7DPO and lots of CM (sorry if TMI!)

[tinadecember]

I'm feeling better, much better. I do think like you said that I just needed a meltdown to get it out of my system. I never have those moments, I am always the one in our whole family actually who remains the strong one and is always the shoulder to cry on for everyone else so I think it was just my time. I spent all yesterday apologising to Evie and Mark for acting so ridiculously and fortunately like the wonderful man he is Mark stood by me and just held me whilst I cried and let it all out. Don't know what I would do without him sometimes.

Back on the straight and narrow now though, I feel positive about the next few months and my goal is to be preggo before Christmas time fingers crossed!

xxx

 

[friskyfish]

Yes Tina!! I love this positivity!!

We all need a meltdown every now and again!! Glad your feeling better. Next time you have an early morning vodka sesh, send me an invite!! haha xx

Oscar was up all through the night, woke every time he coughed.. I'm shattered, was meant to go to the gym this morning, but I've sacked it off xx

 

[friskyfish]

I feel like I'm having a bloody meltdown at the min.
I'm really insecure girls, I always have been
But since this incident at the restaurant, I just feel shit. Although I told myself to move on and forget it, I keep finding myself going in a mood & being a real bitch to Az. It's because I can't get it out of my mind. He said I'm being ridiculous. But I'm not, someone is lying, weather it's him, her or his cousin . The whole thing is knocking me sick.
Last night I had Aarons phone at the pictures he had taken on our day out. I went to Wassap the photos to my phone. I accidentally read the first few lines of a message to his mates as I just noticed the word 'wife' it said "I can't make it lads as I'm out with the wife AKA the old trou"

I didn't click on the whole message to finish it as I've never looked through his phone, I'd feel really bad doing that. I just read this by accident.
Of course I ended up in tears as he was calling me an 'old trout ' to his mates ! I mean, where's the respect?? So I told him I had seen it and his it had hurt my feelings. He denied it, said I'm out of order searching through his messages. I explained I hadn't, that I read it by mistake. He then gets his phone out to read the message and it didn't even say old trout!! It said 'the wife AKA the old trouBLE & Strife!"

That was IT!! I feel like such a knob, I always think the worst.

Wtf is wrong with me?? x

 

[friskyfish]

I just had a thought.... Can you imagine someone new reading the last page or 2 of this thread first?? Hahaha they'd back right off!! Xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Oh no Tina!!!! you have reached a brick wall and it's really knocked you my lovely! I also agree with frisky, the clomid must be really heightening all your emotions! You really must have needs to do that and there is no shame AT ALL! We have all been through quite a lot on here and not everyone understands... You are lucky to have such a wonderful husband but he obviously knows that you must have really need to get it all out and have your little meltdown.... You have lots to focus on now, your app is not far away and this will be the start of your ivf journey (if you don't get that bfp first, miracles do happen!) big huge hugs to you my lovely, keep strong, we are all here for you xxxxxx
Frisky.... Oh no! I can't believe your confidence has been knocked! You have absolutely nothing to worry about! You are gorgeous and az obviously loves you HEAPS, this silly cow has just made you a bit paranoid but you will soon forget about it all.... It's only natural to be upset and a bit paranoid but try not let it get to you.

Ps: Tina.... Frisky is right, next time you have a vodka party at 9am make sure we can come and join you!!!!!!!!

 

[tinadecember]

hahaha girls I love our thread, Frisky you are so right about someone new joining. In the beginning its a lovely happy story... further into the story it turns into everyone feeling suicidal and going on drinking binges!! Just shows though what stress TTC can put on your body.

Sorry that you're still feeling low dear about the fake tits incident, it is bound to have knocked your confidence a little but just remember.. Aaron is with YOU! We all have our moments where our eyes wonder and yes he was deffo in the wrong for having a feel but you are a gorgeous lady with the best personality and he would be fucking stupid to even think of going elsewhere! So funny though about the "trout" message.... I would have thought it had said trout too, just to clarify!

Mark is away on business tonight so I'm gonna try to get the little one into bed early and I may just order myself a dominos all to myself and watch 50 shades... AGAIN. I need to sort my life out if that's what I consider a fun night in alone!

Girls, the paperwork for our IVF came yesterday. Literally they want to know EVERYTHING about us both... even down to the safety of our "unborn child". What kind of home it will be coming into and all that malarky! We also have to take passport photographs of ourselves to give to the hospital. Jeez it is all feeling so real now, 10 days and counting girls!

xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Oh Tina.... Dominos night in sounds FAB!!!! I still haven't seen 50 shades of grey! Is it any good???
Good news that all the ivf paperwork has come through! They don't mess about when you show them the money!!! I'm sure you will start it straight after your consultation all being well, that's really exciting!!! How are you feeling now? Any better? We all get to that horrible rock bottom points, my god, I've been there a few times myself! The joys hey??
Frisky, are you feeling any better?
I had my first midwife app today.... Didn't really put my mind at ease but I guess nothing will until I see that 12 week scan! They put the fear of God into me by saying that it's not advisable to travel (on a flight) within the first 12 weeks due to higher chance of miscarriage, I will be flying to Cyprus when I'm almost 13 weeks?!?! I travelled loads when pregnant with viv as I had to due to my job and I also flew in the first 12 weeks and I was ok, do you think it will be ok??? I can't bloody cancel it! My mam used the money my Granda left her to pay for the holiday?! Trying not to stress! I have my next app on Monday and then scan the week after.... Fingers crossed I make it that far!!! Xxx

 

[Edinburgh]

OMG! What a couple of weeks to miss out on! I've been promising myself for days that I'd put time aside to properly catch up with you peeps here and I couldn't believe it! Betty, congratulations! I'm so happy for you. I have everything crossed this is your sticky bean. Look after yourself and try not to stress too much though I know it's hard. I had to have countless early scans in both pregnancies for bleeding problems and I know how awful and lonely those weeks in between check up scans can be. Not to mention how the time can drag. Do you have people to chat to other than us and your partner? That's great you've seen the heartbeat - the people at the Early Preg Centre here were always most positive about that.

Tina, I just want to give you a hug. Hormones are awful things and I don't hear good things about Clomid. Seeing how you dote on your daughter and look after yourself things must have been pretty bad to enduce the vodka breakfast. Everyone here is right. No-one will judge you for having a minor meltdown. I'm so glad that you won't have the money stress over IVF and it sounds like a blessing that you'll have your MIL as someone in your corner who understands during the process. Your sessions will be here before you know it.

Frisky, you need a hug too. I always think that people who smear shit between couples are usually just projecting their own unhappiness or issues onto other people. Even if something untoward had gone down, who the hell would sit and cast aspersions and insinuations to that person's partner over what's obviously a romantic dinner? Absolute bar stewards! And in a way I feel sorry for the girl too. I can't imagine how much you'd have to not like yourself and your body to go under the knife, through the pain of recovery and face all the possible future mishaps and corrective surgeries, just to be able to objectify yourself entirely to the opposite sex? Or anyone who's in the vicinity as it sounds like in this case. The girls are right. You're gorgeous, Az comes home to you and it's not his fault someone with obvious attention grabbing issues offers up a feel. In his shoes I imagine if he'd refused he'd have a) caused offence of some sort to his cousin, b) be deemed less a man for refusing or c) been branded a prude. I share in the self-confidence crisis and if you don't let it go it might end up damaging your relationship if Az feels you don't trust him. Then the arseholes win. You are above their bullshit, scuse my French.

Ab, you're a star. I don't know how you manage more than 2 children! I haven't been on here much because I've got to admit I'm struggling. Trying to do anything or go anywhere with a willful potty training two year old and newborn who wants to feed every hour and a half is awful. Case in point, today I took them both to a play cafe. Leo did a massive poop so I took Mia with me to go change him. I've got him on the changing table and Mia starts running in and out of cubicles trying to lock herself in. I finally convinced her to go potty in the stall nearest the changing table and after going to the loo she comes out brandishing the most disgusting toilet brush I've ever seen and proceeds to wave it around the bathroom. After disinfecting her hands best I could with Leo on my hip we proceed to Sainsburys where she jumps off the buggyboard and legs it down the shop thinking me chasing her is a game. Eventually I had to abandon the buggy and the basket to catch her and contain a thrashing overtired toddler as I juggled the shopping down the conveyor belt to a disapproving looking woman behind the till. I just feel like I'm a shit, frustrated, fried nutcase all the time. So, I take my hat off to you!

Hormones definitely aren't helping. I also feel enormous, unattractive and tired all the time. I'm about a stone over weight and have nothing that fits. Maternity jeans didn't fit after Leo arrived so I had to buy size 16s! I'm still wearing maternity tops. I went on a diet briefly and was told off by the health visitor because Leo dropped a centile group and she thinks he's not getting enough fat in my milk. She had a go and basically said my baby's health is more important than my appearance and she did it in front of Matt. I mostly just want to shift some weight so I actually have clothes that fit in 7 weeks when we take two very small people on 30 hours worth of flights to and round Canada to see all Matt's relatives.

The icing on the cake is that Matt and I are griping at one another all the time. There's no physical relationship at the moment to bring us together (mostly my fault as I don't want to be naked with me at the moment never mind with anyone else) and we're both getting frustrated with the incessant feeding and temper tantrumtastic two year old.

I'm sorry, I didn't come on here to offload. I know I'm blessed to have them both and I love them to pieces. I just for right now wish I could look and feel like myself and grow some extra hands to keep them both entertained and safe at the same time!

x

 

[tinadecember]

Edinburgh, wow that was some post lady!! Feel free to offload, seems like we are all going through stresses and strains at the moment in our personal lives but that is what this thread is for! God if you can't vent to us then who can you vent to. Sending super big hugs to you, we have all been in that situation after giving birth where you feel disgusting and can't bare to look at your own naked body. I still can't look at my stomach and Evie is almost 5! I won't wear a bikini/crop top/sexy underwear because even now I still feel that my body is unattractive. But I know we would much rather have our kids than have a gorgeous body wouldn't we!
Surely it is safe for you to diet now? Leo is a few months old now isn't he?

Betty, I am sure you will be fine by flying. They have to put these risks out there because it has happened to women. Take into account that the majority of miscarriages happen before 12 weeks and it's likely happened when women have been flying therefore they say it's unsafe to fly! I didn't know you were going to Cyprus you jammy bitch! God what I wouldn't give to be flying off to a sunny somewhere with a pool and cocktails. (none alcoholic ones for you though missus!)

I'm feeling fine again now, I am putting my mini meltdown to the after effects of clomid and I shall not be taking any more unless I absolutely have to. You've got me on facebook girls so you know that I like to make an effort and I do my hair and makeup every day but I hadn't worn a full face of makeup for 2 weeks! That's when I knew something wasn't right. My makeup is back in full force though

Did anyone do anything fun in the sun yesterday? I was working unfortunately and then I had the night to myself. Didn't end up getting a dominos sadly and just ended up having something out of the freezer. It was awesome starfishing in bed though, I had the best nights sleep in ages

xxx

 

[Edinburgh]

Yeah, I might not post often but when I do I'm usually coming over a right fruit loop!
I wish I had the energy to glam up day to day. I saw a facebook picture the other day that read 'i'm either fit for a ball or I look like a homeless person'. That's me. There's no inbetween and the glam don't happen often! You ladies put me to shame, I never see a bad picture of any of you!
Do you know of all my appearance issues my stretch marks don't really bug me. Mia calls them mummy tiger stripes. If I could get my ass back in shape I probably will wear a bikini again. Anyone who has a problem with them needn't look
I agree with Tina betty, I think flying shouldn't interfere. Of the people that have been affected it's probably more underlying stress that's a problem. Better to fly between 13-25 weeks than later on ! And for relaxing purposes rather than work! Have an amazing time.
Did you get an icecream yesterday frisky? How's Joe's leg?

 

[friskyfish]

Well ladies.... I am melting In my bed, I can't sleep!! I've terrible hayfever, just want to rip my eyes out !

Edinburgh!! Thank you for those words...I really do need to stop obsessing over the whole incident as it is coming between me and Az, I just can't let it go!

A big hug goes out to you too..nothing worse than getting disapproving glances off people when you are trying to look after your kids, sleep deprivation makes everything worse too! Plus your hormones are still in turmoil.
Things are bound to be stressful at home with a baby & a 2 year old, it's amazing what lack of sleep can do to you. It's easy to snap and Matt will get the bunt of it as you will with him, because he is the only one there with you. How old is Leo now? Is there no way someone could have the kids so you can get some alone time together?
As for the physical side of things, as Tina said, we all know how that feels. Nobody feels sexy after having a baby ,it takes time to get your libido back . Stop being so hard on yourself, once you get sleeping better, you will feel better. You have given your husband 2 beautiful children, he wont notice the things that you don't like about yourself . Saying that , it is easier said than done..I have times when I hate Az seeing my body.
Are you still breastfeeding? I think that plays a huge part . We didn't do anything until I stopped breastfeeding xx

Sorry to miss you out Tina and Betty .I'll have to go.. Oscars having a coughing fit here!! catch up tomorrow xx

 

[tinadecember]

Eurgh Frisky I can sympathise with you over the hayfever thing! I had it at my mums a couple of days ago, I literally had mascara smeared all over my face from rubbing my eyes so much. Not a good look!

Friday has arrived girls yesssssssss!!!! What's everyone got planned this weekend?

I'm being dragged to a wedding tomorrow night for one of Marks "friends". Someone who Mark must only see once a year if that yet he's making the biggest deal out of going to this guys wedding reception. I've spent the last 3 weekends having a mad one and I really want to just sit in and do nothing on Saturday night but after my mini meltdown last Saturday I am feeling obliged to do what Mark wants to do this weekend. I suppose it's an excuse to dress up and get on the vino though before our IVF starts!

1 week today girls eeeek. I'm excited but so nervous, just want next Friday to hurry the hell up!!

xxx

 

[friskyfish]

Hey ladies,

Tina, I can't belive you have your appt next week! The next week will drag hey? I think it is a good idea you to the wedding, like you said , could be your last drink a in a while, so make the most of it! You may even enjoy yourself! Haha . Who is this guy anyway?
How are you feeling now ? I hope your feeling better and your make up is back on I always love the photos of you, your a hottie

Betty , how are you feeling? Any symptoms? I think a holiday will be a brilliant thing. All the stress of the first 12 weeks and reaching that point, a holiday will be a nice way to celebrate and finally relax a bit more . They say don't fly in the first 12 weeks to be cautious, you will be fine at 13 weeks my love xx

Edinburgh, how are you doing? How is Leo taking the heat? Is it even hot where you are? Haha

I'm suffering from a hangover today. One of my best friends is home from Dubai for 2 weeks , I've not seen him in almost 3 years, so we went out last night and drank far too much wine, I was so drunk.
But was up and out the house for 8.30am, walked Joe to school with Oscar, then had a huge fry up which sorted me out! Haha
I went to Joes highschool on weds for the new intake evening . Can't quite belive he starts high school in September, he is ready though, although I'm not
Aaron is on call this weekend, we're gonna have a glass of wine and something to eat, then watch some breaking bad on Netflix (I'm hooked) xx

 

[friskyfish]

Hey girls, how are we all.
I'm pissed off today. Aaron has been called out with work ALL weekend as they are understaffed. Was meant to go to a bbq yesterday but he was called out on 4 different occasions, so we didn't bother. He's out now too..
Proper single parent this weekend'!
Tina how was the wedding? How's your head today? Think I'm gonna take kids to a indoor play center in a Min, can't stand those places, but this one's huge and really roomy, so you don't feel cooped in. Joe should be ok there, it says up to 12 years old xx

 

[friskyfish]

Realize, I really need to change my signature on here haha x

 

[Bettyt63]

Hi girls..... How is everyone??? Sorry for being AWOL, I'm I'll I have had man flu but now I think I just feel sick with pregnancy, I've been off work since wed. Couldn't get out of bed! Struggling to move off sofa now! Not complaining at all.... This is what I have wanted for 3 years!!!!!

Edinburgh..... Good to have you back and please off load to us anytime, that is why we are here!!!! I think you are doing a grand job!!! It's not easy with a small child and a baby! You must be exhausted! Remember, it won't be like this forever!! Hang in there and make sure you look after yourself as you are important too!!

Tina.... How you doing lovely??? 5 days to your app!!!!!! Eeeeeek!!!

Frisky.... It sucks that az has worked all weekend, is he on call a lot??? I say take the boys out for a play and then go to the pub for a Sunday dinner, yum!!! Are you feeling any better after fake titty incident???

AB, how are you doing?? How is your sister??? Xxx

 

[friskyfish]

Ohhhh betty the tiredness is a killer!! But I really miss being pregnant xx When are you telling work? And will you be finding out the sex? I had a little read of the posts from when I found out I was pregnant, as I never kept a pregnancy diary, so this is my pregnancy diary! Haha

Went to play center in the end, skipped the pub lunch though as it Cost me a bloody fortune in there.
And I really haven't got over the fake titty problem yet at all. Az playfully grabbed my boob this morning (really didn't turn me on AT all) so I blurted out 'oh, is that how grabbed victorias tits then??' I couldn't help myself, and because I brought it up, I've put myself in a shit mood for the day and Im being off with him again. Pathetic I know xx

 

[friskyfish]

Betty, where do you live again?? Xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Oh no frisky!!! You're having a hard time letting this go! Why don't you sit down and try and talk to az again about it all and then maybe you can get it all out, he can put your mind at rest and maybe you will feel a bit better about it all?!?! It's horrible when you have been knocked!!! BUT!! Don't let this have any impact on your relationship because this girl is really NOT worth it!!!

I just feel very sick now, I haven't thrown up yet but feel like I'm on the verge, of course this is a good sign so I'm not so worried about other things which is good!! I think I'm going to tell my boss when she is in work on Tuesday, its one less thing to worry about! Other than that I still haven't told anyone and won't till we have passed the 12 week mark and I know everything is ok fingers crossed!!

Frisky, I live in Hartlepool which is on the coast near Sunderland/Middlesbrough....

 

[ab75]

Morning ladies.
How was the wedding Tina?

Play centres do cost a fortune Frisky,we went to one on Saturday as it was torrential rain.

Betty,in the nicest possible way,I am glad you are nauseous!! When do you get another scan?
Edinburgh,I still have weight to lose too,I hate trying to find clothes,I just feel fat. You'll get there.
My sis is doing great,moved into her flat and enjoying life. She hasn't been getting much hassle.

1st day of summer hols today,I hope that the girls behave lol xx