Emily I have acu on Saturday too, but my Saturday is before your Saturday! (pokes out tongue) tried to find a poke out tongue smilie but couldn't so....
We can compare acu notes
I am so looking forward to it. Although I don't think our fertility problems lie with me
Ok, I need to tell you girls something I have been wanting to say for a little while but I am afraid you will judge me/us. I am hoping that you will understand and not think too harshly of us because I need to get it off my chest.
My husband has a bit of a problem with smoking pot. There I have said it. I hate it, don't smoke it. I played around with it when I was a teenager but never really liked it. I did however form an addiction to another drug in my early 20's which I overcame so I do understand addiction. I think I understand drug addiction very well and I think that some people struggle more than others. I think I was very lucky and I really feel for my husband.
He never smokes around me or the kids, he sneaks off into the shed and yes, I know that is not good enough. His smoking has been a bone of contention between us forever but I fell too deeply in love with him before I realised how bad it was.
He has stopped several times during our relationship but it has never lasted. He sneaked around and lied about smoking and really hurt me more than once. He feels bloody awful about doing that to me but I know that it is the addiction, not him.
I've asked him to stop for baby making and he has tried but only half-arsed. This all came to a head a few weeks ago when I saw my dr and he said dh had to get a sa. dh freaked out about it and when he calmed down to talk about it he said he actually wants to stop smoking and how about he does that and if that doesn't work by xmas he will get the sa then. I was really happy and him stopping is the most important thing. That is why I am not really stressing out about ttc at the moment.
Anyway, he stopped last wed/thurs and he is now in a total crisis. He cried on Friday morning because he thought there was something wrong with him. He said he had been all dizzy and light headed all week and he had a bad feeling that there was something really wrong with him, like a major illness. He was really worried and freaked me out.
I sent him off to the dr who checked him out thoroughly but said he is in perfect health. he took a bunch of bloods anyway just to be sure, but we have not heard back so nothing came up in them either. We go back in a week for another check up.
The dr said it is all symptomatic of his pot smoking addiction and coming off it, which I agree. He said he is actually more worried about how worried he is about it and he wants to monitor him closely to make sure he does not get depressed. dh can't see it though, he still thinks there is something wrong with him. He is at the age now that his dad dropped dead. He is terrified of leaving me and the boys behind.
He has done really well and not smoked anything!! He even asked me to get rid of the little bit that he had left. I went as far as driving it around the the shopping centre and putting it in the industrial bins there!! I had to get it well away from the house so he wouldn't be temped to dig it out of the bin. And it was not because I don't trust him, it is the addiction that would drive him to do it.
He also talked to his dr about us trying for a baby. His dr basically said to him, well there is your problem, your sperm are f***ed up. This I kind of deep down knew, but was hoping against hope that there would be some strong survivors to do the job. He of course feels like he has failed me and the guilt compounds his problems.
He is an absolute mess, I am really worried about him but as awful as this sounds - I really hope he has hit rock bottom because only then will he be able to get better. I really think he has hit it. I hate seeing him go through this, but it is for the greater good.
I just hope that he starts to feel a little better as the days go on and can see that this feeling is symptomatic and he is not dying. He has gone back to work today. I think that is for the best because it will keep him busy instead of moping around the house. I took yesterday off to finish some school work and spent the whole day looking after him, so I had to take today off too to catch up on what I did not do yesterday!!!
Thanks for letting me vent. On another note, think I Oed yesterday. Throughout all this mess I got a couple of killer bd sessions in!! I found something else that takes his mind off it