38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[elliecain]

I'm doing the same Mdc. I really loved the quiet space and being actually listened to in a way the NHS doctors don't, through lack of time. My acupuncturist was so lovely and I honestly felt like it was me time and I have hopes it will help. I'm going to do it for a bit, as long as I can afford.

It's odd that we started at the same time (I had a first apponintment on Wednesday, for those who don't read my journal). I hope it does the job for us both.

Krasa, since I found out my TSH is a bit high, I've started thinking I need to push for proper investigations into my thyroid, but I've been worrying that I'm being silly. Reading what you wrote, my thought was that you are quite right to ask for full investigations. That has made me see that I can too, so thank you. For many reasons, the system is flawed and the only way to make sure we get answers sometimes is to take it into our own hands.

 

[Left wonderin]

Ellie I didn't know you had a journal ... See you there
As for tsh being on the high side . My friends was normal but she was doing Ivf and they wanted it between .5-2.5 for optimum results re fertility . Usually between 5-.5 is the normal range but I know there is some debate around that in the us . I also was told by my endo when being treated they wanted my tsh levels to be between .5 and 2.5 before I started ttc . They gave my friend something for a few weeks to lower her levels .

 

[Dandi]

You should definitely get it retested at least Ellie. My thyroid levels were off when I had them tested at my general Doctor, and I have a nodule on my thyroid. I thought for sure that must be it, but then when I had my work up at the RE soon after, all of my levels were fine again and the thyroid wasn't an issue at all. That just goes to show that it can be a tricky diagnosis, going up or down in short periods of time, so definitely worth a further look for some answers.

That leads me to something I meant to mention to you Krasa. Did your doctor not mention metformin to you when your blood sugars tested high? My RE puts everyone on metformin if there is any indication of insulon resistance. I don't have PCOS or diabetes either, but my blood sugar tests higher than normal. I was told that even the slightest elevation can effect your fertility. I've got to stay on it until 12 weeks. Something worth looking into or asking about.

 

[Wish2BMom]

hi girls!

krasa, I think that's a great plan to ask about. Def be your own advocate, especially with things the docs may not even think to test on but you know about yourself.

left - thank you so much for the pep talk. I'll try to have more PMA.

mdc - nice job trying acupuncture, esp with your phobia of needles! I laughed picturing a little girl in a doc's office yanking on a locked door to get the hell out of dodge when a shot came out. Mind over matter - well done. I've thought of trying it too, I know a few people who have sworn by it helping them get preg after fertility issues.

hello to all the lovelies I missed individually. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend wherever in the world you are!

afm - nothing new. Started Estrace on Wed, actually, so transfer will be 1/25. Work is a bear right now so it's actually distracting me from loitering on here multiple times a day. Thankfully, i don't think i now have to travel the week of 1/25, so that is a relief. The following week, probably, but that's fine.
So nothing crazy here! Love you all!

 

[Left wonderin]

Wish that's not far away at all !!!

 

[krasavitsa147]

Wish-that is coming right up. Cmon FA!! Also, I wanted to say that I totally get where you are coming from trying to balance the realistic with keeping the PMA. I know that I'm going to be doing that a lot coming up. Also glad that you have the distraction of work...the coming weeks might seem very slow to pass without it! I'm very excited for you.

Mdc, I have only gotten acupuncture once, and although it wasn't recent, I loved it-there was something about the way the needles felt that made me feel like I had just had maybe a quarter glass of wine. Definitely not for everybody, though. Loved your dream-I had something similar that helped me get out of my funk. Holding the hand of a little blondie and walking toward daddy and having her reach out to be picked up by him. That was my sign that the pity party needed to be called off.

Ellie, I don't think you are being silly at all. I would be asking them the same questions.

Dandi-how are you feeling? If I'm remembering you haven't had any MS or anything like that yet? But there have been so many pages of me not keeping up, I cannot remember, so I'm sorry about that. The thing about the high fasting glucose is that it was not tested for in my workup. I had no bloodwork going into IVF. I knew about it, i first knew about it probably about ten years ago, and have intermittently checked it and it hasn't ever changed. I just used it as extra justification for keeping a good diet and hitting the gym in my regular routine. So unfortunately, they didn't know about it because I didn't think to mention it. Stupid, I know.

Fi-So sorry I have not welcomed you prior to now. This is a wonderful group of women that support, laugh with, love, and cry with our fellow sisters. I'm sorry about your losses. We are all in this together.

Pothole-how are you doing/feeling? Any feeling on whether both Wait! and What? are snuggling in? Still so very thrilled for you!

Left, Sugar, anyone else I may have missed-hope your week has ended wonderfully and that you're feelin' fine.

Here, looking forward to pizza and wine tonight. I'm on CD22 and still waiting for a positive opk. The week of estrace has thrown my cycle off.
I was a little honked off at the patient-provider exchange yesterday afternoon, but then my doc made it all better. The nurse really didn't listen to what I was saying. My concern was NOT that I thought I had pcos, and thought that they had missed it. My concern was whether glucose intolerance (known) or high androgens (maybe) could have a detrimental effect as variables independent of a dx of pcos. She basically told the doc I thought I had pcos, so when she called me back, she told me "I talked to your doc, and he says you don't have pcos! So that's good!" And I just said yes, that is very good to know, and made a mental note to talk to the doc about it the next time I was in. And out of the blue, the doc sent me an email directly to my work account (I work for the same University where he practices, though not in the healthcare side of things any more) explaining why he didn't diagnose me with pcos. I was really grateful-in this institution, that never, ever happens. Since he opened that door, I walked through it and replied that having pcos wasn't my question, and explained about the variables independent of pcos thing. And he said that it is thought that glucose intolerance negatively affects oocyte maturity. Get the test scheduled, if my primary doc doesn't want to order it, he will. For those still following along, an empty follicle happens when the oocyte has not matured enough to be released from the follicle wall by the trigger. So hopefully we have found something that will help for the next go round. It will delay things if that is the case, but I"m good with that if it might benefit.

My god, I wrote you ladies a book! Have a great weekend and much love to all of you.

 

[sugargully]

Go Krasa! You got your point across with the doctor and the testing should be enlightening.

 

[Fi Last]

Hi ladies,

Thanks for asking after me, and for sharing all your news. Krasa - thanks for the welcome. Pothole - hope you're doing well and settling in.

Went to the Drs on Thurs, he ordered two blood tests - one for celiac disease (as I'd had upset stomach in both recent pg/mcs) and one for blood clotting. He also referred me onto a recurrent mc hospital unit. Hopefully will have the results and a further appointment soon.

Ok, now for a NMA warning: if you don't like negativity then look away now...
In terms of my inner life, it's been a bumpy week. I had my first proper workday since my mc on weds, which involved an appraisal meeting with two of my bosses. These two put me under a load of stress during my pg and I've been unable to shake the feeling that this contributed to my mc. The thought of having to face them again started to haunt me, and I spent the early part of this week in a kind of breakdown/panic. Tuesday night was a pretty dark time for me. I acted friendly/normal in the meeting, as I need the job, and figured I couldn't handle a confrontation anyway. But I've spent the last few days wondering if I did the right thing, and feeling torn up. It's hard to explain, but feels like I've dishonoured my baby. Plus, I'm beating myself up for not addressing the issue of my job-stress, as I'm scared that it will then carry on, and affect my future fertility. In reality, there's not much I can do, and acting friendly/normal is probably the pragmatic decision, but it's screwing with me all the same. I've decided to take a low dose of anti-depressants, just for a few weeks, and I'm toying with the idea of waiting two cycles instead of one before ttc again, as I'm not sure I'll be in shape, physically and mentally, by next cycle.

I'm sorry to be the one channelling negativity, as I don't want to drag anyone down - you guys do an amazing job of staying upbeat. Plus I'm aware that many women don't want to entertain the idea of a link between stress and mc, for obvious reasons. But, these are my feelings, right or wrong. I hope I can find some positivity again soon, maybe when my hormones have returned to normal.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend x

 

[Pothole]

Hello all! It's been a long week, I don't think any of us were quite ready for Christmas break to end.

Fi, I think you did the right thing by being calm in your meeting. I understand your feelings, but you aren't dishonoring your baby. If you need the job to provide for your family, then you take that into consideration. Did they know you were pregnant? Perhaps if they know that you were and that you suffered a loss, it would make them more compassionate in the future. Either way, you are safe here. You can bring all your hurt, all your crazy here; we can take it. We've been there.

Krasa, I love how you self advocate! I think that's something we all struggle with from time to time. I adore my Dr and trust him implicitly, but sometimes he starts using terms that are WAY past my comprehension. It's hard to make him stop and speak in English. I feel like a little kid asking for help rather than a grown woman who is paying exorbitant amounts of money for his services. It helps sometimes to think of it that way, though. He is my employee in that sense. I am paying him, so I can reasonably expect to understand what's happening with my body.

Ellie, I love that you are hopping on the self advocate train, as well. You know your body, and if doesn't seem right to you...get another opinion.

Star, I am looking SO forward to Jan 16!

Mdc, those mind spirals can be so frustrating and exhausting. I have complete and hideously detailed reactions stored in my head for every negative eventuality. Seriously. From numbers dropping in these first weeks, to no heartbeat, to really rare things like amniotic banding...because in special ed you see it all. But I don't have any where things go right. Not one. It's so much easier for your brain to find the darkness. But you recognize it, and that at least gives you the chance to see it for the lie that it is. Stay strong friend.

Left, you are the very best cheerleader. What would we do without you?

Wish, I am so excited about Ace!

Dandi & Sugar, good to hear from you! I love that you keep posting here to encourage us all!

AFM, I'm waiting on Tuesday for my 3rd Beta. Looking forward to finding out how far along they consider me. I'm not sure if morning sickness can hit this early, but I've been pretty steadily nauseated since Tuesday. No vomiting, but unless I keep something on my stomach all day, I'll start dry heaving. I'm completely wiped out, going to bed about 7 pm, and still nodding off all day. I feel like there must be a giant flashing neon sign on my forehead alerting the world to my condition. I'm trying to keep it in check, but the smells are really getting to me. Last week a coworker ate an egg mcmuffin that smelled to me like a pile of rotten hotdogs. Later in the week, I nearly threw a child's breakfast away because I was certain it was rancid. Nope, just mashed banana. I'll take it though. Yesterday I had a break of a few hours in the nausea and it worried me. Love to you all!

 

[Star2011]

Hi girls,

Pothole- am sure we will get great #s on Tuesday. Am sorry about the nausea and the fatigue. On a good note, those are indication of the pregnancy. Cant wait to hear about your #s on Tuesday.

F1- we all get NMA once in a while. That is why we have each other here for support. As somebody once said here, ttc is not for the faint hearted. I am sorry about your work situation. Thats tough. Is it possible to move to another department? If changing departments is not easy would it help to mention you are pregnant next time? may be your bosses will be understanding and thus decrease the stress level at work. I hope all goes in your future plans.

Krasa is good to be your own advocate. I believe as a patient, you are in partnership with your doctor and to be an effective team player you need to be an active participant in your care, not simply a passive recipient. I am glad your Dr. is able to hear you out and get the necessary tests underway.

Wish- you are still young....listen to virtual big sis Left Hows Estrace treating you? 1/25 is around the corner. Am rooting and believing for a miracle from Ace.

Mdc- Praying that your dream comes to pass this year.

Ellie- glad you are enjoying acupuncture. Am sure it is relaxing.

Dandi, Sugar, Left- Am happy that all is going well.

Afm, I have been down with a severe sinus infection for a couple of days but doing way better today. Enjoying staying at home doing nothing today. Further more it is snowing and we have a winter storm warning until this evening so i dont think i want to go anywhere. Also cd 22 today and just waiting. Same old same old.

Hope you all had a good weekend.

 

[Wish2BMom]

good morning, girls!

how is everyone doing and feeling? seems like we're on another steady tick right now, I like it. Everyone sounds so empowered and ready to take on the world.

Fi - I like the girls' ideas about either letting your horrid bosses know what they are dealing with or maybe looking to see if you can change roles/jobs. I, too, had the thought about stress when I had my mc - I witnessed a pretty crazy accident on the highway at 5 weeks and had to travel for work to kick off a project the next. My doc said none of that had anything to do with anything, so try not to pressure yourself too.
I'm actually somewhat worried about the stress I know I'm going to have in Feb b/c it's the end of one of my projects - we're already behind as a company so it's going to be all hands on deck to reach the go live date of 2/29. Definitely traveling, definitely longer nights. Little Ace better hang on tight!

pothole - good luck tomorrow! I can't wait to hear the results again!

star - the estrace seems fine, I just doubled my dosage this morning. went for bloods yesterday and they said everything looks good. Though, I need to look this up - the scale is going in the wrong direction and I'm wondering if it's b/c of the estrace. I haven't really done anything different as far as eating and I worked out 4x last week, but the scale went up 3 lbs since Wed.
I did have a pizza & wine night like Krasa on Friday but that doesn't usually tip the scales so badly. I didn't eat much on Sat or Sun and it only went down by a 1/2 lb.

star - glad you're feeling better. Enjoy your snowed-in lazy day!!

krasa - well done on getting things clear with the doc!! I agree - even if your next cycle is a bit delayed by this, why waste the money on a potentially failed cycle if you can get this taken care of and set yourself up for more success next time around.

mdc - AF yet?

dandi - is this week your genetic testing?

afm - not much in addition to above. 2 weeks until the transfer! it's best if I put it out of my mind for now b/c it really will feel like the longest TWW! and then there's the other TWW on the flip side. So for now I will look forward to getting my new desk delivered tomorrow (painted the office over yesterday - I love it! a dark blue/gray color and all of the trim is white), DH coming home from travel tomorrow night, and our Italian cooking lesson we have scheduled for Monday night. I got it for DH for xmas - we get to learn how to make pasta from scratch from an Italian chef! I'm so excited!

 

[Dandi]

One more week before genetic testing and I'm shaking in my boots! I just hope the first appt includes the NT ultrasound so I can know if there's still a heartbeat, that's my biggest worry right now.

Two weeks until PUPO! Come on ACE!!!

 

[Mdc]

Ellie, I have my next acu session Thursday so hoping it will be even more relaxing and help me relax before my IUI. I agree so funny we started the same time!

Wish, Estrace will definitely add on a few pounds. I went up 3-5 pounds while I was taking it, so don't let it get you down. Hope your project is going well! No AF for me (biotch better step ). Just waiting for the elusive O, and hopefully it will be Friday or Saturday. The new office sounds awesome! Ohhh, can you send some fresh pasta my way? Fresh pasta to me = heaven!

Krasa, good thing you are getting the tests done, and it is great you can 'pop' by your doc's office.

Fi, first I agree with the others...NOTHING you did made the mc happen. I know it is so hard to shake those feelings (trust me I wanted a reason also), but sometimes they happen for no reason. Your bosses seem like a$$es to me, and I am sorry they are putting you under so much stress. I 'try' (albeit not very successfully sometimes) to follow one piece of advice someone once told me. You cannot influence other people's actions, but you can control your reaction to them. It is not always easy to not let their stress/negativity affect you, but try not to let it weigh heavy on you. Take all the time you need to be ready for ttcing, because I firmly believe that mommy has to be in a good place for a happy, healthy baby. We all struggle with negativity and this is a safe place to share those feelings, so don't be sorry.

Pothole, yeah nausea! I am sure Tuesday will have wonderful results. Any chance of twins?!?!

Star, good luck this month. Is this the last one before moving in to IVF? I probably missed it, but did you do a consult already?

Dandi, wow already genetic testing time! I know I it is probably dragging for you, but I feel like you just got your BFP yesterday. Fingers crossed for you!

Hi to everyone else!

Wow, this is already a book. For me just hanging out doing OPKs had a little spike yesterday with the sticks, but I usually get a pre surge on cd11, and then usually good to go for O 4-5 days after that. Likely will have a us on Thursday to look at all my eggies and cushy lining. I am sure DH is SO looking forward to this, but dude time to take one for the team Also it is entertaining to see my temps look like the are trying to spell my sign on name. Ahhh, the little things that make me laugh.

 

[Wish2BMom]

oh dang, I was a segment of your cycle off - O time! thanks for the 411 on the estrace - good to know that's what's going on!

dandi - I'm sure all will be perfectly fine with your tests but I'm not going to tell you to stop shaking b/c I would be too. Just until you get there - I'm sure there will be a hb in your us. We should all go in on a community dopplar and pass it around to the next person in the first tri! hahaha

 

[elliecain]

Lol, that would be cool Wish! Pasta making sounds fun!
Hope all is good next week Dandi. I know I'll be terrified for those tests too.
Sounds like O is nearly here Mdc. and IUI coming up for you!
Hi to everyone else xxx

I'm 10dpo, have had 2 bbt dips since o but trying not to ss. I'm going to try to hold off testing but will just do it when I fancy, rather than setting a date. I have a FRER still from months ago. I'll use that if I test in next 3 days. If I wait it out, I'll use one of others I've got hanging around first. I then have 1 digi left from the cp to use to confirm weeks.

 

[Wish2BMom]

eeeeee!!! I'm loving your dip, ellie! but I'll keep my excitement under control. FF has fooled me wayyyy too many times.

 

[Pothole]

That's a great dip Ellie!
I bumped my appointment to today since I had to take the day off anyway. My kitty vomited all day long yesterday and I knew I'd be useless at work worrying about him. So his appointment was at 9 (he's perfectly fine) and mine was at 1. Just got the call...3420! I'm done with betas and we set my next appointment for next Thursday: my first ultrasound!

 

[Dandi]

WOOHOO Pothole!!! That's so awesome! I hope you get to see that little heart beating next week... maybe two!

 

[elliecain]

That's great news Pothole! In yer face nurse who told you it was 50-50 with low starting beta! xx

 

[Left wonderin]

Pothole ... I have a feeling , its just a feeling but it could be two little hb you see ....