everyone that's there oooh's and ahhhh's over cute things. I love them!

Yep, understand the concept of the shower and the concept of the registry,( although even with those there seems to be disagreement here about the purpose etc)

What I dont get are the arbitary rules that seem to have sprouted. So buying a gift from the registry to ooh and ahh over is acceptable, buying a gift you'd prefer to give is not. Having five showers for your first baby is acceptable, having one for each of your five children is tacky. Inviting your sister's auntie's cousins next door neighbour to the first child's shower is acceptable (as long as they buy a gift off the register), but inviting your best friends to a shower for your second child is not.

That and, you only deserve gifts if you can't afford to buy things yourself.

Having a party with friends to celebrate the impending birth seems like a nice thing to do, but with all those rules, I'd be giving it a miss. I wonder how long it will be before it catches on over here.

You have misinterpreted a lot of things. I never said you shouldntt have a shower if you can afford things I said if I was Kim kardashian I wouldn't register. I purchased a lot of things myself we aren't rich but we aren't poor. I also said that it is tacky to register for future babies. And the reason I had five showers thank you very much is because we both have jobs that wanted to have us one, I have amazing college friends that all live out of town and we both have huge families. The reason I think that is appropriate is because no guests were repeated. Would you prefer I had 1 shower with 150 guests that don't know each other. I didn't throw any of these myself. They were all small intimate beautiful events. To have 1 shower with the same 10 people for each child is greedy because that is sort of asking the same person to buy you five gifts. I mean seriously you should have the stuff you need by then. I don't think second showers are terrible. I just wouldn't throw one myself or be involved or expect one. But if my mom wanted me to have a small gathering with my really close family if I was to have a girl this time I wouldn't say no. I would however if this is a boy because I don't need anything and it would be tacky of me to accept a ton of gifts when I don't need them. My son is only 7 months old. I just wouldn't register because to me that would be so tacky.

 

[Dk1234]

I could care less if anyone on here thinks the fact that I had five showers is tacky. It was amazing and I was so appreciative. My family had one, his family had one, my work had me one (4 people there mind you), his work threw one,(7 people there), and my college friends thre me one across state (6 people there). I have a lot of people who love my little man and he is so blessed to have all that love in his life.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I have never heard of rules for a shower, never..

You started your post by stating one of them - shower for first baby only.

Quite a few folk here have said their friends have thrown a shower they didn't know about. I can't believe someone would do that. That's one friend I could do without!

That really isn't a rule, it is just common sense to me. Why have another one unless it is 10 yrs plus, that isn't a rule, it is just something most not all wouldn't do. My friend did it because it was 10yrs plus for me, since I had a baby. it was nice of her, I was not mad, but I could have done without it, why would she be a friend I could do without when she did it out of kindness?

 

[Andypanda6570]

I could care less if anyone on here thinks the fact that I had five showers is tacky. It was amazing and I was so appreciative. My family had one, his family had one, my work had me one (4 people there mind you), his work threw one,(7 people there), and my college friends thre me one across state (6 people there). I have a lot of people who love my little man and he is so blessed to have all that love in his life.

When I said tacky I didn't know 5 different people threw you a shower, that is different. Usually it is your family mixed with his your husband's family and maybe a work one. So no I don't think that is tacky, a bit much maybe.. But good for you

 

[jenniferttc1]

Op was being a huge brat about it, but she's pregnant, just let her have a private rant.
I had a wonderful shower, got some things off the registry, but I loved every gift, even the 30 pacis I got he would never take too. Others might see it weird, and I'm going to say that baby showers are just a huge help in America. Could you imagine paying what we do to even bring the child into this world during birth? It's outrageous! I will not be having a shower for future children, I don't believe in them, I personally think you should have gone gender neutral and not deck everything out in pink or blue, or even give it away. I went total gender neutral on ever big item, and I put it away in the attic and not giving a single thing away till I'm done. I do believe every baby should be celebrated so we will probably do a family gathering with cake and food...no games or registries. If people want to get something that's fine, but wipes or small pack of diapers would be perfect if they insisted.

 

[patooti]

I really don't get what's so hard to understand. So it's not done much in the UK. got it. But it's very much the norm in the US. Family and friends EXPECT you to have a shower at some point if it is your first baby. It's that normal here. It's not tacky unless the pregnant woman is rude and behaving like a spoiled brat :::cough cough:::: It is a party where everyone that's there oooh's and ahhhh's over cute things. I love them!

I haven't seen evidence that anyone lacks the intelligence to grasp the concepts here. Just some people disagree. Why is there an assumption that if someone disagrees or doesn't buy off a registry they are having trouble understanding how it works or are, as the OP said, ignorant of registries. That in itself is actually a bit rude. Just because we disagree on something doesn't mean either if us is missing the point.

 

[Jaylynne]

I really don't get what's so hard to understand. So it's not done much in the UK. got it. But it's very much the norm in the US. Family and friends EXPECT you to have a shower at some point if it is your first baby. It's that normal here. It's not tacky unless the pregnant woman is rude and behaving like a spoiled brat :::cough cough:::: It is a party where everyone that's there oooh's and ahhhh's over cute things. I love them!

I haven't seen evidence that anyone lacks the intelligence to grasp the concepts here. Just some people disagree. Why is there an assumption that if someone disagrees or doesn't buy off a registry they are having trouble understanding how it works or are, as the OP said, ignorant of registries. That in itself is actually a bit rude. Just because we disagree on something doesn't mean either if us is missing the point.

Probably I have the assumption because others have said they don't understand the point of a registry or the tradition we have of baby showers in this thread. I never said people had to buy off a registry. Calling a (normal friendly) baby shower tacky, rude, greedy or presumptuous IS missing the point. That would be like expecting some sort of present/acknowledgement for someone's birthday rude and greedy. Both are traditions. Just one is more acknowledged in the US vs other countries.

 

[TriChick]

This is what worried me about this thread, that people would take the OP's attitude as the norm regarding baby showers/registries. Please trust me when I say that most American women do NOT share this attitude regarding either, regardless of being pregnant or not. A baby shower is SUPPOSED to be a get together for people to celebrate the anticipated arrival of a child. Gifts are only a part of it, and many times not even included in the festivities. A registry is there to help people who would like guidance regarding gift ideas, not as a hard rule on what to purchase. I had a registry at two different stores, not only to help my relatives who lived across the country and wanted to get me something without flat out asking "what do you need?", but also because many stores offer will offer you a significant discount (10%, 20%) on everything left on your registry a month ahead of the due date.

To be honest, the best gift I received was a handmade baby blanket from a friend, something that I could have never purchased in a store. Certain people seem to be under the impression that the traditions of baby showers and registries are used as a way for us American ladies to cut down on the cost of raising our own children. While there are some people out there that may view it as such, the broad assumption is inaccurate. The expectations and gratitude expressed by a mother-to-be in regards to registries/baby showers/etc. is a matter of individual class and etiquette, and not the result of cultural influence.

 

[overcomer79]

I don't look at them but I crochet home made. I'm using my time in other ways.

 

[sue_88]

I'm in the UK and so the culture of registries and showers is very alien to me, and also incredibly strange.

My family and friends have bought the baby things and I have smiled sweetly, accepted it with open arms and will consider it's use when the baby is here. If somebody asks me what I would like, I'd then maybe given them the idea.

The notion of saying BUY FROM THIS LIST ONLY is just bonkers to me personally......gifting is wonderful, getting angry at recieving gifts is wrong whether you wanted it or not. If you dont need it, dont use it. Simples!

 

[Foogirl]

The notion of saying BUY FROM THIS LIST ONLY is just bonkers to me personally......gifting is wonderful, getting angry at recieving gifts is wrong whether you wanted it or not. If you dont need it, dont use it. Simples!

I agree. If someone has gone to the trouble to choose/make a gift, wrap it and bring it to me, they deserve a smile and a thank you, even if I personally think it is the most hideous gift ever. Good manners cost nowt.

 

[Dk1234]

Surely the OP didn't seem ungrateful to the giver.

 

[Randianne]

Most American women find the 'buy from the registry only!' attitude offensive. I registered because there are people who find it rude NOT to have a registry. They want to get you what you need, but they don't want to have to ask and spoil the surprise. Also, you can see what other people have already bought on the registry. Most of the gift givers truly want to get something useful, so it's good to know they've already received a baby bath or a mountain of onesies.

Also, I thought shower etiquette was to put items in a wide variety of prices on your registry. It's not that I expected to get all of that, it's so people can get something that fits their budget. Personally, I didn't care if they bought off the registry or not. My favorite gifts were the handmade blankets LO's grandmother made her. And as someone else pointed out, you get a discount on items on your registry that aren't purchased, so we put some things on there so if we decided to get them we'd be getting a better deal. It saved us $60 on the crib alone!

If you're assuming that most of us share OP's attitude, you're wrong. I don't know anyone who used their registry as anything more than a guide. Registries certainly don't mean we're not greatful for everything we receive.

 

[tentoes92]

I registered for my baby shower because people expected me too. Then I was disappointed when I didn't get things off my registry that people expected me to have. I am so ungrateful!