7DPO and lots of CM (sorry if TMI!)

[tinadecember]

AF is due today so I'm officially late tomorrow. Had more cramping this afternoon but it's gone again. Also a hot sweat where I thought I was gonna pass out

Need to remember though these could all be AF symptoms. I feel like I'm getting in way over my head here by even thinking that I could be!

Cervix high is a good thing because when your period arrives it drops right down low and opens up obvs for the blood to come out

I'll keep you updated girls

Xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Fingers crossed

 

[tinadecember]

Thanks Betty, I'll update you in the morning girls. So far no period so fingers crosses she stays away xxx

 

[friskyfish]

Oh yes, I forgot Tina was an expert cervix checker!! Haha.....bloody hell , my mum used to say that to me all the time "just forget about it" used to drive me nuts almost 2 years down the line!! Nobody can understand fully how it feels unless they have been there themselves xx

Any sign of af yet?? I'd wait to test too.. I was 3 days late remember when I tested?? This is us, who used to test 2dpo! Haha xx

Good luck sweetie xx

 

[tinadecember]

Morning girls,

not good news I'm afraid. I started to spot this morning meaning that the bitch is on her way.

I have sobbed all morning. I went for a wee when I woke up, saw the spotting and uncontrollably started crying right there whilst sat on the toilet. Honestly if someone had walked in on me they would have thought I was a mental patient. I climbed back into bed for a cuddle from Mark and continued to cry some more.

I feel emotionally and mentally drained. The clomid this cycle has fucked with my head and my body. I'm just feeling that I'm at a point where enough is enough and I don't think I can continue doing this shit any more naturally. I've told Mark that I can't go through another clomid cycle and today I am making an appointment to get the ball rolling on the IVF. He wants to give it another few cycles but girls you especially know how I'm feeling, where it feels like having another baby is impossible.

I actually felt pregnant!!!! The clomid messed with me that much that it made me believe that I was pregnant. I've been cradling my boobs for 2 weeks, unable to touch them because of the pain. I feel like I'm going through the friggin menopause because my body temperature is through the roof. I'm angry one minute, sad the next, then unbelievably optimistic.

I can't even write down how I feel because of the fear that the tears may start again and I'm in work.

What do you think girls? Am I being too drastic? I just want our baby xxx

 

[ab75]

Sorry Tina That clomid is cruel. I really thought this was your bfp

Only you will know what is the best thing to do for you. If clomid is making you feel that bad then I wouldn't take it again xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Oh Tina!! I really thought this could be it for you I will never understand why this process is so bloody cruel for us! It really isn't fair!
I can only tell you how I felt when we decided to try IVF, it was like I could finally relax! It was a huge weight off my shoulders because I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. If the ivf didn't work that I could finally get some closure and move on and if it did work then amazing!!
If you have the money or you can get a loan and afford the repayments then I say go straight for ivf and don't put yourself through more torture (although IVF if no walk in the park) this is just my opinion and like AB said, only you know what is right for you! I wish I could come and hug you large bar of chocolate and equally large bottle of wine tonight for you Tina xxxxxx

 

[tinadecember]

Thank you girls, I really thought it could be it too. I was more convinced than I ever have been. But that's what clomid can do to you! I should have learnt my lesson by now.

I have spoken to Mark since I last posted and he is supportive of my decision to start IVF as soon as we can. Like I said before I don't think I can put myself through it for another few cycles. I don't think men realise how much our bodies and minds have to go through when TTC. We can't just switch off and forget that we are trying for a baby. If only!! I know for myself personally it's on my mind 24/7.
As for funding... Mark's mum came in to a lot of money (£150,000) when Mark's dad died as he had all kinds of insurances and she doesn't spend. She is a saver and has always been careful with money so I had a feeling that she would help us out BUT she didn't even know that we were TTC until this morning.

I sobbed to my mum for half an hour on the phone and she convinced me to speak to Mark's mum and I don't know why I didn't do it before because what I found out was shocking!! Mark WASN'T conceived naturally. His dad also had a low sperm count/motility and it took his mum and dad 9 years to conceive. He was finally conceived through ICSI. So I'm thinking girls, do you reckon it could be hereditary? Of course she completely sympathised with what we are going through and told me that she will financially help us in whatever way we need it.

I feel like a huge relief has already been taken off our shoulders. So I am going to call the Liverpool Women's today to book an appointment to get this IVF ball rolling.

xxx

 

[ab75]

Wow!! Just wow!!! Firstly that's amazing that Marks mum is going to help you out. Very kind of her but if she has been through it too then she will totally understand your heartbreak every month. Go Brenda!!
Maybe it is hereditary,funny the things you find out when you least expect to.
I'm glad that you are taking the next steps to get your baby xx

 

[tinadecember]

She really is the best mother in law. She was like "why haven't you ever told me?!?!" then I felt really bad for not including her. But it's not the kinda thing you want to be sharing with people really that your husband has a low sperm count, especially when it's her son!

I am feeling somewhat more positive about the future already xx

 

[tinadecember]

Haven't wasted any time! We have an appointment on 10th July, 2 weeks today to discuss starting IVF. £180 though just to see a doctor!?? What the hell do we pay our taxes for!

Xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Tina!!!!! Amazing! God works in mysterious ways (I'm not some bible basher BTW, lol!) that is fantastic news that your MIL is going to help and like AB said, she obviously understands having gone through 9 years TTC! (Wow! That's some record!)
Yes, it could be hereditary, my sister and my mam have fertility problems (endo) so it's totally possible.... Good for you to have the courage to talk about it to her, it's not something you want the whole world knowing but in this case it really has been the best thing to talk!
Fab news in the app, you will start the ivf straight after the initial consultation so that could be August/sep depending on your cycles! Whoop!!!! Now you can just sit back and relax I'm so happy for you, it's the first step towards getting that long awaited bfp, whoop!!!!

 

[ab75]

That's great news Tina!! Like Betty said,hopefully it won't be long until you get a bfp xx

 

[friskyfish]

Oh Tina....big hugs to you my lovely. It really is an emotional rollercoaster!
I second the opinions of Betty and ab. Only you can decide if now is the time for ivf. Seems to me you have nothing to lose by going to talk it through with the doctor. Fantastic your mil is helping you out, that is a weight lifted hey? Fancy mark not being conceived naturally!! At least his mum can sympathize and understand how your feeling xxv

I would get as many questions and concerns written down so you are prepared for your appt. You may find you forget to ask them stuff you want to know xx

Had a date night with Az last night, so have a red wine hangover.....Went to a bar after our meal, guess who was in there?? That knobhead who said all that about Aarons couisin!! I swear he is out to ruin us!!! Needless to say we left immediately, as I told Aaron I would go over & slap him!!! Oooops xx

 

[friskyfish]

Morning girls, how are we all??

Has anyone's baby's ever had croup? I've been up all night with Oscar, emergency doc this morning said it's croup. Got to give him a steroid dose, hopefully it will clear up. Xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Morning.... Yes frisky! Viv had croup when she was 1 year old, very scary! We went straight to A&E and she was given steriods to help her breathe, she was ok after that, we just kept an eye on her! Poor Oscar! Did the doctor come out to you or did you go to a walk in centre/hospital???

 

[friskyfish]

Hi Betty, Awww poor viv, it's horrible isn't it? yes I took him to walk in center this morning. I rang the nhs helpline last night who advised me to take him. He has had the steroid , we have been out today, but it's bad again now. Every time he coughs, he wakes up crying. The doc said if it gets bad, to take him to a&e . X

 

[tinadecember]

Frisky, sorry to hear about little Oscar. Evie never suffered with croup fortunately, it sounds nasty! How is he doing this morning? Any improvement?

Did everyone else have a good weekend?

Betty how's the early pregnancy symptoms? Feeling any sickness yet?

I had a bit of a breakdown on Saturday girls... I actually feel ashamed telling you about it, I don't know what drove me to do it but I cracked open a bottle of vodka at 8am on Saturday morning. I had a bit of a tearful Friday night, I don't know whether the clomid still wasn't out of my system but I spent the night being miserable over what could have beens and woke on Saturday feeling so low. By 10am I was as pissed as a fart... Mark had to take Evie out because she was confused and upset. I actually feel so ashamed. I can't even tell you why I did it, all I know is that I was feeling in a really low place.

My AF is pretty much gone now, onwards and upwards to our appointment in 11 days and counting. I have tonnes to look forward to, I shouldn't be feeling so down. Think my emotions are just all over the place.

xxx

 

[friskyfish]

Oh dear Tina, big hugs to you xx

Firstly, you know you can tell us anything on here without feeling ashamed.
You must have been feeling so down to do that, what did mark say?? I'm no doctor , but I really don't think the clomid is agreeing with you? It must be messing with you emotionally. I think it's the whole build up & anticipation of each cycle & the huge disappointment when your period arrives. Sorry to swear, but It's just fucking shit !! ��

How are you feeling now? Maybe you needed a bit of a meltdown to refocus. You have your appt soon, concentrate on that xxx big love to you ��

 

[friskyfish]

Those question marks are meant to be emojies!! Haha xx