38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[Mdc]

Oh Wish....I am so utterly sorry for this. I am still going to send you all the positive energy I can to help you heal.

 

[Dandi]

I'm so very sorry wish. Even though we know it's common and that there's a chance a pregnancy won't end the way one hopes, it's still the most heart breaking, unfair thing to have to go through. Sending you hugs and wishing you healing!

 

[Pothole]

Oh wish. I am so so sorry.

 

[KileyJean]

Wish- It breaks my heart to read this. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you. Hopefully you have a quick recovery so you can start again soon.

 

[Left wonderin]

Wish my heart is breaking for you . I'm so so sorry you are having to experience mc . Yes it is a very common normal occurrence but it doesn't mean its any less painful when it happens to you . I experienced a mmc where I got to 12 weeks before I found LO had not developed and had hb of only 42bpm .... LO hb had stopped before the dnc .
It is a more emotionally painful process than physical one , well it was for me .

I know you probably need to stay strong to get through it but it is also ok to allow yourself to be sad and grieve . Take really good care of yourself . Pm any time if you would like to talk xxxxxx

I'm so sorry and wish I could give you a real life hug right now xxx

 

[Wish2BMom]

Thank you all so much. This TTC stuff is for. the. birds. But I'll still keep trying.

I'm doing ok - D&C is tomorrow and yeah, it sucks that I was just there a little over a month ago to get the eggs out, then stick 'em back in. I'll be ok - kinda glad it's like ripping a bandaid off.

left - I'm so sorry for your loss too - i can't imagine this being any later. I wasn't really going to let myself get attached until maybe starting at 8 weeks. I think that's helping the situation - it's still very early so not terribly out of the question. 12 weeks would be MUCH, MUCH more painful and hard. I'd hug you right back if we were together.

so after this, for those that are curious about 'what now' - I go back in for a preg test next Tues to make sure the HCG is out, then I have to wait for one full cycle to start again. We'd have the choice to do the full stimming again to get more than one egg, or use our frozen Ace in the hole. With that one, we need to make sure it a) survives the thaw and the b) even takes to my uterus. So.....more luck needs to fall in line.

 

[Star2011]

Oh Wish, Considered yourself hugged... I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am just praying that one day you will get good news from beginning to end in this ttc journey.

 

[sugargully]

Wish I'm so sorry to hear your update. You're such a light to all of us and it's not fair this is happening. I always learn something from your sharing and it was wise of you to gaurd your heart in these early days. At least you know you can get pregnant if that is any consolation.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[jessiecat]

Wish: i hate this. Sending you a big internet hug. ❤️

 

[Mdc]

Wish, thinking of you today.

 

[Dandi]

Thinking about you today Wish. I hope the procedure goes smoothly and that you have an easy recovery.... physically and emotionally.

I just got word that my niece, who turned 18 earlier this month, just eloped to the court house today and got married. She swears she's not pregnant, but I'm not convinced. If she becomes a mother before I do, a little piece of me will die on the inside. That's both selfish and judgmental of me, but it's true.

 

[Mauijaim]

Wish- words fail on a day like today. I am so very sorry. Take care of yourself. I hope you in heal quickly and rest easy. This is a loss, but not the end.

 

[Wish2BMom]

dandi - wow, that's some news! I would feel the exact same way but try to keep a chin up. 18 and preggo is NOT where I would want to be, ever. Though you're having more challenges, I'm betting you'll be able to provide a WAY better life for a baby. Not trying to be judgey to your niece.

So are you all ready for me to play with your emotions a bit more? I feel like I have been - so many ups and downs in the past 3 weeks. I'm so sorry but also so so thankful.
We didn't do the D&C today - we weren't allowed. B/c there was a heartbeat yesterday, it shouldn't have been scheduled until another u/s confirmed there was none. So we got down there, undressed and in my johnny, all waiting to go in. About 10 mins before I would have gone in, my RE calls me and says that they can't do it b/c it's basically an abortion if there is a heartbeat. So we first need to do another u/s and if there is a heartbeat, we have to wait. Well guess freakin what - OF COURSE there was still a heartbeat b/c it was just yesterday when they saw one (for the record, I still haven't seen it. I imagine it's b/c they don't want me to see something that will be gone soon). Both docs said that they are not considering this to be viable anymore than they were yesterday, but they have seen it happen where it's just a very slow start and things work out. It's a VERY rare case but there is a glimmer of hope. So...........here we are. Still preggo and I guess ready for this to go either way. I'll try to have a chat with the LO and tell it it's put up or shut up time. Tough love at 7.5 weeks? it may work.

Also, I'm going to start exercising again - running. I want to go this weekend if it's not too muggy. I'm done being all protective and slothy - maybe some faster blood pumping to the baby will help out. Can't hurt, that is for sure.

All in all, I'm ok. Just confused on how to feel to protect me but send the most positive vibes as I possibly can to my little lentil (I think that's how big we are right now).

 

[Star2011]

Many prayers for your lentil Wish. Miracles to happen you know I cant imagine the emotions you are going through now but we are here thinking about you and praying praying praying for a miracle. keep us updated.

Dandi my mom got married at 18 and got pregnant right away. Times have changed though and i know what you mean by your niece being 18 and getting married and hopefully not pregant...

Nothing going on with me here. CD 14 and negative opk. Waiting to O. I Have a " what next appt" with my OB July 16. My 4 cycles grace period is over this month and we have our " what next appt" to discuss whats next for sure.

 

[Dandi]

What a roller coaster Wish! I'm so frustrated for you that you've been put through this back and forth crap, but so happy that there's still a little glimmer of hope. Miracles are real and I'm sending up extra prayers that little lentil gets it together and has a growth spurt. I know you want to guard your heart as expectations, but someone shared something a while back on a ttcal thread that really spoke to me. The gist of it is that no amount of guarding or detachment or tempering of hope will change the way you feel if you lose your baby. You'll still love it the same, remember it the same, grieve it the same, and heal the same. So why rob yourself of the happiness of being pregnant? It really hit home with me so I wanted to share. Today you're pregnant, little lentil's heart is still beating and growing, and that's something to celebrate! So hopeful for you that that continues.

Don't get me wrong about my niece. My mom got married at 17 and had a baby at 18, but times are much different. My niece still has another year of high school, has the maturity of a 14 yr old, has never had a job, doesn't even know how to wash her own clothes, and has only been with this boy for a few months. It's heart breaking to watch her make this choice. I just pray to God she's not pregnant and doesn't get that way any time soon.

Afm, this month has been weird. I had a peak opk on cd13, but no temp spoke until cd18, which is very late for a spike per my usual cycle. I got crosshairs today that show ov on cd 14 anyway, so I guess I'm 6dpo. I swore I wasn't going to allow myself to symptom spot this month and I'm trying. I'm not marking down cramping etc, but I've had hormone swings that can't be ignored. I'm blaming it on work though. Today was one of those days when you wish you weren't a responsible adult and could just tell someone (or a few ppl) to eff off, then throw your files in the air and leave to never return. So it's either my hormones effecting my work or my work effecting my emotions. I'm going to go with the latter to help save my sanity during the tww!

 

[Wish2BMom]

Thank you for the miracle prayers, Star! I'll pass the word to lentil.

And thank you, dandi - those are great words to live by during this time. I'll have a private chat with lentil tonight.
And don't get me wrong either, I'm the product of 2 horny 18 yr olds myself who defeat the odds and just celebrated their 40th anniversary!! But yes - times have changed soooo much. It just sucks to see loved ones on the cusp of the prime of their lives get caught in this situation.

 

[Pothole]

Wish, I am hoping with every single fiber of my being for you!
Dandi, those are powerful words.
I am 2 days from AF's scheduled appearance. No pms symptoms, no pregnancy symptoms. But all afternoon I have had a sharp ache in my left side/back. My pms symptoms are always in my abdomen, I occasionally have hip pain, but never back or side. Is it possible to have implantation at 12 dpo? That seems awfully late. Unless I was wrong about the day of O. I guess that's possible since I had the Novarel shot; it's difficult to determine exactly with that. Guess I will know on Thursday.

 

[Mdc]

Wish, words cannot even explain how my heart is torn for you. All this is hard enough, but to have to be alright with making the decision and then get all the way to your johnnies and sent home. Wow! That said I hope the talk with your little lentil gives it the boost it needs! Keep taking good care of yourself and I love the idea of getting active again. Good for the body and the mind. Did they give you a next us date?

Dandi, about your niece I do feel this is a different generation and getting married that young is likely just rushing into things. Hell I first got married to a dud at 29, so I could not imagine at 18 what that would have turned out like (but that is my opinion). I do not blame you for being concerned and overall pissed if she is pregnant. Knowing what we are all going through I get irritated even seeing Pampers commercials (LOL). I will state that anyone who gets pregnant on this BnB site is an exception! There is a bond here that make it a positive experience. Sorry work is not helping with emotions or stress, but fingers still crossed for you. Any luck on the job hunt?

Star, when do you usually O? Next step conversations are always good/hard. I had a hard time when that conversation happened, but glad and when I took a minute to look at it objectively it gave me hope.

Pothole, implantation at dpo12 not unheard of so keep on staying positive!

Hello to everyone else out there.

Afm, significant temp drop this morning so I am expecting AF tomorrow. I think it confirms my first early LH surge was false and I had a secondary while on vacation if you go by my temps. So I am so looking forward to my appt on 7/2 to start discussions of an IUI. Yikes! I would prefer just to jump into medicated, but I think timing will be off. So stuck with regular, but at least the pressure BD is off (except for the insurance BD that I will require ). At least I did find my new job covers some fertility treatment at it starts late July.

I feel that this thread is bound to have some sticky for us all!

 

[sugargully]

I don't know what I'm doing. At the post IVF meeting the doc seemed so sure we would go on to FET. We don't have funds for that and won't until next year. He also suggested getting the polyp removed which is same cost as FET.

I guess I'm TTC naturally again. It's CD 10 and starting to see 2 lines on the OPK. I read a really good thread from 2 yrs ago of 40+ conceiving with supplements. I may try DHEA and CoQ10. Hubby's daughters are visiting for the summer so it'll be tricky to DTD with our thin walls. He hasn't even said anything about trying again, hope he's game.
Dandi- I can't imagine me married at 18. I was so insecure and immature. Not to mention I had no steady bf.
I hope it works for them, they'll likely need a lot of support.

 

[Dandi]

Boo for the temp drop! I've been reading more about second surges this month since I thought mine was off. Our bodies do such strange unexpected things. Sometimes I think it's wonder anyone is ever born now that I know everything that has to go perfectly.

No news on the job front yet. I'm looking to change fields somewhat, so it's a new kind of job hunt for me. My focus has been on telecommuting jobs bc that's what I'd really prefer, but I'm also looking at federal jobs. I've had time to save a few jobs of interest, but no time to sit down and apply since work has been so busy and stressful. I have off Thursday and Friday though bc my building at work is being shut down, so I plan on spending that time getting my resume out into the universe. I think I'll feel better just knowing that I've done something to change my situation. And I think I'll be more likely to a bfp when I'm not so stressed all the time. My bfp in January came right after I had been off of work for a month and I don't think that was a coincidence.

I'm sorry you can't go right into the FET Sugar! I hope you get a wonderful surprise from going back to the old fashioned way and if not, you know you have your friosties waiting for next year! Praying you have happy news before then though!