Why are people so ignorant about registries???

[vaniilla]

We're in the UK and had a gift registry list with John Lewis, it was for us, in-laws and my parents because the three groups of us live hours away from each other and relatives who are all abroad and it was to make sure they didn't make any double purchases, I didn't have a baby shower though because most of the people (family) that I wanted to invite weren't able to get flights out in time.

I can't believe the amount of harsh comments from people, a registry is just as much for the parents as the guests, I think it's a good thing to have because it's not just for people to get an idea of what to buy but also what not not to buy - if you can see on the list somebody has already bought x amount of something you'll think to get something else, an idea/suggestion is all it is, nobody is holding guests under a barrel and it's not by obligation, in both of my parents cultures buying things for grandchildren especially first born is a big deal. Just because people don't agree with it I don't think it's an excuse to offend others or throw insulting words around.

 

[fidgets mammy]

I dont think people have an issue with the registry itself its more the negative attitude thats come from op about "crap".

 

[Dk1234]

I'm sure she wouldn't say that to people she probably felt this was a safe environment. And maybe the stuff she got was crap who knows.

 

[DLA]

I agree that the only thing that I personally disagree with is maybe the how the OP came across in her post as unappreciative. I don't think that's what she meant but I can see how some people though it came across that way. But I've read several comments also stating that just the idea of having a registry is rude, unappreciative, tacky ect. That I completely think is ridiculous. I said it before in my post but if I didn't have a registry, people would majorly annoyed because it's almost unheard of to NOT have one around here.

 

[lhancock90]

I agree that the only thing that I personally disagree with is maybe the how the OP came across in her post as unappreciative. I don't think that's what she meant but I can see how some people though it came across that way. But I've read several comments also stating that just the idea of having a registry is rude, unappreciative, tacky ect. That I completely think is ridiculous. I said it before in my post but if I didn't have a registry, people would majorly annoyed because it's almost unheard of to NOT have one around here.

Did you not read her second post? She said people who didn't follow the registry were "selfish". I think the registry confusion is a cultural thing. Here in the UK it doesn't happen so we don't really understand it IYKWIM.

 

[DLA]

I agree that the only thing that I personally disagree with is maybe the how the OP came across in her post as unappreciative. I don't think that's what she meant but I can see how some people though it came across that way. But I've read several comments also stating that just the idea of having a registry is rude, unappreciative, tacky ect. That I completely think is ridiculous. I said it before in my post but if I didn't have a registry, people would majorly annoyed because it's almost unheard of to NOT have one around here.

Did you not read her second post? She said people who didn't follow the registry were "selfish". I think the registry confusion is a cultural thing. Here in the UK it doesn't happen so we don't really understand it IYKWIM.

Did not see that 2nd post but just read it. Yeah, that's not the nicest attitude to have, I agree. I stated before I had a registry, and loved and appreciated every gift whether it was from the registry or not. What I don't understand are all the people that think that just the fact of having a registry is rude. It's just different than what some people are used to. Different should not = wrong.

 

[lhancock90]

I agree that the only thing that I personally disagree with is maybe the how the OP came across in her post as unappreciative. I don't think that's what she meant but I can see how some people though it came across that way. But I've read several comments also stating that just the idea of having a registry is rude, unappreciative, tacky ect. That I completely think is ridiculous. I said it before in my post but if I didn't have a registry, people would majorly annoyed because it's almost unheard of to NOT have one around here.

Did you not read her second post? She said people who didn't follow the registry were "selfish". I think the registry confusion is a cultural thing. Here in the UK it doesn't happen so we don't really understand it IYKWIM.

Did not see that 2nd post but just read it. Yeah, that's not the nicest attitude to have, I agree. I stated before I had a registry, and loved and appreciated every gift whether it was from the registry or not. What I don't understand are all the people that think that just the fact of having a registry is rude. It's just different than what some people are used to. Different should not = wrong.

Thats actually, a very good point.

 

[patooti]

I agree that the only thing that I personally disagree with is maybe the how the OP came across in her post as unappreciative. I don't think that's what she meant but I can see how some people though it came across that way. But I've read several comments also stating that just the idea of having a registry is rude, unappreciative, tacky ect. That I completely think is ridiculous. I said it before in my post but if I didn't have a registry, people would majorly annoyed because it's almost unheard of to NOT have one around here.

Did you not read her second post? She said people who didn't follow the registry were "selfish". I think the registry confusion is a cultural thing. Here in the UK it doesn't happen so we don't really understand it IYKWIM.

Did not see that 2nd post but just read it. Yeah, that's not the nicest attitude to have, I agree. I stated before I had a registry, and loved and appreciated every gift whether it was from the registry or not. What I don't understand are all the people that think that just the fact of having a registry is rude. It's just different than what some people are used to. Different should not = wrong.

Thats actually, a very good point.

There is nothing wrong with either opinion. I can dislike registries personally and that isn't necessarily me saying you are wrong to want one. I am Canadian. Registries are common in Canada. It is part of our culture but to ME I've never been comfortable with it because I felt it made the event too much about the gift and that felt unpleasant to me so I didn't want to do it. Also sometimes when i have been invited to things with registries and there arent any small items i get annoyed. Other times it feels like have been invited as a very distant friend when normally i would never be invited to a party or similar more intimate event and I feel like I am there just for the gift (this when people do the huge 100 invite showers) I don't enjoy that either. Especially would be nasty to imagine one of these people talking about my gift like the op did hers.

It isn't any more wrong for me to have that approach or opinion than it is for others to think registries are okay. It is just how I feel. Nothing wrong with that.

But the OP's comments about ignorance and crappy gifts were a WHOLE different issue.

 

[fidgets mammy]

Yeh you've hit the nail on the head. There's one thing agreeing /disagreeing with registrys but how you accept peoples gifts is another topic all together.

 

[robinator]

I doubt the OP even checks this thread anymore, lol

 

[patooti]

I doubt the OP even checks this thread anymore, lol

Not that she'd have cared what we thought anyway. Sometimes at 38 weeks with insomnia it's just about killing some time in the middle of the night lol.

 

[Foogirl]

Registries are becoming more common here, more so for weddings but they are usually known as gift lists.

I'm not a fan and can't believe the sort of stuff people put on them, especially in terms of value. I think it shows an expectation of gifts and that's just not something I could do.

For our wedding, we sent out a note with the invitations saying we simply wanted to share the day with our friends and family and didn't want anyone to feel they had to give a gift. I was going to leave it there but so many people said "oh but people will really want to get you something" So, we added a bit saying we were hoping to have a fabulous honeymoon so Virgin travel vouchers would be appreciated if anyone really wanted to give something. We ended up with enough to pay for about half the honeymoon and also got a few really nice gifts which were quite personal and we appreciated them too.

I'm really not a fan of buying gifts out of tradition, or out of obligation. To me, parties and gatherings are for people to get together and celebrate, not to get gifts. And despite never having registered for anything, I have never once received two gifts the same.

 

[fannyadams]

I refused to have a gift list for my wedding and told everyone not to buy us anything.
We still got £1000 of vouchers for which I was so grateful but I didn't expect or want anything.

I'm not anti gift lists in general though, just the arrogance that people are selfish if they don't stick to it!

 

[robinator]

$1000 in vouchers? Sweeeeet!!

 

[Dk1234]

I had five baby showers (one from each our works, one from my friends, one from my family, and one from his family). If I hadn't registered I would have gotten nothing but clothes and seriously you don't need 500 onesies.

 

[robinator]

I had 37 6M onesies, but they were all used as she was in 6M for 5 months. How did they know?

 

[Dk1234]

Well my LO was in 6 months for maybe a month. At 7 months he is in 18 months. He is massive. 29 1/2 inches and 25 pounds. So glad I didn't get 37 6 month onesies. That would have been a massive waste.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I wouldnt be able to do one lol we brought 99.9% ourselves. Its a bit different in England I think x

 

[socitycourty]

I had a registry for my baby shower at my mom's request. I didnt want one.

I got some of the things on there, including some stuff we needed. the gifts that were given from off the registry were very nice too. things i already had or couldn't use i donated or passed on (4 babies born in my family in 2012)

IMO registries are even more tacky when you're on your 2nd, 3rd or 4th kid. Really seems very greedy when you should know what kids need and be able to cover it yourself.

 

[Dk1234]

I've never seen a registry for a 2nd, 3rd or 4th but I would consider that tacky.