Xx
- Thread starter MoonLove
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Have you sought counselling hun? Sounds like CBT would be really good for you, you can come up with alternatives to get her there but it's not solving the problem. Even before and after school clubs aren't ideal because that's making the day unnecessarily long (I say this as a working mum who will need to use them begrudgingly!). I guess you could look into paying someone to take her there and back like a childminder but this anxiety sounds very debilitating, I think for your own sake you should really look for some help xx
Eleanor ace
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How far would it be to walk? I'm guessing too far since it involve 2 buses, but if walking is an option at all I'd definitely do that. Or could you perhaps bike it? One of the schools we were considering for DS was a bit of a walk away and I worried about how we'd manage the walk (I wouldn't want to bus it) as it is about 40 minutes walk each way, fine for DS but DD won't walk and hates the pushchair, and I have a baby due in September and if they're anything like DD trips in the pushchair or carrier will be slightly hellish. When I looked at the bike route I saw that we could do it in about 20 minutes each way, once number 3 is old enough to go in a bike trailer, so very do-able. Or maybe you could fin out whether anyone who lives nearby would share the school run, either take your DD to school for petrol money (if they drive) or walk/bus with you, if that would make it less stressful? Or what about a childminder, if you found one who would do the school drop off that might cost the same as breakfast club would have cost? 
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I've struggled with bad phases of anxiety and panic attacks in the past, struggling to venture very far from home when I felt at my worst, so I understand how your feeling.
Sometimes it helps with anxiety to break everything down into small chunks and break down all your anxious thoughts and write them down. Do you know what it is about the journey that's frightening you so much? Is it being on the bus? Being a distance from home? Having a panic attack? Something else?
Like another poster suggested I would try doing some trial runs first. Start off just doing one part of the journey and try to increase the distance each time.
I don't know if you've ever tried relaxation exercises? I found they helped, but had to spend at least half an hour everyday doing them. After a while I did start to feel some benefit from them.
You don't need to pretend your not anxious or feel like you need to hide having a panic attack. That just puts more pressure on yourself and makes the anxiety worse. Anxiety and panic attacks are very common - the chances are you won't be the only one stood in the playground feeling that way!
Panic attacks are horrible, I know. The physical symptoms can be so frightening. But they are only that, panic attacks. Nothing worse will happen and they will pass. Always remember that. No matter how frightening or desperate you feel, they will pass.
That's the problem with using avoidance to deal with anxiety. You never get to prove to yourself that you can handle the situations. The more you avoid, the more confidence you lose. You just end up in a cycle and you come to a point where you just can't even begin to imagine how your going to be able to do something.
It might help to speak to a dr and maybe try some cbt, if you haven't done that already? I found it really helpful. I still get anxiety, but have more confidence and am able to control it a lot better that I used to. I can attempt things now that a few years ago I wouldn't have even contemplated doing.
Sending you It really is horrible to feel so anxious all the time x
Sometimes it helps with anxiety to break everything down into small chunks and break down all your anxious thoughts and write them down. Do you know what it is about the journey that's frightening you so much? Is it being on the bus? Being a distance from home? Having a panic attack? Something else?
Like another poster suggested I would try doing some trial runs first. Start off just doing one part of the journey and try to increase the distance each time.
I don't know if you've ever tried relaxation exercises? I found they helped, but had to spend at least half an hour everyday doing them. After a while I did start to feel some benefit from them.
You don't need to pretend your not anxious or feel like you need to hide having a panic attack. That just puts more pressure on yourself and makes the anxiety worse. Anxiety and panic attacks are very common - the chances are you won't be the only one stood in the playground feeling that way!
Panic attacks are horrible, I know. The physical symptoms can be so frightening. But they are only that, panic attacks. Nothing worse will happen and they will pass. Always remember that. No matter how frightening or desperate you feel, they will pass.
That's the problem with using avoidance to deal with anxiety. You never get to prove to yourself that you can handle the situations. The more you avoid, the more confidence you lose. You just end up in a cycle and you come to a point where you just can't even begin to imagine how your going to be able to do something.
It might help to speak to a dr and maybe try some cbt, if you haven't done that already? I found it really helpful. I still get anxiety, but have more confidence and am able to control it a lot better that I used to. I can attempt things now that a few years ago I wouldn't have even contemplated doing.
Sending you
It really is horrible to feel so anxious all the time x
Cattia
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I've also suffered from panic attacks in the past. If you haven't already, I suggest reading Self Help for your Nerves by Claire Weeks. It's one of the best books there is on coping with panic and anxiety. When I was in my twenties I went through a really bad patch with it where I struggled a lot to get into work every day. I would get as far as the car park and feel like I couldn't go in. I was terrified of losing my job which made it worse as I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. I agree with what the pp said about breaking things down. If I had to think about going into work and doing a whole day I wouldn't be able to cope with it as it seemed too overwhelming. What I did instead was write a list of every little thing I had to do to get myself into work. It was a bit like this:
Get up
Go top bathroom and brush teeth
Have shower
Get dressed
Go downstairs and have breakfast
Get bag ready
Go out of house to car
etc etc, you get the idea. What I would do was ONLY allow myself to focus on the one thing on the list that I was doing, and put my complete concentration into doing that one task. I would not let myself think about any of the other things on the list and I would tick each one off as I went. It really did help me to feel less overwhelmed with it all.
Get up
Go top bathroom and brush teeth
Have shower
Get dressed
Go downstairs and have breakfast
Get bag ready
Go out of house to car
etc etc, you get the idea. What I would do was ONLY allow myself to focus on the one thing on the list that I was doing, and put my complete concentration into doing that one task. I would not let myself think about any of the other things on the list and I would tick each one off as I went. It really did help me to feel less overwhelmed with it all.
Boomerslady
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Just wabyed to send I struggle with anxiety and can imagine just how you're feeling.
The only decent thing I can think to say, is how are you once you've actually done the thing your anxious about? With me once it's done I wonder what the hell I was anxious about! It's the lead up to it that I have panic attacks.
So I'm thinking yes day 1 might be really bad, but once you've done the journey and see it's not that bad you might be ok?
If not I hope a space opens up really soon in breakfast club. Or is there a local childminder you could use for the 3 mornings? So that DH can drop her there?
I struggle with anxiety and can imagine just how you're feeling.The only decent thing I can think to say, is how are you once you've actually done the thing your anxious about? With me once it's done I wonder what the hell I was anxious about! It's the lead up to it that I have panic attacks.
So I'm thinking yes day 1 might be really bad, but once you've done the journey and see it's not that bad you might be ok?
If not I hope a space opens up really soon in breakfast club. Or is there a local childminder you could use for the 3 mornings? So that DH can drop her there?
MoonLove
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Yesterday I broke down in the middle of Ikea and cried all the way home. I was in such a state, I just collapsed on the floor when we got home. I am absolutely overwhelmed with anxiety about this. I try so hard to not think about it and pretend it doesn't exist but it's nagging me constantly and I feel desperately trapped.
I told my husband all about how I felt and he has been trying to help (like he was going to take her to breakfast club three mornings a week), and he's looked at all the buses and times and options, but I can't honestly comprehend doing any of it. He has even suggested going to work an hour later (and coming home am hour later) so he can drop her off, but honestly it's the picking up in afternoons that worry me most, standing around waiting etc.
I can't talk to anyone like a doctor because they can't physically take her to school for me, and I absolutely can not have a Health visitor come to check on me every week.
I feel utterly hopeless, I can't bear to think about it. I just can't bear it.
I told my husband all about how I felt and he has been trying to help (like he was going to take her to breakfast club three mornings a week), and he's looked at all the buses and times and options, but I can't honestly comprehend doing any of it. He has even suggested going to work an hour later (and coming home am hour later) so he can drop her off, but honestly it's the picking up in afternoons that worry me most, standing around waiting etc.
I can't talk to anyone like a doctor because they can't physically take her to school for me, and I absolutely can not have a Health visitor come to check on me every week.
I feel utterly hopeless, I can't bear to think about it. I just can't bear it.
Midnight_Fairy
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is it too far too walk? Our school run was 3miles each way when mine were in Infants. We used buggy +buggy board then progressed to scooters x
I know it probably won't help for sept but is learning to drive an option?
Could you just take one of the buses and walk the rest if that would ease your anxiety abit?
Could grandparents help out more the first few weeks and maybe take the journey with you?
Could you just take one of the buses and walk the rest if that would ease your anxiety abit?
Could grandparents help out more the first few weeks and maybe take the journey with you?
discoclare
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Is the school more than 2 miles away? It must be I suppose if you can't walk and need to take two buses. I thought if a state school, which is the nearest one that you can get your child into, was more than 2 miles away that you were entitled to free transport:
https://www.gov.uk/free-school-transport
https://www.gov.uk/free-school-transport
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Not quite the same, but I have anxiety too. My son's school is a 15 minute walk away, which is nothing, I know. I'm terrified about the school runs, having no choice but to leave the house twice a day. At the moment I leave the house about twice a week, always with OH.
Hopefully when it comes to it we'll all manage as we have no choice but find a way to get them to school.
Hopefully when it comes to it we'll all manage as we have no choice but find a way to get them to school.
MoonLove
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The stress of thinking about this 24/7 is killing me. I'm going to phone admissions this morning to see if I can change to a just as far away school, but easier to get to by bus (longer walk but one bus instead of two).
I know they'll say there's no spaces left. I changed from this school to the one I am currently accepted at and now I won't be able to get in. I'm shaking with anxiety, it is the first thing I think about when I wake up, I can't stop worrying about it, it's completely taking over my life.
I know they'll say there's no spaces left. I changed from this school to the one I am currently accepted at and now I won't be able to get in. I'm shaking with anxiety, it is the first thing I think about when I wake up, I can't stop worrying about it, it's completely taking over my life.
discoclare
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Even it is now full, you can add yourself to the waiting list. If you originally qualified for a place there and gave it up then presumably you should go onto the waiting list at a high position (maybe even 1st) and you might get in before September. One bus ride sounds better than two.
tommyg
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One bus ride seems much better than 2, but I would have a chat with LA and find out which school they will provide transport to.
I'm assuming that there must either be a school with spaces less than 2 miles away or they provide transport.
I'm assuming that there must either be a school with spaces less than 2 miles away or they provide transport.
Your anxiety sounds like it has a real hold on you & is becoming very consuming. What did the LEA say when you rang?
I'd be tempted to ask them about the appeal procedure if you can't do a simple school swap to make the journey easier. Our local school only admit 30 children per year - but often end up with 31-32 in the year as some parents appeal and win.
With your description of anxiety I would have thought you have good grounds for the appeal - you will need to be very honest with the admissions department though. Good luck
I'd be tempted to ask them about the appeal procedure if you can't do a simple school swap to make the journey easier. Our local school only admit 30 children per year - but often end up with 31-32 in the year as some parents appeal and win.
With your description of anxiety I would have thought you have good grounds for the appeal - you will need to be very honest with the admissions department though. Good luck
annanouska
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before I start I have had a mild anxiety myself, have a sister with moderate anxiety and mother with severe anxiety and depression so I do hear you BUT...You need to get a grip and you need to do it NOW. Your anxiety is consuming your life and preventing you from living it and if you continue you will ( not intentionally I know) let your anxiety take over your children's life too.
Your daughter has to go to school, that won't change. If you spend every waking moment between now and September anxious over it she will be going, if you enjoy your time together between now and September she will be going. Being anxious over it is not going to change it or stop it.
You do need help, if as you post is a true reflection of your thought process. It is not a fault to have anxiety, you are not broke, not failing your children not failing yourself but it needs addressing. No your gp can't take her to school but they can offer you the support and guidance to help YOU take her to school comfortably. There are many different things that can be offered which will help you all have a happier future. Health visitors are actually ok, I honestly had no time for them but they have proved a great help to us and yes she came weekly for a while last year as we were struggling emotionally with with sons disability, it did help!
It would be helpful to writ down why you feel anxious if there is a trigger a specific worry etc. are you anxious of people judging you, staring, worrying about the weather , danger, the sheer logistics of the whole operation.
The two buses does sound a pain how fair is it can you not walk some at all or possibly help to transport costs.
I know all that sounds a bit harsh but I desperately don't want you to miss out on being with your children and enjoying life together through your anxiety. My own mother missed so much and still does as its too much of an issue, she is getting. Better now very slowly but it's a lot of years lost. Don't let it happen to you Hun please go and get the support u need xxxxxx
Cattia
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You need to get a grip and you need to do it NOW. Your anxiety is consuming your life and preventing you from living it and if you continue you will ( not intentionally I know) let your anxiety take over your children's life too.
Your daughter has to go to school, that won't change. If you spend every waking moment between now and September anxious over it she will be going, if you enjoy your time together between now and September she will be going. Being anxious over it is not going to change it or stop it.
You do need help, if as you post is a true reflection of your thought process. It is not a fault to have anxiety, you are not broke, not failing your children not failing yourself but it needs addressing. No your gp can't take her to school but they can offer you the support and guidance to help YOU take her to school comfortably. There are many different things that can be offered which will help you all have a happier future. Health visitors are actually ok, I honestly had no time for them but they have proved a great help to us and yes she came weekly for a while last year as we were struggling emotionally with with sons disability, it did help!
It would be helpful to writ down why you feel anxious if there is a trigger a specific worry etc. are you anxious of people judging you, staring, worrying about the weather , danger, the sheer logistics of the whole operation.
The two buses does sound a pain how fair is it can you not walk some at all or possibly help to transport costs.
I know all that sounds a bit harsh but I desperately don't want you to miss out on being with your children and enjoying life together through your anxiety. My own mother missed so much and still does as its too much of an issue, she is getting. Better now very slowly but it's a lot of years lost. Don't let it happen to you Hun please go and get the support u need xxxxxx
I think this is good advice. There may be other situations that will make you anxious like going into school for parents' days, performances etc and it would be a shame to let your anxiety rob you of those experiences. I speak as someone who has suffered with anxiety for almost 20 years of my life so I do get it. But maybe you need more support with it to reduce the hold it has over you x
