38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[Pothole]

Sugar, you weren't self absorbed. You shared your journey and I know I learned a few things along the way. Take your time, heal, and we will be here when you are ready.

 

[Mauijaim]

Sugar- lots to keep up with in IVF land. I don't think any of us consider it self absorbed and even if you were, no better time than TTC via IVF to be looking out for number one! Hope you're feeling better.

Hi to the rest of you lovelies

I might have some interesting things happening. Had some rather noticeable, uncomfortable cramping Tuesday night for an hour or so. Mostly middle but also felt like my left ovary was chiming in. Went away when I went to bed. Nothing to report for Wednesday. Today I was getting ready to go to dinner and felt that warm feeling so I stepped into the bathroom to see what was up. A glob of watery/creamy (seemed a bit thinner than creamy) brown tinged cm had presented itself. AF is due this weekend so I used a tampon and went to dinner. When I got back, just a touch of light brown on the tampon. This is not a usual occurrence for me. Could this be the result of Tuesday night's cramping? Hmmmmm... No other symptoms are out of the norm from my regular PMS symptoms. I guess we'll see what the weekend brings.

 

[Wish2BMom]

sugar - holy moly, be as self-absorbed as you want to be during this time! And we don't consider it self-absorbed. If anything, it's survival mode to get through this TTC stuff. You do what you need to do for you. We're here for you.

And same smith - no judging here. You did what you needed to do for you and I can't imagine having to make that choice at such a young age. Glad you're seeing a fertility specialist, they'll be able to help you out. Even if your hormones are all good and such, they can just get you the end prize a little easier than waiting for nature to take its course, since we're all getting to that geriatric age of procreation!! That's kinda what we ended up doing - DH's SA results weren't stellar and I had low AMH (I think that's the one - meant I have DOR, Diminished Ovarian Reserve) at 39, so rather than monkey around with nature or IUI, we skipped straight to IVF since I may not have a whole lot of eggs left.

maui - eeeeee!!! I hope that was IB for you!!! great timing for it, for sure!

Dandi - how did the rest of SMEP go? Are you in the TWW now?

mdc - I need to find your chart and check your temps for today....

pothole - how you doing, hon?

Left - appt next week, right??? eeee!

star - how are you doing? where are you in the cycle?

Jessie - hope you're having a ball right now!

Kiley - hi! :wave:

any fun plans for the weekend? We're going to see Daniel Tosh tonight in Boston - the comedian from Tosh.O on Comedy Central. anyone watch that? we're huge fans and his standup we've seen on TV is awesome, so I can't wait to laugh my butt off. Going to see a sandcastle competition at the beach tomorrow and then BBQ in the rain for Father's Day on Sunday. Should quickly get us to the next u/s Monday morning. I'll check back in then!

 

[Mdc]

Maui...totally sounds likes IB!!! Hope the witch stays away.

Wish, sounds like you have an awesome weekend. I have seen Tosh's stand up, and it was awesome! Have a blast.

*Insert Jeporady music* More of the same...high temps and no AF. Ugh! Now I am wondering if I did not O early and maybe did O when I was on vacation. Which sucks because we had some 'fun' time but not a ton because we were tired from the marathon. I guess I will see what tomorrow brings with temps and see if I need to test again.

 

[Pothole]

Just got the call from RE office. My progesterone is 22.7! I have no idea what the next week will bring, but the Femara cycle has really boosted my hopes. Last month on clomid I only had an 8.2. So with Femara, great follies, no wonky side effects, and a really good ovulation! Even if this is not my month, I at least know I have all the elements needed. And for someone who practiced natural planning for 13 years without so much as a scare, that is incredibly comforting.
Yesterday I did poas. I had every intention of waiting, but my brain went on autopilot. It was after lunch and only cd 20. I saw the faintest of lines, but in all honestly it was most likely an evap. So I hid all my remaining wondfos in the library. I cannot trust myself with them in the wc.
*Note to self in case I forget, look in the first book on the shelf of Jasper Fforde, Stephen King, Agatha Christie, and David Eddings.

 

[Dandi]

Maui, that sounds so promising! I hope it was IB!

Pothole, what id it wasn't an evap?! Can't wait for you test again!

SMEP went well I think. Yesterday finished up the 3 day marathon. I got a peak opk on Tuesday, but my temp still hasn't shifted, so I don't know what's going on. Temp has been running a little higher most of this cycle, but we are in the middle of a heat wave and it's been hot in our bedroom, so I don't know. Hopefully I'll see a rise tomorrow.

 

[Wish2BMom]

I was going to try to stay off of BnB this weekend but it seems I probably won't be able to - pothole, when are you testing again??? That progesterone # is awesome!!!

 

[Pothole]

Dandi, that has been the only thing I can think about since the call. It's a kind of terrifying excitement. And bravo on the smep. I seriously don't think college coeds have that much sex. I looked into it, and then I laughed. Because, no. I just don't think we could rock that schedule at 36 and 43.
Wish, I don't know. AF is due on Thursday, so technically next Friday is the test day, if needed. I just don't think the wondfos are sensitive enough to test earlier than a day or two before. But I may try on Sunday, for Father's Day.

 

[smithco]

Thanks for those nice words wish. At 16, I didn't know what to do. But now ttc all I think about is that terminated pregnancy. Life is strange. Geriatric... Ahh. Haha. I'm scared to death to turn 40.
I'm not sure what path will we be taking with the fertility clinic. Another appointment on the 24th to go over my Amh results.

Maui, I sure hope positive news is in your near future.

 

[Dandi]

I feel like I'm out already this month. I had a high opk since cd11, peak opk cd13, no clear ovulation dip, no temp rise, and a temp dip today cd17. I did an opk this morning just to see and it was negative. I'm sticking to my plan and not obsessing, but I did do some googling just out of curiousity since it's an unusual cycle for me. It's looking like the odds are that my body got primed to o, but just didn't. I'm going to keep temping to see what happens, but I'm not banking on anything this month. The good thing is that my pessimism should help me stay zen during the tww since I'm not really waiting on anything, lol. Probably going to give it one more month, then see if I can get an RE referral set up again.

 

[Pothole]

Dandi have you seen an RE previously? I looked into Fertility Center, but really didn't feel like they were going to be proactive enough for my age. I ended up at a really amazing practice called PREG. They don't require referrals. I called and set up everything myself. I liked knowing that they take me seriously and understand that I know my body without my obgyn vouching for the fact that I'm having trouble conceiving. I told my ob, of course, and she sent along my pap smear results. But in her office, as great as she is, I can't receive the focused and specific help I need to make this journey successful. Not trying to butt in, I just would hate for you to have to wait if it is not necessary. I'm sure in a city that size there are options.

 

[Dandi]

I had an appt set up for February with my regular ob at the time because it had been a year of trying with no luck. She specializes in fertility issues, so I wouldn't have had to go anywhere else. I got pregnant at the end of January though so I never ended up going. Then because I was pregnant, I switched back to my previous ob (an hour away in a smaller town) bc I went to him for years before moving closer to the city. I'm more comfortable with him, he's done my past surgeries, etc. I know he won't do anything for me for at least a few more months though since I just miscarried in March and technically he didn't even want me to start trying again until this month. So now I'm trying to decide if I should go back to the more local ob for now and see if she'll start running tests and maybe put me on something. I'm pretty sure I'd still go back to my old dr when I get a bfp again though, so I cant decide if I want to complicate things like that. So much to think about. I'm going to give it another month though to see. My cycles are usually very normal so maybe this is just a fluke wonky cycle. I've got some time to decide though.

Geez, so much work and worry just to have a baby. I think back to all those fertile years in my 20's just wasted, lol.

 

[Mauijaim]

Hi ladies,

No luck. AF showed on Friday. I've never had brown cm before so now I can say I've pretty much had every symptom in the book without a BFP. I think that was cycle #11 TTC, so now we're re-evaluating our position to see where we want to go from here.

Best of luck to all of you! Busy week ahead. I'll be stalking when I can, but it may be a while before I have a sec to post.

Baby dust!

 

[Dandi]

Well I finally got a temp rise this morning, 5 days after my peak opk. And we didn't bd last night to finish out SMEP, so all I can hope is that it's a slightly delayed temp rise or that we did enough in the days leading up to o to give us a chance. I guess I'll play around with the ff settings once I get crosshairs and see if o day shifts back any.

 

[Left wonderin]

Mau I'm so sorry she arrived , I was so hopeful after hearing about a your spotting ! Mother Nature is just pure cruel sometimes !!! Do lots of nice things for you today .... Wine , choc and mindless tv you can think about moving forward tommrrow for now .., sulk and pity party xxxxxx

Dani I think you did enough , way more than enough !!! Who knew for all those years we were all preventing and panicking about getting pg that it was sooo hard !!!

Wish hope your keeping busy and staying positive .... You prob have eggs and spinach coming out of your ears !!!

Pothole where are you at now in this cycle ?? I'm sorry I can't quite remember ? I. Know those follies are growing and progesterone way better

Hi everyone else

AFM waiting for ov ... Dr appointment on Monday just in time to get one bd in before OV if I gt the go ahead !!!!! Hopefully Monday will be a night of b'ding lol...... Ill be cd 12 due for ov cd 15 so a few days to try !!

 

[Wish2BMom]

maui ugh. Total mind game, this TTC stuff is. I am with you - I had every symptom in the book too when I WASN'T preg. Please pour some wine into two glasses, clink yourself for me and then drink both.

dandi - your schedule just made me so excited!!! sounds like you nailed it, way to stick with it until you got the right rise!

left - can't wait for your appt! BD tonight too!!

 

[smithco]

I'm sorry too Maui. It's so frustrating when you think you have certain symptoms. I've been there too.

Dani - we all have reason why we are ttc in our late 30's. It's hard not to think about wasted fertile years. I sure do. But don't! I know for me... I kissed a lot of frogs before meeting the right one and wanting to start a family.

 

[Pothole]

Hi ladies!
Left, I am cd 23, and my best guess is 10 dpo. I had the trigger shot on cd 12 and very intense pain/pressure on cd 13, so I think I Ov'd right in that 24 hour range. AF is due Thursday. No symptoms of anything so far. No hint at all really as to pms or pregnancy. I have refrained from any more early testing. In the absence of all the wackadoodle symptoms from the clomid, I am really trying to maintain some zen. Next month I will be on a beach trip without DH during the key bding window, so if this is not my month, then my next shot is August.

 

[Mdc]

Dandi, glad the temp rise finally showed and great job with smep!

Maui, sorry the witch showed. Take care of yourself. The conversation about next steps suck because it really should not be so hard.

Left, good luck with your appointment today!

Wish, thinking of you today also and cannot wait to hear the good news!

Pothole, fingers crossed some bfp symptoms show and Thurs comes for you soon.

Afm, no clue what is going on. Bfn on Sat morning, temps still high (but hot last night so who knows, some spotting after sexy time but nada. No clue what is going on, but did bring a digi with me on this business trip because this is getting insane. Never had their before, and getting frustrated. Must have O'd way later than the stupid opk strip said. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

morning girls...

no good news to update with today, ladies. The embryo is still behind. It did grow, but it's further behind than it was last week.
So last week I was 6w4d and the embryo was measuring at 5w6d
Today I'm 7w4d and the embryo is measuring at 6w2d - so I'm more than a week behind now.
there was a heartbeat but it was only at 58bpm where it should be over 100bpm
And she said the yolk sac was enlarged - it should be around 5mm and ours was 6.

so 3 signs point to this embryo is not developing correctly and is not a viable pregnancy. So I get to choose between miscarrying naturally (which to my heart feels like the most humane thing since there is still a heartbeat), use a suppository pill that will force the miscarriage or schedule a D&C. I think I'm going to schedule a D&C b/c if I chose the natural way, it could be today or 3 weeks from now or anytime in between. I want my body to get back to normal and not have a surprise miscarriage while I'm out at someone's house or grocery shopping, you know?

so, all in all, i'm ok. It sucks really really bad, and I'm sure I'll work through those emotions at some point but we also know it's common and there's always a chance of this. I wasn't allowing myself to be super attached so far, so it should be easier. It's just tough doing everything right and there's still that element of nature and luck that is involved.

Thank you ALL for your positive vibes, prayers, happy ju-ju and every other thing you've sent my way through the winds.

I need to get my body back to square one now and start again.